"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."
-Kurt Cobain

i have been back and forth from hell and earth for several times. but the worst thing of it all was it's when that time i decided to live and to love..... even not having the love back from the one i love.... death tried to taek me away. only my heart decided to stay alive even if it was suffering in pain and excitement.
last December 31, 2005 i almost die. it was my own irresponsibility that caused me to be there.
imagine, working 4 jobs and sleeping for 2 hours a day. smoking almost a couple of packs of sigarettes never saying anything to anybody that i have a physical problem. that was the biggest mistake that i've ever done.
i dont know how long will i be here but i'll try to be in any cost to live and love for somebody taht i always treasure since the very start that i met her.
i made some songs, and writting something to remember all the best days that i cherished with her presence in my life.

take me to your lair and lead me to sleep.
lay upon your arms, head to  my dream so sweet.
as i know you are there beside
me from my slumber that is so deep.
you are my bliss that i always wanted to keep.
-for HB

it's been 2 weeks now that i haven't had any sleep. but those sacrifices got what it meritted. i paid all my debt now. so i am really happy. *sigh*

another year of being alone on 25th of december. it's been 13 years i've been doing this. sound like i'm being melodramatic. lol

after tonight show, i'll wont be in the place that i always go to during Christmas. and i will not be alone anymore.

i hope the rest of you will have the happiest Christmas ever. just look it in a positive way. ^_^

changed password once again. >.<
can't figured out how my bro can easily open this house. (??)

*yawn* i need some sleep.... a loooooong one.

trapped in a room filled with silence.
the only thing i hear is my pencil, and pen running through this white piece of paper.
every line i make, recalls a memory. a memory of happy things. things that happened not long ago.

those're the most wonderful day of my life.

calm and serene

WHY ME?!

Godfather for my cousin's first child. :S

well, she's crazy like me.
ass kicker like me.
rocks like me.
cool like the others.

what can i say?

...

school
sucks!!!

A fatal attraction in ravenous pursuit
With unlimited and boundless goals

Passionately luring to gravely imprison
Trusting and virtuous souls

Seeking gullible, needy and reckless desire
Rebounding oblivious love

Promising to cherish, hold close and take care of
True love, it will surely be void of

Defiled distortions and witting betrayal
Intentions designed for misleading

It seeks not your looks but a beauty within
It’s your soul that it craves for the feeding

It bleeds your life fluids it thrives a slow death
A bloodcurdling sick Valentine

Just before taking your very last breath
A voice softly whispers “Be Mine”

solo che pensavo a quanto è inutile farneticare.
e credere di stare bene quando è inverno e te. 
togli le tue mani calde. 
non mi abbracci e mi ripeti che sono grande, 
mi ricordi che rivivo in tante cose.

case, libri, auto, viaggi, fogli di giornale....
che anche se non valgo niente perlomeno a te.
ti permetto di sognare...
     e se hai voglia di lasciarti camminare. 
scusa, sai, non ti vorrei mai disturbare 
ma vuoi dirmi come questo può finire?

after all the fuck ups and the hassles of the long ride i had to hike for more than a mile. looking for a place where i could avoid rents and just pitch tents near the shore. build fire at night and sand castles at daylight. choose our booze from wine, tequila, beer, or vodka..... even gin and juice. but hey! it would be better to have a mix of everything that there is until we loose our cruise. but knowing that the more we loose our cruise..... and knowing the fact the more fucked up we'd get is the best road that we're all headed. 'cause that's why i'm here. so i asked myself:
"Why are you not here?"
"where you at?"
"where you've been?"
i kissed the sun and held the moon by my hand.

they swam like there was tomorrow and gazed the stars with their shadows as their burrows. we never slept. we got sleepy because we got drunk, and dizzy, and nauseous... and maybe just too spaced out in a state so dreamy. i was then with my friend, MaryJane, and it it would be underrated to say that she just took my pain away. while Captain Kirk along with his crew, and Superman didn't show up just like you. but that's okay. ^.^ i got hit in the brain anyway by a few lightnings while watching the sunset. then i bumped into J while lining up waiting for the concert. so i just asked myself this a lot of times:
"Why are you not here?"
"where you at?"
"where you've been?"
i kissed the sun and held the moon by my hand.

faced the ocean
closed my eyes
stood against the sun