Also I have finally admitted to myself that I am in love with L. It's fucking crazy it's like he has some kind of wierd hold on me. I am trying to cut all ties with him, but the most important one can't be cut....our daughter....i am just trying to do the right thing without ruining her life or her relationship with her father. well i know i will get the wisdom and this situation will be resolved as long i trust in my higher power. TO BE CONTINUED!

damn my mind is all screwed up right now. stress has been way to overbearing these days and i don't know what to do with myself. My newborn just spent a week in the hospital and i am slacking in my college classes, my baby daddy hates me.....i could go on forever. But do i keep setting myself up for failure is the question. I believe that ultimately u control your life and how things are gonna be. 

Today is the day after shit hit the fan and came out! Omigod! Omigod! Well all the dirty laundry has been aired out! I finally broke down and told P the truth about me and L. She asked me and I just couldn't look her in the eye and lie to her anymore. Now L hates me again and is probably gonna try to make my life hell. But he better play nice because my temper has been more difficult to control and ANGER is one letter short of the word DANGER! I dunno where everything is gonna go from here, and I don't believe I was in the wrong for it either. Oh well life goes on and I feel better about myself.