Fuck........I think Im going pshycotic. One moment Im all happy and full of glee....the next I just want to pummel the shit out of someone. I dont understand what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of sleep or something to that effect. So if I do snap at anyone.....its not me!! So just keep a respect distance, all shall be well. That includes you Justin
Eh......hmmmm.
Not really sure where this diary is going? Well, I thought going to the Wilderness Church might help me find some answers to some of my questions, but I just feel out of sorts when I am there. I thought I would just go to learn about the bible, but more and more I find myself lost, and my views about things are totally different. I dont want to trash any religion, but I honestly dont believe in any of that stuff. Plus Ive already sinned, so anyways Id be going to Hell if I believed in it.
Alot of people make decisions in their daily life. Those decisions can be good decisions, and some of the time they can be bad. I believe that we learn and grow from the these decisions, beit them bad or good. I have made alot of decisions, probably alot more bad then good, but I wouldnt be the person that I am today if I hadnt made those choices.
Sometimes I find myself unhappy, just those usually mood swings, but when I actually sit down and think about it, I have a wonderful life. I have a loving family, I have my horses that are my life, and I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I wouldnt trade for anything in the world.
Heres a person who KNOWS me, know the real me. Knows me from the inside and out. Whom accepts me as who I am. I dont put on a phisade, I come as is. He has made me realise that I shouldnt have to worry about what other people think of me. I am who I am, if you dont like it, leave me the fuck alone and dont bother me about it. I try too much to make me people around me happy, but in order to do that, I had to change myself to do so . I will always like helping out people, thats just the way I am, now I can do that and feel comfortable in my own skin. I dont go out of my way to be someone I totally am not, I come as is.
Heres a person who can make me laugh even when I am pissed off at him. He just has this uncanny ability to get to me and make me forget what it was I was mad at him about. Just his way of covering his ass. Kudos Justin, Kudos to you!! Heres to you never getting into trouble, depending on what exactly you have done. And I just love to put him in his place (though he has put me in my place as well)......I love to catch him totally off guard and get him with some really good put downs. It fun when you can laugh about it as well, we just share this really sick humor, thats what make us a really good couple I guess.
Yeah......I guess I can picture myself maybe settling down with him. It should lead to be pretty damn interesting. Hopefully I wont get too tired with him.....I might have to find an upgrade or just replace him with another model. J/K
I love you hun, Im glad I finally let you into my life, I wouldnt have it any other way.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
The Used Lyrics
I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) Lyrics
Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin
(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now
Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love
I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)
You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now
I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)
In your eyes
Lets sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's leave till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes
Now that Ive have actually sat down and thought about it.....Im generally fucked. The only time I can manage to draw anything worth posting, is when Im pissed off. So if theres anyone out there willing to make me mad.....please feel free to do so. I give you permission.
That doesnt include you Justin.......y
Oh shit I miss you so much Justin. GRRRRRR.......
I miss you!!
Feeling rather low and down in the dumps. I tired of listening about everybody's fucking problems, Ive got enough of my own to deal with.
Well, Ive got 2 people to pick up puppies this afternoon, so that leaves me with 2 puppies left. Wow, it was just yesterday that I was cleaning up 8 piles of puppy shit, and refilling the bowl with water, after everyone had taken a little swim. Oh it was so much fun, but Im not looking foreward to doing it anytime soon.
LAYER ONE:
Name: Kim
Nickname: stooge, lil_misfit
Birth date: 03-27-85
Birthplace: Virginia Beach, Va
Current location: New England
Eye color:reddish brown
Hair color: aurburn
Height: 5'3'' ......163cm
Righty or lefty: left
LAYER TWO
Your heritage: little bit Italian, Iriquios, French Canadian, and Scottish
Your fears: Spider, Heights, and drowning
Your perfect pizza: BLT pizza, mayonaise, cheese, lettuce, bacon, and some tomato
Goals you'd like to achieve: To have a wonderful, loving family of my own.....become a professional photographer
LAYER THREE
Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
Your first thought when you wake up: Im not ready to get up
Your best physical feature:my eyes
Your bedtime: 10:00pm
Your most missed memory: High school (believe it or not) I miss the social time and my art classes
LAYER FOUR
Soda: Mountain Dew
Best fast food joint: Wendys
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: don’t care
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Liptons Ice Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: none
LAYER FIVE
Smoke: yes (twice and never ever again)
Cuss: Been known to have said some outraguous shit when prevoked
Sing: sometimes
Take a shower every day: sometimes
Have a crush: possible....no
Do you think you've been in love: Once
Want to go to college: nope
Like high school: yep
Want to get married: Maybe someday......b
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Get motion sickness: nope
Think you're a health freak: nope
Get along with your parents: most of the time
Like thunderstorms: yep
Play an instrument: yep (guitar and piano.....trom
LAYER SIX
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: nope
Smoked: nope
Done a drug: nope
Had sex: nope
Made out: hmmmm yes
Gone on a date: yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope
Eaten sushi: nope
Been on stage: nope
Gone skating: nope
Made homemade cookies: yes
Gone skinny-dipping
Dyed your hair: nope
Stolen anything: nope
(well that was interesting..)
LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: nope
Been caught doing something that you should'nt be:
Not that I know of
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beaten up: no
Shoplifted: no
Changed who you were to fit in: no
LAYER EIGHT
Age you hope to be married: before I turn 30
Numbers and names of children: 2......Mackenz
Describe your dream wedding: Never really thought about it
How do you want to die?: N/A
Where do you want to go to college: dont want to go to college
What do you want to be when you grow up: Horse trainer......e
What country would you most like to visit: Italy
LAYER NINE
In a guy/girl...
Best eye color: blue
Best hair color: black
Short or long hair: medium
Height: not too tall
Best weight: no preference
Best articles of clothing: no preference
Best first date location: anywhere, as long as Im with that person
Best first kiss location: (might sound corny) but outside in the rain
LAYER TEN
Number of drugs taken: (prescribed) cant remember
Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
Number of CDs that I own: 30
Number of piercing: 3 (more soon)
Number of tattoos: 0 (soon)
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 1
Number of scars on my body: not many that shows up
Number of things in my past that I regret: a lot
Why is it when I dont see your face....or dont hear your voice, I go crazy? Why is it can't I get your scent out of my head? Why is it I yearn to be near you?
Im always gonna be stuck with the feeling if things actually do happen for a reason. If we are really to learn from our past mistakes, and use them for future reference.
Was it planned for me to finally meet you? After all this stress and misfortune in my life, is it actually Godsend that you stepped in at this moment? Are you here to help me cope with my depression and unhappiness?
Kind of laying back today and kicking my feet up......
Maybe Ill drawing something today.....
Maybe think about Justin XP.........
Who knows......
Maybe sleep for good part or take Arion of for a ride.........
Ill just let thing fall into place as they go
DREAM
I saw you in my dream last night;
A heavenly vision shrouded in a cloud of white;
Your eyes shown green and heavy upon me;
The love that imminated in those eyes was enough to let me free;
Then the atomosphere started to disappear;
You were gone, I was alone with fear;
That feeling of desire and want vanished;
All I felt was uneeded and banished;
The place grew darker and crowded with pain;
The quietness and solitude was to make me insane;
Huddled in a mass of sorrow and hate;
I come to the conclusion that this was my fate;
I rocked myself slowly, to ease the hurt away;
And keep all unwanted thoughts at bay;
But in my hour of drakness and quam;
Your light shown once more, to soothe and calm;
Your voice rang through my ears, envoking every emotion;
Your words sang a song like waves crashing at the ocean;
And you took in me in your arm, and kissed my tears dry;
Your wings outstretched around me, ready to fly!
(wow I didnt think I could actually write something like this)
Nothing seems to numb the pain of a broken heart. Life almost seem worthless if you have nothing to strive for, nothing to bring you cheer, but what do I know......I have yet to figure out my goal in life......why the fuck I was put on this Earth. I only seem to bring harm to myself and bring down others with me.......
(poem which ignited an artist image in m mind)
Wherever amber skies kiss crystine waters
And a calming tide caresses the shore
You will find him
Carefree, wild, frivalous, and majestice
The stallion who dances in the surf
In unbridled freedom
(Lets see where this will take me)
Favorite Song of the Day
The Used Lyrics
Take It Away Lyrics
Life's greatest questions have always been: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? You are about to see and hear one of the most significant messages given to us from God.
Get down
Wooooooo!
Get down
I'm lying to myself
And this dagger's my excuse
I'm a pawn
I Should have paid up
And I left an hour late
I was laid up
I must abuse myself
I'm against all that I've made up
Set in stone the sun will come
And I hate light
You know I hate light
To me it looks so pretty burning
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
I must have caught something
In the heat of all these dances
I'm a worm with no more chances
And I've lost all doubt
In a chemical romance
I can't stop itching
over thoughts of tarnished hope
kinda funny
lonely feeling
I'm not in love
You know it's not love
To me it looks so pretty burning
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Brothers and sisters
I'm right here with you
Cause everyone's got one
A story to kill me
I'm so apathetic in my resentment
Living, loving, knowing not
Take my hand [x8]
Take my life
Take my heart take my mind
Take my life take my life
Burn the sun burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Burn the sun burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand take my life
Take my life
Take my life
Take my life
Once I collate the money from the puppies that I so sculpiously took care of.........Im off to make some modifications.
yes.....I tend to look quite different.....
What a hectic friggin day it was yesterday.....
My mother has been diagnosed with Iron Defiency Anemia......so my job has extended more with helping her........so dont mind if Im a little irritated lately........