I had another dream about the white wolf......its been awhile since I last had one......though she appeared just breifly. I still havent found out what she means to me, and why I see her in my dream. Normally when she comes in my dream....something big is about to happen, either good or bad. 
I believe Justin was coming over to visit....and we were outside with the horses. And then she appears in the pasture. I only see her very quickly then she is gone.

Dream Analysis
Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are a loner by choice. Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression. It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.

To dream that you kill a wolf, indicates betrayal and secrets revealed.


That still doesnt really give a good explanation about why she's in my dreams.....but at least I know what she symbolizes......maybe something will happen between Justin and I.....maybe something preset as of now. Im prepared for anything......I hope

A soothing word
A calming pace
Nothing is heard
Nothing to waste
To wish for more
Than what you got
To beat the score
Compared to what?
To be in love
To be caressed
To feel that shove
To be pressed

Back to the drawing board....I had a feeling lovely [Izyin], wouldnt be satisfied with the sketch....thats okay...neither was I. He wants spikes....more armor....and darker clothing. Well hunny....want in one hand and shit in the other...which fills up faster.

Looking foreward to monday....my fucking get away day. The sucky thing is....I think Ive caught something from my neice....Im all icky feeling

Gonna bring camera so I can get all those priceless Justin moment for blackmail

Presently working on [Izyin]s Rp character......trying to make it look as studly as possible, but not to the point of looking gay. Well from my point of few....I think Ive acheived total gayness. Sorry Justin.....back to the drawing board.....overall I like the skull idea on the armor *keeps that in mind*

Looking forward to molestering Justin on Monday *smirks malichously*. I think he'll be looking foreward to it as well. Damn! I hate the distance that keeps us apart.

List of things to do on Monday
-Wake up
-Eat breakfast
-Shower
-Brush teeth
-Get dressed
-Pounce Justin
-Hug Justin to one ounce of his life
-Slobber Justin with kisses
-Meet up with Laurie and Aaron
-Hang out in town
-Go to lunch
-Pinch Justin ass
-Run from Justin (after pinching his ass)
-Go to the movies

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Should be a hell of a time....cant wait

Blessed be the days, when I can be happy again. When I can be filled with joy and love as I once before. Where can I lay my sorrows, where shall I keep my pain. This world seems to get more and more fucked up. What use is there to become part of it. No one ever gives a shit about you, nobody can find the time to just stop and look a whats happened around them. Why should I be involved in this whirlwind, why should offer so much of my self to others, and not expect to get something back in return. This year is just gonna go down the shit-hole anyways....Why bother anymore.

Havent really been on all that much, only to check messages, so sorry to all my friends who Ive not kept in touch with with. Just so much shit happening within the last two months. I feel like everything I love has been ripped away from me. Trying to cope with all of it the best I can.

As long as I have Justin by my side, everything should brighten up. Ive seen the best and the worst side of people the last couple of months. Ive got big trust issues now, I find it hard to believe anyone now. It will take me sometime to build that up again.

Presently working on Narnia fanart

Fuck........I think Im going pshycotic. One moment Im all happy and full of glee....the next I just want to pummel the shit out of someone. I dont understand what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of sleep or something to that effect. So if I do snap at anyone.....its not me!! So just keep a respect distance, all shall be well. That includes you Justin

Eh......hmmmm.....uh?

Not really sure where this diary is going? Well, I thought going to the Wilderness Church might help me find some answers to some of my questions, but I just feel out of sorts when I am there. I thought I would just go to learn about the bible, but more and more I find myself lost, and my views about things are totally different. I dont want to trash any religion, but I honestly dont believe in any of that stuff. Plus Ive already sinned, so anyways Id be going to Hell if I believed in it. 

Alot of people make decisions in their daily life. Those decisions can be good decisions, and some of the time they can be bad. I believe that we learn and grow from the these decisions, beit them bad or good. I have made alot of decisions, probably alot more bad then good, but I wouldnt be the person that I am today if I hadnt made those choices.

Sometimes I find myself unhappy, just those usually mood swings, but when I actually sit down and think about it, I have a wonderful life. I have a loving family, I have my horses that are my life, and I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I wouldnt trade for anything in the world.

Heres a person who KNOWS me, know the real me. Knows me from the inside and out. Whom accepts me as who I am. I dont put on a phisade, I come as is. He has made me realise that I shouldnt have to worry about what other people think of me. I am who I am, if you dont like it, leave me the fuck alone and dont bother me about it. I try too much to make me people around me happy, but in order to do that, I had to change myself to do so . I will always like helping out people, thats just the way I am, now I can do that and feel comfortable in my own skin. I dont go out of my way to be someone I totally am not, I come as is.

Heres a person who can make me laugh even when I am pissed off at him. He just has this uncanny ability to get to me and make me forget what it was I was mad at him about. Just his way of covering his ass. Kudos Justin, Kudos to you!! Heres to you never getting into trouble, depending on what exactly you have done. And I just love to put him in his place (though he has put me in my place as well)......I love to catch him totally off guard and get him with some really good put downs. It fun when you can laugh about it as well, we just share this really sick humor, thats what make us a really good couple I guess.

Yeah......I guess I can picture myself maybe settling down with him. It should lead to be pretty damn interesting. Hopefully I wont get too tired with him.....I might have to find an upgrade or just replace him with another model. J/K

I love you hun, Im glad I finally let you into my life, I wouldnt have it any other way.

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

Now I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

The Used Lyrics

I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) Lyrics



Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting

In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes
Lets sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's leave till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

Now that Ive have actually sat down and thought about it.....Im generally fucked. The only time I can manage to draw anything worth posting, is when Im pissed off. So if theres anyone out there willing to make me mad.....please feel free to do so. I give you permission. 

That doesnt include you Justin.......youre not friggin allowed to make me mad *pounces you and slobbers you with lots of kisses*

Lamenting Fear

Oh shit I miss you so much Justin. GRRRRRR.......Im like fucking addict and your the drug, I cant get enough of you. And when I do have you, and you go away, I go through withdrawls. *sighes* Im so bored without you, so lonely.......like a lost, little, mopey puppy waiting for master to come home.  *ponders about that last statement* Somehow that came out a weird.....but oh well.......

I miss you!!

Feeling rather low and down in the dumps.  I tired of listening about everybody's fucking problems, Ive got enough of my own to deal with.

Well, Ive got 2 people to pick up puppies this afternoon, so that leaves me with 2 puppies left.  Wow, it was just yesterday that I was cleaning up 8 piles of puppy shit, and refilling the bowl with water, after everyone had taken a little swim.  Oh it was so much fun, but Im not looking foreward to doing it anytime soon.

LAYER ONE:
Name: Kim
Nickname: stooge, lil_misfit
Birth date: 03-27-85
Birthplace: Virginia Beach, Va
Current location: New England
Eye color:reddish brown
Hair color: aurburn
Height: 5'3'' ......163cm
Righty or lefty: left



LAYER TWO
Your heritage: little bit Italian, Iriquios, French Canadian, and Scottish
Your fears: Spider, Heights, and drowning
Your perfect pizza: BLT pizza, mayonaise, cheese, lettuce, bacon, and some tomato
Goals you'd like to achieve: To have a wonderful, loving family of my own.....become a professional photographer

LAYER THREE
Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
Your first thought when you wake up: Im not ready to get up
Your best physical feature:my eyes
Your bedtime: 10:00pm
Your most missed memory: High school (believe it or not) I miss the social time and my art classes


LAYER FOUR
Soda: Mountain Dew
Best fast food joint: Wendys
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: don’t care
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Liptons Ice Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: none


LAYER FIVE
Smoke: yes (twice and never ever again)
Cuss: Been known to have said some outraguous shit when prevoked
Sing: sometimes
Take a shower every day: sometimes
Have a crush: possible....not sure what it is right now
Do you think you've been in love: Once
Want to go to college: nope
Like high school: yep
Want to get married: Maybe someday......but marriage isnt the sanctity it used to be
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Get motion sickness: nope
Think you're a health freak: nope
Get along with your parents: most of the time
Like thunderstorms: yep
Play an instrument: yep (guitar and piano.....trombone as well)

LAYER SIX
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: nope
Smoked: nope
Done a drug: nope
Had sex: nope
Made out: hmmmm yes
Gone on a date: yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope
Eaten sushi: nope
Been on stage: nope
Gone skating: nope
Made homemade cookies: yes
Gone skinny-dipping: nope
Dyed your hair: nope
Stolen anything: nope
(well that was interesting..)


LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: nope
Been caught doing something that you should'nt be:
Not that I know of
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beaten up: no
Shoplifted: no
Changed who you were to fit in: no



LAYER EIGHT
Age you hope to be married: before I turn 30
Numbers and names of children: 2......Mackenzie Lynn and Shane Louis (but that all depends if I can have children)
Describe your dream wedding: Never really thought about it
How do you want to die?: N/A
Where do you want to go to college: dont want to go to college
What do you want to be when you grow up: Horse trainer......english teacher
What country would you most like to visit: Italy



LAYER NINE
In a guy/girl...
Best eye color: blue
Best hair color: black
Short or long hair: medium
Height: not too tall
Best weight: no preference
Best articles of clothing: no preference
Best first date location: anywhere, as long as Im with that person
Best first kiss location: (might sound corny) but outside in the rain



LAYER TEN
Number of drugs taken: (prescribed) cant remember
Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
Number of CDs that I own: 30
Number of piercing: 3 (more soon)
Number of tattoos: 0 (soon)
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 1
Number of scars on my body: not many that shows up
Number of things in my past that I regret: a lot

Why is it when I dont see your face....or dont hear your voice, I go crazy?  Why is it can't I get your scent out of my head? Why is it I yearn to be near you? 

Im always gonna be stuck with the feeling if things actually do happen for a reason. If we are really to learn from our past mistakes, and use them for future reference.
Was it planned for me to finally meet you? After all this stress and misfortune in my life, is it actually Godsend that you stepped in at this moment? Are you here to help me cope with my depression and unhappiness?

Kind of laying back today and kicking my feet up......
Maybe Ill drawing something today.....
Maybe think about Justin XP.........
Who knows......
Maybe sleep for good part or take Arion of for a ride.........
Ill just let thing fall into place as they go