This is what I fucking needed......Ev
I do look foreward to Justin coming home from work.....I do love him, and miss him when he is gone.....I know....I so fucking pathetic....
Over My Head by Fleetwood Mac
Idea for a story
Honoshiro guided his tired frame downwards along side a cherry blossom tree, until he finally found comfort upon the ground. He rested his daisho closely beside him. The sun pelted its blaring heat upon the earth. Honoshiro could feel the warmth eminate from the surface.
There, living among
two beautiful daughters.
Of a man who possesses
two beautiful daughters,
you cannot know
nor yet try to guess
the sweet soothingness
of their caress.
The outstanding genius
of this pair
is understood by few,
they are so rare.
Compared with these
two, every man is a fool.
The world is most honored
that they should deign to rule,
and I worship the power
of these lovely two
with that adoring love
known to so few.
'Tis indeed
a miracle one must feel
that two such
heavenly creatures are real.
Both sets of eyes,
though different far,
hold many mysteries strange,
and passively,
they watch the race of men
decay and change.
Hatred burning bright
in the brown eyes
with enemies for fuel.
Icy scorn
glitters in the gray eyes,
contemptuous and cruel.
And why are men such fools
they will not realize
the wisdom
that is hidden
behind those strange eyes?
And these wonderful people
are you and I.
Wow.....it really hasnt hit me yet that Im 21. I went to the bar with Shane earlier today, while Justin was at the Chiropractor..
Less than 4 more days til I finally turn 21....biatches
So the count-down continues....w
My fucking word.....what is up with you men......stop commenting me on my photo......its getting fucking annoying. I hate having to filter through my mail, thanks for the comments, Im glad you think Im hot (I think you all are insane). And for all you guys that want to cyber, Im not interested. Cybering is a big turn off.....and I dont understand how you cant get off on it.
In about 2-3 more days, I will be moving. Its going to take me a little while to settle in, but I should be alright, and get back with you all as soon as possible. I probably wont be myself, because Ill be going through some pretty big life changing choices. I love you all, and Ill be back as soon as I can
*yawns* been working hard on theses sketches, and I keep getting more and more disappointed with them. Ive also been trying to revive a couple of my wikis as well as setting up a myspace page. Hoping to catch up with Justin. Oh well......*fal
Had a TREMENDOUSLY wonderful day yesterday with Justin. Even thoug it was snowing...and the roads were shitty for traveling...I enjoyed every fucking minute with him.....litera
I had another dream about the white wolf......its been awhile since I last had one......thoug
I believe Justin was coming over to visit....and we were outside with the horses. And then she appears in the pasture. I only see her very quickly then she is gone.
Dream Analysis
Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidenc
To dream that you kill a wolf, indicates betrayal and secrets revealed.
That still doesnt really give a good explanation about why she's in my dreams.....but at least I know what she symbolizes....
A soothing word
A calming pace
Nothing is heard
Nothing to waste
To wish for more
Than what you got
To beat the score
Compared to what?
To be in love
To be caressed
To feel that shove
To be pressed
Back to the drawing board....I had a feeling lovely [Izyin], wouldnt be satisfied with the sketch....that
Looking foreward to monday....my fucking get away day. The sucky thing is....I think Ive caught something from my neice....Im all icky feeling
Gonna bring camera so I can get all those priceless Justin moment for blackmail
Presently working on [Izyin]s Rp character.....
Looking forward to molestering Justin on Monday *smirks malichously*. I think he'll be looking foreward to it as well. Damn! I hate the distance that keeps us apart.
List of things to do on Monday
-Wake up
-Eat breakfast
-Shower
-Brush teeth
-Get dressed
-Pounce Justin
-Hug Justin to one ounce of his life
-Slobber Justin with kisses
-Meet up with Laurie and Aaron
-Hang out in town
-Go to lunch
-Pinch Justin ass
-Run from Justin (after pinching his ass)
-Go to the movies
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Should be a hell of a time....cant wait
Blessed be the days, when I can be happy again. When I can be filled with joy and love as I once before. Where can I lay my sorrows, where shall I keep my pain. This world seems to get more and more fucked up. What use is there to become part of it. No one ever gives a shit about you, nobody can find the time to just stop and look a whats happened around them. Why should I be involved in this whirlwind, why should offer so much of my self to others, and not expect to get something back in return. This year is just gonna go down the shit-hole anyways....Why bother anymore.
Havent really been on all that much, only to check messages, so sorry to all my friends who Ive not kept in touch with with. Just so much shit happening within the last two months. I feel like everything I love has been ripped away from me. Trying to cope with all of it the best I can.
As long as I have Justin by my side, everything should brighten up. Ive seen the best and the worst side of people the last couple of months. Ive got big trust issues now, I find it hard to believe anyone now. It will take me sometime to build that up again.
Fuck........I think Im going pshycotic. One moment Im all happy and full of glee....the next I just want to pummel the shit out of someone. I dont understand what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of sleep or something to that effect. So if I do snap at anyone.....its not me!! So just keep a respect distance, all shall be well. That includes you Justin
Eh......hmmmm.
Not really sure where this diary is going? Well, I thought going to the Wilderness Church might help me find some answers to some of my questions, but I just feel out of sorts when I am there. I thought I would just go to learn about the bible, but more and more I find myself lost, and my views about things are totally different. I dont want to trash any religion, but I honestly dont believe in any of that stuff. Plus Ive already sinned, so anyways Id be going to Hell if I believed in it.
Alot of people make decisions in their daily life. Those decisions can be good decisions, and some of the time they can be bad. I believe that we learn and grow from the these decisions, beit them bad or good. I have made alot of decisions, probably alot more bad then good, but I wouldnt be the person that I am today if I hadnt made those choices.
Sometimes I find myself unhappy, just those usually mood swings, but when I actually sit down and think about it, I have a wonderful life. I have a loving family, I have my horses that are my life, and I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I wouldnt trade for anything in the world.
Heres a person who KNOWS me, know the real me. Knows me from the inside and out. Whom accepts me as who I am. I dont put on a phisade, I come as is. He has made me realise that I shouldnt have to worry about what other people think of me. I am who I am, if you dont like it, leave me the fuck alone and dont bother me about it. I try too much to make me people around me happy, but in order to do that, I had to change myself to do so . I will always like helping out people, thats just the way I am, now I can do that and feel comfortable in my own skin. I dont go out of my way to be someone I totally am not, I come as is.
Heres a person who can make me laugh even when I am pissed off at him. He just has this uncanny ability to get to me and make me forget what it was I was mad at him about. Just his way of covering his ass. Kudos Justin, Kudos to you!! Heres to you never getting into trouble, depending on what exactly you have done. And I just love to put him in his place (though he has put me in my place as well)......I love to catch him totally off guard and get him with some really good put downs. It fun when you can laugh about it as well, we just share this really sick humor, thats what make us a really good couple I guess.
Yeah......I guess I can picture myself maybe settling down with him. It should lead to be pretty damn interesting. Hopefully I wont get too tired with him.....I might have to find an upgrade or just replace him with another model. J/K
I love you hun, Im glad I finally let you into my life, I wouldnt have it any other way.