So, this really shouldn't be an epiphany--it's more of a reaffirmation. But, for some reason, today I'm quite caught up on the fact that the business of The Biz is basically making work for yourself--be it selling yourself to every producer out there, directing and producing your own work, writing your own stuff (working on that...), whatever. There isn't an easy in--there is no sure-fire Five-Year Plan. You have to do it all for it to even begin to get done.

I am a leaf in the breeze (albeit a fiercely determined leaf who is going to write and direct as many damn plays as she can, make as many writer/director/producer friends as she can, do as many projects as she can, and who refuses to stop until she can make a comfortable living doing something she loves. That was an extremely long parenthetical phrase...). Nothing is certain. Basically, next year, I'm going to audition to every conceivable place of work and higher education, and take the best offer. I'll be headed anywhere from St. Louis to Chicago to NYC to Minneapolis to Cinncinati to D.C. to L.A. to Oxford or Dublin. It's kind of exhilarating, but mostly scary.

I've never regretted my decision to pursue theatre as a career. As Da Vinci said, "For there can be no mind so inept that after devoting itself to one single thing and doing it constantly, it should fail to do it well." I'm going to get by--I'm too stubborn not to. :) But that doesn't mean that the uncertainty doesn't terrify me on occasion.

There's always independant film...

I know we have the phrase "I have no life." However, is it possible to have too much of a life? Case in point: my schedule for today, February 11th, 2007:

Noon: Crew call for Taming. Yes, I'm on the crew as well as in the cast...call me "devoted". Or "determined to get my crew obligations out of the way so I can concentrate on auditioning". Whichever you prefer.

Noon-4: Taming. Yep. It takes that long to destroy a work of Shakespeare... :)

4-5:30: The Bad Seed performance. Supporting my fellow aspiring actor/directors.

5:30-6: SGA Senate meeting. Why did I decide to get involved in college again? Oh, yeah--I may want to go to grad school. Fair enough.

6-7:30: Vagina Monologues. What would YOUR vagina wear?

8-10: Reefer Madness rehearsal. *sing-song* I get to be the Devil, nah nahnah nah nah-nah...

After that, writing a paper on a pattern-based piece of artwork and oh, maybe memorizing my monologue for auditions on Monday.

So, the question is: too much? Or did God fuck up and simply not give me enough hours in a day? You decide...

I just failed my first exam at a college level--go me. :) Damn airplane electrical system...messed me up...

Thankfully, I can do a passable Suzie Q for Jazz, after much work. If you have no idea what that is, be thankful. 'Tis the trippiest little swing dance move I've seen in a while, and I would probably be perfectly content if I had never seen or heard of it for all of my existence.

Luckily, I can wallow in junk food in Adv. Acting today--we're watching Being Julia and snacking like there's no tomorrow.

All in all, a relatively sobering day, but it will pick up, I'm sure--last dress tonight before opening tomorrow. May the Hip-Hop Gods smile upon us, and bring us good stock of cheer as well as grand "drop-it-like-it's hot" blessings.

Oh, and may Shakespeare only do a few backflips in his ever-sinking bog grave. :)

My Art History professor seems to think that none of us can write a paper using the English language. Today's class was supposed to be on how to pair your subjects with the correct verb tense as well as the best way to structure a paragraph.

...

So, here I am in the library studying for pertinent classes. Man, I'm so proud of all I'm learning on this loan money! :)

Wow. So this is what it feels like. I've got the role of a lifetime--in school, of all places--a role that will mean something. I'm representing every rape victim's most deep-seated rage and wish: to get that bastard in a locked room for just 5 minutes.

I am more terrified right now than I have quite possibly been in my whole life.

I can't sit still. My stomach is this pit of nerves and doubts about my ability to do this as well as it deserves and NEEDS. The cast is phenomenal, I'm opposite a good friend of mine who I know will take it where it needs to go and I'm comfortable enough with him to go there as well. The other ladies are geniuses on the stage.

I'm so elated, so honored, so ready to do something this meaningful and important...and I'm about to throw up from the pressure. Self-imposed, maybe, but it's just that important.

I am so fucking honored to be doing this. But this will be the biggest artistic challenge of my life. I think I'm ready. But, I'm gonna need help.

So, my Japanese Sister (my exchange student for our school's exchange program) is gone--they left this morning. :( But, our school's talking about getting a program together to let us visit Tokyo for 2 weeks in the beginning of May after school ends. :-D I'd LOVE to go. I'd get to stay with Eri, meet her family and friends. It'd be such an amazing experience...but it may cost as much as $2000...

*sigh* Why's all the cool stuff in the world gotta be expensive? :)

You ever have a little ephiphany about something that was seemingly so simple, something that you thought you had completely figured out?

That's what acting is all about. All the little ephiphanies. :)

It's a good day.

Sometimes, I'm afraid that I scare people...It's completely unintentional, and it's usually because I care a little too much about other people's feelings, to the point of ignoring my own...

Well, that was enough Freud for one day. At least I didn't talk about sex or my mother. :)

I'm so sick and tired of ignorant, hateful people making gross generalizations about people and activities about which they know NOTHING! I'm going to throttle Samantha, I swear. She's just lucky that I didn't feel like jumping over the table to do it immediately--I was completely prepared to do just that. UGH! Okay, I feel a litte better. :)