Basic Instinct... gotta love it. Love the challenge - only as long as the weirdness doesn't take over.

I wanna show people that they have the means to solve difficult problems - possibly even in disregard to the counter-indicating upcoming issues of their complexity.

"The sole reason for me to walk around smiling, grining, laughting or otherwise openly behaving in an optimistic way is because I actually happen to feel glad about the existence of this blessed moment of unconcern and lack of distress! I'm sorry you feel offended by this.

This may come as a shock to you, but this "bad moment" of yours (which by the way is of NO real difference towards the rest of your pink everyday life) is NOTHING but a fucking JOKE to people like me and my kind! You DON'T know shit about PAIN and UNIVERSAL REJECTION.
I'm sorry you cannot share this somewhat "happy to still be alive" attitude of mine, but don't you DARE try to make me feel bad about it! Don't you dare try to bring me down by acting like a fucking jerk!!"

This is for all the people in the world who are tried to be brought down by others because of their "weird, non-stop grining sight of the universe". It is something I couldn't leave unsaid. For it describes what happened to me a while ago and happens again every single day of our freaking lives. But in the end it is exactly this positive attitude that makes us prevail!

And to the fugly wannabe-suppressors: If you feel like whining, cry - but don't try to be "all cool" and leave it out on others just because they're trying to spread some optmism! Because you know what? One day, we'll meet again (as I happened to meet many of them!). And then it is you who'll be sorry about everything (as they were all!). It is you who will finally face your personal misdeeds and historically proven inferiority. But whatever you say, however you feel... don't expect us to feel sorry for you then, because you got exactly what you deserved. Because no matter how solid we've become throughout time and experience, we're still somehow the same person that you were making fun off in first place (only because this was temporarily making you feel better). And guess what? We never forgot about it... So in my case, on that fatal day of your lives, I shall give my best not to crush you piece of shit with nothing but my very presence. Not because I feel sorry for you, but because I try to give any creeping creature on the surface of this planet some minimum amount of respect.
So if you're one of them, better prepare for the impact and beg for mercy... cause after all, it's gonna be our turn.

Peace out.

Wenn Sturm und Donner um mich heulen
so fühl ich mich daheim, geborgen!
Tosend, tobend, jammernd, strobend...
alles dieses Einerlei und doch ist's nichts
ganz wahr und sicherlich echt wunderbar!
In dieser Welt
in welcher
Nichts dem
Schicksals Lauf
Einhalt zu gebieten rauft.

Und wenn mich dann der Wirbel fasst, er nach mir greift mich mit ihm in die Höhe schleift, zerreisst und beisst!
Ist's dann wenn wenigstens ich weiss woran ich bin und mich nicht stetig zielgeduckt vor alles was dort kreucht und fleucht zu schützen suchen muss.
Ein Vortex wohl, sehr recht... hab ihm nicht Vieles vorzuwerfen. Nur das er allzulange Zeit sich liess.

Alsbald erfüllt mich jenes purpurrot orange Licht, gedämmert, gedämpft, umschlossen, beschränkt. Reflektierende Dämonen umtänzeln meine müden Glieder. Nichts mehr wert. Nichts kehrt mehr wieder. Und obgleich mich manch Gewissensbisse plagen weiß ich eines als wahrhaft anzusehen: Aus der Erde kommen wir und zur Erde werden wir - und nichts, wahrlich nichts wird diesen Lauf der Geschichte zu unterbrechen wissen. So mögen wir vielleicht des einen Nachts noch heldenhaft, prosaisch gar die allergrößten Epen schwingen, doch wenn die trügerisch sicheren Dünste eures Mauls entschwindend, erkühlend, verblassend, verdunkelnd, verdunstend verstummen, nimmt sich die Zeit erneut unserer jämmerlichen Kreaturen an. Wohlwissend das nichts so wird wie es war und doch alles an Relevanz einzubüßen verdammt ist.

Just talked myself into a babbling rage again... it's so wicked. It's either me or you becoming tired when hanging on the phone with each other. And experience tells... if I don't happen to be tired, then it's probably you (quite logical huh?) ^^

I don't really do it on purpose though. I mean, I do - but I dislike appearing all selfish while I'm doing it. At first, I just think about and start imagining certain things (not as in me not being able to differ between dreams and reality but in me placing myself into a surreal situation and then trying to fuzzle it out myself), then I analyse them and then I talk to some friends about it. But since I lack many good long convos, I kind of have to use some very few while still having to "get rid" of a crazy shit load of ideas and thoughts at the same time. So yeah... that's one motivation you cannot top I guess.

Anyway - I'm off to bed, finally. I guess I'm some sort of big male temporary drama queen. I most certainly can be it seems. o.O

And I use too many 'I's and 'me's in my pamphlets. This cannot be healthy. EGOCENTRICAL son of ...

People believe into things they think are true even though most of the time they're not. For the correctness of the moment passes right by after the situation resolves. All you can hope for is that you might be able to use your newly gained abilities in an at least somewhat reoccuring event. But what do I know? I'm left to act according to my hopes and dreams without straying all too far from reality. Questions are... what do you believe in? What are you willing to die for? And finally, but much more difficult, what is it worth to actually keep living for?

Bring it ON!

hmpf... I broke my left middle foot while I was breakdancing ;(
Stupid armrest being in the middle of everything, so I had to kick it while trying to set my feet back onto ground.

Aunt (who's a physician) says I'll be okay in about 2 weeks though - so there's still hope left in this world ^^

GOSH, READ MY FUCKING DESCRIPTION!

I didn't take the 'involved' tag out to be flooded with boring "hi" messages only SECONDS after I switched to something unspecified.
I'm fat, ugly, boring and I stink! So if you have nothing to say just leave me the fuck alone!!

Finally got internet at my new place... all the moving kept me incredibly busy but it's slowly starting to actually LOOK like some kind of home. But as it does I sense a certain ackward feeling coming up that I tended to ignore in my past. While I simply didn't find any time to think about what's actually bothering me before, it has now become more and more vivid. Actually realizing that I'm gonna be stuck here for one more year is harder than I thought it would be - especially considering the fact that I couldn't go home this summer. I feel so homesick right now, it's almost idiotically unbearable and the fact that I watched a whole season OC within 48 hours didn't quite improve my situation... just to remain somewhat neutral in my choice of words.
At least I passed my finals. The reason that I remained in Germany in first place instead of visiting home for at least a while.

Oh and yeah... I'm single again, but I have no plans WHATSOEVER to change that right now. For I'm never ever gonna get myself into something as ILLUSIVE and DRAINING as an internet relationship again nor do I plan to even think about seriously looking for something permantent here in this local zoo called Saarbridge. All in all I'm left in a quite pissed off state. Thinking about kicking some sandbags... or just... ugh.

How come I'm being most creative when I have to revise for an important final the very next day - huh?

Geeh... anyways:

I am a haunted person following the almost desperate attempt to use his given potentials to be smarter than nature (in the context of recent day widespread understanding of it), to foresee several developing/evolutional steps in advance. For all I know is that we, that we happen to walk on the soil of this planet have a mind of our own and an individual responsabilty to deliberately form the shape of our mutual future within the context of possible images that we will hopefully come up with on the brink of global challenges.

Hah! That sounds just like me again... and now, back to study!

ps: DON'T BLAME ME IF ENGLISH GRAMMAR RULES PROHIBIT THOSE KIND OF THOUGHTS! I have better things to do with my time than to regard crusty ancient obsolete laws as if they were something immutable. I'm a creator, not an upholding couch potato - deal with it!

pps: Inspired by a hypothetical tête-à-tête with Jeffrey Sachs - thanks buddy! ^^

In the process of MOVING!! Maybe I should think about decorating my new place in a somewhat ancient Egyptian style? Thought is there... lets roll :)

I feel like throwing up, and it's not due to the coughing which has been hunting me for the past 3 weeks!

Will see this weekend, stay tuned whoever feels the need to.

damn, I didn't get the place in that community that I wanted and planed to move into for the next year. They prefered to take a girl... because she's a girl. *sighs*

Oh how I hate these kind of shallow decision only based onto gender - where's the fairness in that? As if being a girl is like a guarantee that they will get along better :(

I should have faked a PMS attack... maybe that would have gotten me further... screw that. I'm PMSing right now *mumbles* Too late...

Feeling very chilly today... laid back, everything is fine. Yay! If I only had some more time, I could actually start to write that essay about "Freedom - seen as a beautiful art", that I wanna hand in into a national essay contest in regards of Friedrich Schiller`s death. Gotta see how I will figure that one out!

Got only 1 1/2 more weeks of class and after that about one week to get ready for my finals - not all too much time to get my stuff done though... plus I need to find a new room. My lease is ending at the end of this semester and I didn't find a subsequenting place yet. Plus I need to take care of my friends a little more, I've been kinda lazy lately... So much to do, so little time! *sighs* At least I'm feeling good :)

Yay, I won! Thanks to everyone that voted for me :)

XXX <- this day was evil! I'm hopefully gonna forget about it...