So no depression for me then anymore.. Not now anyway..
You know me, I won't let myself stay too gloomy for too long, I always rise to face the next stupid day on this bloody stupid planet.



Ah, the little things.. >_> Oh joy.

Today was a bad day.
I went to see my grandmother today. She was at the hospital of Meilahti, at the leukemia isolation wing, at 14th floor, door number 7.
She was really weak. She was just.. withering. Her short curly dark brown hair was.. just.. gone. It was so odd looking at her like that, having difficulty to speak..

I just.. didn't know how to behave. I asked these stupid questions to her, not knowing what to say...
like "have you been eating properly?" and "have you been sleeping much?"
or "are you cold? do you want me to close the window?"
I was so.. arg. I just...
I just froze.

After that my father spoke with the nurse about the hospital bill and I just kept looking at the nurse's name tag. It said Saara, and she had 4 different colored pens on her chest pocket. And she had silvery glasses and short black hair with little white-ish highlights on top of her head.. She was about 30 years old.
Funny how you notice such little things when you're in that kind of state of mind.

When we got into the elevator, I just pressed the tears from coming with my fingers.. and still smelled the icky hospital lotion on my hands...
 
So I've just walked around everywhere for some hours, I had no sense of where I was heading, almost on the verge of tears..

That's about it then.



I have few messages waiting for me but I'm really in no mood to talk with anyone, so I won't read any messages since I won't be much fun to talk to. I'm going to bed now. Not that I'm getting any sleep. I'll just look at the wall all night long.
Good night, everyone. I hope you had a better day than I did.

I saw this strange dream last night...

I can't remember that much.. Something about me being chased after some wolves or some scary monster...
And I was on some island.. I think Pete was with me, and someone else as well. O.o

And then we had to swim to the other island to escape the monster, and there was some dog who was barking... But then I managed to calm the dog so that it didn't draw attention to the monster on the other shore...
and there was this tall house, and we went hiding inside it..

And somehow the monsters didn't find us that way.

And then I woke up. I don't know what happened to the monsters..
So I'm sort of scared to go back to sleep... I know it's silly..
I'm 17 yet I'm scared of monsters. >_>


Yeah, exactly :/

This is what happens when you see Tarantula at the age of 11!!!

Plot Summary for Tarantula (1955): A giant tarantula injected with the formula escapes its cage and grows even larger and starts to attack cattle as well as human beings.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048696/
http://images.google.fi/imgres?imgurl=http://www.metamovie.de/film/images/ta2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.metamovie.de/film/taran.html&h=225&w=300&sz=14&hl=fi&start=7&tbnid=G-nfXKr-t3HaOM:&tbnh=87&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3DTarantula%2B1955%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Dfi%26hs%3DrfV%26lr%3D%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:fi-FI:official%26sa%3DN

http://www.deviantart.com/view/36271259/

urk och bläh! XD

So I found out today that my grandmother Milka has leukemia and osteoporosis....
so i'm going to see her tomorrow with Janne, I heard that she's in pretty bad shape..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUuKNk7hH88&search=the%20sinner%20in%20me

If I could just hide
The sinner inside
And keep him denied
How sweet life would be
If I could be free
From the sinner in me

I'll never be a saint
That's not a picture that your memory paints
Not renowned for my patience
I'm not renowned for my restraint
But you're always around
You can always be found
To pick me up when I'm on the ground

If I could just hide
The sinner inside
And keep him denied
How sweet life would be
If I could be free
From the sinner in me

I'm still recovering
Still getting over all the suffering
More known for my anger
Than for any other thing
But you've always tried
To be by my side
And catch my fall when I start to slide

If I could just hide
The sinner inside
And keep him denied
How sweet life would be
If I could be free
From the sinner in me

helan gär XD

i saw ina today. last time we met was on Vappu I think..
we went to this fleamarket at Hietaniemi... Sun was shining brightly, not much to say. it was pretty crowded.
well, i bought Pretenders' Greatest hits cd, it cost 6 euros but it was worth it.


and then we went back to the central railway station and i bought Kent's Vergligen and Hagnesta Hill wooo with only 15 euros... ^^

and then she left back to Sipoo. :/ Hmphthh. 

and I acted like a completely dork with her.. >_>



next time she's coming back to Helsinki she'll come here, yey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMKCLyhBBwI&search=palin XD

"I don't attack people on their beliefs...I challenge them." -[Doormat]

My earache has stopped almost completely... yey
and my toothache as well.

and I still have one free movie ticket to use. got to think what, not really many good movies playing in the theaters nowadays..

Nowadays it's rare to see me even smile anymore.


Funny how things change..

Kun maa loppuu jalkojesi alta, opettele lentämään.
- [Dory]

translation:
when the ground stops from beneath your feet, learn to fly.


Life was created for people like me only
- [iippo]

Someting mindblowing has happened!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caffeine#Effects_of_caffeine


all I can say is...
Woo.


All hail Wikipedia.



Too bad I've found another addiction already: Battery. And it has caffeine in it ;)
(*shameless advertising* http://www.batterydrink.com/flash.html )
or else I could start drinking coffee again. >.>