I can't believe I am actually breathing. Who knew that I would not feel so useless now. True I still have a ways to go with my battle but I can actually feel the air touch me and I don't feel like I am the worst scum to walk the earth. I have a lot to be thankful for. I am finding that dream that will need everything I can give. Nothing more or less. I will be patient and work through challenges.

Trying

I try to keep the balance of the house
I try to fullfill requests
I try to not make mistakes
I try to do everything I can

I mess up anyway
I miss requests because of whatever reason
I mess up the balance all the same

But I am trying

I feel like a clumsy elephant...I know my brother is not going to be happy and frankly I would not be the least bit surprised if he never lets me use his car again. I just don't know anymore it just seems like my efforts are trumped by something...I just feel horrible...I dread what will come in the morning.

"I'm Sorry!"

i'm sorry if i'm not pretty enough to be "your bitch"


i'm sorry that i don't want to have sex every minute of the day.


i'm sorry that i'm not a playboy bunny so i can act like a porn star for you.


i'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.


i'm sorry if i won't drop down to my knees to get you to like me.


i'm sorry if my hair isn't long enough.


i'm sorry if i'm not the "hottest" bitch you've ever seen.


i'm sorry if loving you isn't enough.


i'm sorry if being your friend through thick and thin makes no difference.


i'm sorry that i try my best to get you to like me, but then get hurt.





but most of all; i'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.
































and i'm sorry that most guys will read this and post it and may agree with it but after 5 minutes they forget about it and do the same thing all over again. GUYS! just think about it, about how you treat girls. You treat them like shit & all they want to do is be loved by you. think about it.

If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry. =["

If you're one of the few GUYS with enough balls to repost and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "I love you just the way you are.."

Its nice to feel like your passionate self again. All will fall into place if you allow yourself to breath.

I suffer alone because everything else falls into pieces. Then when I do have to face it then it is too late it has burrowed deep into my heart. I would not wish the problematic lifestyle for any guy and I can not have any controling figures in my life. What I need is affection and understanding and someone who is not active in my rhapsody of the messed up tango.

Ok you know getting dropped kicked on your head is one thing. But when your gut and chest feel the pain its a little harder to hide it all. Sick of feeling sick and tired it really is annoying.

ok wow it really does come back to bite you on the nose when you neglect things.

Well I have not felt this out of sorts for a while. But oh well I will find a way to survive. I just feel like a major incovinence to all my friends.

Want to live

I want to be able to smile without condition
I want to be able walk and see the natural beauty
I want to be not to be afraid to mention

I have survived the first week. Now I can only hope things are going to be better. I am glad to have friends on here.

Eye opener

It would seem that I will be all right. I just need to breath and prepare accordiningly. Although that will be a bit of a challenge but hey I can do it.

I AM SO NERVOUS!!

Ok this is sad the desired date of my education continuation is going to start again. Here I am itching with er emotions and stomach aches. Oy honestly am I just stupid. Ok maybe I am not as bad as all that still can't help but wonder.

The lessons I must grasp.
Patience
Perserverence
Self Affirmation

Self Affirmation

One of the hardest things for me to do requiring me see the good instead of nothing but flaws. In other words accepting the whole me and just seeing the broken mirror in front of me. See a beautiful young lady instead of the clumsy ugly duckling I perceive myself as. I have a long way before I reach the desired level but with the help of others I will make it. Once I do I will be able to say I am worth something and I am an actual person worth getting to know. I still got a way to go but the journey is worthwile.

Gravity and heat

What a magic combination. It seems like all the things we do is keep getting up and dealing with more heat? Or we just fall flat on our faces. Unfortunately there is not a lot of onitment for that kind of diappointment and sadness. Just deal with the best you can and once it is over you can laugh about how stupid you felt thinking you would be burnt alive.

I wish I knew

Shesh I always learn things a little too late. I am not doing so well but I don't want to take it out on others. I try to find self control to help others. Obviously I am falling below the mark in that too. Maybe I should just leave everything alone and try to focus on things I need to do. I wish I knew the formula but apparently there is not true winning combination until you hit the true stride. Still I wish I knew the combination.

Frustrated

I guess he is feeling the strain. I would understand if it gets too much.

Falling below the mark

Again I realize things too late. Its very frustrating but I will survive. Surviving seems to be the one thing I am good at doing and don't fall below the mark on. Everything else well that is basically through trial and error. Still one can't help but wonder why do you have facts staring at you and yet you miss the important part. Oh well its normal I suppose I have been sheltered and perfection is a fruitless battle. I will ok thanks to the family and friends I have.

Thinking way too much

I do love this speical person but I also know things can change.I trust his choice but nothing about the future is written in stone. Although I may believe we are soul mates only time will tell if we are ment to be or not. I did not mean to make him upset. I wonder if he would still feel the same even all the questions and such. If he still loves me like he says then I will stay hopeful if not then I hope to be a good friend all the same. Yeah talk about head spinning but it seems to be prickling.

My family cree

Give us the tired, the down touden and unaccepted
We will show you compassion and understanding
If you truly desire it you can be upstanding
Then anything is possible