Why does it seem like I have to take a step backwards before I can go forward? Sigh well I am going to have to make a move and well I may fall flat on my face but it won't b so bad. God gave me feet to get up. He gave me a heart to care but also to be willing to fight. Who knows anything but hey I have to take the chance sometime.

The Dark Ocean

Ones head gets numb
Ones heart beats slowly like an old drum
Ones feet gets icy cold
Ones hand reach without another to hold

The emptyness in your stomach leaves you full
People mistake this as acting a fool
Your hands may hug but do not emitt warm feeling
Your head is left reeling

Everything is cold but not cold enough to kill you
There is no speicific color hue
A cycle that never ends
The oceans fury does not bend

You lose sight of what is important in life
All you can focus on is the strife
Even when those you love pledge devotion
One does not hear anything once you plunge into the dark ocean

I do feel good. Its just energy has changed drastically. Reaching out for someone who has fallen is harder then it seems. Just give that one gesture and you will not regret it.

A life within the flame

How unfair is it to see a meadow
Only to see the green life fall below
You are afraid to touch anything
Stuck with isolation and curious about everything

One wonders how can you get lonely
Its easy to be scared to reach for one and only
You stand on uneven ground
You speak but makes not a sound

Your head screams redemption
Your hand reaches for salvation
your heart afraid to fly
your soul wants no alibi

A life within the fire
Is not necessarily the kind of life one would desire
To work to get past the scorching flame
Is when you can truly embrace the name

I am so torn. My heart is yelling take his love Rebecca. Then my head shouts, DON'T IT COULD BE A TRICK! If that is not bad enough all my kittens died. This is really been an interesting week. He has said that he is trustworthy. my heart trusts him and part of my mind trusts him but I still have that nagging doubt. I have fallen in love but I still have to display caution.

Ok so maybe caring is not so bad. Maybe letting my heart run a little but I need to keep it grounded enough. This day has not been so bad even though my little sister and I have had an adventure.

I'm still a loveable idoit. I'm not really that speical my head is in a cloud and my heart is on fire so what now. Well nothing at the moment I still need to settle on my life before I can even think about something foolish. Its one step foreward but I still need to take two steps back. I got ahead of myself it still isn't enough. My head will turn into mush before the night is over.

The harvest moon is bewitching.

It's hard to know which way to go but once I point to where I will be fine.As of now I am stuck in neutral.

The shootings in Virginia Tech effects me now. Even though I am miles away from the college...the words that south korean male said...It should not justitify killing a bunch of other human beings. In the end his message did reach us but I don't know if it is right to say it was a soul touching message. I don't see why killing many people will get your message heard...was he feeling left out? Was this rage learned by family or something else? Does this show how shallow human nature truly is?

Love is like fire and ice
It will feel so good but does not think twice to leave you in a confused state.
One touch will set the flame
It can just as easily go out with no one to blame.

One can be completely nice
the end result is the heart left in ice

Bad quiz grade...I should have expected it. My dad got concerned and so did my mother...I guess I could have kept it quiet but what good would that have done?

The past tends to bring up bitter lessons but it's up to us to make something of our lives.

Well its funny to hear an english professor tell you that you have good ideas but you have a hard time writting them down on paper..Oh well just have to work harder.

Stupid girl

I look in the mirror and see a face split into three places
I can't tell which one is real
My head is spinning so much information.
Even though I feel more knowledge getting into my head.
I still feel really stupid.

Its hard feeling everything. It seems like a waste of time but it does has its purpose somewhere in the fine line.

Konsite densit quiten sara uneter
slendes regresars hitenie
Densute regresars luminte
Salonde internte

It's funny how fate can drop kick you instantly. Oh well I'm slowly climbing back up the education latter. Maybe I can start to trust my heart. For now I got to take it one day at a time.

Well it is my last day of class before spring break. I don't know what to expect but I will keep my spirits up.

Well I'm slowly beginning to feel the earth beneath my feet. I still have a ways to climb but I will make it. It just will take a while.

It's hard to stare at the truth. When you don't want to accept it. Love is one thing that leaves me into confusion. I have taught myself to use my head instead of my heart. It's not easy understanding the fine line between them. Leads to more pondering and hurting but in the end as of now...only have a few certainies that education is one of my loves that I can not brake. I need to know myself before I can accept that special partnership