Eye opener

It would seem that I will be all right. I just need to breath and prepare accordiningly. Although that will be a bit of a challenge but hey I can do it.

I AM SO NERVOUS!!

Ok this is sad the desired date of my education continuation is going to start again. Here I am itching with er emotions and stomach aches. Oy honestly am I just stupid. Ok maybe I am not as bad as all that still can't help but wonder.

The lessons I must grasp.
Patience
Perserverence
Self Affirmation

Self Affirmation

One of the hardest things for me to do requiring me see the good instead of nothing but flaws. In other words accepting the whole me and just seeing the broken mirror in front of me. See a beautiful young lady instead of the clumsy ugly duckling I perceive myself as. I have a long way before I reach the desired level but with the help of others I will make it. Once I do I will be able to say I am worth something and I am an actual person worth getting to know. I still got a way to go but the journey is worthwile.

Gravity and heat

What a magic combination. It seems like all the things we do is keep getting up and dealing with more heat? Or we just fall flat on our faces. Unfortunately there is not a lot of onitment for that kind of diappointment and sadness. Just deal with the best you can and once it is over you can laugh about how stupid you felt thinking you would be burnt alive.

I wish I knew

Shesh I always learn things a little too late. I am not doing so well but I don't want to take it out on others. I try to find self control to help others. Obviously I am falling below the mark in that too. Maybe I should just leave everything alone and try to focus on things I need to do. I wish I knew the formula but apparently there is not true winning combination until you hit the true stride. Still I wish I knew the combination.

Frustrated

I guess he is feeling the strain. I would understand if it gets too much.

Falling below the mark

Again I realize things too late. Its very frustrating but I will survive. Surviving seems to be the one thing I am good at doing and don't fall below the mark on. Everything else well that is basically through trial and error. Still one can't help but wonder why do you have facts staring at you and yet you miss the important part. Oh well its normal I suppose I have been sheltered and perfection is a fruitless battle. I will ok thanks to the family and friends I have.

Thinking way too much

I do love this speical person but I also know things can change.I trust his choice but nothing about the future is written in stone. Although I may believe we are soul mates only time will tell if we are ment to be or not. I did not mean to make him upset. I wonder if he would still feel the same even all the questions and such. If he still loves me like he says then I will stay hopeful if not then I hope to be a good friend all the same. Yeah talk about head spinning but it seems to be prickling.

My family cree

Give us the tired, the down touden and unaccepted
We will show you compassion and understanding
If you truly desire it you can be upstanding
Then anything is possible

Emotional storms. I really do wish I knew what life was like outside of the flame. Maybe someone can show me.

I am still a little tired but I will survive.

ARG! YOU KNOW I DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Why must we always stumble in a circle? Why do we always feel the desire of violence? Why must it be we must hurt ourselves and people we love? I know it probably is pointless to let these thoughts out. Still I need an outlet. My niece is walking on a thin path and I fear if she is not careful with her temper she will end up bouching a cheek her tush can't cash. I just wish there was a way to get her to understand that violence is not the answer. ARG!! I feel like I have achieved nothing all week.

my my who would have known.

Why does it seem like I have to take a step backwards before I can go forward? Sigh well I am going to have to make a move and well I may fall flat on my face but it won't b so bad. God gave me feet to get up. He gave me a heart to care but also to be willing to fight. Who knows anything but hey I have to take the chance sometime.

The Dark Ocean

Ones head gets numb
Ones heart beats slowly like an old drum
Ones feet gets icy cold
Ones hand reach without another to hold

The emptyness in your stomach leaves you full
People mistake this as acting a fool
Your hands may hug but do not emitt warm feeling
Your head is left reeling

Everything is cold but not cold enough to kill you
There is no speicific color hue
A cycle that never ends
The oceans fury does not bend

You lose sight of what is important in life
All you can focus on is the strife
Even when those you love pledge devotion
One does not hear anything once you plunge into the dark ocean

I do feel good. Its just energy has changed drastically. Reaching out for someone who has fallen is harder then it seems. Just give that one gesture and you will not regret it.

A life within the flame

How unfair is it to see a meadow
Only to see the green life fall below
You are afraid to touch anything
Stuck with isolation and curious about everything

One wonders how can you get lonely
Its easy to be scared to reach for one and only
You stand on uneven ground
You speak but makes not a sound

Your head screams redemption
Your hand reaches for salvation
your heart afraid to fly
your soul wants no alibi

A life within the fire
Is not necessarily the kind of life one would desire
To work to get past the scorching flame
Is when you can truly embrace the name

I am so torn. My heart is yelling take his love Rebecca. Then my head shouts, DON'T IT COULD BE A TRICK! If that is not bad enough all my kittens died. This is really been an interesting week. He has said that he is trustworthy. my heart trusts him and part of my mind trusts him but I still have that nagging doubt. I have fallen in love but I still have to display caution.

Ok so maybe caring is not so bad. Maybe letting my heart run a little but I need to keep it grounded enough. This day has not been so bad even though my little sister and I have had an adventure.

I'm still a loveable idoit. I'm not really that speical my head is in a cloud and my heart is on fire so what now. Well nothing at the moment I still need to settle on my life before I can even think about something foolish. Its one step foreward but I still need to take two steps back. I got ahead of myself it still isn't enough. My head will turn into mush before the night is over.