[The Last Dragoon]'s diary
Written about Monday 2007-09-24
Written: (6247 days ago)
ACTUALLY FROM THE L.A. TIMES:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my first big mistake. But I was only trying to retreive the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner, Andrew (Kiki) (~.~ my nick name unfortunatly) Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our pet gerbil, in." He explained,
"As usual Kiki shouted 'Armagedon!' My cue that he had had enough. I tried to retreive raggot but he wouldn't come out again. So I peered into the tube and struck a match thinking the light might attract him." at a hushed press conference a hospital spokes person described what happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers which, in turn, ingnited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
The Top 10 Things That Scared Me The Most In Reading This Story:
First off. Why did they even do this!?! Did they just wake up one morning and say "hey let's stuff a cardboard tube and a gerbil up my ass!" "Okay that sounds like tons of fun." Now, on with the show.
10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." OUCH!!!
9)"So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaagggghhh. I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
8)That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirell on Rocky & Bullwinkle.
7)Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone ass. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt that gerbil was smelling springtime fresh after his little journey through Kiki's "tunnel of love."
6)That people are walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5)People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they where doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex feinds breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned but I can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying
"Well doc, it's like this. See, we have the gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
4)"First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome releif? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the smell of burning ass must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of god's green earth.
3)(no diss to myself thank you) People named "Kiki" which is obviously a polynesian word for "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
2)What Kind of hospital holds a press conference on this?
1)This happened in Salt Lake City. That kind of people are those morons!?!
here's hoping....
http://www.you
Nazo Unleashed
Part 1 http://www.new
Part 2 http://www.new
Part 3 http://www.new
I couldn't get this one out of my mind when I saw it ^>^
http://www.you
the story of my life these days
an exerpt from a story I'm writing about Deadeye...
Deadeye glared at the approaching horde this was easily the largest he had ever seen and he’d seen quite a few. He turned his head slightly to look at the others, Tara, Fiona and Ruben were grouped around Shayla who seemed too nervous to speak. He knew that the Fennec Fox would be useless now so he returned his gaze to the approaching horde, slowly he drew his sword from it’s scabbard on his back while he pulled from his belt the Kunai knife he received from Fiona when she first joined his crew. He held the sword horizontally in front of himself so that he could see the reflection of his eye in the blade, he slowly closed his eye and focused on what he needed to do. When he opened his eye he saw that he was standing alone in a vast field, across from him stood what appeared to be his double grinning back at him with an eye that seemed to burn with a demonic flame “about time you got here” the double growled and Deadeye grinned back “you know what’s going on and why I’m here right?”
H0W SEXY iS UR NAME
Add the letters in your first name using the numbers below =) And Write it at the bottom! And re-post it with "H0W SEXY iS UR NAME"
*under 60 points= not too sexy
*from 61-300 points= pretty sexxy
*over 301-599 points= VERY sexxxxy!!!
*beyond 600= beyond verry verry verry sexy!!!!
A=100 B=14 C=9 D=28 E=145 F=12 G=3 H=10 I=200 J=100 K=114 L=100 M=25 N=450 O=80 P=2 Q=12 R=400 S=113 T=405 U=11 V=10 W=10 X=3 Y=210 Z=23
What does my real name score? = 1669 ^>^
BOOYA!!
Written about Friday 2007-04-20
Written: (6404 days ago)
OWNED!!!