I really dont know why i keep writing in this thing....no one ever reads it and if they do they probably just laugh at my stupid excuse of a life....there really is no point in trying for everything because this life is only temporary....so whats the point of trying when we all end up the same.....dead...this is really dumb....i hate this....i hate my life....i have a couple frends who i barely talk to because i am pushing myself further and fyurther away from everything....i dont mean to....its just i have intense feelings i have to think about and i cant very well do it while talking to ppl......this just sux....i am so gonna die lonely....ugh....whats the point....this life is freaking sickening and pointless.

gone.....all the emotions worth living for.....remaining....all the emotions leading to the death of the weak.....strength.....something i have never had......tears....continue to stream down my face....smiles....seemingly lost forever...happiness...gone for good....depression...all that remains.

never again shall i feel the sweet intoxication of happiness...i shall forever bear the smile of false hope and happiness on my face....not with anyone else shall i share the burden of my many unresolvable problems....forever shall i live weighed down....

the sweet whispers....the soft touch....the warm breath upon my neck....the passion...his smooth lips against mine....the security....the confidence....the love....the feelings....all gone and missed dearly....all that once was shall forever haunt me and weigh down my heart....

All that i am is what i am not......what i am not is all that i am....and i am so sorry if you can not understand...

Life SUX really bad.....im jealous.....im mad.....im depressed....and i wanna rip someone to shreads....i seriously wish that i could get over my ex but i cant....i want what me and him had back sooo bad......it is driving me insane.....i cant even date now.....all i can do i compare ppl to him....and i wanna be there for him cuz he is going through a ruff and tuff time but he wont let me.....im losing one of my best frends....and i am trying awfully hard to be happee but nothing is working....my grades are falling....im starting to lose everything...and i cant find a way out of this mess.....i want it all to stop so bad......Old habits are creeping their way inside me tempting me.....i dont want to succumb......but it gets harder every time....im starting to lose touch with reality again....things just dont seem real anymore....this all just seems to be the vivid imagination of someone.....i feel fragile....its hard to eat .....even harder to stay awake.... i love to dream.....nothing goes wrong in that world......all is well as i sleep.....then no one can hurt me....in that world i rule.....but in reality i do not equal anything.....i wish i could live in my dreams....they are pure and innocant as i once was....but now i am wasting away....before long i feel that all that will reamin is dust and after that blows away i will only be a memory....a sweet memory....nothing more.....

I am soooo happy today!!!! I have been having trouble getting over my ex and today i finally did it or at least got off to a good start....one of my friends told me to write a letter to him of all the good and bad things about the relationship and about how i feel and then put it in an envelope stare at and think about and then rip it up....and as i stared at it i told myself this letter isthe relationship and the breakup....once i can let go of this letter i can let go of the relationship and this breakup so after a good while i took it ripped it up and threw it away....i finally feel like i can be me now.....im on the way to finding myself and i really like who i am more than who my ex made me.....im having such an awesome day!!!!