I've been here since 2003, almost five years. Since then I've changed tremendously. Whenever I think on the old times, it's with embarrassment at my ridiculous posts, complicated and pointless wikis I didn't even understand, and my overall attitude that I thought I knew what I was doing. At least, that is what comes to mind. I bit off more than I could chew in some cases, and in others I thought my wikis were better than they were.

As opposed to now, when I have no wikis that I run myself, and I do almost absolutely nothing. I think I'm brighter, more intelligent, and more understanding than back then, but I don't do anything. Even outside the wiki, I don't do anything. I play in an orchestra that I don't practice for, I am a music composition major and I haven't written nearly anything at all, and I do no community service at all. It makes me wonder if I've really grown, because if I have, it seems to have gone to waste while I play Guild Wars in my spare time.

But I just don't know what to make. All I can do is tinker around on Terragen (new pic soon, bweee :D). Perhaps I could compose something, but what? I have no idea (taking suggestions :P). I always have the feeling that I should be involved in community service, but have no idea how to get involved (something tells me I should check at the Catholic Center). But see what I mean? All these ideas about what I could do, and I never do anything. I'd say it's frustrating, but I really don't have any room to complain, because I'm the one who can solve all this by just doing something o.O

Anyways, my point of this entry was to note that while I look with something less than approval on my younger self, I have to wonder if I should instead be looking with contempt at myself now for not being brave enough to undertake things larger than me and actually doing something.

Sweet, I was the first person to vote in the new ET poll :D

XD Was reading a webcomic whose joke today strayed into politics, so the forum got somewhat inundated with lighthearted political discussion, and some people, wanting to avoid heated debate, posted things like, "Cheyney/Voldemort 08". However, what really made me laugh was the person who wrote, "Cake/Companion Cube 08". Really cracked me up, hoorah.

Simple fact I've learned before, but I guess I had to relearn it: When you enter a world of self pity, you become blind to the needs of others. And while Piro can get girls by being emo, it does not work like this in real life. Helping others always makes more friends than looking like you need help. And it's always better to worry about others instead of yourself. Except don't get arrogant.

Edit: I decided what makes me feel so odd when I read webcomics and don't finish them. It's the same deal with a good book. I get involved with the characters, and for a while, until I finish the comic, my own feelings (and even life, it appears) are suspended. So I'm demi-emo right now because I don't really have any emotions for the time being. 677 out of some thousand strips down, only about four hundred to go. By the way, not having emotions is somewhat refreshing every once in a while. Though something tells me this is pretty similar to being drunk. Goodnight.

I'm tired of all the cynics who think or say they're nice. It's not very nice of all of you to assume the worst about everything, or to suspect everyone's going to 'let you down' or whatever copied junk you all have on your houses. All that negativity precludes niceness, because it always assumes the worst. Also, don't say you're a nice person if you copy-paste any of those mean house-things (too many to try and describe in one sitting x.x), generally along the lines of, "mess with my friends I'll beat you up" or any variation of, "mess with me I'll blah blah" or "I'm a blah blah so don't mess with me" etc. Again, even threatening to beat someone up or whatnot isn't nice, even if you think it is.

So if you're going to be a nice person or claim to be a nice person, keep a careful eye on what you say and what you paste into your house (better yet, write your house originally >.<), because a lot of Elftown isn't nice at all.

(For those wondering, I was just tired of clicking house links and finding crap like, "Everyone's going to let you down someday .... I'm a nice person" <wha? No I didn't just say everyone lets people down...> and such. Cynicism isn't kind. In fact, the extent many people take it is downright rude.)

Hurrah, no more worries about whether or not I can compose. Why? Because I literally do it in my sleep o.O
I was half asleep this morning and thought I was listening to my mp3 player, because I could distinctly hear music. However, I decided when I was fully awake that I most certainly was not listening to my mp3 player. In other words, my head was making up music for me to listen to, and it was of tremendous quality. No joke, it was good enough that I thought (in my half awake stupor) that it was from FF IX. If I were better at my sightsinging and aural skills, I could have written it down and stuff, but you know how easy it is to forget dreams when you're conscious. So I just need to learn how to do that while I'm awake and I'll have it made :D

Another interesting dream. I can't detail much of it out, been too long since this morning, but I figured I'd jot it down here, since it was a fairly interesting plotline. At least, that's how it seemed to me when I was asleep :P

So, there was an ancient culture of people that weren't documented in our records. Most likely pre-historic civilization that was somewhat advanced in technology, probably a little behind modern day. No internet, I wouldn't think, but lights and that sort of thing. In any case, they were a single civilization that lived under an extraordinarily long line of monarchs who were greatly respected, almost worshiped like the Pharaohs. The difference between them and us is that they had special, subtle powers, such as advanced perception, reflexes, and semi-magical powers, notably the ability to become invisible to others not of their race. However, there was a conflict, presumably with another race of their time, and the line of kings disappeared with one of the monarchs. The civilization essentially went into hiding, underground both literally and metaphorically.
The twist is that they felt that their laws and traditions should still be respected worldwide, and while the world without them changed, they held to their beliefs. Modern laws began to differ from theirs, and soon they began sending out enforcers in covert operations to enforce their own laws, to basically run the world as they thought it should be. To them, it seemed that their line of kings was still the rightful rulers of the world, and thus their decrees should be enforced. So it was sort of like manipulating world events without anyone finding out, an invisible group almost running the world.

For some reason I got the lucky position of being in the line of kings (zomg cliche, but I can't help what happens in my dreams :( ), so I was taken to their secret kingdom and placed in charge of their uber covert police force :P

Wow, I just read through what I typed, and I think it sounds kind of like what ARI was yapping about o.O

Observation about my university life. It can be divided into several sections.

First, there is the Music School, where I do most of my classes, practicing, attending concerts and the like. Currently this portion of my education is the most tedious because practicing so much is terrible at this point. I plan on improving this important section by attending concerts (not many have been performed yet), continuing classes which I enjoy, and improving practicing as soon as I can stop rehashing the basics. This section is responsible for my artistic development. Needs some improvement, as planned.

Secondly, there is the section of core classes I take. This section should be as minimal as possible, as it is merely general education and relatively unimportant to my degree. Currently I have very few core classes, and the number is only going to decrease, I believe. Hurray for AP credit. This section needs little improvement or work.

The Honors division of the campus holds my greatest interest. It contains the extracurricular events, all special programs, and any other items of interest for me. Currently I have little to do with this division of the university, but hopefully this will change. I do not have any plans so far as to how, but I hope to find out in my honors advisement and honors seminar. This branch is responsible for development of character. Needs great improvement, no plans yet.

Besides these sections, there is the Catholic community, in which I am hardly involved. I think a little involvement might be in order, but I do not consider involvement here to be imperative to spiritual growth. Needs minor improvement, plans in progress.

And finally, the recreational division of my university life. It involves things like Facebook, Elftown, Guild Wars, etc. This should be a small, but still existent section. I think I'm doing fine here.

In short:
Music- some improvement
Honors- great improvement
Catholic- little improvement
Core- little improvement
Recreational: little improvement

I have an application on Facebook that gives me daily Bible quotes. Today it gave me this one, and I decided I'd like to save it:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

I like this one because it brings up a point I've tried to explain to myself before. I've always thought that people's 'inward self', as this quote calls it, shows through on a person's face anyways. People I find to be beautiful tend to have an inner beauty anyways. Some people that others have called attractive struck me as somewhat ugly in my opinion mainly because of their face, which seems to me to look less beautiful. The strange thing is it's sort of an intangible quality that I find difficult to describe; it's kind of a "They look nice" or "They look mean" sort of thing. In any case, my point is that while this encourages disregard for physical beauty and promotes inward beauty, I'd add on that the latter will create the former, from what I've seen.

First, a funny quote, then an interesting thought.
(on a forum about Pluto's planet status)
Jenna: [...] Seriously, I do not see why anyone cares. Stop wasting your time and start to support a cause that actually affects people, like mass genocide.
Jenna: I meant that last phrase as "support a cause that actually affects people, like stopping mass genocide."

And, since I saw in the same forum a thread titled, "Can anyone give me one good reason to believe God exists." Now, I'm getting pretty tired of these stupid threads, including ones the other way around that go, "Ten good reasons to believe in God", because they are entirely irrelevant. But since this was a forum about outer-space-ness, I was thinking in universal terms, and some of the replies gave me an idea. Many people have theorized that in an infinite space (or in this case amount of matter), over an infinite period of time, there are a finite number of combinations of how things can be arranged. A massive, but finite number. Over the course of infinity, that finite amount of matter would either become each combination or repeat old ones, which gave rise to the theory of Eternal Return and similar theories, which state that the universe will repeat itself.

Now, this has been mathematically disproven by a model someone used involving three rotating wheels that never realign and never stop changing. The specifics of the model I don't know off the top of my head, but there is a second refute to it, which gives rise to almost an inverted theory. There is an infinite amount of space, and some have theorized there is infinite matter, as well. With infinite space, you can't possibly use all combinations, because each combination could be repeated, but sized larger, like similar triangles. But what does all this have to do with God, as I mentioned in the first paragraph? Well, some people have posited that since there is infinite space, there must be aliens. It's just unthinkable that with so many infinite planets, space, etc, that there aren't any. I would posit in return that the same reasoning could be used to suggest God exists as well.

Extra credit to anyone who can refute the above reasoning for God. I can think of one right now, but there're probably a couple other things wrong with it.

Finally moved into college. It's quite strange being here, but I think I'll like it. The only problem is getting around. I have no means of transportation, and I don't trust the bus system yet. It's good for on-campus, but I need to find a way to get to church. And tomorrow is a holy day of obligation >.<

Hurrah, my IQ is 126, according to http://www.iqtest.dk/ .
I'm not sure exactly how accurate it is, and think it might be overestimating a little, but I'm pleased with the result nonetheless. It was fairly hard at the end. And by that I mean I had to guess the last question almost entirely.

Does Templar need more sleep?

"Caleb says:
Mythology is like a name-giving thing
Caleb says:
>.> I think it's a bit late, after that sentence"

I think so. At least for now :)

Interesting cloud pictures:
http://leenks.com/link70511.htm

Well, not all of them are great, but here's one to grab your attention (from the site): http://bp2.blogger.com/_Fzq94YVbHHM/Rh1UKutFV7I/AAAAAAAABmY/mKGbWo4LTYI/s1600-h/rare_clouds_06.jpg

Probably not of much interest to most people, but I figured there are a few people who would like them.

I love my dreams :)
Sometimes, though, I just wish my mind would be as creative as it is when it's asleep. The other night I had a vivid dream, in which I listened to an orchestra perform some concerto. It sounded extremely good. The funny thing is, I don't believe I'd ever heard the piece before. My mind was making it up instantaneously while I was sleeping. If I could hear pieces like that played so well sounding so good while I were awake, I'd having this composing deal down solid. But it is comforting to know that in any situation, at least my mind is capable of making it up.

Our orchestra placed third in the nation.

For the record, the first place wasn't all that great. They may have been together, but their repertoire was not very impressive.