Gotta love Bash.org
<KainSularei> I wish that it was possible to edit car honks
<KainSularei> sometimes someone tries to cut me off, but i always see it coming and speed ahead of them
<KainSularei> So I'm thinking I get some LOTR Gandalf bumper sticker on my back bumper
<KainSularei> I'd like to be able to hit the steering wheel and have them hear this booming "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" as I go by
w00t. I got assigned this author (Percy Bysshe Shelley) to do some summer assignments on. And guess what? He's an athiest :D I always work well with stuff I disagree with. I was quite pleased to find that his book on 'The Necessity of Athiesm' was rather short. I suppose I'm to draw that they aren't really necessary? Gosh, this is gonna be a snap compared to my AP assignment :D
Minesweeper moved to a higher level o.O
After completing expert in 180 seconds, I checked world records for fastest times. Quickest was 60 seconds, but I ranked about 50th in the charts. Probably lots of people who didn't participate, though. I read through the guide on improving times. Pretty much the same techniques I use, though lots of practice. Then, I read about no-flagging minesweeper. Much more difficult. I'm practicing it right now. Beaten intermediate and beginner with it. It seemed to slow my times a bit, though beginner didn't have much of an effect. I'm working on expert. I think I'll have it soon.
More random stuff. I did these mainly because I was tired of seeing 'condoms' in the second spot. -.-
1. Lotion: Creamy stuff
2. Rubber: tires
3. CD: Final Fantasy
4. Bed: Squishy pillow thingies
5. Paper: homework assignments
6. Run: rivers
7. Candle: Illuminati (o.O)
8. Mouse pad: blue jet
9. Sweatshirt: soft
10. Door: doorway
11. Pictures: flowers
12. Flowers: countryside
13. Deodorant: blue goo stuff
14. Pencil: art
15. Sex: erm
16. Radio: crap music :D
Heh, saw this a few times, I never gave it much thought and shoved it aside as a 'music thing'. Then I decided to do one based on Uematsu's hundreds of pieces :P
Chosen band: Nobuo Uematsu (SquareSoft/Squ
1. Are you a male or a female: Chasing the Black-Caped Man
2. Describe yourself: Find Your Way
3. How do some people feel about you: A Face Unforgotten
4. How do you feel about yourself: Flowers Blooming in the Church
5. Describe your family: The Sleepless City Treno
6. Where would you rather be: Where I Belong
7. Describe what you want to be: Auron's Theme
8. Describe how you live: Silence Before the Storm
9. Describe how you love: Holding My Thoughts in My Heart
10. Describe what you hate: The Sword of Doubt
Got back from CLI. Feel different. I met many new people. I learned I'm not nearly as awesome as I thought. The top leadership potential people from each of 19 parishes all gather together, it makes you realize that, as good as you may think you are, there are people out there that are even better.
The spiritual high's wearing off about now, but I still have memories of the people, and what happened to me. I'm more outgoing and social now. The only big difference is that I've gained courage in myself, and self confidence. I didn't become better at socializing, I just socialize more. Due to the masses and frequent prayers, I've come muhc closer in my relation with God, which makes me wonder how much closer I could and should get. Further, I'm going to get louder in my faith, and bring it to places people don't want it to be.
I also think that I've been far too arrogant. Perhaps everyone on the non is, too. I'll have to reassess everything with my new perspective, before I can decide. All I know is that I am a happier person now, and greatly appreciative that Christine sent me on the retreat.
Away at CLI (Christian Leadership Initiative). Be back Saturday evening, July 9.
I hate being a teenager. It's unreasonable to get upset at everything for very little reason, to be so moody, and to feel random emotions. It's no wonder teenagers get so depressed, when they can't even figure themselves out. Not to mention randomly feeling inexplicably lonely. Nothing makes sense, and it really bothers me :/
Being a teenager is probably the oddest years any person ever goes through. It is a time of large change, from a childhood personality into an adult personality. It is a time of much thought and change and mostly improvements, but it is a most troubling period. Horomones and such odd forces that have the ability to influence people in ways that are neither gentle nor relenting. Teenage years seem to be periods of ups and downs, but in reality it is all perspective created by these forces. They do things to a body that can never be easily understood. For me, the process of change is troubling. I sense that something is wrong with me. Or at least, different. Odd sensations and thoughts and disturbances. Right now, as the change has been made, I feel full inside and somehow complete, though I know it is not so. Much resentment is inside, as well as a sense of not calm, but clarity and focus. It feels as if I hated someone and was brooding, though I know that is not the case at the moment. However, recently I found myself very upset over miniscule things. I recognize these things as signs of teenagerism, but I do not appreciate these thoughts intruding into my mind, nor the forces that bring these moods into me. I do not know what to make of them. I can only hope that soon it will all be over and I will emerge as my complete adult self, though technically that can't be for another five or so years. Tumultous years, no doubt. I can only hope I maintain my personality in tact through the end. It is something I do not wish to lose.
(x) = yes, (-) = no, (/) = kinda.
{x} Fallen for your best friend
{-} Made out with JUST a friend
{-} Made out with the same sex
{-} Been rejected
{-} Been in love
{-} Been in lust
{-} Used someone
{-}Piercings
{-} Been used
{-} Been cheated on
{x} Done something you regret
{/} Considered a life of crime
{-} Considered being a hooker lol
{-} Considered being a pimp
{-} Are you psycho
{-} Split personalities
{/} Schizophrenic
{-} Obsessive
{-} Racist
{-} Obsessive compulsive
{-} Dream of dead bodies, blood, death, and gore
{-} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them
{x} Understanding
{x} Open-minded
{/} Arrogant
{x} Insecure
{x} Interesting
{-} Hungry
{x} Friendly
{x} Smart
{x} Moody
{/} Childish
{x} Independent
{/} Hard working
{/} Organized
{/} Healthy
{/} Emotionally stable
{x} Shy
{/} Difficult
{-} Attractive
{/} Bored easily
{-} Thirsty
{x} Responsible
{/} Sad
{x} Happy
{/} Trusting
{-} Talkative
{/} Original
{-} Different
{x} Unique
{x} Lonely
{-} Had a bad life
{-} Have a bad life
{-} Dye your hair
{-} Floss daily
{-} Own a web cam?
{/} Ever get off the damn computer
{-} Ever done a drug(s)
{-} Ever drank alcohol
{-} Been suicidal
The pieces fall into place one by one. Soon, I shall have a full picture of myself, and understand who I am and what I am to do.
I will write the final piece here, to help me organize myself. I will begin by examining me in a peaceful state, one that I have yet to really attain. Perhaps this way I shall figure out the darker areas of my knowledge and illuminate it all.
My picture of peace is me sitting on a hill, alone, looking out on the scenery below me, with a sinking sun and a reddish tint to the world, and a slight breeze.
What can I divine from this? For one, I find peace in the end of the day in the reddish tint, rather than a bright sunny day on a hill. Happier, at least. Peace at the end of the day, after the work of the day is done. This would mean that I would find peace after the work, and I am supposed to be work before I have peace. Instead, I dream about peace and never really work for it.
Therefore, to attain peace, I would need to work first for it, something that I haven't dedicated myself to. This is the last dark corner of my mind; I could not find peace with myself. Attaining peace will complete my self-analysis at last. This most recent observation would indicate that I've been wasting much time trying to complete my analysis before beginning my work, when I need to begin my work in order to complete my analysis. I have been dawdling, in other words, daydreaming instead of working. It is time to begin.
One resolution that I've made, now, is one that may be a mistake. I've decided to stop caring what anyone thinks about me. At face value, that sounds like it should be common sense, with no drawbacks. Of course I shouldn't worry about that. But then, if I stop caring, am I going to become a reclusive man who doesn't share with other people? If I stop caring, I wouldn't care if other people like me, when I need them to in order to gain their trust and be able to aid them if needed. Instead, I will have to draw a fine line: I will not care what people think of me, as long as I don't become distant from them. Keep my friends close, be open to other people, but be myself. Sorry for all you nonners out there reading this, but this means I'm not gonna be as arrogant anymore, or at all worried about pwnage, or considerate of whether I am superior to others or not. It just isn't me. Don't worry, though, the real me still pwns. Just in a nice way :)
Hehe, reading Gods of America. Some good points, though I don't think it'd hold up to a non-Christian arguement against it, since it is based on God's supremacy and importance in contrast with celebrities. But I did find this, written mainly about fake-goths:
"So many people these days claim to be independent thinkers. They believe themselves to be individuals (see Conformity, Inc. for my further grievances against these types), unpolluted and untainted by the world around them; that they are untethered minds, existing alone, operating in a seamless pocket of lucid reality."
~[Avoral]
That, I think, could nearly describe me, provided that you change the last few words from 'lucid reality' to 'lucid unreality'. At least I know I'm deluded. And honestly, I am. I don't live in nearly the real world :D
Well. Uematsu's work in Final Fantasy is one thing. Enya is completely different. Both are very well done. Uematsu's music is quite good, though it seems different from Enya's. Her work is more energizing and motivating. Uematu's music inspires me morally, but Enya's work has a certain pulse that pushes me to do something. I think that if I compile a playlist of all her music, and play it, I'll be inspired enough to write stories that actually read well, that I can actually put onto paper some of the ideas that I've had in my mind but was unable to describe fittingly enough. I now hold both Uematsu's work and Enya's on equal level, powerful in their own respects.
Uematsu writes music that plays in the background and affects you. Naturally, considering that he is a music writer for videogames. Enya's music plays, and it draws your attention right to it, making you hear how it sounds. Uematsu's work can play for long periods of time without any major side effects. In fact, it sinks into the background. Not so, as I listen to Enya. After a few tracks of Enya nonstop, it can be overwhelming. It's rather amazing music, in certain aspects.
Meh, for all the efforts I've made at finalizing my departure from Elftown, it all amounts to nothing. Yes, I know I said that the previous diary entry would be the last one I made. Not so anymore.
I've decided that it's futile. I said I'd leave in January. What, four months later, and I still haven't really left? It isn't happening. I said I was leaving because of time restraints. They aren't really ther anymore. Maybe I was imagining them. Or maybe they just aren't so restrictive anymore, it being spring.
I can't really, leave, though. There are people here that I can help. After all, that's what I've dedicated myself to do; help people who need it. And besides. If I really did leave, well, the non wiki is full of people who think premarital sex is alright. You guys need a conservative guy around to keep you guys in line :P
I can't really leave. Still things to do here. I won't get into all those wiki things again, with the massing of half a thousand watched pages or anything, I'll still spend only a little time on here, but I'm here to stay. For now, at least. Expect me to take a vacation sometime around Thanksgiving, though. Things usually get busy around there.
Sorry for distressing you guys so much about the leaving thing. I really did mean to leave. Eh, maybe I am addicted to Elftown. Nah. I can do good things here. *nods* Yup, thats why I'm staying. Certainly not addicted. Nope.
Plenty of change in my account, I've noticed. Not sure what prompted this change, but it happened pretty recently. For one, put up a new pic. Doesn't happen every day. Secondly, changed my mood. Doesn't fit too much with my actual mood, but it's a nice change. And yes, of course there's some secret meaning behind it's puzzling phrase. And probably most obviously, I've changed my name. Aradon Templar. Feel kind of guilty with taking out 'Lord' from my name. But in all honesty, He doesn't belong there. I could wish I were that, but I'm not completely fixed yet. Not up to having God in my name, as of now. People expect me to be an expert on religion. Not quite. I am rather emphatical about it, but no expert. And I felt scared that my family might have found out about my name. They'd all laugh, I think. My brother already did. The older one, too. Not the younger one. So yeah. Changed it to something a bit more creative. It feels liberating, really, without everyone's expectations to live up to.
And that's about it. Again, sorry for any and all inconveniences
And now, for my final entry. I've decided to leave Elftown. It holds no appeal anymore. I've lacked in comments on many pages. It takes far too much time for me to handle it, and it brings in no production. More useless than my videogames. And in all honesty, I really am not befriending the best people, in the non-wiki. (Sorry guys, you're great, but a bit too harsh for my total liking... in general.)
In short, Elftown is having negative effects, now. It's served its purpose, but now I will move on, into the real world, and stop sitting at this desk my entire life not going anywhere. Farewell, Elftown.
Well, now I've figured out why it is so hard to be who I want to be at school. My school has 2000 people. Each of us has our own opinion about how life is, and how we should live it. At home, individually, we probably all succeed. But then, when we all come together at school, there is a collision of 2000 philosophies, crashing and bouncing off each other, creating a mayhem. It is difficult to maintain who I wish to be in this chaos. But now that I know what the problem is, perhaps I can do it.
"Welcome to the human race. Nobody controls his own life, Ender. The best you can do is choose to fill the roles given you by good people, by people who love you."
~Ender's Game
Ah. Note to self from Sermon yesterday- very useful in future debates...
True love, as stated by the Bible, must be three things:
1. Complete- no restrictions, unconditional, total, and absolute.
2. Permanent- Once you make a commitment to a person by saying you love them, you cannot take it back, if it to be true love. This goes with 'unconditional
3. Fruitful- if nothing is produced from your love, it is stagnant and useless. Love is always meaningful and fruitful.
Each of these three points have to do with marraige, as was described last night. Complete has to do with adultery. If you give your love to one person, you don't have any left to give to another. Total devotion. Unconditional deals with divorce. It isn't true love if you go and take it away the moment you are upset. Fruitful- Both gay marraige and the use of any sort of contraceptives
Some people may think you can just ignore the 'fruitful' part. Not true. Try taking away either of the other two points. Sure, I'll marry you, but if you displease me, I'm out of here. Sound fine? How about this. Will you marry me? Oh, by the way, I'll want to sleep with her, her, her, and her. Okay? Not likely. You can't take away either of the others, why would you be able to take away the third? You can't.
To put in other terms, true love means to love someone as God loves them. Unconditionall
So yes. This will help in debates that I'm sure will soon be brought to me...
~Caleb
P.S. If anyone disagrees, fine, but don't be rude about it :P
About time I put this down in my diary, I think...
Its a dream that I had quite a few months ago. I remember that there was a plot to it, but I don't recall any of it, other than one scene, but hopefully it will remain etched in my memory forever.
I remember that I was on a train of sorts, and between two cars were an empty bed where another car could have been, but wasn't. I was standing there, outside while the train was moving, watching the scenery fly past. It looked wonderful, but nothing breathtaking, like mountains or such, though I saw some in the distance. Instead, there was mainly a light forest. But what really dominated the dream was the figure to my left. It wore some sort of white robe that was flapping everywhere in the wind. I never got to see its face because of the robe, but I remember several things about it. One, it was all fluffy when I hugged it ^.^ And secondly, I felt feelings coming from it, so strong that I could feel them myself. All I can really call it is complete love and acceptance. All I can really call the being was God. If you understand those two sentences, then you'll understand why I'll never forget that dream. Standing somewhere beautiful, and standing next to God...