im so scared of losing matty...

we had a big argument on friday and nearly...well did,breifly split up.....
i feel so bad,and i hurt....i love him so much.....

i hope we are ok...im going to do everything i can to fix it.i want it to work.its the little things that hurt me as well.to day i phoned him,and we were nearly finished talking and i said i love you,and he didnt say it back.i hope he hasnt fallen out of love with me

hewwwwwo!!!!smeeeeeeeeee!im at the library at the min wiv matty and raz!i love em both!but i wouldnt fuck raz.just matty.

by the way....guess what!

im engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yayyayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!im so happy!!!

im his fiancee!im 14 and engaged!

im engaged to the sexyest guy on the planet!!!!!!!


in the wise words of my brother...........

happy days!!

wellwellwelllllll!what an exciting 2 days iv had.i told my mum and gran that im having sex with matty.mum recons im too young,but i dont care.in now going to be on the pill.so....yeah.nevermind.happy days!i love him to bitssssss.hope i never lose him.he's something good.so are my friends.i love you guys!

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!iv actualy managed to get on e.t!im poorly sick *cough*cough*!had the day off today.lifes been....eeeeeeer......fun........lately.everyone keeps having a go at me when im in school.me and matty will be getting engaged soon.everone at school has found out and keeps going on at me about it.but,i dont care what they think!all my friends are happy for me and are behind me.im glad iv got them,id be lost without them,even if i am mean to them at times,im only messing.
the most difficult thing at school is everyone asking me if i have shagged him yet.

problem is.....my brother.........he has links in the school.and he keeps tabs on me,so i have to be careful.i just say no.

im 14.
im going to be engaged at christmas.
can it get better?
.................
Yes it can!iv got the day off in 2 weeks,and so is matty eheheheh*shifty eyes*im sure you can guess

il just get on with it.theres nothing else i can do anyway!

happy days!

well lifes been a bit crap lately,apart from matty,so you know,and i have just seen a burbury car.im scared.i cant realy be arsed to write,so,yeah,bye!!!!i love matty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bark to all of you out there!what a crap day its been to day!BUT i had spag roll today (swiss role to you sane people)so that made it better. i got a half day tomorow and i dont know what to do cuz my mate wants me to go round her house to watch movies,but poynors got a half day as well,and i dont want to miss that oppertunity.but raz is pissed at me.what to do.oh well.im in a blond tizz at the moment.aint it great.

miow!!!!!!!im a bit of a plant pot today.had fun with matty!if mummy knew what we were up to.i would be dead.no argument.i love him.the first person that i have ever truly loved.they say one soul gets seperated in a former life.i have found my other half.i intend to keep it that way.i think i believe in fait and destiny now.i love him.just like i loved joe. you have to beLIEve me. yeah right.*joes gay*cough*i hate him*cough.sorry.slight cough.that was NOT a good idea.i only love poynor,the only person i have ever loved,and ever will.

JOSEPH NEWMAN IS A LESBIAN
i hate him.
he should go die.
he is the only regret i have
my boyfriend ,however,is the best thing that has ever happed to me

*thank you matty*
*thank you raz*
*thank you soph*
*thank you callie*

        i love you guys!!
*thank you sophie*

YOUR...
:x: birthday =jan 11th
:x: age = 14
:x: town = hinckley
:x: height = ???
:x: shoe size = 7/8
:x: hair color = blonde,but going a bit brown
:x: school = j.c.c
NUMBER...
:x: of siblings = 1
:x: of pets = ?to many?
:x: of shoes = 3 pairs
:x: of piercings = just ears
:x: of exboyfriends =0
:x: of times I have been in love? = once,now,:D
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = never
:x: of hearts I have broken? = none
:x: of boys I have kissed? = 1
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 4/5
:x: of people I consider my enemies? =too many
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = none that i remember
:x: of scars on my body? =waaaay too many to count
:x: of things in my past that I regret? =one.....
LAST...
:x: movie you rented = constantine
:x: song that was stuck in your head = track 10/on the cronicles of life and death album/good charlotte
:x: person you've called =matty AKA poynorAKA mattsywoo AKA mattsykins
:x: person that called you = ditto
:x: person you were thinking of =ditto again
:x: friends you made = Rose.
DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = yes,obviously
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = yes
:x: you think about suicide = no...
:x: others find you attractive = dought it
:x: you want more piercings = yes
:x: you drink = hell no.
:x: you do drugs =no
:x: you smoke = nope
:x: you like cleaning = what!?!im a lazy fucker,you expect me to clean
:x: you like roller coasters = what kind of question is that!?! damn straight i like rollercoasters!
:x: you write in cursive or print = both at the same time,no realy.. 
FAVORITE...
:x: food = hmmm,chocolate cake
:x: thing to do = spend time with matty and my friends
x: thing to talk about = loadsa stuff
:x: sports = martial arts
:x: drinks = fanta/tango/possibly bannana milkshakes
:x: clothes = jeans,t-shirt and plain black shirt
:x:movie = dont got one
:x: holiday = Halloween and Christmas
:x: word = smoosh/smish/moof/go to hell
:x: nickname = blond thing/katie-jayne/SEXY
:x: eye color = perdy grey
:x: flower = black/red roses
:x: actor = your mum?
HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl = yes but not in that sense,my b/friends
:x: ever cried over a boy = yes, just the one though*cough*matty*cough*
:x: ever been in a fist fight =yup,and took ever shot.
:x: ever been arrested = nope
:x: ever been on a talk show = me?hell no!!
WHAT...
:x: are you scared of = my friends ,me and poynor splitting up
:x: time do you wake up =7.15 school days,sat-whenever,sun-6.15
:x: reminds you of your past = laughter,my thoughts,music,photos,seeing people......
:x: makes you think = phrases,thing that are writen,loads a stuff,especialy music
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: funny = hell yeah!!
:x: friendly = thats me!!
:x: amusing = Damn straight
:x: lovable = *big eyes*me?im loveable!
:x: caring = cirtainly*cant spell*
:x: sweet = of course
:x: dorky = yup
:x: ditzy = why not
:x: smart = arse?yep, thats me!
:x: understanding = yes
:x: entertaining= to thoes that know me

the cave,vamped up version


As Fayt stood cautiously outside of the monstrous cavern, a soul shattering crash of thunder jolted through his stocky body. Fayt was nervously debating whether to go inside, but it was of the utmost importance that he did. His long, red, leather coat billowed out behind him as he stalked off silently, striding and making immense footprints with his zip up boots.
  Fayt was a pale 16-year-old with red, sloping, sticky out hair that moved in sink with his every footstep. He had blazing red eyes, due to the contacts he wore. He always had his trade mark long coat with wings on the back, purely because it looked cool .he wore a large black T-shirt which read ‘ladies and gentle men, welcome to hell…’in white block capitals. He also wore two studded belts, one to hold up his black trousers, the other sloping down. On his hands he wore black finger less gloves and on his left wrist a black and white bandanna.
  A boisterous storm approached slowly but surely like a second night-time descending. The deathly storm started to rage viciously and violently around Fayt’s body like a whirlpool that had risen from the depths of the sea in order to sweeps him away. Fayt started to shuffle slowly into the 'O' of the cave that looked like a warped mouth crying out in pain. As he strode past the rocks, his mind started to play tricks on him, so that the stalagmites and stalagtights were over sized swords, ready to strike him down in an instant. It was then that he started to feel a spine chilling, unnatural coldness sweep over him, like a wave of arctic water, crashing over him, it was as if a mound of snow was crushing his slender body without any escape. The glistening tide majestically glided towards him and it started force him back like he was a magnet being repelled by the negatively charged sea, and he was also a negative.
  Fayt was forced to walk on stealthily as if he was a shadow in the mist. As he crept slowly into the vast cave, he started to sense that there was no way of going back.
  Suddenly he heard a mysterious screech that was screaming/wailing but also sounded lost and melancholy and it seemed like it was hurtling right at him. His head started to pound relentlessly and his eardrums started to throb without any remorse. it was like watching a really old horror movie where the woman was always killed. It was at this point; Fayt had started to freeze up due to the coldness.  
  By now the startlingly intimidating sound seemed to be right in front of Him, breathing its decayed and putrid breath on his chilled face as if it was a ghost or a zombie about to posses him. But Fayt still remained calm. Now the screaming had stopped, and started to growl instead, it sounded as if it was an over sized, rabid dog, barking maliciously at intruders, but someone, or some thing, had his mothers amulet, and Fayt was not going to let them get away with it.
  All he had seen was a flash of green, that he had seen somewhere seen before, it seemed to have moved at inhumanly fast speeds.
  He started to strut round the creature by now, it was a dog, but not a normal one. Its face was glistening in a blue substance, and seemed to be leaning over something green, holding a red amulet suspended on a silver chain.
  ‘So, you’re the one that took my amulet, or rather, you killed the thing that did’ Fayt said in his cocky kind of way. The dog growled at this remark.
  It stalked up to him and breathed its putrid stench all over Fayt. Its teeth bared, almost into a grin. It looked like it wanted to fight, which you would have thought was odd for a dog, but not this one, this was a devil dog, evil of the purest form, skin hanging off it, flesh singed, maggot infested, you could see the hatred in its eyes.
‘So you wanna fight, ok then, how about I take you for a walk? Come on puppy lets go!’

my head is getting more nd more fucked up as the days go by.i dont have a clue whats happening between raz and poynor. im lost in the confusion....usualy me in the middle of it though.its always me that has to subdue them and tell them to shut the fuck up literaly.poynor wont be called poynor soon as well.it will have to be matty...bless him...im a stupid child. im oblivious to whats happening around me.

moofmoofmoofmoofmoof,im a strange child,thought that id alert you to that knowlege

im feeling better to day,raz appologized for yesterday,but now i have a cold.its a bit smish.cant be arsed to type.i love poynor this much.........
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thought that id share that with you

i love my mates this much
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and no,im not gay
im in love with poynor,but i love my friends

I see:sorrow,guilt,hatred and jelousy in people's eyes
I need: the love of those around me
I find: that each day i love poynor more and more
I want: to cry,and keep him for ever
I have: a dream to live with him
I wish: for my friends to get along with poynor
I love: poynor
I hate: arguments between the people i love
I miss: my heart
I fear: death of poynor,or not having him around ever again
I feel: sorrow and happiness
I hear: thunderstorms inside my mind
I smell: his sent
I crave: his love
I search: for harmony between my friends
I hurt: When i cant see him
I cry: when argumens occur between me,poynor and raz
I hope: for long lasting relationships with every one i know
I feel alone: when he's not here
I waste: my breath on thoes that dont hear my cries
I talk: when i need to,to stop arguments
I break: the more poynor and raz fall apart
I watch: my friends shatter me
I remember: when poynor and raz were friends and didnt argue
I sleep with: a dream of him laying next to me
I hide: from my emotions
I drive: to stay united
I burn: when i see things i dont like
I breathe: before the plunge
I know: that things will get better and that i eternaly love him
I dream: to have him beside me at night
I await: the day when we can live together
I live: to forfill my dreams and to make them reality
I die: when he does
I wonder: if the rift will heal
I regret: arguing with my closest friends

i hope we all arnt falling apart.we were all so close once upon a time. it was always me,soph,raz and poynor.now we are devided.i dont like it. i feel on my own.the only person who understands me is poynor....i love him.poynor and raz are forever having a go at each other and that upsets me.on sat,i burst out crying in a library,because i had to chose between my friend of boyfriend.raz said she would make an effort,that lasted until today.she yelled at him for no reason.he works, so when he finishes work, he starts being a tad immature,and apparently,she doesnt like it.he makes a hell of an effort with her,but now, i dont think they want to be friends,and it is ripping me from the inside out.im torn in two,and i dont know what to do.im so confused...

im crying.....my tears are dreanching me...i love him soooo much........but i seem to upset every one round me.my friend raz is pissed at me,she always yells at poynor and i hate it,i dont want to lose here. i dont know whats wrong with her.and i seem to upset him all the time......but i love him.he said to me today thet he thinks it wont last,he just rang me,he realy does think that im too good for him,but im not,if anything,its the other way round.iv given soo many thing up for him,because i love him and i wanted to.i dont want to loose him.he means sooooooooo much too me.if i didnt have him,i would be non existant.i want to make things right between every one,i need to heal the rift,or it will widen,and never be able to be repaired. im so happy around him.unles i feel bad about something,the i push him out,but i dont mean to. i want him soo bad,i want my friends to be o.k with it.maby if i spent more time with them,and less time with poynor,then...........but i want to spend all my time with him......i love him......

I love him.......

heheh!!!school was fun to day,but i miss poynor!!!!!nooooooooo!!!!but i can c him tomorow!!!!and on sat my oldies are going out,so i wonder what we will be doing *wink,wink*!!! heheheheh!!! i love him!!!!

tast the blood

The flinch in your eye calls your bluff
Feel free to die when you've had enough
Useless cause is breaking your back
Your life will end when you attack

Make your move
Make your stand
Make the win
Ha, like you can

See the war
See me rule
See the mirror
You'll see a fool

To take me out you must fight like a man
You've yet to prove that you can
You've yet to prove me that you can
I see your might and it compares to something
That is if something is nothing

Time to figure
Time to sin
Your time is done
When you * begin

Live for suffer
Live for revenge
Now your life
Comes to an end

Taste the blood
Taste your fate
Swallow your pride
With your hate

Your last breathe
your last stance
The last of all
In your command

Knee in the blood with your crying pleas
Wade in your sorrow, bathe in your fear
Clear the mind from righteousness suffer
Witness the moment of your failures prosper

the devils cry-devil may cry3

Steel a soul for a second chance
But you will never become a man
My chosen torture makes me stronger
In a life that craves the hunger
A Freedom and a quest for life
Until the end * the judgment night

Stepping forth a cure for soul's demise
Reap the tears of the victim’s cries
Yearning more to hear the suffer of a
Of a demon as I put it under

Killed before a time to kill them all
Passed down the righteous law
Serve a justice that dwells in me
Lifeless corpse as far as the eye can see

The eye can see
The eye can see
The eye can see

(Clean voice lyrics)

We are falling
The light is calling
Tears inside me
Coming me down

Bless me with the
Leaf off of the tree
On it I see
The freedom reign

We are falling
The light is calling
Tears inside
Calm me down

Midnight calling
Mist of resolving
Crown me, with the
Pure green leaf

Bless me with the
Leaf off of the tree
On it I see
The freedom reign

Praise to my father
Blessed by the water
Black night, dark sky
The devil’s cry

(Shawn Mcpherson voice over clean voice lyrics)

The power's proven to end the madness
Upon I take it to end the savage
The rays of light a truth of meaning
To my father the blood is pleading

A justice rage for all to feel
With innocent cries and hatred squeals
The gore of evil seems to satisfy
When slain an maimed and pacified

My chosen torture makes me stronger
In a life that craves the hunger
A Freedom and a quest for life
Until the end the judgment night

Watch the footsteps but never follow
If you want to live tomorrow
Steel a soul for a second chance
But you will never become a man