the only thing worse than being close to someone, watching their pain, is knowing they're hurting and not being there.

Everywhere
by Yellowcard

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
'Cause when I look you're, you're never there
But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere
You're everywhere

Tell me how I got this far
Tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
You might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
There never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
You're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
It's you I breathe
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?


it's a nice song. i've had it on my mind for many days now. funny how fast it disapeared

edwin mccain
i could not ask for more

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Chorus
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Chorus

I could not ask for more than the love you give me 'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more

wow... ok, so i keep on changing all the time, till i've gotten all of me back together... deal with it... i can't help it.
i have now goteen my meidicine, so my mood should be more stabil in a few weeks... till then i'm mostly gonna be really sleepy... don't expect me to remember too much, in other words...:P

I hate not having you close.
i hate not talking to you.
i hate that i don't know anything about your life at the moment.
i hate that i need it all to happen right now.
i hate that i'm so afraid you're gonna understand how much better than me you could do, and then leave me.
i hate that i can't like things the way they are right now.
i hate the pain of missing you this much.
i hate that you make me feel bad about who i am, and have been the past two months.
i hate that i can't tell you about it.
i hate than you can't help me deal with it.
i hate that i can't see you every day.
i hate that we can't talk ever day.
i hate that you're so far away.
i hate that i need you so damned much, but i haven't told you yet.
i hate that i don't get to tell you i love you as often as i'd like.
i hate that i've doubted you.
i hate that i've been jalous.
i hate all the wrong stuff i've done to you.
i hate that i don't know where you are or what you're up to.
i hate that i can't help you if you need it.
i hate that i can't be there for you.
i hate that i get so angry at you.
i hate that i need to yell at you so bad.
i hate that i can't yell at you because you're not here.
i hate that i can't call you.
i hate that i've never even heard your voice.
i hate that i've never seen you in real life.
i hate that you can't be here to hold me when i cry.
i hate that you can't help me.
i hate that you don't answer me.
i hate that i start crying every time i read through some of the messages you've sent me.
i hate that i miss you so much.
i hate that i'm starting to loose faith.
i hate that i'm starting to loose hope.
i hate that i'm starting to doubt love again.
i hate that i start crying when i think about you, just because i'm so scared of not knowing what's going on.
i hate that i'm not abel to tell you any of this.
i hate that you might not know all of this.
i hate that i love you this much.
and i hate that i in some way don't mind any of the pain it's causing me, because you're worth it.
but i can't hate you.

this is just painful. they've got to give me that medicine as soon as posible now, or i'm gonna break down again. i can't do this! i don't wanna go back to that hospital, and i don't wanna be embarest of who i am right now. i wish it didn't hav to be like this. three weeks is more than i can take right now. four would be even worse. i can't do anything. and i don't wanna cry. but it happens all the time. one day of sleeping isn't enough rest. one night with no nightmores isn't enough. one message every month won't do it. right now love and hate is too close to each other. it can't keep on like this. so why do i know i'll fogive him at once if he send me one before it's too late? when is too late? this friday? next month? after the summer? i don't know anymore. all i know is how much it hurts. i wish it would go away.

The Fish

The fish cried
It had a broken heart
No one can live with a broken heart
The fish dies

When the fish is dead
they cut it into pieces,
wash it,
out it into bags
and put it on ice
till they know
how they're gonna eat it

if they're gonna frie or boil it
depending on what
they feel like eating

wonder why i don't like eating fish?

it's dead

I wonder what was it's story
what problems he had faced
other than the one who was to be his doom
How did he live?
and where?
all we know about him is what kind of fish he is
how he died
and how he tastes

how does it feel
to kill?
did he taste good?
do you think i taste good?
wanna kill me to find out?
no?
then why did you do it to him?
why are me and him so different?
cause you know me?
cause i'm like you?
if you can kill me
others can kill you
and you don't want that

well,
he was like me
or rather
i was like him
are you gonna make me eat him
would you like it
if others
made you eat me?