[MyWings]'s diary

859735  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-10-04
Written: (6436 days ago)

ok, so dreams are scary, most of the time. you can't control them, and they come from inside of you. if you remember some of it, you can yourself, or with help from others, find out what it means. some are easy to understand, and some are harder. they come from you! thoughts you've been thinking, things you don't want to think about, fears, old memories.
tonight was the third time in five nights i've had some of the same thing in my dreams. it suddenly apears, hasn't got anything to do with any of the other stuff i've been dreaming, and it's easy to understand it. most of it doesn't suprise me at all, but the end of it is really starting to trouble me. my dreams is about something i really want. more than anything right now. and since i'm thinking so much about it there's no wonder why i'm dreaming about it at night too. but when i end the dreams myself by thinking "this isn't real. it's just a dream. stop htinking like this..." every time, that scares me. i'm afraid some part of my head is trying to keep me from getting hurt...by myself or what i'm dreaming of. like i'm not supose to get my hopes up. i know it's just a dream, but i don't like that fact that my dream may be telling me what i'm thinking. cause when i look at it it's true i'm telling myself to not get my hopes up, often. i hope my dreams'll be wrong soon.

858543  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-10-01
Written: (6438 days ago)

Nightmares about shadows

I see you
In so many ways
Lost
You're there, but so far away
I want to ask you to stay, but I can't
‘Cause you can't hear a word I'm saying
Still, I want to tell you
It feels like I'm drowning
I know how I want to die
But I'm not dead
And I'm not dieing
It just feels like I am
‘Cause you're lost
I can't find you
Everything is darkness
I want to fall, but I can't
I stay were I am
Can't move at all
Just watch
Watch you move even further away
You are about to disappear totally

I scream
Cry
There's nothing anyone can do
I feel like I’ve lost you completely

My own scream wakes me up
I'm crying harder than ever before
‘Cause I feel like I‘ve lost
Lost you
And life

But after a while I get a bit calmer
And I lie there the rest of the night, thinking.
As long as you live in me you're not gone
Not totally
And if I tell other people, you'll live in them too.

That’s love
Love is to live without necessarily being alive
Love is to love someone so much you won't ever let them die
Why can't you see that?
I'm not letting you go
I'm not letting you get lost
I won't loose you
I love you too much

856910  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-09-26
Written: (6443 days ago)

The Used
It's hard to say

The singer finished singing and she's walking out
The singer sheds a tear, her fear of falling out
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

My worries weigh the world, how I used to be
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before
Worse than a fear it's the knife
But it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, I'm not the same
It's hard to say (God, it's hard to say)
Since you've been gone,
I'm not the same

856200  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-09-24
Written: (6445 days ago)

[Got this one on Myspace. Thought it'd be fun to post it here as well.]

Sex

1. Would you be in control?

2. Would you let me pull your hair?

3. Would you whisper in my ear?

4. Would you talk dirty to me?

5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?

6. Would you say my name?

7. Would you go down on me?

8. Would you let me give you a hickie?

9. How many rounds would we go?

10. What would you wanna do afterwards?

11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?

12. Would you lick and bite me all over?

13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?

14. Would you want me to take my time?

15. How freaky are you, 1 - 10?

16. Would you want me to go fast or slow?

17. Where would you wanna "do it"?

18. Would you be loud or quiet?

19. Would you mind if i liked you?

20. Would you do it today?

21. Would you do it tomorrow?

22. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you?

854577  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-09-19
Written: (6450 days ago)
Next in thread: 854586

wanna know why i cut? because it takes away the pain
wanna know why i don't wanna eat? i hate throwing up
wanna know why i wanna die a few times a day? because i wanna die a few times a day

852143  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-09-13
Written: (6457 days ago)

The Day We Died

I died in your arms
You cried
I saw your tears
I know you said my name
You screamed it over and over
I heard it all

I heard what you wispered in my ear
And it would have made me cry
If I hadn't already been dead
What's the point in crying
When you'll never know?
I wish I could have said it back

when I slowly turned cold
You tried to make me warmer
When my eyes stared without seing anymore
You closed them
When my hand fell to the ground
You picked it up and held it in yours
When my lips never closed
You kissed them one last time

They said there was nothing more you could do
You yelled they couldn't take me away from you
Not this time, you cried
Then you decided to follow me
I could see it in your eyes
You wouldn't let me leave without you

When I slowly turned cold
You tried to make me warmer
When my eyes stared without seing anymore
You closed them
When my hand fell to the ground
You picked it up and held it in yours
When my lips never closed
You kissed them one last time

You came after me
And I got to say back
What you said to me
That I will always love you
And we'll always be together
I'll always be with you


It never stops
There is never really an ending
Not even for you and me
We'll be walking down this road forever
Together for the rest of the eternity

842033  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-08-21
Written: (6479 days ago)

*Gathering Info*
all the info i've gathered here comes from pages on the internet... I need to keep it here to read it later, and since it kinda does affect my friends i just though i wouldn't hide it...

Bipolar disorder is a serious medical illness that can affect a person's ability to feel a normal range of moods. People with bipolar disorder have mood swings that can range from very low (depression) to very high (mania).

Bipolar disorder is also known as manic depression. The word "bipolar" is now used because the disorder is made up of two poles, or extremes.

For example, picture a globe. The North Pole would be mania, and the South Pole would be depression. Every time a person experiences symptoms of one pole for a specific period of time, it is called an episode.

They should talk with their healthcare providers about these episodes.

Types of Episodes

According to the American Psychiatric Association, bipolar disorder includes the following four types of mood episodes:
Depression - People with bipolar disorder can feel very sad, sometimes for long periods of time. They may not even want to get out of bed or eat. They don't enjoy doing things they used to do.
Mania - Mania is the other side of bipolar disorder. Mania may start with a good feeling, almost like a "high." Or it may make a person feel very irritable and angry. People with mania may do very risky things.
Hypomania - Hypomania is a milder form of mania. A person may feel good and may think that he or she is getting more things done. But the "feel good" stage can change into full-blown mania or depression.
Mixed mood - Feelings of mania and depression can also go back and forth in the same day. This is called a mixed episode.
With all types of episodes, patients are at risk for suicide.

Experiencing four or more episodes of mania and/or depression in a year is called rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder

Mania Symptoms:
Increased energy level
Less need for sleep
Racing thoughts or mind jumps around
Easily distracted
More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking
More self-confident than usual
Focused on getting things done, but often completing little
Risky or unusual activities to the extreme, even if it’s likely bad things will happen
Depression Symptoms:
Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
Loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, including sex
Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
Sleeping too little or too much
Changes in weight or appetite
Feeling tired or having little or no energy
Feeling restless
Problems concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide
Bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness. But today there are many treatments for people with bipolar disorder. People with bipolar disorder should ask their healthcare providers how to best stabilize their moods and work with their healthcare providers to find what is best for them.







Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnostic category describing a class of mood disorders in which the person experiences depression and/or mania, hypomania, and/or mixed states. There are classes of Bipolar Disorder' Bipolar I & Bipolar II. Left untreated, it can be a disabling condition. The difference between bipolar disorder and unipolar disorder (also called major depression) — is bipolar disorder involves elevated mood states and might also involve depressive mood states. The duration and intensity of mood states varies widely among people with the illness. Fluctuating from one mood state to the next is called "cycling". Mood swings can cause impairment or improved functioning depending on their severity. There can be changes in one's energy level, sleep pattern, activity level, social rhythms and cognitive functioning. During these times, some people may have difficulty functioning.





(It amkes a lot more sense now, a while afterwards...)

Some people with bipolar disorder become suicidal. Anyone who is thinking about committing suicide needs immediate attention, preferably from a mental health professional or a physician. Anyone who talks about suicide should be taken seriously. Risk for suicide appears to be higher earlier in the course of the illness. Therefore, recognizing bipolar disorder early and learning how best to manage it may decrease the risk of death by suicide.

Signs and symptoms that may accompany suicidal feelings include:

talking about feeling suicidal or wanting to die
feeling hopeless, that nothing will ever change or get better
feeling helpless, that nothing one does makes any difference
feeling like a burden to family and friends
abusing alcohol or drugs
putting affairs in order (e.g., organizing finances or giving away possessions to prepare for one's death)
writing a suicide note
putting oneself in harm's way, or in situations where there is a danger of being killed
If you are feeling suicidal or know someone who is:
call a doctor, emergency room, or 911 right away to get immediate help
make sure you, or the suicidal person, are not left alone
make sure that access is prevented to large amounts of medication, weapons, or other items that could be used for self-harm
While some suicide attempts are carefully planned over time, others are impulsive acts that have not been well thought out; thus, the final point in the box above may be a valuable long-term strategy for people with bipolar disorder. Either way, it is important to understand that suicidal feelings and actions are symptoms of an illness that can be treated. With proper treatment, suicidal feelings can be overcome.




The classic form of the illness, which involves recurrent episodes of mania and depression, is called bipolar I disorder. Some people, however, never develop severe mania but instead experience milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with depression; this form of the illness is called bipolar II disorder. When four or more episodes of illness occur within a 12-month period, a person is said to have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. Some people experience multiple episodes within a single week, or even within a single day. Rapid cycling tends to develop later in the course of illness and is more common among women than among men.
838470  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-08-14
Written: (6487 days ago)

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS LYRICS

"Move Along"

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[elftown is my life]

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
[fade out]

 The logged in version 

News about Elftown
Help - How does Elftown work?
Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elftown!
 
Elftown – the social site made for fans of scifi and fantasy

Visit our facebook page