If My Life Was Like An Online Diary
I'd Delete All The Entries

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mummy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.
When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight.
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
MURDERED ME.

Its Like you dont even care anymore
And if you do...
Prove it.
Or I'm gone.
You've pushed me to the edge and once I fall I wont come back up.
Decide.

Why cant the past be put behind us?
And why wont you just tell me you love me..
That you'll never let me go?
But it wont happen...
Because you let go too soon...

I'm so in love with you...

</3

...I'm trying to keep myself... occupied... =(

[10 questions. This can be quite intresting.
Pick a band/artist and answer only using that band's/artist's song titles (its harder than you think)...
Chosen Band or Artist: Eminem

1. Are you male or female?: Bitch Please
2. Describe yourself: The Way I am
3. How do some people feel about you?: Bad Meets Evil
4. How do you feel about yourself?: My Fault
5. Describe your family?: Backstabber
6. Where would you rather be?: Rock Bottom
7. Describe what you want to be: Infinate
8. Describe how you live: '97 Bonnie And Clyde
9. Describe how you love: Crazy In Love
10. Describe what you hate: White America]

Damn that took forever. lol

Name 10 friends
1. Mary
2. Weezy F Baby
3. Steven
4. David
5. Frank
6. Janice
7. Lil Vic
8. Sean
9. Joey
10. Daniel

Have you ever kissed number 7? Probably would have if he wasn't gay :-P
Has number 3 ever dated number 9? No, tthats hard when one is straigh and one... isn't
Does number 6 wear too much makeup? She has been lately
Would you ever date number 2? Weezy? HAH!
Are numbers 4 and 5 best friends? They dont even know each other
What is number 1's phone number? 1-800-YOU WISH
Is number 8 hot? Eh... I guess...
What about number 10? Only because he looks juts like Cody
Does number 2 have a good sense of style? haha, Weezy is the fizzle when it comes to style
What’s number 5's screen name? [w00kie:)]
What is number 3's favorite food? Anything Mexican.. Definately
Number 8s??? He's more than good with anything... He likes ANY food as long as he has some
Why are you friends with number 1? She's the best friend ever... One of the longest friends too
Don’t you just LOVE number 7? Sure =P~ He's a lot of fun
Would you ever move in with number 10? Lol, I dunno... Its not likely...
Number 4 = hot stuff, right? For a white boy, I guess he is kind of cute =)
What kind of shoes does number nine wear? Probably like Vans or something like that
Wold you ever make out with number 6? I think not.

Wow... That was fun.

She Said:Lie To Me
He Said:I Love You.

</3

...You've left me at a standing opposition.. One that kills me in every way, And you left me wishing I had never said yes to you. Left me wishing I could do something right for once, because I know - in all reality - I never will.

I guess things fizzle out after a while. I felt a huge distance between us, which i know is my fault because I rejected your feelings. I felt this coming but it hurts really bad. Inside I've been screaming for your attention. I've been dying for you to just get so romantic with me. But something in you resists it... And I feel like... you dont know what I want... And you dont understand. I wish that things between us would somwhow just fall into place, and we could be happy for forever. But as many things in life, nothing lasts forever.

The past 9 months of my life have been the only ones that mattered since April 10th of 2004. There wasn't a day before April 18th of 2005 that I hadn't wanted to just give up. And even though you havent replaced that feeling of that part of me missing, You have healed my heart in a sense that has made me so happy. Even when you made me cry, it felt better to cry over you than it did over everything else. Because I knew you'd always make me smile in the end.

But now, I dont believe you'll be back. You've done well at surprising me before, but I think you and I both know that the fire has burnt out for now. I tremble at the thought of the reason you're gone, but I cant help it. You always tell me to do what I want.. And now that I have, I dont want it anymore... I only wanted you to understand... And you wanted to fight... Why do you insist on breaking my heart like this?

*Sighs*

I feel empty.

Everyone is asking me how I feel about this whole situation. And honestly, its not that I want to die. I just wish I had been born retarded and funny-looking. Because I know guys would be so shallow that they would have never came near me and I would have never found out what heartbreak was. Nor love. I wish I had been the unlucky girl with the insanity and the horribly ugly face... The one you see in the hallway and think "Wow... she's creepy"... I honestly wish I was her... Because I'd give anything to take my experiences with love back to where they never happened.

I'm out of the things I feel. I have nothing else to say.

I'm your fool.

4-18-05

What does it mean now?

~LeLe

...How Could You Just Walk Out The Door?
...How Could You Not Love Me Anymore?
I thought we had forever...
I cant understand..

...WHy wont you love me?

Mmmmkay...

I have a lot on my mind... And my heart is racing at a million miles per hour... I'm so antsy and freaked out and shaking..
I dont exactly know how I should act... Or feel... Considering everything is a huge mess right now.. God is really fuckign with my mind and I totally dont know how to react with all of this.
What have I done wrong? How should I get out of this without hurting me or the ones I love?
I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just want the truth to be revealed without hurting anyone.
Ugh.
*Sighs*
Out.

I dont know what the fuck I just did.
But I regret it
I was wrong
So fucking wrong damnit.
FuCk.

Mary - What came first... The chicken or the egg?

My Answer - The Egg

---I'm Scared Of Walking Out Of This Room, And Never Feeling The Rest Of My Whole Life, The Way I feel When I'm With You...---

Okay... Everyone has been asking me a bunch of dumb questions... Mainly my friends... And I am here to answer them!

Jacy- Why do you act all deep feeling online but are a total dumbass in person?

My Answer - I use the internet diaries and stuff to get otu what is going through my mind. I am a completely diffeent person on the inside. I think extremely different and have my own opinions. I'm more of a person than you think.

Others have asked me questions too... I just dont have time to put them in here.. Later!

<3
~Lita

http://www.bolt.com/profile/aboutme/index.jsp?memberName=Lilmija8723

Dash



I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on his tombstone,
From the beginning...to the end.


He noted that first came His date of birth And spoke the following date with tears,But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
(1986-2005)
For that dash represents all the time
That he spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved him
Know what that little line is worth.



For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile.
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

what would you do if:
[1) I committed suicide:]
[2) I said I liked you:]
[3) I kissed you:]
[4) I lived next door to you:]
[5) I started smoking:]
[6) I stole something:]
[7) I was hospitalized:]
[8) I ran away from home:]
[9) I got into a fight and you weren't there]
what do you think of my:
[1) Personality:]
[2) Eyes:]
[3) Face:]
[4) Hair:]
[5) Clothes:]
[6) Mannerisms:]
general stuff:
[1) Who are you?]
[2) Are we friends?]
[3) When and how did we meet?]
[4) How have I affected you?]
[5) What do you think of me?]
[6) What's the fondest memory you have of me?]
[7) How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?]
[8) Do you love me?]
[9) Have I ever hurt you?]
[10) Would you hug me?]
[11) Would you kiss me?]
[12) Would you make love to me?]
[13) Would you marry me?]
[14) Emotionally, what stands out?]
[15) Do you wish I was cooler?]
[16) On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?]
[17) Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ]
[18) Am I loveable?]
[19) How long have you known me?]
[20) Describe me in one word.]
[21) What was your first impression? ]
[22) Do you still think that way about me now?]
[23) What do you think my weakness is?]
[24) Do you think I'll get married?]
[25) What about me makes you happy?]
[26) What about me makes you sad?]
[27) What reminds you of me?]
[28) What's something you would change about me? ]
[29) How well do you know me? ]
[30) Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? ]
[31) Do you think I would kill someone? ]
[32) Are we close?]

Hey everyone -

I know its been forever... I have nothing to really say. But I DO, however have to say that everything is over and I'm completely screwed. I'm such and idiot for believing dreams came true. This goes to a certain someone...:

If you had the intention of ruining everything I stand for, you damn well succeeded. Because of you, I'll never love anyone again. I dont believe in love anymore. I dont even believe I have a heart. It doesn't exist. So thanks for the moment of pleasure and pretending that you loved me. The only problem is that I believed it was for real. I'm a fool. And because of you, I now know how to be more careful. Goodbye forever.

Damn baby
Just don't understand where we went wrong
I gave you my heart
I gave you my soul
I gave you...

As a matter of fact I was the one who said I love you first
It was about eight years ago, don't act like you don't know
We were sittin' at home in your mama's livin' room
Cause, we couldn't be alone
See your mama knew I was something else, she knew how I felt
Back then we were in school; and that's your favourite excuse
Growin' up I was a fool; and I can't lie I'm missing you
Listen and don't trip
I think I need a bottle with a genie in it
Here's my wish list

First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all up
Third one, but I don’t need a lot of wishes cause I’ll be okay if I get one

If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I’d make you my whole life
And you’d be my wife, make it right this time

If I had one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish

Now tell me is this the only way I can get you right back in
If so then searchin' I’ll go, then I can have you for sho
Then you’ll be loving me, holding me, kissing me
So girl don’t tell me what I’m feeling is make believe
I swear if I lose a second chance with you
I wouldn’t know what to do
I’d probably check myself into some kind of clinic
I couldn’t be alone because without you I’m sick
Here’s my wish list

First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all up
Third one, but I don’t need a lot of wishes cause I’ll be okay if I get one

If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I’d make you my whole life
And you’d be my wife, make it right this time
If I had one wish

I don’t even know how we ended upon this road
And, even though we are grown, Girl I just want you to know

If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I’d make you my whole life
And you’d be my wife, make it right this time

My Outer sanity has disappeared.
My inner sanity has expired

I am nothing but a mindless chaotic.

Thank you.