OH Shit welcome to the rave Party 5 I believe. My buddies new girl says hey Party 1look over here. So of Party 1 obeys because Party1 is very kind and sub servant with a matter of control everywhere. So the buddies girl says hey check Party5. enter new problem, this is turning to to be like a bad physics quiz, every time you think you got it figured out the professor says “O and you can’t use this resistance because its not true for the system.”  And all you can do is hold back the FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK That you really want to scream out to try to relieve some of the pressure, but no you must remain your composure and stay poised for every one because you are the rock that they all come to for answers. So you just hunch back over your paper and try to find some other way aroubd the circuit before you give up and bullshit your way through it and hope that in your drunk like writing and reasoning that the correct procedure pops out at you and bitch slaps you in the face and yells” YOU FUCKING IDIOT DO THIS”. PLEASE LITTLE VOICE WHERE ARE YOU, I NEED A BITCH SLAP RIGHT ABOUT NOW.(Party 4?)

BBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This one won't be long.

first i love lime wire and wireless internet, gotten so many freaking songs from this combo its not funny, and i ain't stopping till they catch me and fine my ass some serious money or something er other.

second, i wanted to spinning heel kick myself in the face last night, i had the perfect, well not perfect but close as i've come in a couple weeks to letting out all this angst i have pent up for this one little person that has been shreding my thought in the proverbial ponder blender. All i had to do is say hey"blah blah blah"(actually statement on need to know basis-one other really knows) and then all i would have to do is sit back and be paranoid of the answer, but at least it would be out in the open and then it would be up to Party 3. but no i sat there and watched 3 go off into the didtance of space as i just wanted to scream "COME BACK". NOW ITS SAFLY TUCKED BACK AWAY IN THE DEOTHES OF MINE INNER MOST REACHES OF THYN THOUGHTS, KICKING ME IN THE ASS.

well thanks for reading, later 

Static-X rules
Ok dairy installment number 2.:

K so I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Party 2 and Party 3, deciding , or trying to decide which conflict is a better idea to resolve cause well like I said ne or the other, or neither. 

Party 2 I feel doen’t feel they way I originally thought, I think that it wa just me hoping for the best like I do way to much. You see its not that I hope for the best and am always shot down, its just I think WAY TOO MUCH an I end up building and building on my hopes and until they are n longer truly feasible in reality and it would actually never happen the way im imagining it: unless I get lucky and get a 1 in 5 billion chance against the fabric of the cosmos. So you see party 2 may just be one of those 1 in , well not 5 billion, but more like 1 in a couple hundred, its just to good to hope for unfortunately, which sucks cause well I still really want Party 2 to work out.

Then again there is party 3. in a bad predicament and being longed for be party1. and there is a party 4, this party is more like an informant/not truly connected to the problem and not really connected to the evectual out come, jus a friendly bystander that helps me out with trying ti figure out my thoughts, not an esy job. But back to it, Party 4 really shares my views about the circumstances surrounding Party 3/3.5 and hopes along with party1 for the favorable outcome. Party 4 actually seems really wanting party1 to come out on top. Who knows how this will all turn out, not you and not me, all we can do is wait and see, maybe it turn out for 3 or will 2recieve the treat.

K so I was writing this but elftown fucked me over so here’s round 2.

So I’m going to start writing in here to vent my frustrations because I used to use sports but now in college I don’t have a regular sport to vent.

I will probably be changing names and facts to protect identities and stuff I want to keep stightly unknown at the moment so here it goes, day 1.

So Friday I got the dankest fortune ever from China King, it read “Seek out the significance in your problem at this time. Try to understand.”

WHAT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, THIS DOESN’T HELP AT ALL, IT HURTS EVEN MORE.

So I was thinking about it Friday night and I had thought that I had figured out my problem and found at least some solution. I was going to make sure it was for a good reason and if not I was going to try to get the old goodness back to action, that is if party 2 felt the same. Unfortunately I don’t think Party 2 feels this and well I wish party 2 felt this.

Well all figured out right, FUCKING WRONG, this is a step 2 to the fucked world that some reference as Kerm’s logic. Introduce Party 3.

Party 3 is all fucked up in their present predicament, and sometimes party1 feels like they are the only way party3 can finally struggle out of their quagmire and onto stable ground, the problem with this resolution is Party3.5, the counterpart to Party3. 3.5 is dragging 3 down to economic and social zero but 3 is blinded by their veil of companionship that has been treatied with 3.5. can I just tart a war and have a hostle takeover, I do believe that I have the greater military power here. No for you see I too have a treaty of sorts with 3.5, and even though I wish that they would uninhabit the land of 3 I truly can’t do anything to directly influence the decision of 3.

So there lay my problems, yes 2 not one, both fucked up in nature and unfortunately the can not be resolved together, one or the other is the only way, or neither but I do try to stay on the optimistic side of life.

I shall continue to ponder these life questions in the sanctity of my mind, for now that is all I truly hold my one and even it is in civil turmoil. Is nothing in my reach.?

This lovely little bit was written about me about a year ago, after my worst life screw up to date. so if you know french you know how pissed she really was. enjoy.









Je suis sûr que vous pensez que je suis cassé. Cette personne délicate que vous imaginez, écrasé aux morceaux et unmended- a utilisé, n'est pas cassé. L'amertume n'est pas une option pour moi. L'espoir est. Quand je pense de toutes les choses j'ai perdu soit-disant je me suis rendu compte j'ai gagné plus que ce que m'est parti, ou que je suis parti derrière. Un ami qui trahit, un garçon qui serait parti finalement et une leçon de vie dans la conduite. J'ai ne perd pas une déchirure pour notre amitié perdue, pour votre avenir perdu que vous tournez dans la fumée et le sexe. Je suis libre de cela- je suis plein de vie, quelque chose vrai que vous ne saurez jamais. Je suis plein d'amour & je ne suis pas vous le donnant.

"Out of the corner of my eye won't be the only way you're looking at me then..."

The Beautiful Words of [Cascading water lillies]




Silence is the word
Spill forth from fruitful lips
From a hot spring of flowing petals
You cloud the mind
Like a drug
Spill forth
Into the blood stream
You make a cold heart
Feel things they never felt
Melt a frown into a smile
You teach me to love
The way love has never explored
One's mind in love
A philosophy suspend upon a higher level
Your kiss a theory
Of melodious angels
Explode into the ears
Drown the senses
And lace the blood with intoxicating fruit
This love so devine
You must indeed be an angel
Sent to teach us to love and trust
Your skin of the palest of milk
Lips of rose petals
You are the art
I longed to paint
The art I wanted
To touch
The canvas, the philosophies built upon
Empires of old
Each taught
Of the finer art that is love
Art, philosophy and literature
The language of the gods
The necter for us, love
We learnt to sew diamonds in the sky
Just to please us
You gave us everything
You gave us your love
You gave us art


      - Ella

you know how when you get on here you com eto mainstreet and down the right side they put up the second pic of random people, well i thought i'd never see the day but not only was mine up there, but so was some one i know(Rachel). that is so wierd and i bet i never see it again

so yesterday i found out that i have shingles. Right when i heard that my heart dropped buty the Nurse seemed so light hearted about it like nothing was wrong. I don't know about you but when i think shingles i think like some 1800s VD that killed a whole bunch of people, but no all it is is the reappearance of Chicken pox. whew a sigh of releif, then she says its in the Herpes Family, and again I Freak Out. yeah i have herpes(not literally) and to make it better the medicine for it is Valtrex, thats the pure breed herpes meds as seen on t.v. and again i'm like yay. 
 My Dad says that both my grandfathers had it too, unfortunately they said it was pretty painful, but they were also a lot older than me when they got it and i think that chicken pox gets worse with age. so i got to take the herpes meds for a while and stay away from any one who either has weak imune systems such as Infants, Sickly, Anyone on Kemo(which sucks cause my friends mom is on kemo and i love her to death), or with HIV/AIDS. also i gots to keep away from anyone who hasn't had Chickenpox yet, here lies the biggest burden. It just so happens that the one person that i want to spend the most time with out of anyone right now has never had chicken pox, so i got to keep away from them, and its going to suck more than any thing else , i am pretty sure we're not gonna stay away very well and i'll end up giving them Chicken pox at an older stage which will ruin their plans right now, plus our plans for this holiday break. 



i really hate Shingles