[Windborne]'s diary

110417  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-12-08
Written: (7658 days ago)

I found this site *by clicking a link on [Furr] 's elftown house and I remember doing mad libs all the time when I was little... so I couldnt resist.. all numbers and words in all caps are what I entered..



MadLib #14
24 Oct 2003

Twenty-one!

'13!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last HOBBIT before his SHOULDER. 'Now my count passes LORD Legolas again.'
'We must stop this BLUE FOOTED BOOBY-hole,' said LEGOLAS. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with MUD. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape MUD with FLASHLIGHTS, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such MICROSCOPICALLY HUGE PENCIL and broken MUD as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, LEGOLAS, let us see how things go on the PICKLE!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside GIMLI and HALDIR. The elf was whetting his SEXY HIGHLIGHTER. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'69!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 500,000. It has been GAMEBOY-work up here.'

Here's another..





MadLib #13
29 September 2002

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the BESTEST GAURD of old Gondor, nor the most savage FAIRY entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set DOOR to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing EYES beneath her and LOOKED backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's NOSE, his senses reeling in the SEXY stench, his 80 TOES still gripping the PLASTIC of the DISK. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's ARM PIT and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to JUMP himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her CHIN drabbling a spittle of venom, and a HIGHLIGHTER YELLOW PICKLE JUICE trickling from below her wounded EAR. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to BREATHE and LICK to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to PUSH and then to SHOVE.

Even as Sam himself SWAM, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his ZIPLOCK BAGGIE with his left hand, and found what he sought: HOT and MANLY and CUTE it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the SHOELACE of SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

'SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the CENTAURS as they GRINNED under the stars in the beloved shadows of the JAPAN, and the music of CENTAURS as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of INUYASHA.
105902  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-11-28
Written: (7668 days ago)

Women's personal ads and the meanings behind them!



40-ish Really means...48

Athletic Really means...Flat-chested.

Average looking Really means...Ugly.

Beautiful Really means...Pathological liar

Educated Really means...College dropout

Emotionally Secure Really means...Medicated

Feminist Really means...Fat; ball buster

Free spirit Really means...Drug user

Friendship first Really means...Trying to live down reputation as sl*t

Fun Really means...Annoying

Good Listener Really means...Borderline Autistic

New-Age Really means...All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned Really means...Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded Really means...Desperate

Outgoing Really means...Loud

Passionate Really means...Loud

Poet Really means...Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional Really means...Real Witch

Redhead Really means...Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque Really means...Grossly Fat

Romantic Really means...Looks better by candle light

Weight proportional to height Really means...Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate Really means...One step away from stalking

Widow Really means...Nagged first husband to death


*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*


Men's personal ads and the meanings behind them!


40-ish Really means...52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic Really means...Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average looking Really means...Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated Really means...Will always treat you like an idiot

Free spirit Really means...Sleeps with your sister

Friendship first Really means...As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun Really means...Good with a remote and a six pack

Good Looking Really means...Arrogant

Honest Really means...Pathological Liar

Huggable Really means...Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle Really means...Insecure, overly dependent

Mature Really means...Until you get to know him

Open-minded Really means...Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested

Physically fit Really means...I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself

Poet Really means...Has written on a bathroom stall

Spiritual Really means...Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

Stable Really means...Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Thoughtful Really means...Says "Please" when demanding a beer.
105837  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-11-28
Written: (7669 days ago)

Facts of the 1500's


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies.By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it - hence the saying "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof - hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway - hence, a "thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while - hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up - hence the custom of holding a "wake."
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