I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-viole
I am the domestic-viole
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
post this if you think homophobia is wrong!
Every breath is carefully counted,
Each minute precious,
Your thoughts are not your own,
You escape is as of yet unknown.
You won’t be the one to fall,
You’re there to help save them all,
Promises that past your lips,
Never a lie to touch it’s tip.
Can you let them all down?
Stand by and watch as they die,
Hear the thud of their lifeless bodies?
Know that their breath is gone.
Could you commit such a crime?
I don’t think you could,
I think that you would stand strong,
Even if all hope is gone.
You’d never give up,
You’d never stop,
I know you’d carry on,
You’d save them.
Wouldn’t you? Would you?
You couldn’t just walk away?
You couldn’t leave like this,
Condemn them all to the hellish pits?
Watching silent as you go,
A tear on cheek, hate in eyes,
How heartless and cold are you?
The world has lost another hero.
Gah i want to scream.. i'm not entierly sure whats up mostly stress i think but GAH!!! Okay i'm just going to have a rant becuase i'm starting to feel kinda depressed. here's how things stand: I've suddenly realised how close my exams are and i'm so scared of failing them coz there's a huge emphasis on how they change your life and all BUT i have no motivation what so ever, i'm doing so much at the moment that i have no time for revision or work that i need to do. it's half term at the moment but i'm so busy that i don't even know if i'm going to manage to finish my art for the exam on Thursday and if i don't it's potentially 40% of my grade i lose. Pressure? Just a bit!
I'm working wednesday and sunday which i LOVE but it tires me out alot and on wednesday evening i'm also babysitting. On the plus side my mum has practically agreed to buy mimi for me a small grey mare that i can break in and train up and sell for a bit of profit which would be awesome!!
I got a bunch of maths and drama to do ontop of my art and revision for some end of unit tests.. thats as well as trying to make revision notes.. it's driving me INSANE!!
Then there's the other social things that are going on, like boyfriends and stuff.. well mainly the boyfriend thing.. we've been going out two and a half months and i like him but recently he's been really kinda full on. He seems to think of this as a long term thing and i don't. I'm finding him kind of suffocating but i know that half of it is becuase i'm stressed out anyway and i don't want to break up with him but i don't think i cna talk to him about it either. Then i'm doing the whol "must push all my friends away" thing which i hate but seem to do whenever i get stressed as a defense mechanism. I feel like i'm destroying myself and i want to kind of hide away and not do anything this week. Cancel all my commitments and just run away but i know i can't. If it was up to me i'd have packed somethings and walked off into the hills to camp out for a coupple of days and think about things but thats just not practical. So instead i'm ranting (which has helped) and hoping that spending time with some friends tomorrow will help me.
Put music player on shuffle and use the song title to answer each question.. press skip after you've written the answer!
What does next year have in store for me?
Maria (o_O)
What's my love life like?
Smells like teen spirit! (xD ROFLMAO!!!)
What do I say when life gets hard?
Praise You (LMFAO!!!)
What do I think when I get up in the morning?
Stairway to heaven (okkaaay..)
What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Brown sugar
What do you want as a career?
The Formula
Your favourite saying?
Whole Lotta Rosie
Your pets name?
Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying
Favourite place?
Touch Too Much
Describe your sexlife:
FighterPatrol (I think this is some game SFX! XD)
What do you think of your parents?
Don't Give Up (!!!)
What's your Pornstar name?
Is this the way to amarillo (ZOMG!! LMAO!!)
Where would you go on a first date?
Laidback
Drug of choice?
Spirit of Radio
Describe yourself:
Above the Pyramid And the eye
What is the thing i like doing most:
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
What song best describes my school principle?
The Logical Song
What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Call Me (wow.. i'm waiting for Mel to call me back o_O)
How will I die?
Dance on a Volcano (hmm well i guess that would lead to death! xD)
This was done using my whole families playlist.. i'll redo it later using just my playlist! =D
Meh i'm sitting in the libary with nothing to do so i might as well write something here.. gah i'm frustrated.. not sure what with just in general.. i cna't wait until half term and then i'm going to go off and hike on my own.. find out whats at the end of that road i've always wondered about... xD
Yeah i'm one of those people who can only be sociable for so long and then i need some time out to assess my situation and think about things. Otherwise i end up like i am now, frustrated and annoyed with most people and fidgety!! hehe talking of which my german teacher was having a rant at me about my coursework.. apparently my attitude sucks, i'm not reaching my potential i'm not putting effort in and i shouldn't tell her that i don't want to be there and that i think a B grade is fine. GAH!! oh yeah and ontop of that parent's evening is on tuesaday.. the one day i have to lose my temper with a teacher and it's the week before my parents see her -_- should be fun.. now i'm going to have to go for damage control reasons. bah!! Oh well i'll live it's not majorly important except my parents have no idea about the coursework thing and when they find out it shall mean trouble..
Hmm what else can i rant about? I have half an hour to kill and no msn.. gah i want to talk to people.. people on msn are great to talk to about how messed up i'm feeling becuase then i don't have to deal with looking at them. Which is difficult... talking to people.. as far as i can tell it isn't really helping it's just making me realise how stupid i am and how much i've failed at pretty much everything. I wish i could just wander off right now but i can't.. hmm so instead?? I dunno i might just not plan anything for a week next saturday and go for a long rambling walk and sit on a hillside to think about stuff.. Thats another thing i'm not speaking to my brother and it's for a really stupid reason.. and i'm so close to losing it with my mum as well... >.< i hate it when i get like this.. i just want to push everyone away and more than anything i want to lose my temper and scarily i want to make myself hurt, not in the sense that i want to start cutting or anything that never helped in the past.. more i want to make everyone mad at me and i want to make myself mad at me.. i don't know why.. -_- gah issues.. anyuways i've ranted enough and none of you guys want to read any of this anyway..
toodles!
Nothing
Nothing’s ever simple,
Nothing’s ever easy.
Nothing’s ever what it seems,
Or even what it’s meant to be.
Everyone wears a mask,
Every word is a lie,
Every time I think I see,
It all comes crashing down on me.
One word means a thousand things,
But never what I want it to,
Why all these silly games?
Just to make us feel secure.
Torn paper on the wind,
Scattered words never said,
A thought remaining in my head,
A pain that I will always hide.
A mirror that lies broken,
Shards of truth in my palm,
All speaking of the same thing,
A promise never spoken.
A sad sigh on the wind,
A wish that never reached the star,
A million different things,
But none of them will take me far.
So what now?
What do we do with what’s not said?
What do we see while we are blind?
What can we speak with no voice?
Is there anything we can really change?
And do we really care?
Is it worth it in the end?
For nothing is ever truly fair.
Then there is silence,
Darkness, Emptiness,
Pain and death and madness,
A million blades wrapped in sadness.
And then the end,
After all that living, what?
Anything, nothing?
Who could ever know.
But would it be worth it?
Do we try to live because of death?
Or die because we live?
Do we strive to achieve.
Or simply try to avoid everything,
Words, pictures, sounds,
Echo’s of what we really mean,
Nothings really real.
Now? Carry on,
Why? Silence,
How? As you’ve always done,
When? Once you’ve said what you mean.
So that’s how it is?
That’s how it will always be.
And we just go on?
And on and on and on.
Forever.
Together.
As one.
Alone.
Just something that popped into my head comments would be welcomed! =D
Just a word or two to inform you all of how windy it is in Wales and Britain as a whole today. So far a tree got blown over in school and blocked the main enterance, we were banned from going outside for a while becuase some skylights and tiles blew off the school roof, the 6th form is experiancing rain INSIDE when it's not raining outside o_O and Ian has informed me that in England (i can't remember were exactly it is he lives) the roof of the maths building has blown away! xD Ahh well at least it's been interesting.. school tomorrow? maybe maybe not.. depends on whether it's safe to drive and whether the school is fit to be inhabited!
In other news.. I got my new boots yesterday and i'm going shopping loads over the next couple of weeks becuase of my birthday etc. ^_^ fun fun fuuuun! xD
hehe - one of the truest things i've seen xD and on a little side note this is my first diary entry for 1) the new year and 2) in a month! o_O I should really use this more often..
["difference between FAKE ASS friends and REAL friends]
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would ignore this
[REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it]
helloooo! went to chester today.. which was fun!! I got bullied about my height, was as stupid as i could be and went flying when i tripped over my own trousers! xD which was all very funny! ^__^ I also got ruth and my bro and mum christmas prezzies so my shopping is done! yayness! And i'm now going out with cross! ^_^ all in all a very good day!
It's [Beki in Wonderland]'s birthday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I baked her a cake and we ate most of it and felt sick.. good times good times.. ! XD yeah.. Ahh today was a good day we're going to chester on saturday so anyone who knows me and can make it there on sat is welcome to join us!! ^__^ what else? oh yeah Asti is a great drink especially when involved in several games of jenga that are being used to make important life changing decisions! xD the motto is don't let me and Beki try and decide anything important! Thats all i've got to write at the mo i cna't remember anything important AT ALL!! which is stupid but fine with me!
well today was boring >.< peh.. i was so tired i fell asleep in english and then on the bus on the way home! All becuase i get easily side tracked and can't get to sleep at a reasonable time! Ahh well i've had coffee now so i should be okay for another couple of hours while i finish Beki's cake! yay!
ahhh i forgot i had roleplays to post on >.< sorry guys i will do it in the holidays these next to weeks are going to be hectic!!
In other news i baked a cake today for [Beki in Wonderland] coz it's her birthday on thursday and she wanted me to make her a cake! It's been ages since i last baked but it was so much fun! and now our whole house smells delightful! yay! I gotta do the second layer tomorrow becuase i ran out of butter and then i get to ice it! *squee* CAKE!!
It's a marble cake. *nods* i like cake.. *nods more* appart from that nothing majorly interesting happened except i forgot to see the teachers i'm meant to be seeing >.< meh i shall remember to go during form tomorrow!
Dragonforce were amazing!! As good if not better than they were in Jan. The crowd was great too and i met a load of really cool guys who i'll proberly never see again.. ahh well!! I ended up in the All That Remains circle pit but then loads of other girls joined and it got less violent ¬.¬ . Major Luff for Fred <3 <3 (dragonforce bassist) he's french and so sweet! Bless him!! Anyways if i could ever re-live a night for the rest of my life that would be the one!! It was just too great to describe properly!
Anyways I'm shattered now, i worked all day on sunday with horses and then stayed up late doing homework (which i will have to do again tonight). Plus I'm christmas shopping on Saturday, working with the horses agian sunday and then Sunday night back to manchester for cradle which again should be pretty good although i don't think they can beat Dragonforce. Unfortunately it's school the next day nad i expect to be verging on dead! xD Ahh well it will be the last week of school and then christmas hols! yay! I'm in a christmassy mood now because our christmas tree went up last night and i got my first christmas card! ^-^ Anyways i'll stop rambling and start replying to all the messages that have built up over the weekend.
Hellooo everyone! Just a little note to inform you i may be absent for a couple of days.. well i proberly will.. no wait thats as vague as the first one.. ANYWAY! Yeah i got a dragonforce concert tomorrow night so the chances i'm on before saturday are very low and then i'm staying at my friends saturday night so again probability of replying to messages/wiki'
The second ramble in 2 days? ZOMG!! *ish shocked* meh well i guess i have alot to say and i feel i should use this diary more often rather than just storing crap in it..
First things first you may have read [Beki in Wonderland]'s diary entery about her outfit for dragonforce.. so to make her feel better about the whole situation i will be wearing the wider than it is long skirt and i will make sure i get a picture up of it for you all to laugh at.. i find it funny anyway becuase my mum bought it for me to wear to school! xD The i got told off because it was too short.. parents!
Nect topic.. i can't remember now it was something important.. meh i am now running 4 RPs! yayness i'm going to have a posting session on them over christmas becuase i'm concerting the next two weekends and there's school and homework and stuff i have to do at the moment! So if any of you are wondering why the Rps have semi-died it is only for 2 weeks while i get the end of term out of the way. For anyone thats interested we'd welcome new members for Traveller's Rest ohh and i have an EP (elfpack) site mainly becuase it's the only way to keep in contact with Dan out of school.. but meh! Same name as on here if you want to get in contact usual selection of scary pictures and i'll do a proper description over christmas along with posting and website stuff *nods*
I think thats it for now! ^-^ I may start a comeptition in the new year not sure what on yet but meh.. it may be a writing one because i like writing and i think it's good to have some encouragement to actually write and finish something.. but more about that around christmas.. i shall update you all with my various holiday plans! won't that be fun? Hugs to everyone hope your all well!!
A couple of things to report first and foremost the weather! ZOMG!!! It's so wet and windy it actually went through my coat and i was freezing the entire day! >.< Snow sounds good though i'd love it to snow at least with snow you cna have some kind of fun like sledging or snowball fights. Rain is just wet!
Appart from that i only have Art and Biology exams tomorrow and then i'm done! yayness!! I got my welsh result back: 56% which i'm pretty proud of because it's over double what i got last year.. mind you my speaking result hasn't been added and i did REALLY bad.. i did no revision, started talking in german and accidently swore in the middle when i realised it was the wrong language! >.< And it was all recorded on tape.. greeeat!
Hehe i scared my brother today! Mark (14) and lewis (11) ((both my brothers)) were arguing and then mark lost his temper and was going to hit lewis.. i was in charge because mt dad's away nad my mum works so i did the only thing i could.. ran after him and yelled! xD But for some reason my voice wasn't my normal yelling voice it was a scary death-metal sorta thing.. of course both my brothers froze for a minute in shock which was long enough for me to grab nad drag Mark into a room and lock him in until he calmed down! I found it hysterical! *LMAO* I make such a great parent! xD
Finally I HATE DAVID!! he FRIGGING BIT ME!! and for no good reason either he stole my friends pencil case so i went to grab it back after asking nicely about 10 times and he bit my arm. I managed to get the pencil case back (while he was biting my arm) so he bit even harder! >.< well of course i lost my temper headbutted him on the head and dug my nails into his hand at which point he let go. But for FRIG SAKE!! what was the point?!?!?! I have a massive bruise on my arm that hurts like hell and burns whenever the slightest pressure is put on it! >.< Not only that but my knee is slowly getting more and more painful until it's got to the point now where i can't cross my legs because my knee is so painful when i uncross them that i can't put weight on it for a couple of minutes.. My parents are doing nothing much about it so at this rate i'm booking myself into the doctors so he can look at it!!
So meh.. rant over a bit of a mixture of a good and bad day and i'm a bit fed up.. i gotta complete art coursework too and i can't be bothered at all!
My name is Chris
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I werent ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong
I cant speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks arent home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Chariles bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
Im so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
Hes already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
And fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"Im sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is Chris
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me
And you can help
Sickens me to the soul,
And if you read this
And dont pass it on
I pray for your forgivness
Beause you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be affected
By this Poem
And because you are affected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!
PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS AND PASS IT]