Picture number one.. the toaster in the living room.. yeah i wanted a bagel but it's 12:30am (or was.. it's later now) and my parents are asleep -_- so i relocated the toaster and had a bagel anyways!


Picture 2.. my bagel.. which was delicious.. yeah i had to smother it in butter.. umm.. i love buttered bagels so much! <3 and my phone.. <.< i was trying to use it to show the time..


Picture drei.. the big bruise on my side.. it doesn't look all that big but that picture shows pretty much my entire side and it's all purple, red and green! Yeah. someone punched me in the pit at the pentre! XD

hmmm i've been away the last couple of days so here's a quick over-view of what i've been up to:
Thursday:
Mood: chilled
Events: Went to work at the farm which was cool it was really warm so we didn't do much, mucked out the stables (all of them! :o) abnd then groomed finn which was ace.. beki schlumpfeled his mane which looked awesome and i tried (and failed) to get rid of all the lose hairs from his coat coz he's moulting! He loved being rubber curry combed on his back.. he pulled an amazingly funny face! X3 aww bless him! After that beki managed to run off with my wages but we're meeting in Chester on Tuesday so i'll get them back then.. which is good becuase i don't know how much money i have at the moment!
I cam home, showered, changed, packed my bag and had a big glass of iced cider which chilled me out and was the best way to finish the day.. well the daylight part of it that is! At 7:30 i left for Cross's house coz we were going to the Pentre for the metal night! I took all my bags (spent a couple of days in Lincoln). We went to the Pentre and had an awesome time! Mitch was there as was cal, walker, josh, bianca, chantelle, and some other people i didn't know. I have an awesome bruise on my side coz someone punched me in the pit! XD and there was this really cute guy there who was completely out of it! He knew walker and the rest but i never found out his name. he got pushed in the pit and i ended up catching him then he followed me back to our table and sat down next to me. Pity i'm taken coz he was sooo sweet! X3 We couldn't be bothered with the last band so me and bianca went outside and everyone else followed. We just chatted and sat on the wall.. which walker pushed me off and i found really funny! We left the Pentre at 12 and i stayed the night at Cross's.
Friday:
mood: slightly annoyed
events: i had to wake up early so we could dricve down to Lincoln for a family gathering. The journey was okay.. it took about 3 hours though. When we got there i was really annoyed coz i couldn't get changed (i was still in my pijamas) and i couldn't shower or put any make-up on. In the end i changed in the toilets and made myself look vaguely okay then we had a big meal which again was alright, the food wasn't great nad Mark spent the whole time throwing things at me biting and pinching me and being generally annoying. we had a great game of tag in the play park with my cousins and uncle Mick then went back to my gran's house. We were quite lazy there just snacking on party food, chatting and watching TV. We left at 9:30 and went back to the hotel. i was tired and my mum had put me in a room with my two brothers, i had to sleep on the floor and both brothers were whining and ordeing me about. i went and had a shower in an attempt to stop me losing my temper and talked to cross who helped me chill out a bit. After that it was alright.. although it took me ages to get to sleep and i thought there was a guy sitting on the window sill o_O
Saturday:
Mood:Pissed off
events: well got up early again to get breakfast and check out of the hotel, i slept really badly but i was in good spirits. I had breakfast and i was ready to head for home but my parents decided we had to go into town. So i was dragged there kicking and screaming, dragged up a massive hill so my dad could look at wine and dragged into several shops i really didn't want to go in. I wanted my own space and time to chill out! Anyways we were there for about 2 hours and i got some chocolates from this shop and a dir en grey CD (whithering to death) which was good but after that we had to get back in the car for the journey home. It wasn't too bad, i slept a bit and listened to a story CD but i really wanted to listen to dir en grey. when we finally got home my mum yelled at me for taking the bags in as she told me to because i took a bag she was going to take -_____- So now i'm on here chatting to my friends and trying to chill out. I'm going to get a cider and shower soon and maybe do some homework but i refuse to speak to the rest of my family unless i really have to.
... the Dir en Grey CD is AWESOME though! <333 

well i had a kinda shit evening yesterday. I lost it big time, not with anyone i just kinda lost control and alot of stuff that had built up over the past couple of months came out. Partly becuase of stress i guess and partly because i'm tired. Anyways i had to vent so thanks to Wilson and [Domo-kun] for listening and offering me advice. I've slept on it now and i feel a hell of alot better. Crying helped too. Now i have a plan of action: I need to talk to the person at the centre of this and i need to stop caring that i may end up losing alot of friends. Yes it will hurt but i know i have a boyfriend that will stick by me and i'm fed up of tiptoing around painful subjects. I also need to take some time out so next week i'm going to just revise and think about things.. and go to town with Wilson to get my tongue done.
So meh! ^__^ I gotta thank everyone else coz you guys made me laugh and you help me to focus on life. That may sound odd but.. *shrugs* i know what i mean! =D 

HOLIDAYS YAY!!! //GCSE revision BOO!!! >.<\\
lol we were off school yesterday so i slobbed a bit and my aunty nad cousins arrived from America.. my cousins are 4 and 7 and they think i'm a rock star which is the cutest thing ever! xD According to sarah (the 4 year old) i went to music school but i quit coz i knew it all and i'm a famous rock star! <333 i love my cousin's sooo much! idol worship will get you EVERYWHERE!!
In other news i had a great time in Chester with a bunch of my mates! It was soo awesome! We hung out i got the double piercing needed for a scaffolding bar.. which was the most painful thing ever.. becuase i had one of the holes really far back and they hit a cappillary so it bled lots and then it got knocked. >.< Buut i survived and we went and hung out in the ampitheter with all the other metal loving teenagers! I met some new people Mitch nad this other guys who had a kinda wierd name but he asked me what i thought of his top and gave me a hug so he's cool in my books! xD lol and we met up with Ben Matt's friend.. we recognised each other but it took us ages to figure out we'd met for a while during the Dragonforce Gig in December! xD
Me and Beki ended up playing a stripping game and had a big audience.. i lost.. we only played down to bra's though! And we had a game of British bulldog! ^__^ It was soo awesome!
The rest of the week is going to be busy too.. i got work tue and thurs, babysitting mon, cinema wed and a week on monday i'm getting my tongue pireced yay!

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

haha! I am paranoid! xD buuut must people know that anyway!

Hellloooo!! ^__^ today has been a really good day! I feel so relaxed and i haven't had a day like this in ages, one thats just gone smoothly and i've been happy all day! =D
Nothing special about today except it was the first proper spring day, one of those ones that starts off cold but gets warmer and by lunch time it's sunny and the kind of heat where you feel pleasant and sleepy. Becuase we only have 4 days left of term the lessons were relatively easy and laid back and Beki [Boburriku Suzume] gave me a manga (I.N.V.U) which she had borried from the libary to read so i spent most lessons reading that! It's really good too!! I need to get the next volume! <3
Then at lunch i just spent time chatting with my friends and sitting in the sun with my boyfriend.. which was really nice and chilled! =D After that a couple more chilled lessons and then i came home. I finished the manga and did some chores. I had to clean out my rabbit and guinea pig! I spent some time brushing them coz they're moulting everywhere! xD
After that i finished my maths coursework that i'd been putting off since last weekend and practiced on the guitar, i tuned it over the weekend and am having a go at teaching myself from a guitar book my brothers got me for my birthday! Then i cooked dinner coz my parents were out working late and now i'm just chilling on the pc chatting and watching anime (scrapped princess)! So all in all a fantastic day, simply becuase it's been laid back and un-complicated! Plus i was talking to Jim.. bless him! I luffles him (in a friendly way) he split up with his girl-friend.. but he seemed alright about it.. and he made me laugh! xD
I am happy happy HAPPY! =D annd.. on wednesday i'm hopefully getting a new MP3 player (a zen V) and having my hair cut in a sorta emo/myavi cross style! which is going bright pink during exam leave! If the rest of the week is this good i will be amazed!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv82IRm2T4s

It's so true but we luff them anyways! <33 (J-rocker's fan-vid) on that note new J-rock band i love!! GazettE!! <33 weird but cool!

well tonight was interesting.. i went out to babysit and came home early, Chloe was sick bless her.. luckily i have brothers so i had more sense than to freak out! She was really mature as well! ^__^ she really is amazing! She's my little sister in all but blood! i can't stop saying bless her now.. she was just so amazingly good if i was her age and my mum was out and i'd been sick i'd proberly have locked myself somewhere and been miserable and upset but she was just so grown up.
We were chatting while we waited for her mum to come back and she was telling me about how she wants to be a solicitor, i thought it was really great coz she knew about the different areas of the law they can work in and she'd thought about how it could effect her mentally if she lost a case and stuff. I was like "this girl is amazing!" just awww.. i want to hug here.. meh soppy moment over GIRLY DAY IN CHESTER TOMORROW!! *dances* 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=c3fHEySHj0M

[Beki in Wonderland] finished the vid she's been working on for 3 days! xD It amused me alot! lol although i'm in it FAR too much for a person that hates cameras.. although you can proberly guess why i hate them if you watch it! xD Anyways .. yea.. gratz to her!! I love that kick the cna song.. so now i have to go watch the vid again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7wKVd04LiQ

Moi and Beki [Beki in Wonderland] slightly tipsy! xD singing.. badly.. :o enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPTsgmrmurU&NR

Asian black metal FTW!! This is amazing! I love it.. i need to buy lots of J-rock CDs.. and find out who it is that plays this.. damn Kanji! xD ahh i found out who it is ChthoniC now i can look for their CDs... yay!

Hellooo! i'm pretty happy today! I had the last 5 hours of my art exam and i'm pleased with the outcome, i'll get a photo up after i've added a few bits to it on tuesday. (Thin lines are a bugger when using oil paints!) it's worn me out though i never realised how true it was when they said that some pictures take sweat, blood and tears! I've put so much into it i feel completely drained! It was funny though coz i finished my picture with 45 mins to go and was allowd to go and give my coursework to my chemistry teacher, i had to sign a sheet to say i had done the work myself and i messed up my signature because my hand was shaking like mad! It was from spending two days holding my hand really steady while i was painting! Then me and Beki made a person and an udder out of the rubber gloves she had been wearing to do her art outcome! Sir popped the udder though telling us we were being stupid -_- ahh well it was still funny!
Then i went into town with Cross and Ruth which was cool we got chips! They were nice!! My parents are away tonight as well and they sent my brothers away leaving me alone for tonight and tomorrow so Beki's coming over and we're going to celebrate the end of our art exam! Plus it means we can both watch Hellsing! =D yay!

okay sorry for being a diary whore buuut.. meh! xD you can just skip this entery if you want to..

My kneee hurts! >.< I injured it in August last year while on a canoeing holiday nad it hurt for a while, aching mostly occasionally sharp pain but i could deal with it, after about 3 months it disappeared and i assumed it had fixed itself but the pain has returned again. It may have something to do with standing up all day while i was painting but i can't straighten my leg without pain and it aches alot -_- So i have a support bandage on it which makes me walk like a tard.. and my foot has started acting up too.. i think it's just the pressure of being on my feet for 6 and a half days a week instead of the usual five. It only started recently and it was only recently i started ice-skating and working up at Michelle's with the horses which involves alot of standing up.. xD ahh well i'll survive and i thought i'd rant here becuase my parents are very unsympathetic! xD
My mum just walked in and i said "my knee's hurting again." her response was to turn around and walk away! xD lol ahh well..

Time for a long ramble! yayness! lol!
Anyways last night was 6th form open evening where we got to go round and look at displays for A Level courses in a bunch of subjetcs which was alright! lol i saw all the teachers i wanted too and met loads of people i knew. I saw Wilson 3 times and he forced me to ballroom dance with him in the corridor which caused chaos for all the people trying to get passed! xD I wasn't bothered i just carried on having a conversation with another guy Ruth knew! Then Ceri gave me her hot chocolate because it didn't taste very nice but i drank it anyway and me and ruth went to the refreshments area and had some free cookies and chocolate which was nice! I had pretty much made up my mind on what i wanted to do and going last night just confirmed that i should be able to take all the A Levels i want. If i stick with them until the end i should end up with 5 A Levels o_O BUT on the plus side i still get 3 free periods a week! =D
The A levels i want to take are:
Further Maths (2 A levels)
Art
History
Chemistry
A pretty odd combination i know! But i'm not sure what i want to do when i leave 6th form so i wanted to keep my options open i've picked some subjects i enjoy and ones that will mean i don't narrow down my choice of Uni courses. I know a coupld of people that have picked the same subjects as me but not many which means i should meet loads of new people and hopefully make some new friends! =D yayness!
And in other news we had the first 5 hours of our GCSE art final exam today.. the exam rawked coz we were allowd to go get coffee and food at 2:30 xD It's so relaxed! We got another 5 hours tomorrow and i'm going to add a couple of pieces to my prep work tonight then i can relax and concentrate on other subjects like english and maths. The exam is going okay, i'm painting an A2 portrait of myself in oils in the style of Shani Rhys-James.. oils are annoying o_O they take days to dry aad i kept accidently touching the wet paint and i spilt turps on it once! xD At the moment i hate what i've done i think it looks crap but hopefully it'll look great once i've put in all the shading and detail tomorrow fingers crossed anyways *crosses fingers* I'm just going to forget about it until then.. no point panicing over it when there's nothing i can do..
So yeah i'll see if i can take a picture of it finished tomorrow and upload it for you guys to see! 

okay you may not find this funny at all but i found it histerical! Infact me my brother (mark) and my mum were crying with laughter because of it.
We'd just finished a big dinner and got up to start doing chores when my dad comes out with this:
"I'm Pogged" for a minute we all took tis as being normal and then..
Me: Did you just say you were pogged?
Dad: yeah it's the same as saying i'm stuffed.
Me: You sure?
Dad: what else does it mean?
Me: well to me it's like your being attacked by pieces from the pogs game. *starts giggling at the thought*
Dad: *laughs*
Mum and brother: *join in laughing*
Dad: well if shakespeare can make up words why can't i? I demand they put it in the oxford dictionary.
Mum, me and Mark: *Laughing our asses off*
Mark: Yeah Pog: a verb that can be used in place of any other verb.
A couple of minutes and really bad "pog" jokes later we've all just about calmed down then my dad gets up to get some water.
Dad: where's the POGGING water!!!
Everyone *dies laughing again*
Then we just couldn't stop i laughed till my sides hurt and tears were running down my face and it wasn't even that funny! xD

Me = stressed

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

post this if you think homophobia is wrong!

Every breath is carefully counted,
Each minute precious,
Your thoughts are not your own,
You escape is as of yet unknown.

You won’t be the one to fall,
You’re there to help save them all,
Promises that past your lips,
Never a lie to touch it’s tip.

Can you let them all down?
Stand by and watch as they die,
Hear the thud of their lifeless bodies?
Know that their breath is gone.

Could you commit such a crime?
I don’t think you could,
I think that you would stand strong,
Even if all hope is gone.

You’d never give up,
You’d never stop,
I know you’d carry on,
You’d save them.

Wouldn’t you? Would you?
You couldn’t just walk away?
You couldn’t leave like this,
Condemn them all to the hellish pits?

Watching silent as you go,
A tear on cheek, hate in eyes,
How heartless and cold are you?
The world has lost another hero.

Gah i want to scream.. i'm not entierly sure whats up mostly stress i think but GAH!!! Okay i'm just going to have a rant becuase i'm starting to feel kinda depressed. here's how things stand: I've suddenly realised how close my exams are and i'm so scared of failing them coz there's a huge emphasis on how they change your life and all BUT i have no motivation what so ever, i'm doing so much at the moment that i have no time for revision or work that i need to do. it's half term at the moment but i'm so busy that i don't even know if i'm going to manage to finish my art for the exam on Thursday and if i don't it's potentially 40% of my grade i lose. Pressure? Just a bit!
I'm working wednesday and sunday which i LOVE but it tires me out alot and on wednesday evening i'm also babysitting. On the plus side my mum has practically agreed to buy mimi for me a small grey mare that i can break in and train up and sell for a bit of profit which would be awesome!!
I got a bunch of maths and drama to do ontop of my art and revision for some end of unit tests.. thats as well as trying to make revision notes.. it's driving me INSANE!!
Then there's the other social things that are going on, like boyfriends and stuff.. well mainly the boyfriend thing.. we've been going out two and a half months and i like him but recently he's been really kinda full on. He seems to think of this as a long term thing and i don't. I'm finding him kind of suffocating but i know that half of it is becuase i'm stressed out anyway and i don't want to break up with him but i don't think i cna talk to him about it either. Then i'm doing the whol "must push all my friends away" thing which i hate but seem to do whenever i get stressed as a defense mechanism. I feel like i'm destroying myself and i want to kind of hide away and not do anything this week. Cancel all my commitments and just run away but i know i can't. If it was up to me i'd have packed somethings and walked off into the hills to camp out for a coupple of days and think about things but thats just not practical. So instead i'm ranting (which has helped) and hoping that spending time with some friends tomorrow will help me.

Put music player on shuffle and use the song title to answer each question.. press skip after you've written the answer!

What does next year have in store for me?
Maria (o_O)

What's my love life like?
Smells like teen spirit! (xD ROFLMAO!!!)

What do I say when life gets hard?
Praise You (LMFAO!!!)

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
Stairway to heaven (okkaaay..)

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Brown sugar

What do you want as a career?
The Formula

Your favourite saying?
Whole Lotta Rosie

Your pets name?
Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

Favourite place?
Touch Too Much

Describe your sexlife:
FighterPatrol (I think this is some game SFX! XD)

What do you think of your parents?
Don't Give Up (!!!)

What's your Pornstar name?
Is this the way to amarillo (ZOMG!! LMAO!!)

Where would you go on a first date?
Laidback

Drug of choice?
Spirit of Radio

Describe yourself:
Above the Pyramid And the eye

What is the thing i like doing most:
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

What song best describes my school principle?
The Logical Song

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Call Me (wow.. i'm waiting for Mel to call me back o_O)

How will I die?
Dance on a Volcano (hmm well i guess that would lead to death! xD)

This was done using my whole families playlist.. i'll redo it later using just my playlist! =D

Spoilers Below BEWARE!!!