Meh.. me and my dad have been left on our own for less than a day and already the house is turning into a tip. There is a trail of washing up that spans the work surface and we're living on instant food ... i'm calling it college practice! XD I think i'm going to head off now too.. don't feel much like sitting around on the pc.. might go draw or write or read or watch Britain's next top model on Living+1 XD catch you all later!
Time to ramble me thinks! XD First off did anyone in Britain go outside and look at the sky around 1 in the morning? I did.. not randomly but becasue, as those of you who went out and looked up last night will know, there was a meteor storm! It was BRILLIANT!! The sky was clear of clouds and becasue it was a new moon it was really dark and i live in the countryside so there was hardly any ligth pollution! X3 It happens every year in August but because of the new moon it was going to be more clearly visible than it had been for years.. the only reason i know this is i happened to catch it on the news yesterday adn thought that as i'm usually awake around that time i'd go outside and have a look. It was worth it!! I saw a bunch of really pretty "shooting stars" the first one i saw was right above where i was standing and had a tail of green fire! It was so awesome! I made a couple of wishes too.. as is tradition! The only problem was i was on my own lying on my patio in shorts for about an hour at 1 am >3< needless to say it was quite cold and there were slugs everywhere.. next year i want to have a kinda party thing! Where we all go outside at 1am looking for the shooting stars and drinking whatever we have to hand! =P
Anyways i'm going to be online a while as i've decided to finish off all those CG's in my WIP file.. and i'm working on the dragon picture on my house.. i need to get all the base colour filled in at once.. so anyone who wants to chat or who has any tips on drawing horses (i've decided to practice drawing them 1) because i want hand drawn pics for my VHR horses and ranch and 2) becuase i hardly ever draw horses yet i LOVE being around them..) feel free to message me! ^^ I have plenty of time as my mum and brothers have gone away (i didn't go becasue it clashes with BOA) and my dad is out.. he picked up a bug in Egypt last week and so he's off work and has gone to see the Doctor. There are up sides to my family being away.. becuase my dad's been to switzerland, canada, russia and egypt in the last month with work i've now got lots of chocolate and strange hats and stuff. He got me a russian com. hat from russia, a fezz (sp?) from egypt, 5 40g bars of finest swiss chocolate, a big packet of oreos, a big bar of JD chocolate *drools* i LOVE JD my mum has said she'll get me some.. *dances* and a bunch of egyptian papyrus that he saw being made! Beki also got me some scrumpy from when she was away! It's really nice.. like rum cider.. rum and cider.. yum.. two of my favorite drinks!
Anyways enough of that for now.. i'm back to CGing..
Love you all! xxx
Hellloooo! I feel a great sense of achievement today! X3 lol! I got up at about 12:15 (not too bad concidering how late up i was last night.. after i got off here i was writing in my room!) Anyways.. yes.. i've done several chores that i needed to do today! X3 First off i cleared out the stuff my mum put back into my room (i'm still decorating) and put it back in the spare room, there's now nothing left in my room except my bed, empty bookshelf and wardrobe and i'm taking the bed appart tomorrow as it's been sold to one of my brother's friends! That means i can prep the room and paint it when i get back from Bloodstock which will mean it should be done 2 weeks today and i can start moving furniture back in and stuff! X3
Then i cleaned out the rabbit and guinea pig and because it was a nice day and i felt like it i washed my flip-flops (the ones i took on camp) and my mucker boots and polished my riding and walking boots. When i was done with that my mum asked me to cook dinner because she and my brothers are going on holiday tomorrow and she needed to pack (we always do things last minute) so i made spaghetti bolegnase from scratch (i was pretty proud of myself) although i did have to swap pans coz i burnt some of the veg <_< but now i know i need to keep stirring it and not go off to watch TV! XD It tasted pretty damn good too! and it meant i had no after dinner chores!! so yeah... i feel i've used my day well!
The plans for the rest of the week are:
Monday: free day
Tuesday: Walk to town to pick up photos
Wednesday: Opticians, meet Beki, pack for bloodstock (i might start tomorrow actually)
Thurs: get up early and leave for BOA
Fri & Sat: BOA
Sunday: home and sleep!
Monday: recovering (decorating)
tues: LARP (??)
wed: free day (decorating)
thurs: RESULTS!!! o_O =/
XD lol so yeah! busy week and a bit! and to think we're about 3 weeks into the hols now.. thats half way and it's gone so quick.. well i have been doing alot.. but even so.. i can't believe it's almost time to go to BOA! X3 i'm so excited!!! *dies*
It's been a while since i wrote in here.. well 2 or 3 days.. and not much has happened to be honest.. Beki came over.. we were meant to be practicing for bloodstock instead i speant a load of money in mold and then we came home and watched a movie, ate ice-cream and drank scrumpy.. we decided that we were doing our "break-up binges" and that marks the end of that! XD lol it was alot of fun, it's been ages since we speant time together just chilling and being lazy! So i had an awesome time! X3 We got two tubs of Ben and Jerry's as well, 2 new flavours: half baked (the BEST ice-cream ever made) and Bohemian Rasberry becuase they were on 2 for £5.
In town i dropped off my cameras to be developed (yay for camp photos) but i have to pick them up on tuesday and then i have an eye-test wednesday and bloodstock thursday! :o busy week! Plus i have to clear my room out completely before i go so i can decorate when i get back. I also got some make-up and i can't remember what else >.< lol
hmm appart from that i've got a list of things to do: diet, draw VHR art, requests on DA, walk more, decorate room etc. etc. and my ex is annoying me.. or was until i won the arguement and he decided it wasn't worth carrying on if he valued his face! As Beki said i had 2 things going for me which meant he couldn't win: 1) I'm a woman 2) I'm Alex! XD ROFLMAO!! *glomps beki*
Thats all except it's 2am and i'm not tired and have an urge to draw and write... BEKIIII you have influenced me! :o
Okay here's a rundown of the last 2 and a bit weeks.. i'll split it up into little bits under headlings but it'll still be a LOOOONG ramble so... yeah.. don't feel you have to read it!
1)Camp
ZOMG!! so much to say! It was so amazing!! Lets start at the start though.. i left home at about 9 to get the train to newport and catch a train from there to Swansea on which (hopefully) i would meet the rest of the people going on our FSC camp. I was kinda nervous about the train thing.. i was pretty certain i'd get lost and i have a slight phobia of trains anyway =/ but meh i got on with it and everything was fine! I met up with all the other campers and spent the whole 2 hours of the journey to Swansea talking to graham, ian, jaco and Lawrence who i met last camp! X3 It was great catching up and seeing them again. Jaco had changed ALOT! He was taller and gone for an emo style which inspired alot of friendly teasing over the 2 weeks. Graham was a drinker now! and ian and lawrence were mostly the same lawrence drank now too.. so yeah you can imagine what the 2 weeks were like.. we went through 3 bottles of vodka some JD and alot of cider and beer! XD (jaco got away with buying alcohol!).
From Swansea we had a 2 hour bus ride to our campsite and i talked to Alister and Chris on the bus, which was cool! New friends already! The camp was a concensus camp which was a bit odd and i admit at first i thought it would be really crap but it wasn't! It took a while to get into the whole idea that everyone had to agree on the decisions but once we got going we were quite good at it! It worked and we had fun plus we could say we were the trailblazers for concensus camps which is cool! We stayed at an "alternative community" for the first 3 days and most of the staff had connections there becuase most of them lived on similar communities! It was such a Hippy camp! So yeah.. after that first 3 days we went walking along the pembrokeshire coastal path which was so beautiful (hopefully i'll get camp pics up on here soon!). I walked in the fast slow and medium groups so i got to know everyone quite early on! Which was cool!
The fast group did a 30Km hike and got up at 3:30am to do it and ended up in a pub drinking cider by 2pm! XD Which was so awesome! Then we got back ate and took part in the night game (more cider afterwards) and were VERY tired the next day! We had a big party on the last day too and me and tasha got a bit tipsy! XD It was so funny i ended up sitting at 4am around the campfire wearing nothing but a fleece and my underwear with two guys half asleep in my lap! I got an hours sleep after that and then we had to pack up to go! Thats just the major bits as i'm trying to keep this short and i don't really have enough words to describe the whole 2 weeks but i learnt alot had an amazing time and cried as i waved goodbye to everyone going back on the london train! ;_; I've never felt so upset about leaving camp before.. i mean seriously! I miss camp more than i've ever missed home! But then this camp was special, it was my last camp as a kid with Ian and Graham (they become staff now) and it was a different camp, very diverse that taught me alot about myself and the way i do things. So many people touched my heart and i learnt so much! About the world and about living with people and challenging things. It was very spiritual and i really needed that, the whole close family thing and to have to be confdent and sure of myself becuase it's helped me get over all the shit thats been holding me back! I now feel very happy and confident in myself and i actually feel that i'm someone worth knowing! X3 *dances*
Camp Quote: Camp is our 2 weeks of sanity that helps us deal with our insane lives. I totally agree. Sanity largely restored and a new-found faith in myself i'm out to do the best i can! World look out!
Hehe i'm slightly jet-lagged coz camp ran on Hippy time! XD (an hour faster than normal time!)
2)Eisteddfod
Yup! seeming as it's on our doorstep we went to the eisteddfod today! It was really good! I spoke a bit of welsh, had a look at all the stalls and played some minin-golf.. it was so surreal though being surrounded by people speaking another language while still in britain! I got a new sketch pad with proper good quality paper that i'm planning to use for some portraits and some pictures! ot much to say appart from that really on the eisteddfod!
General goings on
What a bad year for Britain hay? Ever since Gordon Brown became PM the world seems out to test him! Terrorist attacks, flooding, fires and foot and mouth.. seriously i've been watching the news since i got back coz i haven't heard anything in the 2 weeks i was away and i find it good to know whats going on in the country and all the stuff that's going on *shakes head* The people on the train to london from camp got stuck at Newport becuase of the fire and didn't get home until late >.<
My brothers are fine but both are going for a more emo sort of look, skinny jeans and all that. Mark has had his long lovely curly hair cut off.. it looks kinda odd at the mo but it'll look better when it's grown in a bit. They went shopping yesterday which has now made me want to go shopping i'm going to look on Iansnow to see about getting a hippy hat for winter! X3 lol
What else? Mark got very drunk in town coz he thought brandy was like shandy -_- silly child and it's put him off alcohol for a bit. Which i guess is good! he's also got a crush on this girl Della which is so KAWAII! =3 But on the down side his best friend Tom's mum's in hospital again and she's seriously ill. Apparently the rumour is it's cancer.. i like tom he's a sweet boy and i'm really worried about him. I hope his mum gets better =/
That pretty much sums up the general stuff.. see what i mean about the camp being sanity and normal life being insanity? It's so true.. i want to go back! At least at camp i only had to worry about surviving day to day, life here is so much more complicated.
Love you all xxx
Well.. i am back and i have so much to ramble about.. Beki's back too apparently.. so work on sunday? Dunno i hope so.. i can't contact her.. actually i can.. i think i'll go phone her now before i start rambling about what i've been up to these last 2 weeks.. ^_^ ttyl!! tarrah!
xxx
Gah.. my mother is stressing me out.. coz she's flapping about worrying about everything. Whether i've got all my stuff packed, if it's the right stuff, if i'll be able to pack my bag, whether the camp leaders know i'm going to meet up with them in newport (-__-) It's driving me nuts coz she's constantly firing questions at me and i was packed yesterday, i know i have everything and i know everything will be fine. Anyone would think she was planning a campaign for world domination the way she's acting! grrr! So of course that winds me up becuase despite all the stressing whenever i ask her to help me out, do things like help sort lunch for tomorrow as i won't have time before i go or look out a head-tourch or answer a simple question she instantly goes "Do it yourself." Which is fair enough but if she's not going to help can she stop fraking out and yelling at me? please? I'd much rather sort everything myself and forget something than have her yelling at me while she sits around and watches TV. >.< I'm 16.. i've been away to camp since i was 9, i've been to malaysia on my own when i was 11, i've been skiing on my own since i was 12, i went and lived with a German family for a week and i've done my own packing everytime.. i think somehow that i'm going to be absolutely fine!!!
So yeah.. all packed and ready to go just answering e-mails and messaegs and making sure everyone that needs to knows that i won't be here for the next 2 weeks. I get back around the 8th August so see you all then!! X3
Love you all! xxx
I got up at a reasonable time this morning! :o which was 9 in the morning.. i'm quite impressed as it was about 3:30am before i got to sleep yesterday! All because of HP7.. that book.. i couldn't take it all that seriously though.. it's like that Naruto manga.. XD I had to get up early for the opticians.. but now i feel like it should be later i mean it's only 2:30!! I got most of my stuff for camp packed today too.. just need a toothbrush and i'll put in my hairbrush wednesday morning. I like having my bag packed coz it means i can spend tomorrow freaking out about the train journey down (i have a mild phobia of trains -_- and getting lost in train stations...) and i can sort out my ET, EP, the Realms and any other online site that will need my attention before i go.. then i have to do the whole shaving and hair dying thing but seeming as i'll have all day tomorrow that should be easy *nods* A very relaxed day before a completely hectic and scary one!
Appart from that i haven't done all that much today.. i'm not eating much.. becuase i'm used to having only 1 meal a day now.. which is crap.. becuase i know i should be surviving on more than coffee and tea.. but ahh well! I will eat during camp becuase i'll need all the energy i can get! It's tough work! Me and Graham were planning last night and insulting my mum because she would not leave me alone and she was trying to read all my convo's and last nights diary entry -_- My dad saved me though! We're really alike so he knew she was annoying me and so he told her to go away! X3 Which she did.. although she re-appeared at 1:30am for some bizzare reason.. *shrugs* parents.
Anyways thats all i have to say for now appart from Myv is so super sexy!!! *drool* <_< >_>
Love you all! xxx
Well yesterday was alright.. still not many guys.. it was pouring it down with rain all day so me and beki got soaked. =/ I got the few bits and bobs i needed to get, writing paper and a presant for Molly. It was quite fun.. Danny mugged us and then we met Walker and Josh and Wilson and i'm not going into the whole Josh thing on here. Lets just say it's getting messier and messier.. -_- apparently it's impossible for me to have a clean break from ANYONE and the guy i've split with to let go.
So yeah.. wasn't a complete loss but wasn't the greatest day ever. Beki was a bit grouchy at times.. not that i blame her really but it made me grouchy so i was doing the whole walk off for a bit thing and trying to stop myself saying something that would just cause tension. It got worse when Josh appeared because he was being all moody and stupid. Just because i said i didn't care about the fact he was getting 10 piercings in his face.. well sorry but he knows i don't like the idea and tbh i actually didn't care all that much it's his face. grrr.
After that we got back to mold and went back to Beki's for dinner and then to see shrek 3 which was really funny! Me and Beki were overly hyper after a glass of cider (something to do with not eating all day!) So we thought the whole thing was hysterical and i couldn't take it seriously after the frog dying scene! I would recommend it to anyone who has quite a childish sense of humour! And i <3 Merlin he was awesome! X3
When i got back here i stated reading the new Harry Potter book which i have finished! yay! I shall mention nothing about it here coz i don't want to spoil it for others. But it's quite fristrating having read it within 2 days of it's release coz i can't talk over the whole book with anyone really >.< which i love doing just chatting about the plot and the twists and what we were right and wrong about when trying to guess the outcomes. Anyways now i need to read the whole series again! I have to do that with a couple of books and there are 2 books i need to buy to complete current series in my room. i'm one of those people that will read books at least 3 or 4 times and like to read a whole series one after the other once i hacve all the books. So it's important for me to not only have read but own copies of books. Which makes quite a dent in the bank. >.<
So yeah I went to sleep at 7am this morning slept in to 2pm nad thus missed LARP.. but it was raining torrentially and i had no idea what the arrengemeants were so all in all i wasn't really expecting to go. I like LARP but i have my own idea of what it should be and my idea is more of embracing the fact we know that it's all fake and imaginary rather than trying to make it fit into reality which i find tends to make the whole thing stupid. But meh one day i shall run my own LARP and it shall be a "find this object" type of thing where you choose to make groups and whatever rather than trtying to believe in a story knowing very well that you probably look stupid and that none of this actually really matters.
So yeah Got up finished that last 100 pages or so of Harry Potter.. (took me 8 hours slightly longer than usual but i haven't been reading as much over the exam period so i have to build up my reading pace again. That and i've forced myself to slow down as i've been re-reading many books and i wanted to take it slow and enjoy the story instead of racing to get to the end.) Thats it really.. but my whole sleeping patterns are messed up because i didn't eat all day and went to sleep when it got light so now i'm not tired at all and the only meal i've had is dinner which means at around 12 ish i shall be getting really peckish.. oh well it's the summer hols! XD
That about covers everything i think.. anyone who's finished the HP book message me coz i would love nothing better than a long ramble about it!
Love you all! xxx
Time for todays ramble! Aren't you all so pleased? lol XD
Well i didn't come on here last night.. coz i was reading the final book in the noughts and crosses series.. zomg the ending >.< I want to know who gets together with who coz i'm a gossip whore like that! (As you might have guessed i finsihed the book!)
What else did i do yesterday after i rambled last? well usual chores, take in washing, stack dishwasher, unstack dishwasher and make dinner.. i cleared all the last bits and bobs from my room and took photos of my bed. I took down the shelves and mirror in my room so thats all ready for decorating! X3 Which will begin after camp which i go away to in.. 5 days! *squee* i'm really excited about it! Coz i know my friends there are awesome and they'll give me just the confidence boost i need plus i know i'll spend most of the camp laughing myself to death! I mean me, the twins and jaco are such a BAD compination... we're the clowns and trouble makers! XD
Anyways today i got up quite early and my mum asked me if i wanted to come on what she called a "mercy mission" to chester with her. Basically she didn't want to eat lunch in chester on her own! I'm not one to pass up a free meal and i like spending time chatting to my mum coz we get on really well so of course i went! (I'm going for the third time tomorrow to "boy spot" being single has it's perks! =P)
So yeah we went to this really posh grill place called "The Black Steak and Grill House" which was awesome! I had a really nice home made burger and chips.. the chips were fresh cut and absolutely delicious. It was really funny because the woman serving us thought i was old enough to drink so i had a bottle of cider with my meal.. which was awesome but after such a great meal mellowed me out so much i just wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the afternoon! XD After the meal we did a bit of shopping mum needed birthday presents for her friends and i needed a rucksack and stuff for camping.
The only bad part was it took us an hour to get home becuase the traffic was so bad! I saw josh my ex as well as we were driving too chester.. he looked really depressed.. but meh.. *shrugs* i'm over him! He was no good for me. I wasn't hungry for dinner coz i don't eat all that much so i skipped it but now i'm starving! Although on the plus i won't need to spend money on lunch tomorrow! Just the bus trip there and back and to mold and back1 -_- i need to get some writing paper and a present for molly as well while i'm there and i'm going to pick up my copy of the new harry potter book! X3 I can't wait! Tomorrow's going to be so much fun and not even the rain could make me feel down! =P
Love you all! xxx
I missed my diary ramble yesterday.. coz i was soo tired >.< bah! So now you get it today instead! ^_^
Yesterday was good! Had to get up early though and get ready to go to chester.. coz i had to get 2 buses one to go to mold the other to go to chester.. returns on both nad in the end Beki's mum gave me a lift back (and Beki) so we both wasted about £1:50 which when you don't have all that much money is ALOT..
So yeah had fun in chester.. time went really quickly even though it was just me and beki! It was so random we were walking along and this guy turned round who was selling leaflets and loomed over us so me and beki did exactly the same thing. Screamed and put our hands up and then he screamed too becuase our reaction scared him! XD Then we had a conversation about how he was going to mug us with his leaflets take us away and rape us o_O He was a guy from a nearby uni selling their "gag mag" I found it really funny coz he said "i'm going to rape pillage and murder you!" and that just sounded wrong.. especially the pillage bit.. Then we went to the crypt for coffee (or was that before?)
Anyways the coffee was nice and we were having a really girly chat about body shape and personality.. lots of mentions of bra sizes XD after the coffee we went to leave and ended up lost in Debenams which was sooo amazingly funny! We got out eventually but half way down the street from where we'd gone in!
What else happened.. we were complaining about the lack of hot guys coz we couldn't rate them and play the lights on lights off game =_= So now we have to go back on saturday when there are bound to be many many guys! X3 There was one awesomely hot japanese looking sunglass wearing poofy haired guy.. *drool* but he was too old for us.. -_- (about 19 maybe 20)
Me and beki ended up buying loads of random stuff.. alot of stuff from the bead shop too to decorate clothes with.. i'm customising my jeans.. but as i have to sow everything by hand it's taking ages -_- ahh well it's fun after i've done my jeans i'm going to do some T-Shirts! *nods* Anyways it was really hot yesterday.. stupid british weather and i looked really like a scene kid o_O which was amusing! XD But we went ointo tesco to get ice-cream and there were bikini tops on sale for £2 so i bought one and wore it under my jacket around town coz i was too hot in my T-shirt! I looked really whorish/scene kid on beach though! XD which was just funny. I've given up on a style.. i like wearing black but i also like in the summer to have bright tops and stuff.. so i'm pretty much a freak as far as style goes.. one day i can be grunge the next punk.. I figure my friends are my friends and anyone else will accept me no matter what i wear and if they don't it's their problem not mine! I have good friends!
As always i'm still kinda trying to get used to be single.. it still niggles at me.. Kinda puts me off having another boyfriend for a while.. unless i knock into the perfect guy and there is pretty much no chance of that happening.. i know what type of guy i want.. I'm too picky by half. XD
Going back to chester we left at 4 with Beki's mum and i went back to Beki's house.. we watched them at archery, walked the dog.. usual stuff btu by the time i came home i was exhausted! I lay on the sofa like a dead fish and watched wire in the blood and then i went upstairs and ended up reading until 1 am.. well later than that in the end coz as i was trying to get to sleep there was a really loud knock and a rattle like someone was trying to get into the room. I'm sleeping in the spare room at the moment so it was really un-nerving as i know what makes every sound in my own room and can ignore it. I decided to ignore it and read some more then try and get back to sleep again.. then it happened again but this time it sounded like it was coming from the big old wardrobe we have. So i got up checked inside it.. figuring maybe one of my brothers was stuck in there o_O strange thought but it was late at night.. it was empty so i figured rather than freaking myself out i'd close the door properly (it might have been banging shut in a breeze the window in that room isn't selaed properly) and i forced myself to go to sleep.. i didn't hear it again.. so i figure the door thing was the problem.
I woke up at 1pm today though because i was so tired and becuase in the room i'm in you can hear my dad and mum getting ready for work and pottering about. My dad gets up at 5am and my mum at 7 so i was like no way am i getting up.. i haven't had a proper mights sleep yet.. and i've also decided as long as i'm in the spare room i might as well be nocturnal and sleep when everyone's out!
Thats it for my rambling for now! XD
Love you all! xxx
I'm going to have a paddy coz i have decided that Tsome's picture isn't good enough.. =_= which is horrible becuase i spent about 10 hours on it.. all the shading.. the colouring.. *cries* So now i'm trying to fix it on teh GIMP *cries more* I can't wait till i get my GCSE results fingers crossed they're good enough to get me the laptop i've been after.. no i have no idea how this will help with my inability to draw anything that looks even half decent.. but at least then i can potter in my room (the only space in the house where there aren't always nosy noisey boys!) and that will be goood. *nods* Then i shall get a tablet and things will all be happyful! =D yeah..
I am absloutely LOVING the Used at the moment.. not my normal music taste.. saying that i'll listen to nad like most things.. as long as they're not the steriophonics or dance.. but the song which did it is All That I've Got that i'm listening to now on repeat! X3 lol it's been on Scuzz alot recently and it's just that line "so deep it didn't even bleeding catch me" I love it.. i don't know why.. i'm going to have to stick it on a T-Shirt! Yeah i'm going to customise alot of my wardrobe.. *nods* rip it up fabric paint, glue, stick and sow! *squee* i honestly am really excited about it all! X3 I'm going to get some stuff from chester tomorrow!
I'm still decorating my room but i need to get rid of my bed.. i'll do that thurs take pictures and dismantle it.. or i'll do that after i've written this.. i stripped it this morning anyway so *shrugs* If i move everything into the spare room i can start living in there.
What else is there to report? I'm thinking of doing a bit of a wiki about cooking.. seeming as i have to cook at least once a week.. aimed at teenagers sort of thing.. i dunno just stuff to keep me busy! xD I need to sort out this as well.. my ET i mean.. go through my wiki pages and delete all the irrelevant ones.. need to redecorate here too.. and enter some EP comps.
Ahh i have to get a train to camp >.< 2 changes on the way down and 3 on the way back.. i am so going to die.. or end up burning the train tickets or miss my train. get on the wrong one.. i hate trains.. they scare me.. i always end up sitting there thinking this is going to crash and i'm going to die =/ now i have the added worry of trying to get somewhere that involves thinking and some sense of direction! >.< *cries* i hate trains!
Finally.. boys >.< gah.. boyfriend kinda boys not just general boys. I hadn't realised how dependant you get on having someone there who you can talk to at a moments notice, who you know will come of hug and kiss you and make everything okay. People think it's easier being the one to end the relationship and normally for me it is.. but what really hurts is that i'm coming to realise Josh was just using me.. becuase i made his life easier.. when he was around me he didn't have to think i made all the choices and decisions. I'd give him sympathy no matter how hard i tried not too. I'd always be there whenever he wanted a snog and it hurts alot realising that i did have feelings for him and he was using me. Thats why i don't like admitting i have feelings for boyfriends.. thats why i run away when i do.. becuase i end up stuck with guys who aren't with me because they love me but becuase i make life easier for them. I mean with Cross it was my fault but things had reached their end. It wasn't right anymore.. but Josh? I know now i would have ended up spending all my time messed up because of my mixed feelings and he would have carried on pretending and using me. I think i need some time without a guy. I'd really liek a boyfriend but i don't think i've got great taste in guys, i need to meet some new people and hopefully i'll bump into a guy that respects and cares about me. Who cna beat me in an arguement, give me sympathy when i need it but not be afraid to tell me to stop being bosy or attention-seek
Sorry about that.. it wasn't meant to be a rant.. i wasn't even meant to be writing an entry <.< >.>
lol Love you all xxx
lol i got up at a reasonable time today! ^_^ woop! Although i felt really sick.. >.< so i was just lazing on the sofa playing SSX on tour coz day-time TV is crap! CRAP!!!
I finished Tosme's portrait ^^ although i'm not 100% happy with it =/ anyways i'll get that up here soon.. it's scanned but on the other pc so i might as well do that when the boys get home and i lose the pc...
I'm kinda over this whole long break thing now.. it'll be better when the boys are off as well.. then we'll actually go out and do things as a family.. but at the moment it's just chores and amusing myself and thats about it. Can't wait till camp! It'll be a chance to get out and do soemthing different the 2 weeks will fly by! X3 Then there's only 2 weeks until Bloodstock, 3 weeks until results and 4/5 weeks till i go back to 6th form.. which i'm actually looking forward to.. something to keep me busy! Chester tomorrow hopefully! I'll ring Beki tonight..#
Annd.. last night i got round to finishing the work i had to do on Realms and posting in Hellmorphs! X3 I love that Rp.. it's like my child. I created it a year and a half ago.. one of the first RPs on the realms and it's been running ever since! I'm pretty proud of that! =P
Anyways just having lunch and pottering!
love you all! xxx
I have a new badge.. a strange squid type thing.. o_O lol XD i need to enter more ET comps now i'm spending more time on my art and writing! It's good practice.. whats the next big event? Halloween i think.. I'll have to enter a bunch of the competitions then! There good ways to improve and extend your abilities! =D
What else? not much really today was boring i got up really late lazed around.. i'm going to make it a habit of mine to get up at around 9 every morning and go for a walk. In preparation for camp which starts in 9 days.. My ear is sore.. i think i might take out my earrings for a bit and have a look.. i pierced them myself a couple of months ago.. so they should be well healed by now..
Chester on Wednesday! yay! lol i don't think i'll get my nose done till after camp.. as it'll be hard to take care of while i'm there.. but knowing me there's a good chance i get it done wednesday anyways.. coz i'm waaay too impulsive! XD
So yeah thats about it for todays update hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting! =P Although i may have some new art up by tomorrow.. a few more requests on DA so fingers crossed! *crosses fingers*
love you all! xxx
Work was fun.. i was feeling so dead though.. after getting off here i went to read for a bit.. damn exciting part in my book has to appear the night before work.. and when i get into a book i can read for hours.. so it was about 4am when i finally put the book down and decided to go to sleep but by then i wasn't tired (sleep patterns -_-) so i ended up daydreaming and thinking about stuff.. and GAH! So yeah i had about 3 hours sleep. Then i got up and my mum wasn't up.. my dad was out and i was like well i can't drive myself to work can i? nope.. so i clattered about in the kitchen loudly and she appeared.
Went to work.. mother and Beki were bullying me.. about the fact i now don't have a boyfriend apparently they both consider me to be a bit of a whore.. like WTF??? I am not.. what gave them that impression? infact why does everyone expect me to be flitting from guy to guy.. it's kinda depressing. Anyways i got confused becuase my mum was talking about cars and then she switched to talking about this guy ben i used to hang out with that my mum thought i should date (-_- parents) but i swear she said something about a 6 wheeled ben and i found it really funny.. Zomg and my mum had a temper tantrum coz she was tired i was nagging her about something and she just went: "I'm tired leave me alone!!" Then started to wail and attack the steering wheel.. my family is crazy CRAZY!!!
Work was good we only did a half day becuase everyone was out so cheh.. Isabella got a new kitten it's quite sweet but it needs a bath *nods* We sat in the kitchen for ages and then Isabella and Beki were bullying me.. what is it with everyone? They just pick on me ALL the time.. just coz i'm short..
SO yeah came home.. read a bit.. slept had dinner.. finished book and now i'm on here and DA and i'm determined to finish Tsome's portrait it's going pretty well i just need to finish the hair and after that it shouldn't take long at all.. i also offered to colour someone's dragon picture becuase i want practice at digital colouring and i have A first 10 comments get pictures thing in my DA diary.. so plenty of stuff to keep me busy. I'm going to finish my forum on the realms tonight too as i said i'd have it done by the weekend.. and the weekend is almost over.. i think i shall need lots of coffee!
So yeah thats todays ramble.. manga.. i forgot to read it yesterday !
love ya! ^_^ (that seems to have become my typical diary ending) xxx
Ahh yeah and Beki was trying to set me up with Mike.. between her and my mum i'll have to speed date all these guys they think i should be going out with.. why is setting up single people such a sport?? *grumbles*
I swear i'm going to bed.. i said that an hour and a half ago but i mean it now..
lol i've been re-reading my diary from the start and it's so weird.. it's like all the emotion i was feeling on our last day of school is back.. some of it's seriously funny and other parts of it make me want to cry. Some of it makes me realise how much i've grown up. I really want to print it off and put it in my leaving book. Coz it's a record of the last year or 2 thats better than any other. I think i'm going to put more pics in my leaving book too.. some from mike's party... some from work.. just random things that makes it cover the whole year. I want to open it and laugh and cry when i re-read it in a couple of years time. So yeah i am actually leaving now and not pretending too.. it's amazing how much more i wirte in my diary now than i did. Anyways hugs to [Beki in Wonderland] coz she's having a hard time and i thin it's partly my fault for splitting with my bf.. we're so close these kinds of things have a knock on effect alot of the time. No matter what you have to do what you want to do. Coz in the end if you don't face your fear and take some risks you're not really living. Anyways we'll talk tomorrow at work probably. What else was i going to say? i have no idea now.. so i shall say g'night and bid you all ado! tarrah!
*hugs and kisses*
Love you all! xxx
BWAHA!!!! <.<
I got back from my walk about 45 minutes ago.. it was very spur of the moment.. lunch in a bag, camera and off! It was so much fun! Just what i needed some time on my own just enjoying myself! The short story is i was attempting to walk to a local country park that should have taken me an hour and a half tops only the last time i walked there was at least 2 years ago.. so i got lost! I ended up taking this narrow path that wound up a wooded cliff, it was so awesome the views were amazing and there was no one about. The sun was out and it was warm for the first time in ages so i got some awesome pictures of the forest. It was breath taking.. but it did mean my walk took an hour longer than i'd intended! I got jumped on by a cute little dog.. which made me muddy but oh well! I walked along the river by the limestone caves, i didn't know there was a path down there but it was so amazing to have massive caves on one side, worn away by wind and rain and a fast flowing river on the other.
Eventually i got to where i was meant to be and they were having a Roman day so i walked right into the middle of a Roman village with people strutting about in costume. I wish i'd thought to bring money for an ice-cream but as i hadn't i didn't stay long. There was a point on the cliff where i lost my balance on the path and almost fell off! XD After all that i headed back home and just enjoyed the sun shine.. i mean it's not been often recently we've had days as nice as this! I was just so amazingly happy as i walked home. I'd spent a couple of hours in what i believe is the most beautiful part of wales and i'm single again, it means i can be a bit more selfish and think about what i really want (thanks Vyse). So yeah i was practically jumping the whole way home and it makes me want to go for a walk everyday! It just felt so great! I wish i had a dog though.. the walk was about 6-7 miles and i'm sure a dog would have loved it.. pity my parents don't want one >.<
Anyways yeah! ^^ I'm really REALLY happy now! I can't wait to go away to camp, to go to bloodstock and get back to school and have fun with my mates and do something other than vegging! *dances* It's amazing how some time to yourself in a wonderful environment can make you want to grab life and live it as much as you can isn't it?
Work tomorrow! which i'm actually excited about it's always good fun and me and Beki gossip like old wives! It's our weekly ranting and raving session.. and we get payed! So yeah we have quite a bit to talk about tomorrow and i'm going to read the Naruto manga in preparation!
tarrah! Love you all! xxx
ps: I shall have some phots up soon of this walk and my other ramble! =D
Well i got up really late.. i did my usual (of late) waking up at 9 and thnking what is the point in it all thing rolled over and went back to sleep.. when i woke up no one was in so.. *shrugs* that meant no chester not that i'm too bothered.. chester is a social thing so i'll do it next week properly and once i have this weeks wages..
I thik i'm feeling better today than last night but i'm not sure.. *shrugs* first things first i gotta thank Vyse for being there for me.. he said the nest thing at the time.. and that was "what you need to do is decide what you want." and i agree enough of this fannying around whinging and moaning becuase i don't know what to do with myself! ENOUGH! It started when i got up. I dumped my boyfriend. Not harshly but i hadn't slept much last night coz i couldn't stop thinking about it.. about what i feel about him and i decided there was no emotion. It was just physical.. if we weren't kissing he was annoying the hell out of me.. he's a great guy but not the right one for me. So i told him i didn't want to be with him nad it wasn't working.. he was nice about it which made me feel bad but i did it over the phone.. not great i know but better than text nad if i'd said we need to talk he would have a appeared at my house and i didn't want to be in a situation where i had no where to go after i'd dumped him. I like to have time to myself to think things through and stop shaking(i was shaking so much i almost fell head first down the stairs afterwards!)
Anyways now i feel i need to decide what i want to do with the rest of my life and get my lazy ass up and start doing something about it So here's my list:
*I want to finsih all the things i've started
*I want to get my nose pierced
*I want to have fun
*i want to be single for a while
*I want to do really well in school and go to oxford
*I want to lose some weight
*i want to go hug all my camp friends in 2 weeks =P
*I want to stop worry and being lazy nd live my life not just watch it!
So now i'm off to get some lunch, my camera, some colouring pencils and a sketch pad and go for a walk to loggerheads. So i can think draw and get fitter! =P
Love you all! *big hugs* xxx
Gah.. well it's offical. we're definately NOT going to Holland.. thats good you might say? well yeah i guess it is but i'm kinda.. -_- pfleeh.. I'm one of those people that can't stay in one place very long.. i mean i've moved (on average) once every 3-4 years of my life.. and im what my mum likes to call stupidly independant.. that means i like to go off and put myself in difficult situations and be challenged and make new friends (reasons i absolutely loved going skiing with the school) and i kinda want to go... for alot of reasons.. i mean i know i'd miss my friends but i've lived here 5 year.. joint longest i've lived anywhere.. and i guess i'm going to be going away to uni in 2 years and i'll be moving on and making new friends then and i should probably enjoy this while it lasts.. Buuut... I'm getting bored of having the same local friends, always seeing the same people.. i mean i love [Beki in Wonderland] to bits.. as if she were my own sister.. we've been friends for years! Everyone thinks we should be related and i'd hate to have to leave her and there's al my other close friends, rachel, ruth, dan font, holly, dan rowberry... i'm not going to list them all and i do love them all! However i get bored of always being around the same people.. holly and the dans and rachel and me only really hang around in school, i'm with Beki almost everday, i see ruth most times i'm in mold and there's loads of friends like that but i don't have anyone outside that. (I've gone a bit off topic) I live in a stupid poxy village where everyone has known everyone since they were born and of course i'm the odd one out. All the people are chavs all my other friends know people they can just meet up with on the spurr of the moment and go out and talk to and have fun.. i mean even my brothers do. I'm quite an active person and i like living rough.. last year i spent two weeks canoeing, cooking over an open fire and sleeping under the stars and i LOVED it.. there's no one here i can really do that with.. no one i can go out walking with.. i hate it.. if my friends are busy i'm stuck in the house.. doing nothing and getting fat. I may not seem it but i'm really weight concious alot of my friends are thin and i'm constantly aware of people saying wow you're heavier than you look. It gets to me.. i'm not over weight but i can't stand just sitting around coz i snack and i get paranoid that i weigh too much and it drives me crazy. Then there's my boyfriend, josh. All i can say is i don't know.. sometimes i really like him nad others i wonder why i'm even in the relationship. I keep thinking i should break up with him.. i have once already. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if i want to be with him becuase i know he really loves me or becuase i really love him. I mean we fight all the time.. he annoys the hell out of me coz he doesn't know when to stop.. it's just! GRRRRRR!! Right now i think i don't want to be with him.. i don't know what i want but i dson't know how to tell him that i want a break.. want to be single for a while.. i don't care anymore.. i think next time i see him i'm going to tell him.
I hate not having anyone to talk to about this.. i want someone local who i can talk to any time. Instead i rant to a stupid computer screen and everyone just skim reads it and mutters "what an emo" to themselves.. tbh i don't care what other people think and even if they were to try to help i can't see it doing much good.. god dammit i want to move even more now. In less than 2 weeks i'm going on a hiking trip for 2 weeks with some friends from all over, camp friends from last year. It's going to be great, to chat with them and sleep out under the stars again and i'll lose so much weight. I've missed them so much adn FSC when i'm away on these holidays i can forget everything.. life is simple it's about surviving making it to the next camp site and cooking dinner! It's such a laugh and i know when i coe back i'll be wishing i never left. This last year or so i've been having worse and worse bouts of feeling really low.. i've put it down to exam stress, relationship problems.. moving blah blah blah.. and i can only seeing it getting worse over the next to years.. but short of running away what can i do?
*sigh* i'm going crazy.. i can't wait to get to university.. meet new people.. i'm like the opposite of what you expect.. i lOVE change what scares me is everything staying the same.. being stuck in the same place with the same people. I want to get really drunk.. have a party or something.. but i can't i'm never invited.. i'm always the outsider.. part of everything but with no seperate life! I think i'm going to go walk to moel ffamau tomorrow.. walk to the top and sit! or to the top of loggerheads, take some photos.. do some drawing.. just chill and think.. i feel like i'm stuck in a prison at the moment. I need to sort my head out.
That means telling josh i want to stop going out with him for the moment. That means finshing all those things i said i'd finish. That means a fresh start.. i need a new hobby so i can have some new friends... i need something but i'm not sure what yet! >.<
...so yeah
on the up side Harry Potter was GREAT!!!! i loved it.. i want to go see it again though coz my brothers were chatting and i missed some bits.. but ZOMG!! i wanted to see bill! apparently he's really hot! <3
I went to sleep! *nods* okay so it was at 5am.. buut.. <.<
lol i got up at 4pm as well.. which goes to show i am becoming nocturnal.. but it's fun! we're going to see Harry Potter tomorrow! *is stupidly excited* lol i'm going with my family and Joshwa and Beki! we should have fun! =D It was expensive though.. bloody cinema prices and they go and knock down the only reasonably priced local cinema to replace it with a lap dancing club -_- i hate society...
My dad got back from Russia tonight as well! *squee* the stupid man is never at home anymore.. he was in switzerland last week, russia this week, switzerland again next week and the week after Canada for the world championships for 24 hour racing (he's strange) but on the plus side trips away means presants! =D He got me exactly what i wanted.. a completely stupid furry russian hat and it's a communist one as well.. i'll have to take a picture! XD So i've been sitting up on rs since midnight (when i got lunch coz i was starving) wearing this rediculous hat and doing quests!
Beki's gone to bed and that made me realise i probably should too so just a bit of rambling and message answering and i'll head to where i'm meant to be.
so what have i done recently? nothing useful thats for sure! lol..i've got re-addicted to runescape so i thought what the heck last night and stayed up all night.. i kinda meant to and kinda didn't. I'd said to Josh i would coz i hadn't got up till lunch time yesterday.. so i was like.. feh not tired..
Anyways i sat down with a book and suddenly realise.. very belately as my mum had told me several times she was off to bed and it was late.. that it was almost midnight so i was like.. pc *nods* i planned to check messages and stuff but i was in a writing mood so i speant an hour rambling to myself on word.. started as a detailed description of myself and ended as a kinda personal ramble.. the i gave up on life and went to go on rs and fish some lobbies..
unfortunately ai, beki, [Beki in Wonderland] w/e you want to call her was online so we ended up wandering around and i said at about 4am i was going to get off the pc and then got completely side-tracked looked at the clock and it was 5:30.. my mum was waking me up at 7 to get ready for school anyways so there was not much point in going to sleep so i read a bit pretended to be asleep yelled at my mum and got up.
Then school and i was hyper from lack of sleep and waaay too much coffee <.< >.> so we went to one lesson realised that the whole induction was really pointless and i'd already spoken to my teachers and i'd seen everyone i wanted to see so i left after 1st period.. then town just bogging around amusing myself until lunch when i got a lift home.. my gran and grandad were here but i'd been awake over 24 hours by this point and wasn't in a talkative mood.. so i went to my room and read and then thought i should get some sleep. So i slept really lightly listening to the radio until 4 when someone came in and disturbed me and i got up. But coz i was so tired i ended up on the sofa for another two hours sleeping for 10 minutes and waking up flicking channels and sleeping again so that was alot of use >.< That makes my total of sleep in the last 2 days about..2 hours max.. greeaat.. but then i had dinner and food always wakes me up so of course now i can't sleep at all and i don't feel tired.
I'm at that stage where you know you should be tired.. know you should be dying somewhere you even feel a detached sense of tiredness like it's floating around you but i can't sleep and i just want to be doing stuff. Beki's ramble about the darkest part of the night and it's beauty has made me want to go for a walk.. >.< i'm gunna go for another ramble tomorrow i think i know a route now! =D i'm going to do it backwards i think! ^_^ (i have photos to put up of my last ramble.. i got lost! =P)
I have a really sore throat which i think is from drinking my cider when my brother got bleach in it when he was messing about.. it wasn't enough to kill me or anything but not a good idea anyway.. so i'm not doing that again! =D
Now i'm just rambling so i'm going to go on gaia.. and then i dunno probably go read for a bit and come back to the pc if i still can't sleep.. i am becoming nocturnal! but thats fine i only have to get up normally once a week for work so i'll survive! XD