Today has been odd... good but odd! I didn't write anything yesterday i don't think.. i was a bit stressed out and tired and emotionally wrecked! XD I just felt betrayed and fed up and lost, no idea of where i stood with my best friend. Fortunatly that problem has solved itself in the form of Beki not talking to me o__O Now some of you might be going ZOMG!!! but they're like inseperable.. well not any more it seems! XD lol.. okay so it may seem so weird that i'm not really upset about it.. and it's not that i'm hiding it i'm actually not upset. I've spent today with a load of people i wouldn't normally spend my day with and it was AWEZOME!! I have so many good friends that i sometimes didn't take much notice of, me and Amy are getting on great.. she forced me to come into town with her after school and then didn't want me to go home! XD Normally i wouldn't have gone without beki.. coz i always feel like i'm second best to her and that no one would want me there on my own.. but i had just as good a time without her.. it might seem really harsh to be saying this but it's the truth and yeah i know she has an ET and will probably read this and thats part of the reason i'm writing it.

Beki: I have no idea why you're not speaking to me, that's your problem and i'm not going to grovel at your knees to find out. If you want me as a friend thats fine if you don't that's also fine, i think i'll survive! I'm not about to turn this into some kinda war i'm still going to enjoy my life coz i realised a while back that i'm the only person that can make me happy. If this is over Josh i think thats really stupid.. i don't care if you're dating him or in love with him, again thats your choice and i'm over him. As i've said he's dead to me now and that has nothing to do with you and his relationship. And if this is something else i honestly have no idea what it is so i have nothing to feel guilty about. Balls in your court, you have to decide what you want.

Thats it i think! ^__^ so yeah a pretty good day for me! X3 I'm in a happyful mood.. just going to do some homework and i'll be back later.. to do some CGing and writing. Turns out i've grown alot in the last couple of months, I think i'm actually happy with myself, i believe in myself again and i have faith in me! So what should have been bad was actually good.. life is funny like that lol!

ohh yeah.. Amy's also invited me to her Bday piss up and she says i can probs. stay at hers afterwards! ACE! XD 
 

Completely irrelivant but i can't feel my foot and i need to go to bed! *nods* buut i have lots of news from this weekend that i need to write about before it falls victim of what i am now calling BOA syndrome.. as in i can't be bothered writing about it and so it is left as a half finished word document! XP

Anyways where did i get up to last entry? Thursday.. goodo! =D means i don't have too much to ramble about and i noticed i typoed awesome as AWEZOME which is infact awesome and i shall now completely over use! AWEZOME! =P Anyways Friday was Shammy's party, which was great! Beki came over at about 7 ish and we started drinking t3h rum before we got there and then moved on to spirits and cider! X3 Vena Cava did an awezome set! Few more songs than at mike's party.. we did some made piggy-back headbanging.. ate some guinea pig treats.. (<_< >_>), then it gets hazy so to keep it short.. lost beki made friends with a load of people i knew from other parties and were in my form and talked to sinead again! All of which was fun.. built up y shit mix in my cider can.. i have a habit of getting people to add bits of drink into my can till i have no idea what i'm drinking and then get wasted!
Me and Amy were WASTED so we stuck together.. we had a rofl moment with the seesaw.. it was a 2 year olds one! Me and beki had tried to get on it and somehow i tripped over and ended up lying on Beki's legs then when me and Amy tried we managed to flip it over completely and were left ROFLING on the floor! XD After that i don't remember much of anything.. Nathan added Absynthe to my shit mix after i had a couple of mouthfuls of it straight.. i think i had, vodka, rum, whiskey, absynthe, cider, beer and whatever other spirits were going in it! XD Killer! lol I sat with amy and steevo outside the hanger.. matty got yelled at.. alot of people left.. i ended up paralitic on the floor.. the tent had been put up but i couldn't figure out how to get in.. tent.. sleep..
Then the next day.. woke up with no hangover at about 6 and then went and sat on the camping chairs i'd brought from 8 onwards. Found beki made a vid of the aftermath and got a lift home with my dad! Saturday was ugh.. i had to dismantle a wardrobe and put a chest of draws together.. which i did then i crashed on my sofa for 3 hours.. woke up with a sore neck.. had dinner.. went on pc.. found out Lyon had got him, me and beki tickets to a manga con. on november 29th in chester! X3 fecking YES!!!!! i am majorly excited and i need to figure out a costume as well as ones for ninja day and halloween.. i lOVE dressing up! lol anyways yeah..
Got up early this morning.. put together my new wardrobe and then did homework all day.. boring -___- but had to be done i hadn't done any all week! XD My room is pretty AWEZOME now i have some new furniture in but i need to go through some of my stuff... i have so much crap.. but my room is almost done and it's so big now.. at least it looks alot bigger than it did.. i'll get some photos soon! x3 me and my mum are going on a shopping spree for accessories and stuff which i adore! I love getting new pretty stuff.. i'm such a girl! <_< anyways i should be heading off to bed now so i can cope with school tomorrow although i'm not really tired.. but i do have to read some Antony and Cleo.. so i might do that and read a couple of Neo Articles.
Oh and i have a future.. my aim is architecture in Cambridge! *dances* i'm so glad i have a plan now! =D
Tarrah! Love you all! xxx

Gah i feel exhausted! I mean i feel more tired than i did in the holidays staying up for days and nights in a row and more tired than camp where i got about 3 hours sleep a night and walked 12 miles with a pack a day! :o I don't know what it is.. there are several things it could be.. just general school and stuff tiring me out, sleepwalking alot or not sleeping too well.. the other strange thing is i'm almost constantly hungry.. i mean i must have eaten about twice the amount i normally would today.. which would suggest i'm growing.. which i REALLY doubt.. but you never know i live in hope! XD

In other news i have just completed my Tesco job application form which i hope to give in tomorrow! Fingers crossed i get the job because the money is quite good and i could use some extra cash what with uni fast approaching and plans for a gap year round the world trip. I got Harry Potter special edition top trumps too today! xD Me and mark were playing them in physics and our teacher caught us.. we had no idea what he had been saying but luckily the fake tattoo on my neck saved us! XD He went off on a ramble about a guy in a caffee with a spiderweb tattooed on his face and then started rambling at walker about his baccy tin/pencil case! XD so we got out of the lesson early and i had a free first coz our chem teacher was away! Unfortunately we have a mini-test tomorrow -___- which i should be revising for now.

Yesterday was AWEZOME!! A couple of us from 6th form went to school dressed as pirates, Mr Humphys was threatening to chuck us out of school for the day but everyone else thought it was funny! So he got over-ruled and spent the rest of the day glaring at us! I'll put up a pic of my costume when i can find one! I got told off in maths too by Mrs Bradford but meh! XD it was awesome! We went into town too! Everyone thought it was amazing and we met loads of people and started conversations with them! Plus the look i got when i went into the job center was priceless! XD Ahh i had so much fun! X3 But it was so tiring i got home and fell asleep on the sofa! XD

And for anyone that hasn't seen the latest Heroes eps yet or doesn't watch it.. shame on you!!!!! it is really gooood! :o I love Hiro and Peter! They are my favs with Isaac as a close second! ^____^

AHHHH!! *dies* for no reason at all i started watching marauder's vids on youtube and now i want to fanart!!! NOT ONLY THAT BUT I WAS NEARLY IN TEARS!!!!! zomfgwtf??? gah =__= i am a potter nerd!

waha! I swear at somepoint soon i shall post the BOA review from my point of view!! Promise!!

..anyways.. what to ramble about? My double bed comes tomorrow! X3 i cannot wait!! I want to have a mattress warming party no matter how wrong that sounds! I was talking about it with matt.. our convo has been so random tonight! I like matt.. he's good to talk to he stays up late and is perfectly able to ramble like a grandad on crack! XD Plus i can tease and bully him and he doesn't care! Although our convo tonight has been the most flitty and suggestive ever... i have been sitting here giggling for about 2 hours! X3 that wasn't what i was going to ramble about but meh there you go!

I've had a good weekend.. friday night i was shattered and feeling really down.. things getting to me.. like the fact i don't have a bf and everyone else seems to have on. I know thats not true but it feels like it.. anyways i had a heart to heart to beki *huggles* she let me rant at her and tell her how i feel which i haven't done in ages!! She even made me cry! She's like my sister and our convo made me realise just how much talking to her and us being friends means to me. I dunno what i'd ever do without her, life would be bland! We understand each other perfectly, we know how each other thinks and we don't have to talk to have conversations! We have similar tastes argue like enemies and basically have a great time together! We work together and go to school.. i swear i love her as much as i love my brothers and we couldn't be closer if we were related by blood. *glomps* anyways enough buttering up of beki! =P

So yeah then i went to chester with Beki and Matt and we met Dan and Amy and stuff. It was good i got my nose pierced and didn't spend too much money! =D yay! ^_^ Then babysitting last night, i'm amazed i survived! I was shattered! It was fun though! we played games and i just generally felt like a kid and i drew both chloe and jack pictures which they loved.. chloe has decided she wants to become more punky XD rofl another child converstion to add to my list! So far every kid i've babysat has shortly after i started babysitting them turned down the "alternative" route.. i'm just glad to be doing my bit for the scene and the bands that rock it out! XP Jack made me aww! He said he hoped he still knew me when he was a famous footballer and then he said he probably would coz i'd babysit his kids if he had any (he's 8) bless him! I take that to mean i'm a good babysitter ^_^ which makes me feel happy! lol but i was like.. i don't think i'd be babysitting your kids.. i'd be like 30 by the time he started having kids.. it's more likely my kids would babysit his kids! XD which would be funny! But as i plan to live abroad i don't think thats likely!

Anyways finally got a lie in today, my mum and dad are away at a rugby match so my gran's staying here at the moment. She makes me laugh coz she rambles.. she was giving me an account of her bowel movements at one point i was like o__O thanks gran! XD and my grandad is cool! But my gran is a worrier and my grandad doesn't care.. which is not good as my brothers don't like having to tell gran exactly where they're going and i get fed up of my gran arguing and nagging at everyone. Plus my grandad is diabetic and recently dislocated his shoulder so she's worrying more than ever.

Anyways good day.. got all my homework done so yeah! Can't wait for school tomorrow i'm LOVIN it soooo much!

Tarrah! Love you all! xxx 

GOOD DAY!! *nods* My room is pretty much done (i'll get some pictures up when it's completed) so i'm getting new furniture that should be here by the weekend! ^^ Which is awesome but it does mean i have to sort out all my crap that i've been collecting.. i might start tonight as i'm ontop of my homework and have typed up all my notes. Ontop of that the wireless internet was installed which allows me to sit in bed (like i am now) on my laptop (bob) and stay up talking to people (i shall make 12 my limit and then do some logic puzzles and stuff after that.. or as it will be tonight sorting)!!! It's awesome and much more peaceful and enjoyable than being in the study with my arguing brothers and their friends! Some peace at last! *dances* annd i came home to find a parcel on the table for me! ^_^ it was from my Aunty as a congratultions for my exams, she sent me a card, some red spray in wash out hair dye =D, 2 nail varnishes (quick drying and prettyful! ^^) and some liquid eyeliner! Which is great!!! XD So far these exams have payed off pretty well! I feel like it's my birthday or something. Although now i'm back to school time is flying and it's a return to late nights, early mornings and homework but i'm having fun in 6th form as it's freer and less controlled than lower school! X3

bah diary! *grumbles* i feel like a moody old man at the moment.. I'm decorating my room (which i've been doing for 2 months now!) I've finally got to the point where we're putting paint on the walls but it's bloody boring.. you have to masking tape all the skirting boards and then the actual painting.. it's like peh =__= i'm using the ceiling painting roller because i'm short and can't be bothered getting a ladder.. like.. totally too much effort! XD So it's not too bad but i'm covered in white paint and it's killing brain cells i swear! I've got 1 wall painted.. only.. 3 more to go.. i want to get it all done today so i can add the finishing touches and then i have to move back in before next weekend.. or the weekend after.. o_O which again is too much effort.. i blame starting school again.. it's zapped all my energy.. i need coffee.

Now for a ramble about school.. It started on wednesday.. i wasn't too worried about going.. i figured it'd be okay and if it wasn't i'd deal with it! XD Luckily it's been great (if tiring) i'm loving it! Despite the fact i have absolutely no frees and have already had 3 pieces of homework -__- lol! That's what you get when you try to take 5 AS levels. I'm doing Physics, Maths, Chemistry, English Lit and Art (i was taking History but i dropped it after the first lesson!). It's really awesome coz i have some great teachers who are a bit nutty! Which makes life interesting! Plus coz we're in 6th form it's so much less formal, the teachers joke with us and tease us and things.. which is fun.. My physics teacher was taking the piss coz i forgot how to add fractions over the hols! XD And i was annoying Mr Owen by being overly clever! XD SO much fun! Plus i have a couple of friends in all my classes and i've made new friends too! X3

Then there's the added bonus of being able to go out and get a coffee everyday! Me and [Beki in Wonderland] have been taking advantage of that! I'm just LOVING it! Although next week i'm is going to be tough.. as i have to do homework, keep up with my online projects and finish my room *dies thinking about it* ahh well i'll cope! XD I guess i should grab some lunch so i can finish doing my bedroom and move on to art! AO1 sheet for Mr T. and research on another artist for our other teacher. Then Mr Owen's chem project.. i have to extract my physics books from all my crap thats piled in the spare room while i'm decorating.. i desperately need to sort my stuff out.. i have so much junk.. and i now have 5 art folders! X3 i'm well proud.. i have an A1 one, 3 A2 ones and a A3 one! XD It's my mission to get as many art folders from the school as i can.. coz they're not buying them anymore! *evil laugh* i am such a hoarder..

Right now it is my turn to rant about bloodstock point of view.. gah my brain still be pretty messed up.. infact i need Dr Pepper if i am to attempt this at all! X3 Brb! 

Today's been pretty good so far, had to get up early to have a shower before my opticians appointment -_- bah i hate getting up.. stupid holidays! XD I'm never going to be able to get up in time for the bus when school starts again!
lol Anyways i went into town, ordered a new pair of glasses, picked up my contact lenses! X3 just in time for Bloodstock tomorrow! .:squee!:. Then i went to tesco with my dad and bought the food for the 4 days at BOA talk about carbo-loading XD It's pretty much bread and sugar appart from the apples, ham and cheese i got to make it a "balanced diet!" I've got bread, bagles, brioche, pancakes, frosties and cereal bars! XD So yeah.. we're going to be longing for a decent meal by sunday! I don't know what kinda stuff beki's bringing but as we don't have a stove to cook food much the same thing i think! Plus i got cider and i know beki's bringing some too! X3 so food and drink wise we're set! I still need to sort out clothes.. i'll go do that later! I'll just find some jeans, underwear, a couple of tops and chuck in some baby wipes and sun screen! XD That should do us!
After that i came home and me and my dad watched Pink Floyd the Wall as he'd been promising to watch it with me for AGES!! It was good! A bit trippy and confusing but my dad chipped in with helpful details when they were needed (he was a big Pink Floyd fan) So i really enjoyed it! A 4 star movie! Would be 5 stars but it lost me in places.. mind you the music was kinda making me drift off in places... early mornings are not my thing! lol
Oh and i've been leafing through the robinsons catalogue that arrived this morning i'll have to tackle my mum when i get back about some new jods, chaps and a fleece for work! I also want to get myself a cheap grooming kit, there's one for £5.50 and i'll get a rubber curry comb to add to it. The brushes at work have a mysterious habit of vanishing so having my own would be useful! XD 

One message.. not worth answering.. i shall let them pile up a bit.. opposite of what Beki's doing! But meh..


TEA!! No matter what they say tea is one of the most addictive substances known to man. I make myself a cup of tea and i sit down and drink it and then i put it down and 5 minutes later i pick it up and go: "oh it's empty i need to make myself another one.." and that goes on and on until i've had about 10 cups of tea and am wondering why the hell i've drunk more in a day than i normally would in a week. -_- no wonder the brits are known for tea consumption.. they're all ADDICTED!!! and i'm one if them! A moaning, ranting, weather watching, tea-loving BRIT!! and thats a good thing in my books! XD I love moaning and ranting.. it's good for you! As is tea and whisky and cider and brandy (which are all british i think) and IRISH POTATOES! *drools* i always knew there was a reason Ireland reminded me of potatoes!! BECAUSE OF THE DEPRESSION!!! and no i don't actually have anything better to do with my time than rant.. and no i'm not drunk.. it's BLOODSTOCK! on thursday! *hypers* i was talking to beki on the phone.. it's going to be so awesome! X3

I'm not saying too much else or i'll get really hyper.. i'm trying to keep calm until Thursday when i can be stupidly hyper! .:squee:.
I got my photos from camp today (they were being developed) and they're pretty good! I wish i could have taken more.. i used up my film in about a week =/ I also got a postcard from the staff and it made me cry a bit! I miss everyone on camp so much and they said a load of nice thnigs.. i think they must have been slightly drunk when they wrote it though.. the person they talk about doesn't sound like me! Not how i would think of myself anyways:
quote: "you are a beautiful, clever, capable and funny young woman." huh??? beautiful? i think not.. clever.. okay i kinda am.. capable.. *shrugs* funny??? i don't think so.. i definately wasn't one of the camp clowns and i can't remember being jokey around the staff.. appart from the drunk lets go out with no trousers episode.. i did have a fleece on but.. yeah... XD ahh well i send them lots of hugs! X3

Meh.. me and my dad have been left on our own for less than a day and already the house is turning into a tip. There is a trail of washing up that spans the work surface and we're living on instant food ... i'm calling it college practice! XD I think i'm going to head off now too.. don't feel much like sitting around on the pc.. might go draw or write or read or watch Britain's next top model on Living+1 XD catch you all later!

Time to ramble me thinks! XD First off did anyone in Britain go outside and look at the sky around 1 in the morning? I did.. not randomly but becasue, as those of you who went out and looked up last night will know, there was a meteor storm! It was BRILLIANT!! The sky was clear of clouds and becasue it was a new moon it was really dark and i live in the countryside so there was hardly any ligth pollution! X3 It happens every year in August but because of the new moon it was going to be more clearly visible than it had been for years.. the only reason i know this is i happened to catch it on the news yesterday adn thought that as i'm usually awake around that time i'd go outside and have a look. It was worth it!! I saw a bunch of really pretty "shooting stars" the first one i saw was right above where i was standing and had a tail of green fire! It was so awesome! I made a couple of wishes too.. as is tradition! The only problem was i was on my own lying on my patio in shorts for about an hour at 1 am >3< needless to say it was quite cold and there were slugs everywhere.. next year i want to have a kinda party thing! Where we all go outside at 1am looking for the shooting stars and drinking whatever we have to hand! =P
Anyways i'm going to be online a while as i've decided to finish off all those CG's in my WIP file.. and i'm working on the dragon picture on my house.. i need to get all the base colour filled in at once.. so anyone who wants to chat or who has any tips on drawing horses (i've decided to practice drawing them 1) because i want hand drawn pics for my VHR horses and ranch and 2) becuase i hardly ever draw horses yet i LOVE being around them..) feel free to message me! ^^ I have plenty of time as my mum and brothers have gone away (i didn't go becasue it clashes with BOA) and my dad is out.. he picked up a bug in Egypt last week and so he's off work and has gone to see the Doctor. There are up sides to my family being away.. becuase my dad's been to switzerland, canada, russia and egypt in the last month with work i've now got lots of chocolate and strange hats and stuff. He got me a russian com. hat from russia, a fezz (sp?) from egypt, 5 40g bars of finest swiss chocolate, a big packet of oreos, a big bar of JD chocolate *drools* i LOVE JD my mum has said she'll get me some.. *dances* and a bunch of egyptian papyrus that he saw being made! Beki also got me some scrumpy from when she was away! It's really nice.. like rum cider.. rum and cider.. yum.. two of my favorite drinks!
Anyways enough of that for now.. i'm back to CGing..
Love you all! xxx

Hellloooo! I feel a great sense of achievement today! X3 lol! I got up at about 12:15 (not too bad concidering how late up i was last night.. after i got off here i was writing in my room!) Anyways.. yes.. i've done several chores that i needed to do today! X3 First off i cleared out the stuff my mum put back into my room (i'm still decorating) and put it back in the spare room, there's now nothing left in my room except my bed, empty bookshelf and wardrobe and i'm taking the bed appart tomorrow as it's been sold to one of my brother's friends! That means i can prep the room and paint it when i get back from Bloodstock which will mean it should be done 2 weeks today and i can start moving furniture back in and stuff! X3
Then i cleaned out the rabbit and guinea pig and because it was a nice day and i felt like it i washed my flip-flops (the ones i took on camp) and my mucker boots and polished my riding and walking boots. When i was done with that my mum asked me to cook dinner because she and my brothers are going on holiday tomorrow and she needed to pack (we always do things last minute) so i made spaghetti bolegnase from scratch (i was pretty proud of myself) although i did have to swap pans coz i burnt some of the veg <_< but now i know i need to keep stirring it and not go off to watch TV! XD It tasted pretty damn good too! and it meant i had no after dinner chores!! so yeah... i feel i've used my day well!
The plans for the rest of the week are:
Monday: free day
Tuesday: Walk to town to pick up photos
Wednesday: Opticians, meet Beki, pack for bloodstock (i might start tomorrow actually)
Thurs: get up early and leave for BOA
Fri & Sat: BOA
Sunday: home and sleep!
Monday: recovering (decorating)
tues: LARP (??)
wed: free day (decorating)
thurs: RESULTS!!! o_O =/
XD lol so yeah! busy week and a bit! and to think we're about 3 weeks into the hols now.. thats half way and it's gone so quick.. well i have been doing alot.. but even so.. i can't believe it's almost time to go to BOA! X3 i'm so excited!!! *dies*

It's been a while since i wrote in here.. well 2 or 3 days.. and not much has happened to be honest.. Beki came over.. we were meant to be practicing for bloodstock instead i speant a load of money in mold and then we came home and watched a movie, ate ice-cream and drank scrumpy.. we decided that we were doing our "break-up binges" and that marks the end of that! XD lol it was alot of fun, it's been ages since we speant time together just chilling and being lazy! So i had an awesome time! X3 We got two tubs of Ben and Jerry's as well, 2 new flavours: half baked (the BEST ice-cream ever made) and Bohemian Rasberry becuase they were on 2 for £5.
In town i dropped off my cameras to be developed (yay for camp photos) but i have to pick them up on tuesday and then i have an eye-test wednesday and bloodstock thursday! :o busy week! Plus i have to clear my room out completely before i go so i can decorate when i get back. I also got some make-up and i can't remember what else >.< lol
hmm appart from that i've got a list of things to do: diet, draw VHR art, requests on DA, walk more, decorate room etc. etc. and my ex is annoying me.. or was until i won the arguement and he decided it wasn't worth carrying on if he valued his face! As Beki said i had 2 things going for me which meant he couldn't win: 1) I'm a woman 2) I'm Alex! XD ROFLMAO!! *glomps beki*
Thats all except it's 2am and i'm not tired and have an urge to draw and write... BEKIIII you have influenced me! :o

Okay here's a rundown of the last 2 and a bit weeks.. i'll split it up into little bits under headlings but it'll still be a LOOOONG ramble so... yeah.. don't feel you have to read it!
1)Camp
ZOMG!! so much to say! It was so amazing!! Lets start at the start though.. i left home at about 9 to get the train to newport and catch a train from there to Swansea on which (hopefully) i would meet the rest of the people going on our FSC camp. I was kinda nervous about the train thing.. i was pretty certain i'd get lost and i have a slight phobia of trains anyway =/ but meh i got on with it and everything was fine! I met up with all the other campers and spent the whole 2 hours of the journey to Swansea talking to graham, ian, jaco and Lawrence who i met last camp! X3 It was great catching up and seeing them again. Jaco had changed ALOT! He was taller and gone for an emo style which inspired alot of friendly teasing over the 2 weeks. Graham was a drinker now! and ian and lawrence were mostly the same lawrence drank now too.. so yeah you can imagine what the 2 weeks were like.. we went through 3 bottles of vodka some JD and alot of cider and beer! XD (jaco got away with buying alcohol!).
From Swansea we had a 2 hour bus ride to our campsite and i talked to Alister and Chris on the bus, which was cool! New friends already! The camp was a concensus camp which was a bit odd and i admit at first i thought it would be really crap but it wasn't! It took a while to get into the whole idea that everyone had to agree on the decisions but once we got going we were quite good at it! It worked and we had fun plus we could say we were the trailblazers for concensus camps which is cool! We stayed at an "alternative community" for the first 3 days and most of the staff had connections there becuase most of them lived on similar communities! It was such a Hippy camp! So yeah.. after that first 3 days we went walking along the pembrokeshire coastal path which was so beautiful (hopefully i'll get camp pics up on here soon!). I walked in the fast slow and medium groups so i got to know everyone quite early on! Which was cool!
The fast group did a 30Km hike and got up at 3:30am to do it and ended up in a pub drinking cider by 2pm! XD Which was so awesome! Then we got back ate and took part in the night game (more cider afterwards) and were VERY tired the next day! We had a big party on the last day too and me and tasha got a bit tipsy! XD It was so funny i ended up sitting at 4am around the campfire wearing nothing but a fleece and my underwear with two guys half asleep in my lap! I got an hours sleep after that and then we had to pack up to go! Thats just the major bits as i'm trying to keep this short and i don't really have enough words to describe the whole 2 weeks but i learnt alot had an amazing time and cried as i waved goodbye to everyone going back on the london train! ;_; I've never felt so upset about leaving camp before.. i mean seriously! I miss camp more than i've ever missed home! But then this camp was special, it was my last camp as a kid with Ian and Graham (they become staff now) and it was a different camp, very diverse that taught me alot about myself and the way i do things. So many people touched my heart and i learnt so much! About the world and about living with people and challenging things. It was very spiritual and i really needed that, the whole close family thing and to have to be confdent and sure of myself becuase it's helped me get over all the shit thats been holding me back! I now feel very happy and confident in myself and i actually feel that i'm someone worth knowing! X3 *dances*
Camp Quote: Camp is our 2 weeks of sanity that helps us deal with our insane lives. I totally agree. Sanity largely restored and a new-found faith in myself i'm out to do the best i can! World look out!
Hehe i'm slightly jet-lagged coz camp ran on Hippy time! XD (an hour faster than normal time!)
2)Eisteddfod
Yup! seeming as it's on our doorstep we went to the eisteddfod today! It was really good! I spoke a bit of welsh, had a look at all the stalls and played some minin-golf.. it was so surreal though being surrounded by people speaking another language while still in britain! I got a new sketch pad with proper good quality paper that i'm planning to use for some portraits and some pictures! ot much to say appart from that really on the eisteddfod!
General goings on
What a bad year for Britain hay? Ever since Gordon Brown became PM the world seems out to test him! Terrorist attacks, flooding, fires and foot and mouth.. seriously i've been watching the news since i got back coz i haven't heard anything in the 2 weeks i was away and i find it good to know whats going on in the country and all the stuff that's going on *shakes head* The people on the train to london from camp got stuck at Newport becuase of the fire and didn't get home until late >.<
My brothers are fine but both are going for a more emo sort of look, skinny jeans and all that. Mark has had his long lovely curly hair cut off.. it looks kinda odd at the mo but it'll look better when it's grown in a bit. They went shopping yesterday which has now made me want to go shopping i'm going to look on Iansnow to see about getting a hippy hat for winter! X3 lol
What else? Mark got very drunk in town coz he thought brandy was like shandy -_- silly child and it's put him off alcohol for a bit. Which i guess is good! he's also got a crush on this girl Della which is so KAWAII! =3 But on the down side his best friend Tom's mum's in hospital again and she's seriously ill. Apparently the rumour is it's cancer.. i like tom he's a sweet boy and i'm really worried about him. I hope his mum gets better =/
That pretty much sums up the general stuff.. see what i mean about the camp being sanity and normal life being insanity? It's so true.. i want to go back! At least at camp i only had to worry about surviving day to day, life here is so much more complicated.

Love you all xxx

Well.. i am back and i have so much to ramble about.. Beki's back too apparently.. so work on sunday? Dunno i hope so.. i can't contact her.. actually i can.. i think i'll go phone her now before i start rambling about what i've been up to these last 2 weeks.. ^_^ ttyl!! tarrah!
xxx

Gah.. my mother is stressing me out.. coz she's flapping about worrying about everything. Whether i've got all my stuff packed, if it's the right stuff, if i'll be able to pack my bag, whether the camp leaders know i'm going to meet up with them in newport (-__-) It's driving me nuts coz she's constantly firing questions at me and i was packed yesterday, i know i have everything and i know everything will be fine. Anyone would think she was planning a campaign for world domination the way she's acting! grrr! So of course that winds me up becuase despite all the stressing whenever i ask her to help me out, do things like help sort lunch for tomorrow as i won't have time before i go or look out a head-tourch or answer a simple question she instantly goes "Do it yourself." Which is fair enough but if she's not going to help can she stop fraking out and yelling at me? please? I'd much rather sort everything myself and forget something than have her yelling at me while she sits around and watches TV. >.< I'm 16.. i've been away to camp since i was 9, i've been to malaysia on my own when i was 11, i've been skiing on my own since i was 12, i went and lived with a German family for a week and i've done my own packing everytime.. i think somehow that i'm going to be absolutely fine!!!
So yeah.. all packed and ready to go just answering e-mails and messaegs and making sure everyone that needs to knows that i won't be here for the next 2 weeks. I get back around the 8th August so see you all then!! X3
Love you all! xxx

I got up at a reasonable time this morning! :o which was 9 in the morning.. i'm quite impressed as it was about 3:30am before i got to sleep yesterday! All because of HP7.. that book.. i couldn't take it all that seriously though.. it's like that Naruto manga.. XD I had to get up early for the opticians.. but now i feel like it should be later i mean it's only 2:30!! I got most of my stuff for camp packed today too.. just need a toothbrush and i'll put in my hairbrush wednesday morning. I like having my bag packed coz it means i can spend tomorrow freaking out about the train journey down (i have a mild phobia of trains -_- and getting lost in train stations...) and i can sort out my ET, EP, the Realms and any other online site that will need my attention before i go.. then i have to do the whole shaving and hair dying thing but seeming as i'll have all day tomorrow that should be easy *nods* A very relaxed day before a completely hectic and scary one!
Appart from that i haven't done all that much today.. i'm not eating much.. becuase i'm used to having only 1 meal a day now.. which is crap.. becuase i know i should be surviving on more than coffee and tea.. but ahh well! I will eat during camp becuase i'll need all the energy i can get! It's tough work! Me and Graham were planning last night and insulting my mum because she would not leave me alone and she was trying to read all my convo's and last nights diary entry -_- My dad saved me though! We're really alike so he knew she was annoying me and so he told her to go away! X3 Which she did.. although she re-appeared at 1:30am for some bizzare reason.. *shrugs* parents.
Anyways thats all i have to say for now appart from Myv is so super sexy!!! *drool* <_< >_>
Love you all! xxx

Well yesterday was alright.. still not many guys.. it was pouring it down with rain all day so me and beki got soaked. =/ I got the few bits and bobs i needed to get, writing paper and a presant for Molly. It was quite fun.. Danny mugged us and then we met Walker and Josh and Wilson and i'm not going into the whole Josh thing on here. Lets just say it's getting messier and messier.. -_- apparently it's impossible for me to have a clean break from ANYONE and the guy i've split with to let go.
So yeah.. wasn't a complete loss but wasn't the greatest day ever. Beki was a bit grouchy at times.. not that i blame her really but it made me grouchy so i was doing the whole walk off for a bit thing and trying to stop myself saying something that would just cause tension. It got worse when Josh appeared because he was being all moody and stupid. Just because i said i didn't care about the fact he was getting 10 piercings in his face.. well sorry but he knows i don't like the idea and tbh i actually didn't care all that much it's his face. grrr.
After that we got back to mold and went back to Beki's for dinner and then to see shrek 3 which was really funny! Me and Beki were overly hyper after a glass of cider (something to do with not eating all day!) So we thought the whole thing was hysterical and i couldn't take it seriously after the frog dying scene! I would recommend it to anyone who has quite a childish sense of humour! And i <3 Merlin he was awesome! X3
When i got back here i stated reading the new Harry Potter book which i have finished! yay! I shall mention nothing about it here coz i don't want to spoil it for others. But it's quite fristrating having read it within 2 days of it's release coz i can't talk over the whole book with anyone really >.< which i love doing just chatting about the plot and the twists and what we were right and wrong about when trying to guess the outcomes. Anyways now i need to read the whole series again! I have to do that with a couple of books and there are 2 books i need to buy to complete current series in my room. i'm one of those people that will read books at least 3 or 4 times and like to read a whole series one after the other once i hacve all the books. So it's important for me to not only have read but own copies of books. Which makes quite a dent in the bank. >.< 
So yeah I went to sleep at 7am this morning slept in to 2pm nad thus missed LARP.. but it was raining torrentially and i had no idea what the arrengemeants were so all in all i wasn't really expecting to go. I like LARP but i have my own idea of what it should be and my idea is more of embracing the fact we know that it's all fake and imaginary rather than trying to make it fit into reality which i find tends to make the whole thing stupid. But meh one day i shall run my own LARP and it shall be a "find this object" type of thing where you choose to make groups and whatever rather than trtying to believe in a story knowing very well that you probably look stupid and that none of this actually really matters.
So yeah Got up finished that last 100 pages or so of Harry Potter.. (took me 8 hours slightly longer than usual but i haven't been reading as much over the exam period so i have to build up my reading pace again. That and i've forced myself to slow down as i've been re-reading many books and i wanted to take it slow and enjoy the story instead of racing to get to the end.) Thats it really.. but my whole sleeping patterns are messed up because i didn't eat all day and went to sleep when it got light so now i'm not tired at all and the only meal i've had is dinner which means at around 12 ish i shall be getting really peckish.. oh well it's the summer hols! XD
That about covers everything i think.. anyone who's finished the HP book message me coz i would love nothing better than a long ramble about it!
Love you all! xxx

Time for todays ramble! Aren't you all so pleased? lol XD
Well i didn't come on here last night.. coz i was reading the final book in the noughts and crosses series.. zomg the ending >.< I want to know who gets together with who coz i'm a gossip whore like that! (As you might have guessed i finsihed the book!)
What else did i do yesterday after i rambled last? well usual chores, take in washing, stack dishwasher, unstack dishwasher and make dinner.. i cleared all the last bits and bobs from my room and took photos of my bed. I took down the shelves and mirror in my room so thats all ready for decorating! X3 Which will begin after camp which i go away to in.. 5 days! *squee* i'm really excited about it! Coz i know my friends there are awesome and they'll give me just the confidence boost i need plus i know i'll spend most of the camp laughing myself to death! I mean me, the twins and jaco are such a BAD compination... we're the clowns and trouble makers! XD
Anyways today i got up quite early and my mum asked me if i wanted to come on what she called a "mercy mission" to chester with her. Basically she didn't want to eat lunch in chester on her own! I'm not one to pass up a free meal and i like spending time chatting to my mum coz we get on really well so of course i went! (I'm going for the third time tomorrow to "boy spot" being single has it's perks! =P)
So yeah we went to this really posh grill place called "The Black Steak and Grill House" which was awesome! I had a really nice home made burger and chips.. the chips were fresh cut and absolutely delicious. It was really funny because the woman serving us thought i was old enough to drink so i had a bottle of cider with my meal.. which was awesome but after such a great meal mellowed me out so much i just wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the afternoon! XD After the meal we did a bit of shopping mum needed birthday presents for her friends and i needed a rucksack and stuff for camping.
The only bad part was it took us an hour to get home becuase the traffic was so bad! I saw josh my ex as well as we were driving too chester.. he looked really depressed.. but meh.. *shrugs* i'm over him! He was no good for me. I wasn't hungry for dinner coz i don't eat all that much so i skipped it but now i'm starving! Although on the plus i won't need to spend money on lunch tomorrow! Just the bus trip there and back and to mold and back1 -_- i need to get some writing paper and a present for molly as well while i'm there and i'm going to pick up my copy of the new harry potter book! X3 I can't wait! Tomorrow's going to be so much fun and not even the rain could make me feel down! =P
Love you all! xxx

I missed my diary ramble yesterday.. coz i was soo tired >.< bah! So now you get it today instead! ^_^
Yesterday was good! Had to get up early though and get ready to go to chester.. coz i had to get 2 buses one to go to mold the other to go to chester.. returns on both nad in the end Beki's mum gave me a lift back (and Beki) so we both wasted about £1:50 which when you don't have all that much money is ALOT..
So yeah had fun in chester.. time went really quickly even though it was just me and beki! It was so random we were walking along and this guy turned round who was selling leaflets and loomed over us so me and beki did exactly the same thing. Screamed and put our hands up and then he screamed too becuase our reaction scared him! XD Then we had a conversation about how he was going to mug us with his leaflets take us away and rape us o_O He was a guy from a nearby uni selling their "gag mag" I found it really funny coz he said "i'm going to rape pillage and murder you!" and that just sounded wrong.. especially the pillage bit.. Then we went to the crypt for coffee (or was that before?)
Anyways the coffee was nice and we were having a really girly chat about body shape and personality.. lots of mentions of bra sizes XD after the coffee we went to leave and ended up lost in Debenams which was sooo amazingly funny! We got out eventually but half way down the street from where we'd gone in!
What else happened.. we were complaining about the lack of hot guys coz we couldn't rate them and play the lights on lights off game =_= So now we have to go back on saturday when there are bound to be many many guys! X3 There was one awesomely hot japanese looking sunglass wearing poofy haired guy.. *drool* but he was too old for us.. -_- (about 19 maybe 20)
Me and beki ended up buying loads of random stuff.. alot of stuff from the bead shop too to decorate clothes with.. i'm customising my jeans.. but as i have to sow everything by hand it's taking ages -_- ahh well it's fun after i've done my jeans i'm going to do some T-Shirts! *nods* Anyways it was really hot yesterday.. stupid british weather and i looked really like a scene kid o_O which was amusing! XD But we went ointo tesco to get ice-cream and there were bikini tops on sale for £2 so i bought one and wore it under my jacket around town coz i was too hot in my T-shirt! I looked really whorish/scene kid on beach though! XD which was just funny. I've given up on a style.. i like wearing black but i also like in the summer to have bright tops and stuff.. so i'm pretty much a freak as far as style goes.. one day i can be grunge the next punk.. I figure my friends are my friends and anyone else will accept me no matter what i wear and if they don't it's their problem not mine! I have good friends!
As always i'm still kinda trying to get used to be single.. it still niggles at me.. Kinda puts me off having another boyfriend for a while.. unless i knock into the perfect guy and there is pretty much no chance of that happening.. i know what type of guy i want.. I'm too picky by half. XD
Going back to chester we left at 4 with Beki's mum and i went back to Beki's house.. we watched them at archery, walked the dog.. usual stuff btu by the time i came home i was exhausted! I lay on the sofa like a dead fish and watched wire in the blood and then i went upstairs and ended up reading until 1 am.. well later than that in the end coz as i was trying to get to sleep there was a really loud knock and a rattle like someone was trying to get into the room. I'm sleeping in the spare room at the moment so it was really un-nerving as i know what makes every sound in my own room and can ignore it. I decided to ignore it and read some more then try and get back to sleep again.. then it happened again but this time it sounded like it was coming from the big old wardrobe we have. So i got up checked inside it.. figuring maybe one of my brothers was stuck in there o_O strange thought but it was late at night.. it was empty so i figured rather than freaking myself out i'd close the door properly (it might have been banging shut in a breeze the window in that room isn't selaed properly) and i forced myself to go to sleep.. i didn't hear it again.. so i figure the door thing was the problem.
I woke up at 1pm today though because i was so tired and becuase in the room i'm in you can hear my dad and mum getting ready for work and pottering about. My dad gets up at 5am and my mum at 7 so i was like no way am i getting up.. i haven't had a proper mights sleep yet.. and i've also decided as long as i'm in the spare room i might as well be nocturnal and sleep when everyone's out!
Thats it for my rambling for now! XD
Love you all! xxx