Ah well it's true what they say, things always look better in the morning after a good nights sleep. I'm not sure what happened last night but as usual Jim cheered me up no end! *luffles* Anywho i was talking to my mum and she has said she doesn't want me getting a job and i guess i agree with her. I'm doing 5 AS's at school and i want to get all As, ontop of that i'm in a young engineering scheme which means monday to friday i have practically no free time and if i give up my weekends as well i will honestly have no social life and be miserable. So for the moment i'm going to carry on babysitting and hopefully i'll be able to get some commissions and things to just boost the money i get anyway. It'll be good for me to learn to budget and tbh i think if i'm stressed now having a job ontop of what i'm trying to do at the moment would just kill me. Stome dead XD
Anyways today is a study day and ZOMG! I'm actually going to study, my spot check has given me a kick up the arse. I need to pull my grades up and get brilliant mocks results in January. There's no point waiting until the end of term i need to start now so i'm hopefully going to FINISH my AO3 for miss batten today.. :o which will be so unlike me.. I've actually done alot of work to meet the deadline for her coz i want her to stop thinking i'm a lazy, half-arsed coaster. I have all the photos for my final outcome i just need to do studies of 2 of them and a manip and study of a 3rd. After that I just have to develope the photos mount them up write some comments and do a full-scale version of what i'll be doing for the exam.. or at least a small scale one with details about the size i hope to work to. *squee* i'm well excited about finishing this AO3, one less thing to work on over x-mas!
I've also finished an EP photo request that i'm pleased with! (If anyone wants one message me, i manip-ed my photo on my house myself, just link me to the photo details of colour scheme and what you'd like. I have a ditinctive style! =P)
Anyways on with work tarrah!
xxx
You know those times when you can't be arsed with anything.. well that is how i feel now... just tired and ill and fed up =____= plus i need a job, everyone else i know has a job and i spend most of my time being broke.. but meh *rolls eyes* ahh well i guess i'll just have to get my butt in order...
Tomorrow is a study day and i think i'm actually going to spend it studying.. because i have nothing else to do and way too much work.. ;_; Bah.. i could really do with some time out.. or someone who isn't part of all this to talk to face to face. I wish i was caving again. So much.
I need to go to the gym, but i feel like crap and i cba.. again. I'm kinda getting fed up of people.. like i feel really really trapped... or like i'm drowning or something.. i can't seem to get free. Every minute of my life is spent worrying or stressed out or something. It's downright depressing. I'm getting to the stage where i'd just like to hit everyone! >.< *sigh*
I can't wait for 2008, somehow i think thats going to be a new start for me. I've done alot of growing up this year. I think in this one year i've changed alot and now i need a new start for this new me coz at the moment she doesn't fit into my old life. I think i've finally grown up and however much i hate to admit it i'm no longer a kid. It's kinda sad.
Plus i'm a hypocrit and the type of person i hate the most. I've been trying to be someone i'm not, i've been selfish and big-headed, i've lost alot of friends this year, i've spent most of my time smiling in public and crying in private. Seriously i'm not entierly sure WHO i am anymore.. am i that smiling over the top girl people see or the sad, stressed out girl who doesn't know if she can cope? I've spent so much of this year being 2 people.. talk about mood swings and hormones.
I guess this is my kinda "look at 2007" episode.. i can't believe at the start of the year i was an innocent girl who thought nothing could stop her. I want to know where that faith and determination and sureness went coz i sure as hell don't have it anymore. I've spoilt every damn good thing thats come my way, I seem to have lost everything i wanted and now i don't even know where i belong. There's so much pressure from parents, friends and myself. I have so many dreams yet they all seem to be crumbling around my feet. I want those beautiful things i used to see to come back... I want all this stress and pressure and confusion to go away.
I wish so much i was a different person. I honestly don't know why anyone bothers with me anymore, to be fair i'm a complete bitch. I push people away, i treat them like i'm better than them. I just don't know.
I can't be arsed with this any more.. i didn't ever intend to ramble like this or write anything like this... ignore it.
ugh.. i feel like i need a long winded ramble about today.. meh it's not been a great day.. could have been worse though.. anyways yeah ^__^
Basically i woke up with the same headache that was bugging me yesterday and i couldn't get rid of it, i had lemsip and 4 ibuprofen and it still wouldn't shift. Ontop of that my cold's been getting worse so i'm shattered and a i ache and my head is pounding. Not the greatest start anyways.. plus wednesdays are always hell coz i have my bag, folder and art folder to lugg into school on the bus. Got to school and things were pretty okay, usual chatting and just hanging around before reg. Then on the way to maths this stupid chav girl decided that she couldn't walk slowly to lessons like everyone else and shoved me. Well i definately wasn't in the mood so i turned round yelled: "Don't you fucking even dare push me." and smacked her. >.< Must have been the first time i've lost my temper like that in years but i really was not in the mood. Our school is big and between lessons you can't move anywhere fast you just have to be patient there is no need in chav's who think they are better than everyone else. Normally i'd have ignored it.. but yeah... felt like crap so.. >.<
After that things were pretty okay, maths was easy, chemistry coursework exam >.<, art was chilled got some photos taken and stayed there through lunch with Amz. She painted my face >.< lol After that a physics prac exam =____= and english exam. Sooo couldn't be arsed.. headache kept coming back and i had these attacks of light headedness. So yeah sucked. Plus i agreed to babysit tonight coz i need the cash and i can't let Michelle down so i'm going. Which means i will be out till about midnight and then i have chem work to finish... i am so going to be dead tomorrow so apologies to anyone i'm snappy or bad tempered with.
Thats it.. on the plus side i made banana bread! X3 which i love and i have the bakers right to cut myself a mega warm piece to much when it's done!!
20 days till x-mas and i've figured out why i'm so excited this year, some of it is to do with x-massy things i've done this year but i thing a large part is to do with the fact my whole family will be together for more than 2 days! ^_^ It's been odd this week.. my dad's in switzerland and my brother is away on this outdoor ed course. So it's just me, mum and lew. Which means extra chores ontop of everything else. My dad has been away every week for about 5 months. I don't mind too much except it means i have more work and my mum doesn't like it at all >.< anywho thats enough rambling! I need more ibuprofen!
tarrah! xxx
hokai ramble time!! I have my tea and i'm meant to be doing homework so cheh!
Beki got through to the jap. exchange interviews too! yay! It would be mega awesome if we both got onto the trip but as there are only 3 places for the whole county i'm not sure it'll happen! still i can hope!!
In other news i'm fed up of the headache that i've been having today.. sometimes it's a short sharp pain like i'm being punched in the head in a small area above my eye, sometimes it's at the back of my head and sometimes it's just a crusher headache.. ibuprofen worked for about a half hour >.< 'm going to get sudefed (sp?) in a min before this drives me crazy!!
Oh and i woke up to find i had been sleeping with my eyes wide open this morning! weird huh??
ZOMGZORZ!!! I got through to the interview stage of the Japanese exchange!! .:squee:. if i pass this i'm going to Japan next year!! Interview is on Tuesday.. wish me well! X3 I'm mega excited!! Nothing much else to report.. usual at school, we seem to be having engineering meetings every day at the moment.. which means i get hardly any lunch break.. buuut i did have a free last coz my english teacher had to go home last minute!! ^__^ that was fun! So yeah i'm off to pretend i'm doing homework and simtard for an hour or so!! =D
tarrah! xxx
Bleh boring day! Not much to talk about really... buuut i did get on to the mainstreet poll for the vampire photo competition!! lol Highlight of my day!! I got some homework to do, but yeah.. can't wait for the x-mas hols!!!
Ahhh school tomorrow.. i cba! XD lol but i fell asleep on the sofa for an hour and that helped.. i'm not hungover just tired and my bodyclock is majorly fucked up!! lol but Tanz's party was awesome! Apart from Beki being ill >.< but she was okay in the morning and she work up at about 2am so we did have some rather random moments! XD I got a vid too that i need to stick up on Youtube of me and Tanz getting the selotape off Mike! XD lolz it has lost of shots of Amy's breasts in it coz she was filming and she kept getting bored! XD
Anyways it was fun and worth going! Me and Amz did the whole psycho-analysi
There was also a late night trip to the spar and just general drunken hilarity! I'm sure i shouldn't have been as out of it as i was.. o_o but oh well! Although i am thinking of going T-total for a while or limiting myself to a couple of beers/ciders a week and an occasional shot. Coz in all honestly i drink waaay too much.. as some people might know.. and i need to stop getting pissed and ending up smoking with Amy coz it's never as good an idea as it is at the time and i really do hate myself for it the morning after. Anyways i'm on a health kick now! And i'm broke coz i spent like £70 on christmas presents yesterday!
Chester was busy as hell.. >.< i hate it when it's like that but me and Beki took it easy and just meandered along we knew where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do and got everything done in 2 hours. Buut i lost my 16 - 18 bus card in mold >.< which is craaaaap... coz it costs a fiver for a new one.. and the bus from my house to mold costs £1.25 without it and i'm arsed paying that much. Hopefully it'll turn up! Plus i want a rail card so i can trek to manchester and stuff!! I've spent loads of time on trains this year!! XD
Anywho i'm going to shut up rambling and find out when dinner is coz i am HUNGRY!!!!! >.< Then an early night! after top gear of course, bed and my new book!! yayz! Oh and i got sims 2! Which i've wanted for ages! Haven't had much time to play it recently though. =(
tarrah xxx
Time for a ramble methinks.. may be cut short as i'm going to chester soon!!
Anyways I went to London on Thursday with some people from my school as part of my AS art course. It was coool! ^_^ The train journey was pretty boring though on the way down i drew, slept a bit and played top trumps with Amz who beat my ass at it! >3< It was most annoying coz i'm quite competative.. XD. Anyways when we got there we headed onto the tube and went to the National Portrait gallery, it was quite interesting even though we didn't see much coz we had to do at least one study. =___= My study was pretty crap tbh, Beki's was good though! Then we spent the last half hour messing around on the touch screen pc's and doing some other studies. After that we got our tickets for the Pop Art exhibition and spent half an hour in there doing a Peter Blake study. After that we decided it was time for a tea break and went down to the cafe! I laughed so much! First as we were going to the cafe Beki caught a tray of coins in the gift shop with her bag and sent them everywhere! Then we had to pick them all up again looking really shifty!
When we got to the cafe me and Beki ordered a pot of tea each and each got a tea pot with enough tea for about 5 cups and we only had 10 mintues to drink it all. So me and Beki were spead drinking mugs of tea while Amz was sneakily stealing condements.
Beki: "Amy where's all the sugar gone?"
Amy: "No where."
Beki: "When i left the bowl was almost full now it's nearly empty."
Amy: *looks shifty* ...
Alex: "You've been stealing it haven't you??"
Amy: *giggles*
And she had been as well.. the side pocket of her bag was full of sugar cubes! And she had a salt and pepper shaker.. i have no idea why though o_O she's crazy! Brilliant but crazy!
Then i was acting like Beki and Amy's mother, our table was a tip and i was complaining about how we couldn't take Amy anywhere and Beki said something that made Amy explode and proved the point very well! She spat tea all over the floor and couldn't stop laughing! It was hilarious then she just dumped some paper towels ontop of it and carried on drinking her tea. Which was in a milk jug as me and beki were using both tea cups! XD Ahh i laughed so much. Then we went to meet up with our group again and on the way out of the gift shop beki got attached to an old man! XD It was funny!
After that we went to spend half an hour in trafalga square and sir set us the challenge of catching a pigeon which meant watching Beki and Dan try and sneak up on them with their cameras and "capture" a photo! We climbed up onto the lions too and the found out that you could slide down the back and go flying! X3 Beki got a really cool picture of her doing that!
From Trafalga square we went to the Tate Modern and spent 15 minutes admiring the "crack" which started a load of jokes! XD Then we went to the gift shop and went to look round the gallery. We wanted to find th giant slides but ended up in the top floor restaurant! XD It was so amusing, everyone was poshly sitting around and me, Beki and Amz were looking lost and bewildered! After that we got stuck on the 5th floor. We each did a quick study to please the teaachers and then spent the rest of our time playing an awesome art game that Beki won twice!! >.< lol i did win one though!
After that we had to head back to the train station and we had an hour there before our train arrived which meant getting food and just generally misbehaving. We continued our streak of knocking things over in paperchase and Beki picked up a model hand with the words: "This is great, you cna grope people without them knowing!" I laughed at that especially as there was a student teacher behind her at the time! The teacher found it funny too and tutted at her! XD
Then we had a glitter fight with one of the tester pots in the boots shop! It was amazing we were all sparkly and then we turned on Sam and covered him in it too! Which was just hilarious!
Finally we got on our train home, another 2 and a half hour journey and by that point me and beki were so hyper we couldn't sleep so we were listening to music and drawing and chatting and just generally being loud!! ahh it was a good day! X3
Yesterday was pretty average and i was sooo tired i was like a zombie! XD But cheh good week so far and i got chester and Tanz's party tonight!! X3 fun fun fun!!! =D
ANNND x-mas soon! I'm really excited about it this year!!
Anyways tarrah xxx
okkkay so i'm procrastinatin
LOLZ to Atay's diary entry!!
and No cash value is a diary WHORE.. damn you spamming up my new diaries box with your hilarious crap..
right i am going to do that physics question now...
26 messages??? seriously... =______= BAAAH I have physics to do so i shall deal with them in 15..
.. still pretty absent... but LOLZ... yeah.. that is all..
BOOOOORED.. should go to bed but i slept in late this morning and i'm so untired... man i feel my diary needs updating.. but bleh.. cba.. tbh! XD I shall start being better about being online soon.. maybe monday.. aye monday sounds like a good time to stop being lazy and start making time for ET..
See you monday.. i shall answer messages then..
Bleeeeh.. so much work i'm hardly online any more ;__; so yeah.. sorry that i'm not replying to messages and stuff.. i can't see that canging anytime soon i have LOADS of work to do for school and a social life to balance, plus gym and i need a job but bleh... i cba so i might just budget.. or see if i can start doing commisions.. or maybe finish writing something i can get published.. dunno...
I PHAIL!! rofl
yes.. i do.. i was meant to be doing useful school work this morning.. what did i do instead? I spent 2 hours on KH! XD >.< lol!! Now i shall have to stay up late working every night till we get back to school..
Annnd! Halloween tonight! x3 should be fun! I'm doing the stereotypical vampire thing! Coz it's an easy costume and i get to glue some fangs to my teeth! yaya! <3
thats is all gotta go pick up people in 15 and i need to put in my contacts and do the ake-up thing!
gah.. brother (mark) has a friend over, he's pretty nice but boys being boys him and mark spend most of the time fighting and insulting each other.. which can be annoying when i'm in charge and he has chores to do.. but he's no where near as bad as felix sooo.. s'all good! Plus i can now retire to my room and net when they annoy me too much.. although i wanted to play KH for an hour before i have to walk into town.. guess it'll have to wait until later!
I'm going to get my hair cut.. dunno what im doing with it it's pretty short at the moment.. i might get some layers added in and make the back really short.. something like that.. or i might just let emma do whatever she wants she's pretty good at things like that! I just want a change.. then this afternoon i think i'll re-dye it and start on my art coursework.. luckily i don't have much other homework cept maths revision and to write up notes. I'm going to do mrs batton's coursework first as she's given us a check list and i should be able to go through that fairly quickly..
Plus there's NaNoWriMo and i'm determined to succeed which means a 2000 word count every day.. =/ i'll find the time.. i have 2 ideas.. one is a dark story about a girl who was captured and tortured until she lost her memory and is then found. It fallows 2 intertwining plot lines which is what happens to her in the present and her slow remembering of what happened in the past.
The other i was thinking of was a terry pratchett type spoof.. i think i'm going to write both of them but use the first one for NaNo as it's got the more developed plot of the two. The second one is going to be about a witch.. modelled on myself.. so a know-it all, loud-mouth, happy go lucky nutter!! =D
Anywho.. half an hour till i have to leave! I should be back online later..
tarrah xxx
MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *evil laughter* ^__^ i am happyful and you know why? Because all my stuff is in my room, i chucked out 5 bin liners worth of crap and i just have the second coat to do on the red squares and then i'm done with my room!! *dances* Done by tomorrow i think which gives me the rest of the week to work on Art AO1 and AO2 for Mr t and Mrs Batton and other homework and revision typing up notes etc. Plus I think i'm going to go trick or treating on halloween.. coz i'm 16 and this is probably the last year i'll get to go and act like a kid! :3 So i'm hoping to rope [Beki in Wonderland] in and then she can stay over and we can watch scary movies and do a halloween graveyard photo-shoot! I'll ring her tonight to talk about it..
Then chester on saturday i think! Which should be fun it's been like 2 months since i last went to chester.. oh yeah and halloween larp.. should be fun! (plus gets lyon off my back for a while.. =P) Thats it really.. still need to reply to my gaia RPs.. but that shouldn't take long and then do some writing.. in prep for NaNoWriMo.. =D so yeah i'm feeling less like i have an empty life and more like i am getting my ass in order.. no BF.. but meh.. *shrugs* i'm not going to go find any bloke.. i'm going to wait and see what happens!
tarrah! xxx
MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *evil laughter* ^__^ i am happyful and you know why? Because all my stuff is in my room, i chucked out 5 bin liners worth of crap and i just have the second coat to do on the red squares and then i'm done with my room!! *dances* Done by tomorrow i think which gives me the rest of the week to work on Art AO1 and AO2 for Mr t and Mrs Batton and other homework and revision typing up notes etc. Plus I think i'm going to go trick or treating on halloween.. coz i'm 16 and this is probably the last year i'll get to go and act like a kid! :3 So i'm hoping to rope [Beki in Wonderland] in and then she can stay over and we can watch scary movies and do a halloween graveyard photo-shoot! I'll ring her tonight to talk about it..
Then chester on saturday i think! Which should be fun it's been like 2 months since i last went to chester.. oh yeah and halloween larp.. should be fun! (plus gets lyon off my back for a while.. =P) Thats it really.. still need to reply to my gaia RPs.. but that shouldn't take long and then do some writing.. in prep for NaNoWriMo.. =D so yeah i'm feeling less like i have an empty life and more like i am getting my ass in order.. no BF.. but meh.. *shrugs* i'm not going to go find any bloke.. i'm going to wait and see what happens!
tarrah! xxx
Bleh my house still needs sorting <_< *cough* it will happen eventually.... in a year or two =P j/k
Anywho! Long time since i diaried... school is teh hard work.. no time for doing much.. no will to do much =__= i am a willless zombie atm! but.. half term! :3 and crimbo coming up and hopefully my tablet so i can do some decent digital art and i'll probably change my DA coz that name is sooo old.. and i want a new one! yeahz.. so all that to look forward to.. and zomg birthdays.. i'm in mold on monday so i shall sort out prezzies and stuff then!
Anyways i went caving and it was awesome! I survived the trains *ish proud* and even managed the 6am get-up and the afternoon cave on the first day.. and i lOVED every minute of it.. so now i know i have no normal phobias.. i mean i can handle small spaces, darkness, heights.. all that sorta stuff and i hope to go back in february.. twill be my new crack! :3 well my new activity crack.. although i would like to go skiing again but i figure i'll do that in my gap year! Or with a friend sometimes! X3
I did 5 caves, Cuckoo Cleeves, Rod's pot through trip (2 caves), Goatchurch and Sidcot Swallet and in feb i'd like to do Rod's pot again, goatchurch, eastwater and swildon. =D so yayz for that.. i'll try and get hold of some of the photos and make a wiki for them! It was so awesome though i met loads of cool people! <3 to them all.. and i think i might do a bristol then london trip at somepoint!
I got back lateish on wednesday and was thrown straight into school on thurs.. needless to say i was a moody bitch and i have a new bunch of people on my "don't like" list.. life as normal.. not speaking to josh, hanging out after school.. lessons.. bleh! =___= BUUT now it's half term and i have time to catch up on my work and my gran's coming to stay and i'm adding the finishing touches to my room! *dances* so it's all good.. plus i decided to go to LARP just to get out and do something and i'm getting my hair cut on monday! :3 so it's all good!
Anyway i CBA writing anymore now.. that brings everyone who cares up to date! Now to gaia to post on some RPs.. and then.. *shrugs* bed!
Tarrah! xxxx
parents.. =__= seriously.. got in from babysitting last night got addicted to KH so i ended up in bed at 3am expecting a lie in... 9 o clock my mum comes on "Just checking you're here!!" ..Thank you.. she could have checked without yelling at me! Then she had to have a half hour long convo with me about how much she likes my room and how pretty it is and how it's good that it's finished finally... blah blah blah.. and finally she left.. but WTF?? I don't get my mum... she's odd sometimes.. i love her lots but seriously.. i'm going to wake her up and start talking about oranges one day see how she likes it!
Anyways i actually got up properly at 2pm! Then i was just pottering about doing art, playing KH and chatting on msn.. pretty relaxed day! First one in ages and i did all my homework yesterday and friday which was good! Just gotta finish my mechanics homework now.. then i'm home fee which is good coz next week is going to be busy! :o i have to move most of my stuff back into my room and pack for caving (i leave on sat at about 6am :o but it should be fun and i'll have time to sleep on the train) and there's a concert on friday ruth says i HAVE to go to.. so i am but i have to have all my stuff sorted for caving.. shouldn't be too hard.. old clothes... first aid kit.. torch.. anywho thats all for today!