Aaah i remember why i loved my old forums and friends so much... Now, i know the below conversation is kinda racist, but it's bloody funny so stfu...

Imperium: ..Stupid towel heads...
Dunechard: Now now, we must be politically correct. they wear sheets on their heads. Therefore, they are 'sheetheads'.
Ludacris: No they are not 'sheetheads' actually. They are wearing Hijabs on their heads, i'll have you know.
Dunechard: I suppose they wear Lojabs on their feet then?

XD XD I don't know whether that's just my bad sense of humour kicking in, but i found that so bloody funny XD XD ...If no one else finds it funny then it's clear that i, and the rest of them, have issues XD

Sorry if anyone's offended by this, i mean no harm, i just found the hijabs lojabs thing funny XD

</ramblement>

Reeeet, now i will attempt to ramble a little bit more about Christmas.. Firstly, i got:
- A massive art portfolio (no more random scraps of paper lying around!)
- A tablet (X3)
- New straighteners
- A Japanese wall scroll (loves <3)
- A 'Race the Stig' game
- A Johnny Depp Calender (<3)
- A gangster-style hat (which i am in love with XD)
- Another wool hat XD (gawd, i've got enough bloody hats..)
- TS2 Pets (OMG i nearly screamed the house down when i unwrapped it XD)
- A red and grey starry jacket which is super warm, a new coat, a Japanese t-shirt, 3 punkyfish T-shirts, some pink and black starry skinnies, 2 stripey tops, Nightmare Before Christmas undies and SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS UNDIES XD XD XD

I also had a massively Nightmare Before Christmas themed stocking this year <_< >_> ..Mother got me a Tequila lolli-pop, which has a real worm inside it. I really do think she's lost her brain XD She got my brother a Vodka one with a bloody scorpion in it XD It's apparently edible, but i wouldn't put it near my mouth XD What else did i get.. Oh yeas MOAR MONEYZ!!! So not only did i get payed in work yesterday (£160 for 2 weeks, oh yesz!!) but i now have £30 off my nan and £20 off my auntie.. So technically £210, but i owe my dear mother £20, so i have £190 instead.. Still.. MONEYZZZZ!!!!!!! *cheers*

So i'm meeting up with Alex and i think Amy on Friday and i'm going to treat them to a pizza hut, because i love them that much <3 XD

Aaanyway... Christmas dinner was ace, (wow, random change of subject there..) but i feel extremely fat right now.. Gym on friday methinks! My grans stupid bloody dog ran away AGAIN. He does this every bloody year.. He's scared of crackers.. We pull crackers, he leaps through the fence and away... I have a solution to this. DON'T BRING THE BLOODY DOG!!! ...Other than that, Christmas has been great! I've been playing on the Wii, that surgery game, which i'm actually fairly good at when i'm not cocking around doing everyone's voices with stupid accents and operating like i'm drunk XD

That is all.

Hope y'all had a good Christmas!

</ramble>

Merry Christmas everyone!

And thankfully my foul mood and general tiredness didn't ruin the Christmas spirit, so far it's been a great day X3 My brother got up at bloody 3 in the morning XD He tried to wake me up, but of course i was having none of it... My parents woke me at 8 and i was like 'Nuuu, staying in bed...' ..But then i remembered presents and managed to drag myself into my parents room to open my stocking (which was Nightmare Before Christmas themed XD)

Mum really went all out this year, me and my brother both got LOADS *squee!* my best presents were definately my tablet and my awesome hat! Mum knows i love hats, and she got me two. A woolly pink and orange one, which is ace, and a really cool gangster-style one which i'm wearing right now and never taking off XD I also got a tonne of clothes and.. I can't be bothered listing it all XD Lots of Japanese-ish stuff.. Some games, a portfolio.. um.. i can't remember anything else, i'm too hyper XD But yeah, i'm going to get dressed now and then it will be time to start the Christmas dinner! Hope everyone's having a good day!

^{I can't believe i'm working tomorrow ¬____¬}

</ramble>

Work was good today, i had a laugh with Courtz ^__^ and then we had a discussion about relationships and relationship problems, and i told her about the doubts that i'm having at the moment about my current relationship o__O which is weird, because i normally don't say anything about my feelings to anyone until i've known them for at least a year XD But i get on really well with Courtz, and she's really easy to talk too. We ended up agreeing that we're young, and getting too tied down to a relationship is bad for our health XD it's kind of made me wonder whether i want to be with Josh or not anymore.. I mean it's been fun and all, but i just think i could have more fun if i was single... Maybe that sounds mean... Bah, i don't care, it's christmas so i wont think about it XD

I'm feeling a little more christmassy now.. Mother decided to steal Alex's family's tradition of Christmas pajamas aswell, which made me laugh XD I have these awesome Nightmare Before Christmas pajamas, that i could so wear as a normal outfit and i don't think anyone would notice XD So yeah, i'm looking forward to christmas a bit more now, though i am absolutely shattered so i'm not sure i'll be doing the usual crack of dawn present opening XD I know my mum has bought my dad one of those giant crepe making plates, so we will be having massive pancakes for breakfast X3 YAY!

Erm.. what else did i want to say? I think that was it.. Apart from that after i blew my top completely about an hour ago and told my parents that they were a pair of selfish bastards and if they didn't grow up then i was bloody walking out, they decided to make up and forget about the plasma ball (amongst other things that my dad had done that had apparently been pissing my mum off XD). So thanks to my bad temper, stress and general tiredness from work all is well again in the Johnson household. Even Tess is less depressed than normal XD (Tess is our dog, and she's always depressed because she thinks that she needs to be being walked ALL the time XD)

So, i'm off to bed before i collapse on the keyboard! Goodnight all, and have a happy Christmas! <3

</ramble>

Wooo it's Christmas eve =____= ...Ok, i feel alot better than i did yesterday, i think a big rant helped alot... But for some reason all the Christmas cheer i had has been sucked out of me over the weekend, and i now feel about as Christmassy as... The turkey sitting around waiting to have his head cut off so some jolly people can eat him ¬____¬ Not very Christmassy at all basically... Maybe it's been the two 8 hour shifts at work over the weekend, or the big family bust up, or just general stress involving all events of the holidays thus far, but i just don't feel excited about Christmas at all anymore... I'm the same as i was last year. I didn't join in with any of the usual Christmas eve traditions, i grumbled ALOT, and i stayed in bed all Christmas morning and got up at nearly noon to open my presents... Then retreated back to my room and refused to come down until it was time to eat... I don't want Christmas to be the same this year, i want it to be fun and magical like it's meant to be, but at the moment i can't see that happening... Oh well, there's always next year...

Other than that i'm feeling ok today ^__^ I've got work at 12:30, but i'm not dreading it because i'm with Courtz today and it's only a 5 hour shift, which should go super fast after two 8 hour ones.. I think maybe getting out of the horrible atmosphere in my house will be a blessing at the moment too...

Oooh, speaking of blessings, a weird thing happened before.. That has nothing to do with blessings o_O XD ..I was sitting with my cat and he was being all depressed because he wasn't fed on time this morning, and i just kind of absent mindedly said 'You know, i'd sell my soul to satan to be a cat for just one day..' then just as i said it 4 massive crows landed on the roof of the church behind my house, and they were all facing me o_O It was so weird... They didn't move for ages either, just sat there looking at the house... Now i'm not a christian and i don't even believe that satan/the devil exists, but i still think 4 crows landing on a church just after i'd said 'i'd sell my sould to the devil' is a bad omen XD Coz crows are unlucky anyway, four of them on a church can't be a good thing XD

Now, i have to go and get ready for work... Ok, i'm actually not looking forward to it at all now... I just want to go back to bed!!! BAAAH!!! Ah well, it's never as bad as i expect it to be, as long as i don't get any difficult customers.. I don't mind customers in the tobacco kiosk, or customers who want rings/bracelets.. anyone else can pee off, especially people who want watches.. I can't abide going into the high value room and digging around for bloody watches ¬____¬ Aaaanyway, i'm off now, turrah!

</ramblement>

You know what, i'm exhausted... Physically and mentally... So freaking tired it's unreal... I feel like i've just been on my feet rushing about none stop the last couple of weeks, i can't believe how much it's drained me... And i've just spent an hour trying to sort out this argument with my parents and i already feel like i'm starting to lose contact with the people who mean the most to me... It just feels like forever since i've seen any of my friends, even though it's only been a few days... I can't explain how i feel right now, it's odd... Just kind of distant and drawn and like i don't want to do anything except sleep and drink tea and try not to think about work... Is this what growing up is all about? I feel like all i'm thinking about at the moment is school work and am i doing enough and omg i have to work again and i'm so freaking tired and how long are we even going to be a family now???? *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

And you know the worst part? I don't feel even slightly christmassy anymore... I can't believe it's Christmas eve tomorrow, and i think it's more of a depressing thought than a happy one... and that's sad because i was so excited about Christmas this year... But all of a sudden i feel like Christmas is just a marker in my life telling me another year has gone by and i'm getting closer to the beginning of the end... What a depressing thought O___O

You know what i want to do? I want to run away... I want to bugger off and join some tribe somewhere in the rainforest, and live a life without any of the constraints i have at the moment... Not have to worry about school and work and money and family issues and myself.. Just worry about survival, and nothing else... But i know i can't do that. And i know that nearly everyone else in the world, except the rich people who can avoid growing up, have been through exactly what i'm going through now... I've suddenly realised, literally just this second, that i'm not a child anymore. I'm a young adult, i've started paying for my own keep, i've realised that i can't live in this house and be really 'part' of this family forever, i can't rely on the togetherness of my parents, i can't depend on my friends as much as i do, i can't spend any more time living in my naive little world of fantasies and hopes and wants and dreams... I have to take the step into the real world and that is the scariest thing i've ever faced... But there's not really any putting it off now, and i'm bloody well in tears over it all for no reason... I just can't believe how quick all this has come around, i feel like it was only yesterday when i was 9 years old and was upset because i'd just found out that santa wasn't real... Now i'm sitting here worrying about my A-levels, money, my family, my dad, my future and... It just seems like it's happening to fast... I thought i'd be a kid forever, but forever's come around way too soon for my liking! And part of me wants to grow up... The childish part of me who wants to do grown-up things... But the part of me that's experienced the 'real world' wants to curl back up into my protective ball and pretend that the world is a happy smiley place... when it's not... It's cold, dark and unforgiving and anyone who dissagrees with me has the bloody wool pulled over their eyes as far as i'm concerned... And now i'm getting myself riled up and angry for no reason... I know what i need right now.. I need to rant at someone who doesn't really know me that well, someone who can be unbiased and just listen... Someone who isn't a bloody online diary... I'm going to find that 'someone' and i'll probably be fine again tomorrow and wondering what all the fuss was about...

I think i'm ok now, sorry about that... It wasn't meant to turn into a massive full scale rant... I've just got alot on my mind today i suppose... I've been so busy the last few weeks i haven't had time to just take a breather, and that usually results in a massive stress overload. Didn't i say this would happen at some point? Ah yes, here it is: "Me + no me-time = nuclear explosion of temper." ...Yep, so this is the nuclear explosion of temper and stress that has built up the last couple of weeks. But now i feel significantly calmer.

I think i just needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to ignore it all, it's there for me rather than anyone else...

</extremely long winded rant>

My bloody parents are so bloody childish >_____< They've had a massive argument and aren't speaking to eachother.. Mum's saying that she's moving out after Christmas, my little brother is distraught and my dad is sulking... And right at this moment i'm just too bloody tired to give a damn... I've been at work all weekend, i have a migraine and i'm working again tomorrow and boxing day, and i'm just so tired i don't care if my parents are splitting up.. I know that sounds really selfish, but i don't care, they're being selfish. All my dad did was accidentally smash our plasma ball. Big wow. OMG, he made a little mistake and smashed a £15 plasma ball, and that's reason for mum to walk out? I think not. My brother is locked in his room and as far as i know has been crying for 2 hours, my parents are refusing to sort this idiotic argument out, and once again i'm stuck right in the middle where i don't want to be. I've tried explaining to mum that if she walks out, she is leaving me as the one who will have to pay for everyone's keep because my dad doesn't have a job (due to a terminal disease, not laziness).. And since i'm in full-time education, this is obviously not going to work. But i've decided that i don't care. If mum wants to be childish and walk out on us over a broken plasma ball, fine. She can. I don't need her anymore, i've grown out of always needing my parents. We'll figure something out money wise, if i have to quit school and start working full time... It'll be ok. I'm just damned determined that this stupid fight isn't going to ruin Christmas, if i have to put the presents out on Christmas eve and cook the bloody dinner on Christmas day myself, i will NOT let my stupid parents ruin this for me and my brother... He's been so looking forward to it this year, and so have i... I'll be damned if they're going to spoil it thank you very much >:(

Right, now that that's over with, i think i'm going to do something.. Not sure what, but it will only be until 10 because then Clarkson is on HIGNFY (Y)

</tiredness-induced rant>

ARGH work was so tiring today =____= i'm nackered, i could so go to sleep now XD And i've got another 8 hour day tomorrow *dead* ...It's not too bad though coz tomorrow i'm with Linz, so it might go a bit faster XD

Umm... What else did i want to say? I've just noticed that the store manager looks like John Simm O_O I thought i recognised him XD

Anyway, gotta go eat! Turrah!

</ramble>

Rofl, Neil just asked me if i want to 'pop round for a cup of tea and a natter' o___O Has he turned into an old man in the two days i haven't seen him?? Bloody hell...

Ruth's party today, which should be fun! I've managed to wrap my secret santa present and make it look nice! It doesn't look like a monkey wrapped it! I'm so proud X3

That is all.

</ramble>

Work wasn't too bad today... I was in a foul mood when i got there, and i could have cried sitting behind the jewellery counter on my own for the first hour.. Then Louise appeared and i went out on clothing for a few hours so it wasn't so bad... There were these german guys looking for wellies and they made me laugh so much. "Vere are your vellingtons??" I was so trying not to giggle XD

Then on my break i was with Harry..

Me:...Can you see Hitler in this Wotsit?
Harry: Are you really that bored?
Me: Yes.

And later on i rang him because i could see he was the only one on the desk.

Me: Hi it's Beki on jewellery... Can you put a call out for Russell Brand please?
Him: Nice try. Bored?
Me: Excruciatingly.
Him: Do a jig.
Me: Will do.

XD So i did have quite an amusing day, and Linz got me a present bless her X3 She's so nice, i'm glad she's my main supervisor and not Michelle (who's evil XD) ..What else happened today? I nearly got run over 4 times by an insane Jamaican guy on a fork lift.. And i embarassed myself with Raj, one of our regulars on the kiosk.

Me: Ok, that's... Bloody hell! Thats £7000 please.
Raj: *hands over £7000 in cash*
Me: ...Why aren't you in Barbados?

And then i realised what a stupid thing to say that was XD Oh well, he laughed! Erm.. Nothing else amazingly interesting has happened to me recently... I'm going to Ruth's party tomorrow... And then i'm working saturday, sunday, christmas eve, boxing day and the day after boxing day *dies* I'm going to be so shattered... Blah.

I get payed triple for boxing day though. £15 an hour (Y) That's £120 for a day's work :p

That is all.

</ramble>

Grrr... I was in such a grumpy mood today... I was really tired and people were annoying me and it's time of the month so i'm moody anyway... And i just ignored it and ignored it all day and finally Josh made my temper snap XD He'd pissed me off anyway and i wasn't speaking to him, i can't be bothered explaining why.. And then we were walking to Ruth's..

Ruth: Beki, make Josh go over the wall and get my bottle..
Me: Nah, he'll break his neck.
Ruth: What? You've gone soft.. Is this the real Beki?? Punch Josh.
Me: Ok *punches Josh and kicks him in the shins*
Ruth: Oh it is you ^_^
Josh: Sexual harassment!
Me: No, that would be this *knees him in the balls* Goodbye.

And me and Ruth walked off giggling to ourselves ^__^ I know i'm going to get guys going 'omg, how could you knee your boyfriend in the balls, that's just harsh!' ...Yes, i know it's harsh, but he bloody well deserved it as far as i'm concerned. I'm mean to Josh at the best of times, so when i'm severely pissed off with him and at the end of my tether in general, he's going to get hurt XD

What are we to learn from this? Don't piss me off if you're male and i'm in a bad mood. I WILL kick you in the balls, i don't bloody care how agonizingly painful it is.

That is all.

</ramble> 

Aaaah, work was actually amazing tonight XD I had such a laugh with Courtz.. We were talking about piercings:

Courtz: My mate got her nipple pierced yesterday..
Me: Ugh, i couldn't get that done.. I couldn't just get my boob out for a random stranger to stick a pin through..
Courtz: I know, it'd be like 'excuse me, do you want to release your breast into the wild?'
Me: *ROFL*
Boss: Are you two working
Me + Courtz: Yes <_< >_>

XD so i do actually enjoy work when i'm with Courtz.. She's a big fan of Dylan Moran aswell, so she's officially super cool in my books now XD

I've written my Christmas cards and i feel very festive now ^___^

I'm also insanely tired and going to bed if you don't mind XD

That is all.

</ramble>

Oh dear, i'm having one of those ridiculous giggling fits again... All over a comic that i was reading, and in this one panel the vampire dude is leaping off the roof to attack a fae... And this is what Marty had to say about it:

"It kinda looks like Faylin is doing a jig off that loft. Like he was not only seized by the need to feed on fae blood, but also seized by the need to do something incredibly Irish at the same time."

XD XD XD That made me giggle so much.. You kinda have to see the comic page to understand why it's so funny but... Bah, i'm too lazy to link it, i'll do it another time ^_^

Bed now.

</ramble>

Dum de dum ^___^ Just put the Christmas tree up so i feel very festive now ^___^ Aaaah, i'm in a good mood, but i'm also totally nackered out and i feel ill... I'm not sure why i'm feeling so tired and run down lately... Must be the end-of-term fever again XD aaah well...

I don't really have anything useful to say... I got the night off work so i'm going to spend it RELAXING... Might go and have a bath... No, i'll probably fall asleep and drown myself XD

That is all.

</ramble>

Weeeell, i just watched the Exorcist... On scare-factor, it was a big dissapointment.. For 'the scariest movie of all time', it wasn't really that scary at all... In fact, it just wasn't scary. At not point in the film did i feel the need to hide behind a pillow or anything like that... So yeah, it wasn't as scary as i had hoped, but it wins in my book on comedy value XD I thought it was hilarious, because when it was released it was really shocking and everyone was like "*shock-horror* O___O can they do that??" ...but now it's just funny. Well i thought it was funny o___O;; I mean obviously there were bits of it that were mildly scary, but most of the bits with the 'demon' or whatever in it were just funny... It got to the point where it just wasn't believable anymore, and that's where it loses scary-ness for me... I dunno... If i can believe something is happening, then i'll be scared of it... The highlight of the film for me was when 'Pazuzu' was talking to the priest guy, and he said 'La plume de ma tante', because now i finally know where it came from, how to spell it and what it means XD XD XD *victory dance* it's taken me about 6 months to figure it out XD XD XD other than that... Yeah, not scary, but definately worth watching (Y)

What else did i want to say? Dad's been ill(er), so has mum and bruder.. So i'm next i suppose... Erm... I've been so bloody busy this weekend i haven't had time for anything other than psychology and the occasional art thingy.. Guh.. And tomorrow i'm working until 10 *dies* ..I think i'm going to have a word with Jenny about cutting my hours down, i can so see myself dying from stress if i don't.. Seriously, they're expecting me to work the whole day on boxing day.. Do they have any idea how fucked i will be after my family's Christmas party? XD So yeah, i'm going to cut down my work hours lest i die from stuff overload... If i carried on at work the way i am, i'd be working monday tuesday and thursday straight after school until 10, and then gym on wednesday and friday and 9-5 at work every other weekend.. So basically i'd have 1 weekend a fortnight to myself, and all that would be spent doing schoolwork... Some people can handle that kind of thing, i CAN'T. I'm lazy. Very very lazy. But also easily stressed. Me + no me-time = nuclear explosion of temper. Seriously, i would end up having the worst temper-explosion the world has ever seen XD

So... Now i must go and see if i can scrape together a decent amount of work for AO3 to keep my art teacher happy... I have barely anything and i'm not sure what i've been doing with my time other than rushing about worrying about this and that o_O somehow i've managed to waste the last few weeks... Gah, slow down clock, i need time XD

That is all.

</ramble>

My birthday party was AAAACE!!!! I am so effing tired now, so i'll rant about it tomorrow...

One thing i will say, Beowulf is the most sex-obsessed anti-christian film i've seen in a while o___O and it was definately not a 12a XD

That is all.

</short ramble>

Zomg... I've just been at my Grans and.. Omg! While i was out, 'some bloke' came over and dropped off a present for me. Turns out it was my birthday present from James. He's got me this really nice necklace with black and white crystals, two bracelets, a ring and a headband and they all match with the black and white crystals... I was like O____O how much did this bloody well cost?? Cuz it doesn't look cheap or anything, it's all really nice.. I hope he hasn't spent too much.. But still X3 squee! Birthday presents! X3

That's all i had to say really..

</ramble>

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh O___O Work was sooo tiring DX ...It wasn't half as bad as i was expecting though. I'm working with this girl Courtney and she's really nice so at least i have someone to talk too! Erm... I can't actually be arsed yattering all that much, i'm too tired... Bed in a minute i think!

Oh, i didn't get on the Japanese exchange.. But Sinead didn't either, so i don't mind XD I'm going to Japan with a few friends for my 18th anyway, and i don't want to miss BOA next year! So it's all good... I shall have to congratulate the one guy from our school who got through.. Sam i think his name was...

One other thing i have noticed recently. I am a compulsive theif. I can't help it! I see something, i pick it up and take it without even realising i'm doing it. I noticed it the other day when i was walking down the corridor and i saw this person made out of carboard lying there (it was one of the art projects or something) and i just automatically picked it up and tried to walk off with it XD I was also sitting in work today (i work on the jewellry counter and tobacco kiosk) and i was there thinking "I wonder if i could get away with stealing that box of tobacco.." <_< >_> the box was worth like £50 because Macro sells everything in bulk, so i mentally slapped myself for even thinking of pinching it and selling it at school XD Is there a name for compulsive thievs? There should be... I'm going to have to get it under control Xd

That's all i have to say, turrah.

</ramble>

I've just discovered that if you eat chocolate syrup crispy cakes and drink blackcurrent juice, it tastes like roast chicken. Yeah.

That is my nugget of useless information for the day. I bid you farewell.

</short ramble>

I'm bored ¬___¬ Got nothing to do... And my back is really really hurting again, for no good reason... Jenny hasn't phoned so i have no idea when i'm working tomorrow... BAH. I can't concentrate on anything right now because of my back... I'm just going to give up on this ramble..

</ramble>

Rofl, i've just noticed that my hotmail account is counting down 'till my birthday o_O 7 days to go! *excited for no reason*

Aaah, i had a good day today. Went over to [Pinup_princess] house with Josh so we could dye his hair. It's PINK. Not just pink. PINK. Bright bright bright luminous pink at the front, and black at the back. It actually looks really cool, which surprised me as i was expecting him to look a complete pillock. It does actually suit him, which is worrying XD He had alcohol, so we got nice and mellow, then decided to go to Tesco and get noodles and chocolate fingers XD ...So yeah we pigged out on chocolate and cider, so i DEFINATELY need to go to the gym next week (so much for giving up alcohol aswell <_< >_> aah well, i didn't drink too much, just two cans, so i'm ok...) but... All in all i had a good day, it was fun!

I'll tell you what though, Mold is absolutely CRAWLING with old people on weekdays! I've never noticed before, but i felt like i was in a zombie film or something! It was so weird, with them all lumbering and dragging themselves along the streets, moaning and mumbling.. Ok, i'm exaggerating slightly, but still! I never knew there were so many of them in Mold XD

Anyway, that's enough talking... I'm off to simstard or something! Turrah!

</ramble>