[Beki in Wonderland]'s diary
Ooooh this made me giggle X3 Tora's description of Autumn:
autumn?! autumn?! i never really thought about autumn...um...
X3 ZOMG i love Tora almost as much as i love Miyavi! Seriously, he is the cutest little thing on the planet, and he's got such a sexy voice that just doesn't match his peronality at all XD Kyaaaaaaa X3 Tora's voice is how i imagine Rio's voice to be.. Yeeeeeeeah... So, yay, i'm off to fangirl over Tora and Myv now. Turrah! XD
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Rofl, i was just talking on the phone to Anne, and we got on to talking about having kids.. Bloody hell, that woman may be old but she makes me laugh..
Anne: Why don't you want kids then?
Me: It's not that i don't want kids.. I don't want to go through the pain of giving birth to the little bastards.
Anne: *chuckles* it's not that bad you know.
Me: Describe to me how painful it is.
Anne: It's like losing your virginity to a really angry bullctus.
Me: ..What is a bullctus pray tell?
Anne: It's a bull crossed with a cactus.
Me: *dies laughing* that's the exact reason i don't want kids then XD
Aaah man.. She's really put me off having kids now, not that i was ever that keen on the idea of kids to begin with XD
Anyway.. What happened today? Nothing interesting really, i bought a bunch of new stuff because i'm retarded and when i have money i have to spend it.. Me and Danny invented a new attack for Haku 'Retard-no-jut
Alex: You hit me with your bustier!
Beki: You groped my chest!
Alex: I tripped over my art folder!
Beki: That's what they all say..
Alex: NO RLY!!
XD and we've been through that about 500 times today XD we're so retarded...
That's all i had to say i think. I'm off to do psychology homework now. Turrah luvs.
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Written about Tuesday 2008-01-08
Written: (6164 days ago)
Got it off [XxTsomexX], because i'm addicted to doing things like this XD
Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Learn Japanese fluently
2.) Visit Japan/live there
3.) Lunge wildly at the pope (you kinda have to be a Bill Bailey fan to get that XD)
Three Names You Go By:
1.) Beki
2.) Beki-mofo
3.) Bex (the peeps at work call me that X3)
Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1) Ai Kajuju
2) Juju-Sensei
3) No Cash Value
Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) My eyes
2.) My hair (it's naturally blonde+curly, but blow dries straight, so i hardly ever have to straighten it <3 XD)
3.) My bum!(It's big, and i love it XD)
Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) English
2.) Scottish
3.) French
Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Moths
2.) Relationships that last more than 4 months XD
3.) Growing up
Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Tea
2.) My phone
3.) My computer
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) My Makro fleece (i just got back from work XD)
2.) My black work trousers
3.) My smexy Osiris glasses (they cost £125 i'll have you know! XD)
Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists: (This is a really tough one for me as i listen to a MASSIVE variety of bands.. So i'll put my 3 favourite musical genres instead XD)
1.) Metal/power metal/rock/pun
2.) Reggae
3.) Folk (and yes, i do have a weird taste in music, and no i don't want to hear your opinion on it)
Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) "Kingdom For a Heart" - Sonata Arctica
2.) "Buffalo Soldier" - Bob Marley
3.) "Tornado" - Mindless Self Indulgence
Three Things You Want/Have In A Relationship:
1.) Understanding
2.) Freedom to be me
3.) A healthy love-hate balance ^___^ XD
Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I have a total of 3 diagnosed mental 'problems' (anger management problems, mild schizophrenic, manic depressive) only one of which i believe that i actually have.
2.) I love to be loved, though i generally hate to show people that i have a soft side!
3.) I am a chav (lol, guess which one's the lie 8D)
Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1) Piercings
2) Long hair
3) Japanese XD
Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Being lazy
2.) Going to gigs/festivals
3.) Drinking (as in alcohol)
Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) Sleep XD
2.) Scratch my foot, because.. It's itching XD
3.) Reply to Isaac's text before i forget..
Three Careers You're Considering/Yo
1.) Graphic designer
2.) Sports psychologist (they get payed almost as much as the sports-person, so just be a really famous footballer's psychologist XD)
3.) Hair-model (loads of free haircuts! XD)
Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Japan
2.) China
3.) North Korea
Three Names You Like:
1.) Axel (and i've always liked it, not just since i started playing Kingdom Hearts!!!)
2.) Dylan (X3 so cute!)
3.) Rose (have a girl's name..)
Three Ways That You Are Stereotypicall
1.) I fuss about my hair
2.) I wear makeup
3.) I worry about my figure sometimes
Three Ways That You Are Stereotypicall
1.) I'm generally violent and aggressive with my friends
2.) I really enjoy leaping into outdoor mosh pits and getting absolutely filthy and beaten to a bloody pulp
3.) I prefer hanging out with guys playing video-games and getting shitfaced to going out 'on the town' to clubs and stuff with girls.
Three People That I Would Like To See Take This Quiz Now:
1) ALL J00 PEOPLEZ WHO READ IT!!!!!!! I'M WATCHING YOU!!!!! <.< >.>
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Omfg.. This guy came to the jewellery counter today looking at bracelets, and he was soooo camp it was unreal XD He stood there talking to me and Courtz for ages and then he came out with the weirdest thing ever...
Me: No, we really don't have any more of those.. Sorry :p
Him: ...You know what, you would make a really hot gay guy.
Me: I beg your pardon?! XD
Him: I dunno, you just seem like you should have been born as a gay guy.
Me: *dies laughing*
..It was really funny at the time, but thinking about it now he's not the first person who's ever said that to me... OMG I'M ACTUALLY A GAY GUY!!!! XD XD XD
And then later on me and Courtz were talking about haggis:
Courtz: Ew, i never knew what was in it...
Me: Mhm, they ate it in the wars when there wasn't any fresh meat, so they just used the leftovers..
Courtz: ..You mean like "Here's your brother, he's died in the war." "..Hmm, let's make some haggis!"
Me: XD XD No, they weren't cannibals XD XD
So yeah me and Courtz had a laugh today, talking about guys with big poles, and we acted out a scene much to the amusement of onlookers. I was the bemused girl, and Courtz was the pervy guy.
Her: Heyyy, you wanna come round me house and see my big pole?
Me: Alright then >:3
Her: ...Ok, here he is.
Me: ...What?
Her: Klaus the 7 foot Polish man.
Me: *dies laughing*
Her: He's a reeeeeeeally big Pole!
Her (pretending to be Klaus): HALLOOOOO!
Me: *still dying of laughter*
She really has the most awesome sense of humour ever XD It's such a bummer that she's leaving in March, work won't be the same without her! :'( Oh well, i'll manage XD
That is all.
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..Except, i have just noticed that all i seem to talk about in here is work. That's because it seems to be all i do at the moment XD Work and school.. Incidentally, some pretty funny shit happened in school today, but i've rambled enough and i need sleep! INCEST, ANAL, ORAL AND GENITALS!!! That's all i need to say and only people taking Psychology this year will udnerstand!!!!
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Oh i forgot to mention.. I GOT SOME GREEN SKI GOGGLES XD XD XD XD
For those of you who haven't known me for ages, i have wanted a pair of green ski goggles ever since i wrote a story with a character in it who always wore green ski goggles.. AND NOW I HAVE A PAIR X3
I am so easily pleased it's unreal ¬__¬;;
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Lol, work has been fun this weekend X3
Me: *sneakily texting someone in the shoe isle*
Jake: Buonjiorno!
Me: Aich! *hides phone*
Jake: Ooooh, it's like that is it?
Me: You saw nothing! *runs off*
~~later~~
Jake: *preening in mirror*
Me: Ahem..
Jake: Argh! <.< You saw nothing..
Me: LOL we're secret keepers!!! *strokes invisible beard*
Jake: What are you doing?
Me: I'm Dumbledore
Jake: *O_O*
And with Courtz...
Me: *reading shoe box* ...Gluv Your Feet? That's a bloody stupid name...
Courtz: Yeah.. Why don't you go and... Shoe Your Hands!
Me: *XD*
Sooo, i didn't have a bad day today... Had to sort out the mens underwear with Vicky which was crap, but other than that it was a laid back day ^_^
That's all i had to say really.. I'm off for tea now!!!
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You know what.. I was just browsing around houses and i noticed about 5 'emo' people with some random rambling about their 'heart bleeding'.. And i was just like.. Well, yeah, your heart IS bleeding.. You'd kind of, not be alive if it's wasn't... And most of the things they write that they call 'poetry' make no sense anyway, and it's just an excuse to stick loads of emotive words together in a big jumble, claim it's poetry and that they write it because they're depressed and that all the best poets were depressed. I have news for you, all the best poets were drunk. Best quote in the world: "Do i drink? Didn't i just tell you that i'm a poet? Of course i drink." and another "Poetry is the worded version of your own thoughts and feelings that are hidden away in your deepest subconscious. In order to access them, you must be drunk." So, not depressed then, just drunk. Most writers, artists and poets are just drunkards, no matter what historians say. They were either drunk or completely mentally unstable. Not depressed 14 year olds with fringes bigger than their brains. Sorry 50000000 emo children out there who think you are going to get recognised for your 'beautiful' poetry one day. Chances are only one of you will become famous for it, and i bet you anything it'll be the drunk one in the corner over there *points*
That's all i had to say, thank you goodbye.
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Okai... One of the store managers in Makro is actually quite cute... The one who looks like John Simm... Nomnomnom X3
I thinks i have a weird taste in men... Oh well!
I got so bored today in work that i ended up doing an introduction to all my characters... On Post-It notes XD Aaaah, it amused me for 2 hours, I didn't know i could stand up and draw for that long XD I do love my job sometimes.. I'm getting payed to do feck all really...
That is all.
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Okai, my new years resolutions are:
- Drop a stone. I'm too heavy and it's starting to bug me. If i can get down to 9 stone by April i'll be happy.
- Clean my room and keep it clean!!
- Try harder in 6th form, because i've been slacking again.
- Work on getting my sleeping patterns back in synch so i'm not dead when exams come around!
That is all. Here's hoping that 2008 is as eventful as 2007!
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HAPPY YEW NEAR EVERYONE!!!
OH MAI GIDDY GOD!!!! Argh! Wow... Ok... *breathes* what am i even trying to say?? I'm all flustered... Right. In work today, i was bored shitless organizing clothes, when the most gorgeous guy i have ever seen in my life walked past me. I was just all "O______O *drops big pile of shoes* wow..." ..He really was that good looking. I seriously didn't think guys like him could exist outside of the celebrity circle XD Long brown hair with a couple of random little braids near the front, ruggedly handsome (kinda like.. Hugh Jackman cross Johnny Depp XD) dressed like a cross between a pirate, a wandering irish musician and crocodile dundee, and he had the most gorgeous smile ever. I kept bumping into him *coughdelibera
Him: Are you following me?
Me: Noooo >.> I'm the only one working clothing, i have to be an expert at being in 15 places at once.
Him: Is that what it is? You sure you're not trying to steal my hat?
Me: ...Is stealing your hat an option then?
Him: Haha, no. But you can steal my number if you want.
Me: No you're alright, i've got one already *waves phone at him* (at this point i was mentally slapping myself in the face XD)
Him: Nope, i insist.
And he gave me his number X3 He was called Isaac, and i had the immediate urge to ask him if he could paint the future. Restrained myself though XD ARGH he was so... WOW!! He was in his twenties, but i don't care, he was drop dead gorgeous so it doesn't matter... Zomg, i'm usually so good at keeping my cool around guys, but he had me all giddy and stupid *floats off on a little cloud*
*falls down* I've just remembered i have a boyfriend... Bollocks... Oh well, i can still daydream incessantly about Isaac *floats off again*
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ARGH!! NO! NOT BLOODY EFFING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!
I only just got round to reading this weeks Naruto manga and.. FECK! It's like the biggest cliffhanger ever created by man!!!!!
POO YOU KISHIMOTO!!!!! >____<
Spoiler alerts people!!!! Don't read on if you don't wanna know!!
But seriously, Sasuke and Itachi's fight is very anti-climatic.
Itachi: Haha, this isn't the real me.
Sasuke: Well lol, this isn't the real me either.
Itachi: Lol, pwn'd.
XD So amusing... But seriously, that's not bloody fair!!! Kishi can't just leave it there for a whole week, i need to know if Itachi is bloody dead or not!!! Because if he is i'm going to throw the biggest tantrum in the history of tantrums... I'm not a big Itachi fangirl, but i'd choose him over Saucegay any day ¬____¬ If he's gone and died in such a crap way then i'm going on a rampage similar to the one i went on when Kakuzu and Hidan were killed off (i spent a week trying to find a way of contacting Kishi, and when i couldn't do that i posted my disgust all over every forum i could find, had a funeral for Kuzu and Hidan, and decided that my new religion is that of Jashin. That lasted all of 5 minutes XD).. but whatever, Itachi can't die yet... I don't care if this manga has been running the same plot line for years, they can't kill him yet XD And i get the feeling that Kisame is going to die soon too, which makes me even more angry. The day all the Akatsuki's die is the day i'm travelling to Japan and demanding that Kishi ressurect them all lest i kill him. All except Sasori, that whiney twat can just go to hell.
I'm done now. I'm going to bed as i have work in the morning and i'm going to be thoroughly shattered.
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If i ever go to court, i want Luxord to be my lawyer XD XD XD XD
Good lord this made me nearly pop a blood vessel laughing:
(BTW, any KH fans should read the whole thing. It's Served by Ladychimera over on Deviantart. Check it out :P)
Nicked this off [XxTsomexX] =3
1. choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. make them answer the following questions.
3. then tag three people.
4. feel free to go ahead and add some questions yourself
Characters:
Rio
Cody
Kia
Suki
Sully
how old are you?
Rio: 23
Cody: 17
Kia: 21
Suki: 18
Sully 39
are you a virgin?
Rio: Yes.
Me: Don’t bloody lie Rio…
Rio: …Ok, no I’m not.
Cody: Umm.. Yeah..
Kia: No.
Suki: Yep, and proud!
Sully: No
who's your mate/spouse?
Rio: No one… I don’t like settling down…
Cody: Don’t have one =(
Kia: No one really…
Suki: No one at the moment
Sully: Sophie is the mother to my child.. There will be no one after her, Gods rest her soul..
Me: Aww, poor Sul =’(
do you have any kids?
Rio: Erm… I’m not 100% sure, can I get back to you on that?
Cody: Nope
Kia: No
Suki: No ^_^
Sully: Yep, Cody’s my kid :p
what's your favourite food?
Rio: Weeeeelll… *censored* >=3
Me: *facepalm* Pervert…
Cody: O_____O *mentally scarred from Rio’s answer*
Kia: Sushi for me
Suki: I like apples =3
Sully: Curry
have you killed anyone?
Rio: It’s kinda my job to kill people… So yeah, many many people.
Cody: One person… Erm… It was an accident <_< >_>
Kia: Same as Rio, it’s my job.
Suki: No way, I could never kill another person! I couldn’t even kill an ant..
Sully: I’ve killed, yes. I’ve spent most of my life killing actually. Something good to put on a resume, aint it?
do you hate anyone?
Rio: Hate is a strong word. I’ll screw anyone before I hate them.
Me: *smacks Rio round the head* Slut…
Cody: I hate the bastard who killed my mother…
Kia: Oooh, I hate a lot of people. I’m a bitter person, and I have a lot to be bitter about and a lot of people to be bitter towards.
Suki: No, I don’t hate anyone or anything.
Sully: The man who killed Sophie, and Gulliver for giving me this lifelong pain…
have any secrets?
Rio: Many, none that I want to share.
Cody: A few…
Me: Yeah, like the fact that he’s-
Cody: GTFO WOMAN!!!!!
Me: ¬____¬ fine.. *leaves*
Kia: Nah, I don’t care what people know about me…
Suki: no, I have nothing to hide.
Sully: Many.
do you love anyone?
Rio: Yes… Kinda, secretly… I’m not supposed to be the type to fall in love XD
Cody: Yeah =3
Kia: Nope. No time for that.
Suki: I love all my friends and family and… Everyone!
Me: *re-appears* Bloody hippy…
Sully: I love Sophie… I always will…
Me: Awwww =’3
boy or girl?
Rio:Either, I’m not bothered ;p
Cody: Slut ___ girl for me pl0x..
Me: Lies.
Cody: STFU woman, what the hell do you know?!?!
Me: Ohohoho, touchy >=3
Cody: =____=
Kia: Not fussed. Either is good.
Suki: Umm.. Boy! Though I don’t think about it all that much really…
Sully: Girl please.
What do you do to relax?
Rio: Weeeeelll first I grab hold of-
Me: *smacks Rio* No one wants to know. Shut up and go sit in a corner.
Rio: Fine ;___;
Cody: Umm.. I read, paint or play guitar.
Kia: I kill people.
Suki: Kia! That’s aweful… I sit in my garden and watch the clouds =3
Sully: I fiddle with electrical stuff.
Any comments?
Rio: Well I’m sat in the bloody corner like a naughty school boy, so can I please leave this corner of humiliation?
Me: No. Stay.
Cody: …Ummm… Bye? XD *wanders off*
Kia: I have no other comments, I’m leaving. *walks off*
Suki: Kiiiiaaa!! Why do you have to be so cold all the time! Release your inner tree! *runs after Kia*
Sully:…Inner tree? What in Gods name is that girl talking about? *wanders off grumbling to himself*
Rio: Can I come out now?
Me: Are you ready to apologise?
Rio: Wtf woman?! Who do you think you are, Supernanny?!
Me: Do you want to go on the naughty step?
Rio: No…Wait… This is my freaking room!! What are you even doing in here, GTFO!!!
Me: Moody arse.. *leaves*
Rio: …You can go away too, interviewing person… Go on, scram!! *slams door*
And that concludes this interview ^___^ Farewell! XD
I tag anyone who wants to do it XD
Aaah i remember why i loved my old forums and friends so much... Now, i know the below conversation is kinda racist, but it's bloody funny so stfu...
Imperium: ..Stupid towel heads...
Dunechard: Now now, we must be politically correct. they wear sheets on their heads. Therefore, they are 'sheetheads'.
Ludacris: No they are not 'sheetheads' actually. They are wearing Hijabs on their heads, i'll have you know.
Dunechard: I suppose they wear Lojabs on their feet then?
XD XD I don't know whether that's just my bad sense of humour kicking in, but i found that so bloody funny XD XD ...If no one else finds it funny then it's clear that i, and the rest of them, have issues XD
Sorry if anyone's offended by this, i mean no harm, i just found the hijabs lojabs thing funny XD
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Reeeet, now i will attempt to ramble a little bit more about Christmas.. Firstly, i got:
- A massive art portfolio (no more random scraps of paper lying around!)
- A tablet (X3)
- New straighteners
- A Japanese wall scroll (loves <3)
- A 'Race the Stig' game
- A Johnny Depp Calender (<3)
- A gangster-style hat (which i am in love with XD)
- Another wool hat XD (gawd, i've got enough bloody hats..)
- TS2 Pets (OMG i nearly screamed the house down when i unwrapped it XD)
- A red and grey starry jacket which is super warm, a new coat, a Japanese t-shirt, 3 punkyfish T-shirts, some pink and black starry skinnies, 2 stripey tops, Nightmare Before Christmas undies and SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS UNDIES XD XD XD
I also had a massively Nightmare Before Christmas themed stocking this year <_< >_> ..Mother got me a Tequila lolli-pop, which has a real worm inside it. I really do think she's lost her brain XD She got my brother a Vodka one with a bloody scorpion in it XD It's apparently edible, but i wouldn't put it near my mouth XD What else did i get.. Oh yeas MOAR MONEYZ!!! So not only did i get payed in work yesterday (£160 for 2 weeks, oh yesz!!) but i now have £30 off my nan and £20 off my auntie.. So technically £210, but i owe my dear mother £20, so i have £190 instead.. Still.. MONEYZZZZ!!!!!
So i'm meeting up with Alex and i think Amy on Friday and i'm going to treat them to a pizza hut, because i love them that much <3 XD
Aaanyway... Christmas dinner was ace, (wow, random change of subject there..) but i feel extremely fat right now.. Gym on friday methinks! My grans stupid bloody dog ran away AGAIN. He does this every bloody year.. He's scared of crackers.. We pull crackers, he leaps through the fence and away... I have a solution to this. DON'T BRING THE BLOODY DOG!!! ...Other than that, Christmas has been great! I've been playing on the Wii, that surgery game, which i'm actually fairly good at when i'm not cocking around doing everyone's voices with stupid accents and operating like i'm drunk XD
That is all.
Hope y'all had a good Christmas!
</ramble>
Merry Christmas everyone!
And thankfully my foul mood and general tiredness didn't ruin the Christmas spirit, so far it's been a great day X3 My brother got up at bloody 3 in the morning XD He tried to wake me up, but of course i was having none of it... My parents woke me at 8 and i was like 'Nuuu, staying in bed...' ..But then i remembered presents and managed to drag myself into my parents room to open my stocking (which was Nightmare Before Christmas themed XD)
Mum really went all out this year, me and my brother both got LOADS *squee!* my best presents were definately my tablet and my awesome hat! Mum knows i love hats, and she got me two. A woolly pink and orange one, which is ace, and a really cool gangster-style one which i'm wearing right now and never taking off XD I also got a tonne of clothes and.. I can't be bothered listing it all XD Lots of Japanese-ish stuff.. Some games, a portfolio.. um.. i can't remember anything else, i'm too hyper XD But yeah, i'm going to get dressed now and then it will be time to start the Christmas dinner! Hope everyone's having a good day!
I can't believe i'm working tomorrow ¬____¬
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Work was good today, i had a laugh with Courtz ^__^ and then we had a discussion about relationships and relationship problems, and i told her about the doubts that i'm having at the moment about my current relationship o__O which is weird, because i normally don't say anything about my feelings to anyone until i've known them for at least a year XD But i get on really well with Courtz, and she's really easy to talk too. We ended up agreeing that we're young, and getting too tied down to a relationship is bad for our health XD it's kind of made me wonder whether i want to be with Josh or not anymore.. I mean it's been fun and all, but i just think i could have more fun if i was single... Maybe that sounds mean... Bah, i don't care, it's christmas so i wont think about it XD
I'm feeling a little more christmassy now.. Mother decided to steal Alex's family's tradition of Christmas pajamas aswell, which made me laugh XD I have these awesome Nightmare Before Christmas pajamas, that i could so wear as a normal outfit and i don't think anyone would notice XD So yeah, i'm looking forward to christmas a bit more now, though i am absolutely shattered so i'm not sure i'll be doing the usual crack of dawn present opening XD I know my mum has bought my dad one of those giant crepe making plates, so we will be having massive pancakes for breakfast X3 YAY!
Erm.. what else did i want to say? I think that was it.. Apart from that after i blew my top completely about an hour ago and told my parents that they were a pair of selfish bastards and if they didn't grow up then i was bloody walking out, they decided to make up and forget about the plasma ball (amongst other things that my dad had done that had apparently been pissing my mum off XD). So thanks to my bad temper, stress and general tiredness from work all is well again in the Johnson household. Even Tess is less depressed than normal XD (Tess is our dog, and she's always depressed because she thinks that she needs to be being walked ALL the time XD)
So, i'm off to bed before i collapse on the keyboard! Goodnight all, and have a happy Christmas! <3
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Wooo it's Christmas eve =____= ...Ok, i feel alot better than i did yesterday, i think a big rant helped alot... But for some reason all the Christmas cheer i had has been sucked out of me over the weekend, and i now feel about as Christmassy as... The turkey sitting around waiting to have his head cut off so some jolly people can eat him ¬____¬ Not very Christmassy at all basically... Maybe it's been the two 8 hour shifts at work over the weekend, or the big family bust up, or just general stress involving all events of the holidays thus far, but i just don't feel excited about Christmas at all anymore... I'm the same as i was last year. I didn't join in with any of the usual Christmas eve traditions, i grumbled ALOT, and i stayed in bed all Christmas morning and got up at nearly noon to open my presents... Then retreated back to my room and refused to come down until it was time to eat... I don't want Christmas to be the same this year, i want it to be fun and magical like it's meant to be, but at the moment i can't see that happening... Oh well, there's always next year...
Other than that i'm feeling ok today ^__^ I've got work at 12:30, but i'm not dreading it because i'm with Courtz today and it's only a 5 hour shift, which should go super fast after two 8 hour ones.. I think maybe getting out of the horrible atmosphere in my house will be a blessing at the moment too...
Oooh, speaking of blessings, a weird thing happened before.. That has nothing to do with blessings o_O XD ..I was sitting with my cat and he was being all depressed because he wasn't fed on time this morning, and i just kind of absent mindedly said 'You know, i'd sell my soul to satan to be a cat for just one day..' then just as i said it 4 massive crows landed on the roof of the church behind my house, and they were all facing me o_O It was so weird... They didn't move for ages either, just sat there looking at the house... Now i'm not a christian and i don't even believe that satan/the devil exists, but i still think 4 crows landing on a church just after i'd said 'i'd sell my sould to the devil' is a bad omen XD Coz crows are unlucky anyway, four of them on a church can't be a good thing XD
Now, i have to go and get ready for work... Ok, i'm actually not looking forward to it at all now... I just want to go back to bed!!! BAAAH!!! Ah well, it's never as bad as i expect it to be, as long as i don't get any difficult customers.. I don't mind customers in the tobacco kiosk, or customers who want rings/bracelet
</ramblement>
You know what, i'm exhausted... Physically and mentally... So freaking tired it's unreal... I feel like i've just been on my feet rushing about none stop the last couple of weeks, i can't believe how much it's drained me... And i've just spent an hour trying to sort out this argument with my parents and i already feel like i'm starting to lose contact with the people who mean the most to me... It just feels like forever since i've seen any of my friends, even though it's only been a few days... I can't explain how i feel right now, it's odd... Just kind of distant and drawn and like i don't want to do anything except sleep and drink tea and try not to think about work... Is this what growing up is all about? I feel like all i'm thinking about at the moment is school work and am i doing enough and omg i have to work again and i'm so freaking tired and how long are we even going to be a family now???? *siiiiiiiiiiii
And you know the worst part? I don't feel even slightly christmassy anymore... I can't believe it's Christmas eve tomorrow, and i think it's more of a depressing thought than a happy one... and that's sad because i was so excited about Christmas this year... But all of a sudden i feel like Christmas is just a marker in my life telling me another year has gone by and i'm getting closer to the beginning of the end... What a depressing thought O___O
You know what i want to do? I want to run away... I want to bugger off and join some tribe somewhere in the rainforest, and live a life without any of the constraints i have at the moment... Not have to worry about school and work and money and family issues and myself.. Just worry about survival, and nothing else... But i know i can't do that. And i know that nearly everyone else in the world, except the rich people who can avoid growing up, have been through exactly what i'm going through now... I've suddenly realised, literally just this second, that i'm not a child anymore. I'm a young adult, i've started paying for my own keep, i've realised that i can't live in this house and be really 'part' of this family forever, i can't rely on the togetherness of my parents, i can't depend on my friends as much as i do, i can't spend any more time living in my naive little world of fantasies and hopes and wants and dreams... I have to take the step into the real world and that is the scariest thing i've ever faced... But there's not really any putting it off now, and i'm bloody well in tears over it all for no reason... I just can't believe how quick all this has come around, i feel like it was only yesterday when i was 9 years old and was upset because i'd just found out that santa wasn't real... Now i'm sitting here worrying about my A-levels, money, my family, my dad, my future and... It just seems like it's happening to fast... I thought i'd be a kid forever, but forever's come around way too soon for my liking! And part of me wants to grow up... The childish part of me who wants to do grown-up things... But the part of me that's experienced the 'real world' wants to curl back up into my protective ball and pretend that the world is a happy smiley place... when it's not... It's cold, dark and unforgiving and anyone who dissagrees with me has the bloody wool pulled over their eyes as far as i'm concerned... And now i'm getting myself riled up and angry for no reason... I know what i need right now.. I need to rant at someone who doesn't really know me that well, someone who can be unbiased and just listen... Someone who isn't a bloody online diary... I'm going to find that 'someone' and i'll probably be fine again tomorrow and wondering what all the fuss was about...
I think i'm ok now, sorry about that... It wasn't meant to turn into a massive full scale rant... I've just got alot on my mind today i suppose... I've been so busy the last few weeks i haven't had time to just take a breather, and that usually results in a massive stress overload. Didn't i say this would happen at some point? Ah yes, here it is: "Me + no me-time = nuclear explosion of temper." ...Yep, so this is the nuclear explosion of temper and stress that has built up the last couple of weeks. But now i feel significantly calmer.
I think i just needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to ignore it all, it's there for me rather than anyone else...
</extremely long winded rant>