Carl is a good friend. A good friend i say. I have never in my life talked to someone on the phone for 2 hours, until tonight. It's now 2am and i'm going to kill him next time i see him because i have to be up at 6:30 tomorrow.. well.. today..

Me: Carl, you've kept me up 2 hours past my planned bed time.
Carl: Oh my, how frightfully naughty of me.
Me: *¬___¬* you know the only reason you're still alive is because it's illegal for me to kill you?
Carl: And it's kinda hard to kill someone via a phone?
Me: Well, yes, and that...
Carl: Unless of course... you use... *long pause*
Me: ....?
Carl: MIND BULLETS!!!!
Me: *dies laughing*

He really makes me laugh that boy =] i'm glad i met him! Oh the joys of a social life outside school. Not saying that i don't love and adore all my school friends, but sometimes it's nice to hang out with a totally different crowd of folk, you know? Savour all the stereotypes this generation's gene pool has to offer. As i mentioned to Carl. He asked me if i was trying to sound like Darwin, or Jonathan Ross. Sarcastic twat.

I <3 him so much right now X3 i haven't smiled this much since the last time i was at Amz's XD He just sent me a text saying 'I weally hope you apweciate what i, as a supewior member of the human wace, am doing for your stweet cwed, Jonathan Woss.' XD XD and that's only funny if you know who Jonathan Ross is and you were part of the conversation we were just having.

Aaanyway, enough about the reasons behind my hysterical laughter and uncontrollable grinning tonight. I'm off to bed.

</spam>

Maaaaagh. Possession films really creep me out =/ there's something very unsettling about possession i think ¬____¬ (yeah, i just watched the Exorcist and the Exorcism of Emily Rose one after the other XD)

In other news, my brain is hurting from trying to solve a rubiks cube, and failing quite miserably. I refuse to quit it though! IT IS MY DESTINY!!!

I feel like playing Bloody Roar again...

That is all.

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It's 3:15am and i've only just noticed that it's been snowing XD

I'm going for a walk, right now, i don't care how annoyed my parents get, it's snow for crying out loud!! SNOW!!!

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Just watched Little Britain with my dad. I've always known we have a very similar sense of humour, but i never realised how alike we actually are in that sense. We were both in stitches at exactly the same points, it was the weirdest thing ever. We have the same laugh too, so it was in stereo and my mum was getting really annoyed with us XD

That's all i wanted to say really..

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Abrjepafjreoainges O___O My diary entries are gone O____O

And people are talking to me about them.

And i have no idea what they're talking about because i can't remember what i wrote.

And now they're gone, so i can't read back what i wrote and go 'ooooh, that's what he/she's talking about!'

OH THE HORROR!!!!

</spam>

Still have an unbelievably large crush on THAT person (regular readers of my diary may have some ide what i'm talking about XD)... I don't know why this so called 'crush' won't just fade away, they normally do if i just ignore them for a while... Buuuut this one isn't. And rumours are flying round that he likes me too and is gonna try and get me on my own next time we go out drinking drwnapfgerhafragera D8 ...How the hell am i going to tell him that i like him, alot, but have a boyfriend of 7 months who i have no intention of breaking up with any time soon... It sounds so harsh no matter how i put it... GAH. Don't know what to doooo... And a couple of people have said that i'm leading him on, flirting and such, but i've been trying not to! I really have, i just can't help it when i'm around guys... I don't want him to think that i'm messing around with his feelings, and i don't want to lose him as a friend... I suppose i should just slip the fact that i have a boyfriend into normal conversation and hope that he takes the hint =/ ^{Although part of me was ecstatic when i heard that he likes me... Ehe, i guess that's the 'i'm still single' part of my brain <.< >.>}

Aaaaanyway, moving away from boy issues as that's not very interesting at all i just felt the need to ramble... Erm... I only just got up and hour ago and i have nothing else interesting to write about... Was meant to be doing overtime today but Linz text me at 9 and told me not to worry about it cuz she doesn't need cover anymore, so i went back to bed! Banyaaaaiii!!!

That is all.

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Aaaaaah, i just watched 2 more films =] I won't bore y'all with film reviews like my last few diary entries XD I'll just be quick. I watched Brokeback Mountain (yes, that one about the gay cowboys, thank you Carl for your mature comment ¬___¬). It's a very moving and emotional film, i loved it and i urge you to see it if you like your movies! I also watched The Water Horse, which i enjoyed immensly! Lovely film =] I do love my kids movies, and this one was about the wonderful people of Scotland! How could i not love it, i adore that accent! X3 So yes, all together two very nice films =] P.S I Love You and Bucket List are next :P

That is all.

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Gooooooood morning ETers! Well it's actually afternoon... But i only just got up due to the fact that i was up till 3am last night watching movies, and i intend to do the same today! I'm running out of films now though, anyone want to reccomend a good one to me??

Anyway... Today is my nan's 80th birthday, so happy birthday nan XD We were supposed to be going down there to see her and surprise her (she lives 300 miles away on the south coast) but my dad's really ill so we can't =/ never mind, i'll see her in the summer. You know when you were a kid, you always had your 'favourite' nan or aunty or cousin or whatever... Nan was always my favourite family member :p she's just awesome and wacky and brilliant, as are most of the people who live down that end of the country. So i'm looking forward to seeing them again.

Oh my Israel form came back. They said they can't accept me this year because i'm 17 and due to new laws they can't have under 18's coming unaccompanied. Buuuut they said they'll be happy to take me on next year if i'm still interested and they're awaiting a reply =] I'm not bummed about it to be honest cuz it means i get to spend this summer with family and friends and next summer and maybe longer (gap year ftw) in Israel! So yay to that, and i'm happy as larry, who ever he is...

That is all.

</ramble>

One Missed Call was very dissapointing... I remember seeing the Japanese version, and i was freaked out for a week. I was scared to answer my phone! But the American version... Ugh, i kinda hoped they'd pull off a decent remake of this particular Japanese film, because it has such an intense plot... Buuuut, they ruined it. They de-scarified it. It's just not as chilling as the Japanese version was. The American film makers have no idea how to make movies harrowing, they're really bad at it. The Japanese however seem to be more twisted in the head, they know how to scare people, and they do it well XD Attention American film makers! Adding extra gore and pointless violence doesn't make a movie more scary! This version of the film was borderline funny. *sigh* Way to ruin a brilliant film guys =/ 3/10...

In other news, i'm now downloading the ORIGINAL Japanese rigntone, so i can have a heart attack every time my phone rings XD

Sorry, my diary is turning into a film review page o.O

That is all.

</ramble>

DSNOWAGBREWAOFNEWAGRES AWAKE IS AN AWESOME FILM!!! I was crying like a soft bugger at the end, i really was ;___; Sooooooo good, loved it loved it loved it!! Such an interesting plot line, not one of these generic thrillers, it generally had me in suspense the whole way through!!

Tell you what though, it's put me off the idea of ever having surgery XD not that i've ever been fond of the idea, but i REALLY don't want to have surgery now. What a scary thought, being awake the whole way through =/

Anyway, that's all i have to say XD

</spam>

Also, also!!! Still about Makro, and i don't know why i find this so amusing, but it's got a page on Wikipedia XD XD ah man, i can tell i'm hyper or i wouldn't find that funny at all... Makro on wikipedia... FAIL XD

</pointless>

OMAIGAWD!!! I'VE FOUND THE ONE!!! ...No not Neo, or the love of my life. It is in fact the ring that i am determined to buy one day. It's so preeeetty, i can't believe i've never seen it before!!! GAH! Nomnomnom.. It's only downside is that it's £235... Lolol... That's half of my monthly wage, but i'm not spending all that money in one go, i intend to save a bit before i go splurging all that on one ring... Either that or i can somehow hope that Josh suddenly becomes very wealthy and decides he wants to dote on me XD We have been together 7 months this saturday after all, and i think i deserve a reward <.< >.> XD

Anyway, enough about rings. I'm off. You know what i'm going to do? Play Final Fantasy 8 while watching Awake and eating Oreo's and apple and cinnemon Pop Tarts from the comfort of my own delightfully warm and cosy bed. I. Am. In. Heaven. I don't want my old room back, this one is fine!! XD

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OMAIGAWD HAI GAIZE!!!!!!111!1 ...Ok. I'm immensly hyperactive right now, and bummed at the same time. Hyperactive because due to the decoration of my room, all my stuff has been moved into the computer room. I now have my bed, my PC, my stereo, my TV, my PS2 and a mini fridge (mum found it in the attic, it was my 'missing christmas present' XD) all in the same room on the same desk and in reach of my bed. So i can now be the most slovenly, movie watching, gaming dork in the entire universe. In short i mean i can lie in bed, watch movies, play video games, RP and talk to friends, and eat without having to move for the rest of the holidays! OMGYAY!!!! I can even do my art coursework from the comfort of my bed because it's right next to me XD

The bit that i'm bummed about is that today and tomorrow i'm working lates, so i have to drag myself up and out of bed to work 6 hour shifts in gay land.

Buuuuut. After tomorrows shift i've got a full 5 days off, so i can be as lazy and slobby as i like and no one can tell me off about it because i've done shit loads of overtime and deserve a rest, and my room doesn't need cleaning anymore so i have nothing of worth to do round the house!!! BANYAAAAAAAIIII!!!

Ahahaha, lying in bed watching movies, playing games, RPing and drawing for 5 days must sound like hell for some people... But, one mans hell is one big dorks heaven, and i'm happy so stfu XD

That is all.

</spam>

OMAIGAWD HAI GAIZE!!!!!!111!1 ...Ok. I'm immensly hyperactive right now, and bummed at the same time. Hyperactive because due to the decoration of my room, all my stuff has been moved into the computer room. I now have my bed, my PC, my stereo, my TV, my PS2 and a mini fridge (mum found it in the attic, it was my 'missing christmas present' XD) all in the same room on the same desk and in reach of my bed. So i can now be the most slovenly, movie watching, gaming dork in the entire universe. In short i mean i can lie in bed, watch movies, play video games, RP and talk to friends, and eat without having to move for the rest of the holidays! OMGYAY!!!! I can even do my art coursework from the comfort of my bed because it's right next to me XD

The bit that i'm bummed about is that today and tomorrow i'm working lates, so i have to drag myself up and out of bed to work 6 hour shifts in gay land.

Buuuuut. After tomorrows shift i've got a full 5 days off, so i can be as lazy and slobby as i like and no one can tell me off about it because i've done shit loads of overtime and deserve a rest, and my room doesn't need cleaning anymore so i have nothing of worth to do round the house!!! BANYAAAAAAAIIII!!!

Ahahaha, lying in bed watching movies, playing games, RPing and drawing for 5 days must sound like hell for some people... But, one mans hell is one big dorks heaven, and i'm happy so stfu XD

That is all.

</spam>

Helloooooooooooo. Bloody glad to be back from work XD Me and Emily spent the last hour finding a bunch of odd shoes and being amused by it XD XD oh dear...

Emzy and Isaac have been staaaaaaars today, really cheered me up =] those two... They always know what to say when i need them the most <3 <3 <3 I'm glad i've got them. Isaac's been through hell and back so we can relate, and Emzy is mental so she cheers me up, the perfect combo XD I luff my frieeeeeends X3

Don't know why i'm dragging all my vowels o.O

Early night tonight, i'm shattered!!

OMG! I forgot to rant last night, but Atay reminded me. REMAKE OF THE EYE WTF?!?!?! I mean an American remake of an AMAZING Japanese film was never going to be good but JESSICA ALBA?!?! Wth.. I really don't like her and they went and put her in a remake one of my favourite movies, it really distressed me! It's awful anyway, if you're going to watch The Eye, i implore you, get the original it's about 5000000 times better. Seriously.

That is all.

</spam>

One more thing, one more thing *diary whoring*

I FINISHED MY DIGIMON STICKER COLLECTION!!!

I'm the worlds biggest dork, seriously...

Stole from Atay :O

OO1. When's the last time you ran?
Today, running out of Makro to my mum's car XD It was raining!

OO2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?

None of mine do at the moment, but i did used to have a load of ripped pairs!

OO3. What are you dreading right now?
Work tomorrow.. CBAAAAAAAA...

OO4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
Uhh... Is that something American??

OO5. When is the last time you saw your significant other?
Umm... A while ago <.< >.>

OO8. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
No, never XD Insomnia ftw ¬___¬

O11. What's your current favourite song?

I have loooooooooads, but i'm listening to quite alot of slow, sad songs of late. Matches my mood most of the time i guess..

O12. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you do?
I'd slam the door in their face unless i'd specifically invited them :p

O13. Who last grabbed your ass?
Possibly... Someone... from work <.< >.> don't tell anyone XD

O14. Have you ever been in your school's band?
Nope

O15. Do you own a pair of Converse?
Yep

O16. Did you copy and paste this survey?
I did indeed.

O17. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Yes, yum yum!

O18. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Aye, it's the only way to get them to work sometimes XD

O19. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing a slow one right after it?
Define 'good song'. I might find the slow ones good.

O21. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
????

O23. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
Aye

O24. Are you cocky?
I can be.

O25. Could you live without a computer?
No! XD

O26. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
No, it's habit to take them off.

O27. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
About 7, but i continued to insist that he was real until i was about 11 XD

O28. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
4

O29. What do you do when you're sad?
Talk to myself. Honestly, try it. No one knows you better than yourself, so sometimes listening to your own advice is the best thing you can do.

O30. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
Ummm... Miyavi XD I'd get his number somehow, call him and demand that he take me on tour with him XD But realistically, i'd call my nan.

O31. Last time you saw your best friend?
Hmmmm, depends... My best friend keeps switching around at the moment, because i have alot of amazing friends, but no best friend anymore because she ditched me. So i'll say Emzy last night on webcam, because she's been an angel these last few days, God love her <3

O32. Who or what sleeps with you?
My tiger Khan, and that's it.

O33. Are you in high school?
Technically no.. Sixth form.

034. Is anyone on your bad side now?
Oh yes. A few people. But i don't let them get to me, they can piss off as far as i'm concerned.

O35. What jewellery are you wearing?
6mm plug in my left ear, Danny's chunky silver man ring, Isaac's chunky silver man ring (which someone pointed out that i wear on my engagement finger o.O i didn't know which one that was XD it's comfy though, so feh), my chunky black cheapy ring, and my Japanese watch.

O36. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Log in to ET, see that i have loads of messages, groan, log out again XD

O37. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
Yes, i adore it! But House is better by about a million times!! *wants to marry House* ...What?!

O38. Would you wear a boy/girlfriend's clothes?
Yeah XD i have more of his clothes than he does, and they're more comfy than mine. Mum's always yelling at me for walking round in his Metallica top as a nighty. It's "too short, it makes you look like a slut!" apparently.. Pfeh.

O39. Where do you work?
Makro! Sometimes i love it, sometimes i hate it.

O40. What are you doing Friday?
Off to Amz's! <3

O41. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
I don't know, and i don't care.

O42. Favourite name for a girl?
I like Rose for some reason =3

O43. Favourite name for a boy?

Thorne <3 <3 <3 if i have kids, they WILL be a boy and a girl and they WILL be called Rose and Thorne. Because that's just awesome <3

O44. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
I might.. I couldn't call myself a true Johnson if i didn't keep the name!

O45. When is the last time you left your house?
Today

O46. Do you return your cart?
Yep, i want my quid back

O47. Do you have a dishwasher?
Nope, we're old fashioned XD

O48. What noise do you hear?
My computer humming.

O49. Would you survive in prison?
Probably not, i cave under stress so i'd either go mad and be one of the incredibly violent and aggressive types, or just spend all my time rocking back and forth crying XD

Went to Amz's after work, and she cheered me up with her mentalness ^___^ I just needed to get out and see someone and talk to actual human beings. I hole myself up and it's not good for me!

We had THE most hilarious conversation i have ever had in my life, we were literally both crying from laughter, i haven't laughed so hard in my whole life XD I won't put what we were laughing about cuz it's kinda harsh, but i can guarentee that you'd probably find it offensive but also very funny. Come on, it's a guilty pleasure to laugh when you know you shouldn't. WA WA WE WA!!! XD XD oh God i'm giggling just thinking about it XD

Anyway, work tomorrow so better get some sleeeeeep. Night all :P

</spam>

Oh and in other news, my dad's illness is getting worse. He's numb up his left side. We don't think he has much longer. As if i needed any more problems, let's just add the looming and ominous death of a family member in the near future, shall we? Lovely.

Bah. In a foul mood once again. Tearing up but i'm determined not to cry. I refuse to let my stupid emotions get the better of me. They need to go, because it's them that's causing all my problems. Right at this moment in time, i strongly dislike EVERYONE. My friends, my family, my boyfriend. I'm not saying i hate them, i don't. I'm just saying that right now i don't want to be around anyone. I don't want human contact, because feeling human makes me feel ill, and sad, and hollow and empty and all those other things that drove me to try and kill myself. I want to get in touch with my counsellor again, but i'm scared to do that because it means admitting that i can't do this on my own. BUT I CAN. I have to. If i can't fix myself then who the hell can. I've spent the whole day today talking to an empty room, having a full on conversation with one of my none-existant characters because i have NO ONE left to talk to. Everyone else is busy getting on with their lives and i'm stuck. It's like a one man groundhog day and it's driving me crazy. No matter how hard i try i can't drag myself out of this vicious circle and it's slowly driving me mad. I can't eat, i can't sleep, all i can do is pretend that i'm fine and carry on like normal. But i'm not fine am i?! It's not bloody normal to abandon all my friends, push everyone away, want to hole myself up and spend all my time talking to characters that don't exist because they know me better than anyone else anyway. IT'S NOT NORMAL. What the hell is wrong with me >___< why do i feel so... Distant, so inhuman... Like i'm on the wrong planet or something. Maybe i am some sort of experiment that's been put here... GODDAMIT why does everything i say have to sound so twisted?? I don't mean it to, i'm trying to be rational, but my brain is warped and out of synch, i can't think straight. I don't even know what day it is... Thursday, friday? I have work tomorrow so it's friday... If i even get up in time for work... Oh god, work, i can't stand that place. Everyone's looking at me and judging me and talking about me, i know they are... I have no one. I'm a loner once again, my life seems to have done a 180 and reversed a few years, i'm exactly how i used to be. A shaken up, paranoid, lonely, pathetic little girl with no life beyond her room and her computer games.

I really, really hate most people right now.

Going back to talk to the walls. Ha.

Wonder how much longer i can survive like this? Who's gonna listen now? Maybe i should try to get rid of all my emotions, it seems easier that way. No emotions, no guilt, no feelings of pain or sorrow or remorse. Who in the hell decided to give humans emotions anyway, what a dumbass idea.

Jesus...

Someone help me...

I think i'm losing it completely...

Don't cry... It won't help...

Sorry, ignore all this, i just don't really know who, or even what i am anymore.

</pointless crap that no one cares about anyway. Oh hey, that's a description of me!>