Wheeeeeeeeee, it's official, i've poked a dead body XD XD Me and Amz went to see the dead body exhibit thing in Manchester and i poked one of the bodies and Amz LICKED one XD XD Sooo that was fun, and then we went to Affleks, which was buggering harder than you'd think XD XD we were wandering around Manchester for about an hour, and we walked past it about 3 times, but we eventually found it and it was well worth it XP we got served for poppers, which amused me greatly, and i bought a gothic lolita kimono, which made me very happy XP

Me and Amz had some poppers on the way home in the car and had the biggest spazz fit ever XP i was giggling like an idiot and i found everything hilarious, and Amz's vision went all blurry and she had a mini rave XP it was awesome! :p

And for those who don't know, poppers are a LEGAL high, nothing bad, just a bit of fun.

So a good day out (Y)

</spam>

LOL im sitting here with batteries up my nose o.O i only just realised how retarded that was ¬___¬;;

Aaaaanyway. I have had the BEST couple of days ever X3 Stayed at Amz's on Thursday night (which is becoming a regular thing o.O) and once again she covered me in blood for a photo shoot XD we got some awesome pics out of it though, which i'll put up here as soon as i work the camera out o.O *technologically retarded* so aaaaanyway. Me and Amz went to Jem's on friday night. I didn't really know Jem that well, i thought she was a bit quiet, but she is a-mazing when you get to know her a bit XP we had sooooo much fun! We went out to the pub and me and Jem danced like pillocks to Michael Jackson XP and then i made friends with some random guy with long hair and CHEEKBONES (<3) who was sitting around o.O some of the best quotes ever came from last night too, inculding:

"Have you seen my... One ring? *eyebrow wiggle*" aka, best chat up line ever.
"Jem, this is not your face. It has clothes on it." aka, Amz being LOL
"...EINSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIN!!!!" aka, just Jem XD

So yeah, goooooood night. Then me Amz and Jem went into Chester today and had a right old giggle ^.^ Best bit of the day when i pointed out to some guy that his hat looked like a condom XP we were on the bus waiting for it to leave, and he was walking past it when i caught his attention by waving frantically XD

Me: Your hat!
Guy: What? You starting??
Me: No, your hat looks like a condom!
Guy: You WHAT?!? *does that sticky-out-arm swagger thing*
Me: CONDOM HAT!!!
Guy: *struts over to side of bus with arms sticking out*
Me: *holds up peace-symbol*
Guy: WHAT?!?!
Me: Peace and love, dude!!
Amz+Jem: XD XD

And it was awesome XP

So basically, i've had looooooooads of fun the last couple of days, AND I WANNA DO IT AGAIN SOOOOOOON!!! Party at my place, and everyone's invited!!! XP

</awesome>

Roite. I'm at Amz's now and im on her laptop. It's a wel known fact that i cant type on her laptop, so i'll be quick. Went to the doctors, had another gay ass blood test. Then got referred to the surgery's back-specialist or whatever. She checked out my back and it turns out that over the last 3 or so months my lower back muscles have been spasming and it's pulled my spine out of place. So basically i have an off-centre spine, and that's what's causing all the pain in my back and down my leg. Soooo, i've been put back on co-codamol and a course of anti-inflamatries which i'll be on for a few months, and i'm being referred to another physiotherapist aswell as my private one. The doctor's are contacting Makro to let them know what the situation is so that i'm not expected to do any heavy lifting and what have you. I can't over-work my back because this is my spine, not my muscles, so exercise won't actually help. If my spine gets pulled over to the left any further it could completely paralyse my left leg, so it's a good job they noticed this when they did.

That's basically it. It's not great news, but at least it's not cancer or kidney failure. It just means i'll probably be affected by this forever and it may be crippling in later life. But i wont worry about that now, what matters now is that i get through this course of painkillers and physiotherapy and pull through my exams XD I'll be ok, and i'll worry about paralysis when it actually happens :p

</explanation>

Okaaaaaay *diary whore* ...I'm feeling much better now after talking to friends. I've decided that whatever happens, happens. Life goes on, albeit a bit more slowly if i have to walk with a cane :p but whatever happens as long as i'm alive, that's cool with me.

I've been talking about Scarification with Amz. She wants to get her back done so it looks like she has had wings ripped out. I was thinking of getting a Y-Cut so it looks like i've had an autopsy :P sure it'll hurt like a bitch, but it's more interesting than a tattoo or piercing XD

So yeah, i feel better. Let's just hope the doctor doesn't bring my good mood crashing down.

</spam>

Well... I've calmed down. I know i overreacted before, but being told that you may have cancer or that your kidneys might be failing is kinda scary. I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so i'm in for hours of tests. Again. He's said that it's probably not going to be great news either way, so i shouldn't get my hopes up. If on the off chance it is cancer or an ovarian cyst, it'll probably mean i'll never be able to have kids. If it's my back it means i'll need alot of physiotherapy and i'll be relying on co-codamol (pain killer) for the rest of my life, plus i'll probably need a cane to walk, on top of the fact that i'll have to see a counsellor again and only take my pills under supervision because i'm not allowed near pain killers or anti-depressants anymore. If it's my kidneys, which is apparently doubtful, i have no idea what they'll do because i'm not a doctor and he didn't go into that possiblitly. I'm probably going to be referred to the hospital if my doctor can't find significant evidence that it's just muscular and nerve damage.

There is another possiblitly. I've strained or pulled my back, and it's only so painful because my back is weak already. If this is the case a few weeks of physio should be enough to get me back to normal. Here's hoping that it's only that.

For now i'm doped up on my dads pain killers and i'm going to bed before i pass out. Yeah, it does hurt that much, actually. Imagine being stabbed in the back with a blunt pitch for that's on fire. Repeatedly. That's what this feels like. Not fun.

</spam>

Ok, i'm currently distraught so i'm really sorry if this all comes out distorted and gibberish. And i'd also like to point out that i'm only writing in here because i'm scared to tell people things like this to their face, so i'd rather just write it down because at least it makes me feel better.

A few years ago, as most people who know me will know, i had a pretty serious horse riding accident. My back was damaged quite badly and doctors said it would probably catch up with me in 20-30 years time. Recently i've been suffering from excrutiating pelvic and back pain, but i just assumed it's because 1- it's time of the month and my back always gets worse and 2- the doctors were wrong about the time span and it's just catching up with me a little earlier. But today i was in so much pain that i actually had to use a cane just to walk down the street to pick up the fruit for my mum. So i rang my doctor, and he said 'I don't want you to panic, but your symptoms could point to ovarian cancer.' ...Don't panic? No, of course not. You're telling me there's a chance i've got a people-killing disease, and you don't want me to panic? Great. So, more tests are to be run, and there's a chance i'll be spending quite alot of time in hospital and that i may never have kids.

Why the hell is there always something wrong with me. What did i ever do to anyone to deserve all this?? First a horse falls on me, then it's neurological problems, then i have manic depression and bipolar disorder, and now it's cancer. Is this karma? Am i really that much of a bad person?

Well, here's hoping that I'M right and the doctor's suspicions are wrong. Here's hoping that this IS just premature back pain, and not freaking cancer or the other possiblitly. Yeah, there's another one. Kidney failure.

Other than that i'm feeling just GREAT today.

</rant>

OMG best day ever in work XD it was soooooo much fun tonight, because there was no work to do so we just mucked about for the last three hours XP Me and Kelly were in fits because when we were tidying the clothes Harry and Dan came round the corner HOLDING HANDS. Yeah. No joke, they didn't see us at first and when they did they leapt apart and Dan went really red XD XD XD then, obviously, they started mucking about pretending they were faking it, but we've decided that they're gay whether they like it or not.

Then later on in the canteen it was me and Kelly sitting on a table trying to be quiet and sensible (XD) when Jack, Harry and Danny came in yelling like 10 year olds. They were bullying Jack because you can't say his name like BEK-KEEEY or DAN-NEEEY or KEL-EEEY or HAR-REEEY, so he was the odd one out. And then they just sat there yelling like idiots and making a scene XP

BUT best part of the night ever was. There's this new girl who obviously fancies Danny, and i was going down to checkouts to talk to Nik and Danny started yelling at me. We're pretty good mates so as far as we're concerned this kind of thing is ok XD

Danny: I want you!!
Me: Get over yourself Danny.
Danny: I love you.
Me: I'm sure you do.
Danny: Wear my ring. Marry me.
Me: No.
Danny: I'll build you a house.
Me: O rly??

..But the LOOK the new girl gave me was priceless XD best set of evils i've ever seen on a person in my life XD so me and Kelly naturally pissed her off by flirting shamelessly with Danny right infront of her XP good times, good times.

Anyway, enough ranting about how awesome my workplace is. I'm going to bed XP

<spam>

GAH. I AM BLIND. MY RETINAS HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE.

I need to stop drawing when i can't open my eyes anymore, it's really not good. And whatever i draw turns out crap when i'm tired XP

I had 3 hours sleep last night.

I'm going to bed.

</spam>

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI men are so blothersom. And yes, blothersom is a real word that i just made up while talking to Harry on msn. So feh. But really, they are. The fact that i've all of a sudden become very close to one of my good male friends is causing conflict between me and a couple of female friends who i haven't known all that long, but it still upsets me. And a certain Nathan decided he was going to try and come on to me which disturbed me greatly inside. NO RLY. And i had a huge bust up with Josh which i think we've sort of settled now (no help from Ruth, thank you dear XD)

Ruth: Well you need to ask a question to get an answer.
Josh: I did ask her a question.
Ruth: What was that? Sorry i can't hear you.
Josh: I did ask.
Ruth: What? What? Are you speaking??
Josh: I asked a question!
Ruth: Are you calling me a liar??
Josh: ...no, i'm saying i asked a question.
Ruth: Are you being racist??
Josh: How am i being racist?
Ruth: What did you say about my mum????

I was wetting myself laughing in the corner XD Ruth is a legend, she really is XD

Just went out for a meal with my folks. As per usual it ended in an argument, but that's normal for my family XD

I'm now shattered and i can't be arsed writing anymore, so i'll be off to watch some House (i bum house, srsly) and then i'm going to bed. Tatty bye.

</spam>

I MISSED MAI SCHOOL BUS!!!!! D8

Never mind, i'll just have to get the 9:10 one and hope that i'm free first lesson, because i have no idea. I'm an idiot and i still haven't memoriesed my timetable XP

I think i might go to the gym tonight. My mum's right, i'm really starting to put on weight so i do kinda need to go at some point XD I'm not thin anymore, and i hate that. I don't like to conform to a stereotype and go for the whole 'For i must be skinny' angle, i just don't like having excess weight on me. I will always have a big bum and broad shoulders due to years of swimming and horse riding, i can't change that, i'd just rather not have a big stomach aswell XD So, gym it is and mission weight loss starts today.

That is all.

</spam>

OMG. Goldenboy = One of the funniest anime's i've ever seen. Really, i've nearly died laughing several times. WATCH IT, you, who ever you are XD ...Kintaro is one of the weirdest most spazzy characters ever, but he's awesome. He keeps getting caught humping toilets. Yeah, you get the idea. IT'S SO FUNNY THOUGH!!! *runs off to watch last ep*

</spam>

Have you ever been so attached to a piece of jewellery that you feel completely naked without it?? I am, i feel like i'm missing a part of my hand if i don't wear my two chunky silver man-rings XD

Home early, bored, might go play Drakengard. Amz came into school and we went up town to do some art, so i feel like a bit of a bum. Gonna talk to Miss B tomorrow, i need to let her know what's going on.

Had a good day though. Broken arse walk XD XD Amz spat water everywhere because of that o.O

That is all.

</spam>

Beki ish tiiiiiiiiiiiiired =3= *shuichi pout*

I'm seriously exhausted. And i still don't have nearly enough art finished. Carl gave me some good advice just now. (he's the reason i waste all my texts within the first day of having them XD) "When in doubt, grovel." XD He's set my head straight a bit though. My initial plans were to either stay up all night thus totally physically and mentally exhausting myself, or skip school tomorrow. To which he said "You're a moron if you do either of those. Go in, hold your hands up and tell them the truth. You haven't done enough work over easter because you were overtiming yourself to death. The worst they can do is yell at you." ..and then i stared at the phone for a while, went 'gu...gu...guah?' and started crying. It's weird, it's like he knows me back to front and inside out already, despite the fact that we met in a pub only 4 months ago. I swear he's secretly an agony aunt, he knows exactly what to say and how to say it. And he's right, the best thing i can do tomorrow is go in, ask Miss B for a minute to talk and explain that i didn't do any work over easter because i was overtiming myself into oblivion and clearing out my room (which was absolutely revolting. I'm not kidding, a tramp would live in better conditions. Flies were dying in there, it was that bad) so that took about 3 hours a day, plus i was doing anything between 6 and 12 hour shifts nearly every day... I exhausted myself and i didn't make time for anything else. I'll explain that to her, and beg her to let me hand in my work on wednesday. That way i can spend tuesday night (my night off!) finishing up and mounting things.

You know what, I've been told recently by someone who was once my friend that i need to grow up. I think i've now met the person who can give me that push towards leaving my past behind me and actually changing myself. Everything he says makes sense, and he's helping me make the changes i want to make more than my counsellor or therapists ever did. He's a wonderful friend, i just wish he could read this so he would know how much i appreciate everything he's done for me... I'll have to print it off and give it to him or something XD

I also need to either make up or break up with Josh. It's not fair putting him through all this just because i'm unbalanced and distracted at the moment. He deserves better, the idiot, i just wish he'd see that. *sigh* nevermind, i'll think it over tonight and decide what to do tomorrow.

Now i need sleep.

</blah rant thing>

"OH MY WHAT THE FUCK OFF!!!" XD that was the only thing that made work funny tonight. Apart from that it was a piss take, really. We had free cookies and coke though (Y)

Yaoi fangirling with Amz at the moment. We're just that awesome.

Pulling an all nighter tonight to get art finished. Working till 10 tomorrow night. Will be dead on Tuesday.

That is all.

</spam>

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai had fun at Mark's!! (Y) cba going into immense detail about it but... Me and Amz got waaaay more alcohol than we needed, comandeered the couch and sat there all night drinking, smoking (i only had one fag because the only reason i smoke when i'm drunk is to calm me down. I'd be impossible if i didn't) and generally having a laugh. We had a spazzy fit over gravitation, fangirled over the band and as we got steadily drunker started to act more and more stupid. Fun times, fun times. The only thing that ruined it for me was Josh deciding he was going to get in a big mood and lecture me for an hour on stuff i've heard a million times before. However, because i was drunk i totally spaced out and started thinking about Gojyo of all people XD then i sat up, spazzed and decided i was drawing Gojyo on Amz's neck XD XD amused me terribly, it did.. I got really pissed off with Josh though and stormed out without saying goodbye when me and Amz finally decided to go home at 2:30am. Buuut, we'll talk it through on monday, i think it was the alcohol that was making me get so pissed off.

Aaaanyway. Woke up at 10 today and me and Amz just blobbed playing Drakengard until mum came to get me at 1:30. Got the PI count today which sucks bum but it's only 4 hours so feh. I can handle it XD

Probably pulling an all nighter tonight so i can finish art, then i'm working tomorrow night so i am going to be absolutely exhausted come tuesday, but i think i'll manage XD

Erm.. That's all i have to say. Except that i just discovered a really bad drawing of Gojyo on my hand XD XD it looks like he has a drinking straw sticking out the top of his head XD XD

Oh, and [Swollenfish] is now Swollen Fish Crotch Boy as of yesterday night. If you want to know, ask. But really, you don't want to know XD XD XD

</spam>

HURRY UP EBAY STUFF!!! *spazzes*

I need to give Amz her present before she accidentally buys what i've bought her XD XD I'm refusing to tell her what it is, but i think that she should have guessed by now XD

Had fun today, had a total spazz fit in art, i was in a stupid mood XP I was gonna go out tonight with my work dudes but i cba now, i'm to tired. I just fell asleep at my keyboard lerd XD

Amz is coming over tomorrow (Y) we're going out to steal garden ornaments and pot plants to decorate my new room with XD then Mark's party tomorrow (BOOOOOOOZE) and hungover PI count on sunday. Fun fun.

That is all.

</blah>

Ordered all my Cosplay gear off Ebay X3 X3 i can't wait to be Tamaki, it's going to be tres awesome!! I'm determined to convince a few people that i'm actually a boy XD i'm wearing my boob-flattening corset underneath my costume so hopefully i'll fool a few people XD XD

Me and Amz were discussing going to the London one dressed as Sanzo and Gojyo from Saiyuki and carrying round a sign saying 'will yaoi for money' XD XD The only issue we'd have is we'd be fighting over who gets to be Sanzo XD XD

OMAIGAWD gonna be so much fuuuun X3 i get to retard around in my Tamaki costume scaring people! And i'm buying a black wig for [Raychell] tonight so she can be Setsuna from Negima, and Atay is coming as Lucy from Elfen Lied and Danny is coming as god only knows what XD XD It's gonna be fuuuuuun!!!

I've decided i'm wearing my costume into school and i'm gonna freak a few people out, just for the lulz! XD

That is all

</cosplay ramble>

HAHAHAHALOL I just freaked some dude out on FTJ XD XD

Guy: Hey, ur pretty, do u cyber?
Me: ...Go ask Alice.
Guy: Whoz alice?
Me: Go ask Alice, when she's 10ft tall.
Guy: wot r u talking about?
Me: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at.
Guy: Ur weird!
Me: Weird? Mad you mean. We're all mad here.
Guy: Woteva..

And then he logged off XD XD aaah, the things that amuse you at 1am XD

</pointless>

AAAAAAAAAAARGH. Work bored me half to death today, i seriously thought i was going to die. DIE. You would think standing around doing nothing for 6 hours would be a piece of piss, but it's bloody not!!! It's infuriatingly difficult! Especially for someone like me who has the shortest attention span in the world. If i get one moment where i don't have to be doing anything i instantly zone out and dissapear into my own little world. I need something to occupy myself with or i go all spacey and people think i'm on drugs XD GADS SAIK!!! Seriously. Here's the breakdown of what happens when i go in on a weekend. I arrive at noon, say hi to Louise and take over on the jewellery/tobacco counter. Louise comes back at 3.15 and i go on my dinner break. I go back to the counter at 4pm and stay there until 6.30pm. I shut down the counter which takes half an hour and go on the shop floor until 8pm. I spend 5 hours and 45 minutes on that counter, and in that time i usually serve about 7 customers. 7 intervals in nearly 6 hours of utter boredom IS NOT ALL THAT MUCH ACTUALLY. I HATE doing the late shift, i really do. The day seems to drag WAY more, and i don't actually know why because it's actually half an hour shorter than a normal day shift. BUT I AM SO ARSED GOING AND DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW, I GENUINELY THINK I MIGHT EXPLODE.

</rant>

In other news, i've been watching Azumanga Daioh and it really amuses me. <3 YAY new anime. And i got my payslip. £627 this month. Almost makes all the insanity involving stupid hours, ridiculous overtime, losing the job, getting the job back, almost messing up a 7 month relationship and general mental confusion worth it. Almost.

That is all.

</spam>

I just watched 1408 again, and it confused me a bit because it had a different ending to the one i saw in the cinema XD I was like 'i'm sure it ended differently o.O' ...Turns out i downloaded the directors cut, with the original ending. Apparently people thought the original ending was too much of a 'downer' but i actually preferred it to the alternate one. It was much sadder, yes, but it gave a distinct finality that the alternate ending failed at. Anyway, i love that movie <3 <3 very eerie, unsettling... I really want to go and find the Dolphin hotel, if it's real... And if it's not, i want to find one similar with a room 1408 and go and stay there! :P

That is all.

</spam>

OK GAIZ. Last boy related entry, i've sorted it. Josh knows about what's been going on, i think he's always had an inkling, he's not as much of an idiot as he pretends to be :p But he knows, and he knows that i have no intentions of breaking up with him or having ANY sort of relationship with Carl beyond friendship. I've made the decision to just keep it together with Josh, pull out of the rough patch we're in and such. It's not worth throwing away a 7 month relationship for what would just end up being a quick fling (probably). So. That's my decision, i've told Carl, and he's accepted that and said he still wants to be friends. So. Boy troubles sorted :D

Now.
The time has come, the Walrus said,
To talk of many things,
of shoes and ships and sealing-wax,
of cabbages and kings,
and why the sea is boiling hot
and whether pigs have wings.

...Yes, i'm not going to talk about any of those things XD In fact, i'm going to go to bed i think, because i'm absolutely completely and utterly shattered beyond belief.

That is all.

</spam>