You know how sometimes everything just feels totally surreal? Like the world has suddenly started warping and you can see the fractures and you feel like you can understand everything better, but at the same time you don't understand anything at all? It's like being completely stoned but you know you're not, like you're high on the people around you and everything feels wrong but right at the same time? I feel like i could just get up right now and run outside and scream in the street, make everyone think i'm crazy, but i know i'm not. I just feel... Detatched, like no matter what i do people will just keep going like normal. It's weird... I get like this sometimes, but it feels great. I wish i could feel like this all the time. It's better than alcohol, better than any kind of drug, i'm shaking all over and i want to laugh but there's nothing to laugh at, except me and my weird self. This is such a fantastic feeling, i wish i could share it with the whole world, i feel euphoric, i feel omniscient, i feel like i could do anything and there would be no reprocussions. And even if they were then it wouldn't matter. God this feels good, this feels like what i think heaven would feel like if i believed in it. I feel so spaced, yet so focused. So out of it, yet more in the loop than i've ever been. I love life, i love the world, it's such a crazy place, who cares what happens? I'm in looooooove with this world, i never want to leave this state of mind and go back to normal life, like i know i will tomorrow. Get up, eat, walk the dog, do my chores, all the boring mundane every day things that i do that make me feel like a human, but they're not the things that make me, it's this that makes me, this spontaneous thought and feeling, just letting it wash over me like a warm sea and forgetting about everything else, it's just me and billions of atoms and the earth and the sky.

If this is a dream, i never want to wake up.

</wtf>

Stole iiiiiit :D


You have to get a facia​l pierc​ing,​​​​ what do you get?
Lip or septum i think


What are you weari​ng?​​​​
PJs



Do you like seafo​od?​​​​
Some


Do you even try hard at schoo​l?​​​​
*cough*


Thing​s you did yeste​rday?​​
Got absolutely bladdereeeeeeed!!! Moreso than i already was... What else did i do? Saw Turisas, i think, did they play yesterday? I can't remember XD SAW EUROPE!!! WOOO FINAL COUNTDOWWWWWWWNNNNNN!!!!! ...And chilled. That's it XD



You are being​ extre​mely quiet​,​​​​ what does that mean?​​​​
I'm tired/really drunk/stoned/bored.


What is the weath​er like today​ ?
It was sunny at BOA, sunny but a bit cloudy once i got back to lovely old Wales.


When was the last time you were at a hospi​tal?​​​​
UMMMMM... Uh... I can't remember, i have to go a lot cuz of my dad so feh...



Can you play guita​r hero?​​​​
I can, but i'm shit at it XD


What is the last thing​ you did befor​e you went to bed last night​?​​​​
Watched Europe, got wasted, listened to Enigma, attempted to teach 3 very fucked people how to make a good rush bottle, had a rush bottle, drank some more, passed out :D


What are you doing​ right​ now?
This, clearly, and listening to some Turisas \m/


Is this year the best year of your life?​​​​
Hmmm... Could be, not sure XD

Do you have any stran​ge phobi​as?​​​​
MOTHS D;


Is it easie​r to forgi​ve or to forge​t?​​​​
Forgive and forget, who cares?


When was the last time you yelle​d at someo​ne?​​​​
Uuuuuh... dunno o.o



Do you like funny​ peopl​e or serio​us peopl​e?​​​​
Both, depending on the circumstances.


Will you cry at your high schoo​l or colle​ge gradu​ation​ ?
Not in le school anymore


Are you named​ after​ one of your grand​ paren​ts?​​​
Nope


Will you talk to the perso​n you like on the phone​ tonig​ht?​​​​
No :(


What are your plans​ for the weeke​nd?​​​
Chill, and miss Bloodstock to fuck D;


Are you sarca​stic?​​​​
Sometimes


What are you doing​ tomor​row?​​​​
Chilling, missing BOA.



Two days from now at this time,​​​​ where​ will you be:
In my room probs XD


Do you have a lot on your plate​ at the momen​t?​​​​
Nah, not really.


Are you a forgi​ving perso​n?​​​​
Yeah, i can hold a grudge like a motherfucker if i want to, but usually i'm all for forgive and forget, it's easier and makes life more fun in the long run XD


If you could​ move somew​here else,​​​​ would​ you?
If it was possible i would live at BOA all year round XD


Who was the last perso​n of the oppos​ite sex you had a conve​rsati​on with?​​​​
Vati


Did you do somet​hing bad today​?​​​​
Set fire to a tent, drank and smoked before 8am, stole 2 chairs and an umbrella from some random camp site, missed out on a big opportunity :(



Do you get stres​sed out easil​y?​​​​
Nah man, chillax!



Have you ever wante​d to tell someo​ne somet​hing but didn'​​​​ t?
Yes :(

Have you ever been taken​ to the emerg​ency room in an ambul​ance?​​​​
Yep


Somet​hing you wish you would​ have done this year but didn'​​​t?​​​
Yep, but i won't dwell on it, i'll just do it next year ;p


One wish,​​ what is it?
To live at BOA, next door to Ben and Hugh and Charlie and Rob and Wiggles and and the rest of the mentalists that i only ever see once a year at BOA but love just as much as the people i see every day.


Do you sleep​ with door open or close​d?​​​​
Closed

Did you go outsi​de for more than 30 minut​es today​?​​​​
Yeah man, i was outside from 7.35am until Skye picked us up at 2.30 :D


Ever kisse​d in the rain?​​​​
Yes :3


Do you have any caree​r ideas​ yet?
Um... No XD

How do you feel about​ chang​es?
Change is good (Y) ...But sometimes, i wish things could stay this way forever =/

By the way.

Bloodstock 2009: Fooking epic <3

Gonna miss it, gonna miss the booze, the smoking, the bands, the atmosphere, our wonderfully awesomely stoned tent neighbours the Skye's (lol), and everyone else D; See you all next year dudes and dudettes! 10th ANNIVERSARY ALL THE WAY, we're gonna spend a weekend getting fucked off our faces :D Roll on Wacken, Download and Bloodstock 2010!!!!! <3

</mostly festival related shit>

BLAAAAAAAAAAH. I feel reeeeeeeeally ill today. Fecking feck faced fecker. Grrr. I hate karma, or mother nature, or whatever it is that causes this stupidess, 2 DAYS before Bloodstock. As if!!! I'm going to feel like shit for the whole weekend now, GAH. So yay, great, i got lucky again, i'm not pregnant, but couldn't you have waited another week to inform me of that fact Mother. N? I really don't care, as long as i don't feel like a dead horse for Bloodstock, which i have been looking forward to since the day after Bloodstock LAST year D;  Right now, i wish i was a man =____= Grrrrrr *downs paracetamol and tea*  Bloodstock has just been one disaster after another this year, i wouldn't be surprised if i end up coming back in a body bag, it would be a perfect end to what has so far been one massive cock up ¬____¬

*bad mood* (just incase you hadn't noticed)

</rant>

I'm getting the kitten soooooon! We're not getting a siamese anymore, too expensive... Plus a friends cat has just had kittens and she's giving them away, so we're getting a little ginger tabby X3  My brother is also getting a pair of bearded dragons, and i'm getting a ball python after bloodstock!!!! :D we're going to have a house full XD a cat, a kitten, a dog, 2 roborovski hamsters, 2 bearded dragons and a ball python! X3 excitement!!!

</animal related spam>

Weeeell... Diary entry methinks!
My parents are ferrying off to France on Thursday with my brother to go and stay in my uncles summer home, so i'm getting left all on my lonesome AGAIN. It's by choice, i hate France... But i get lonely, even though i spend 90% of my time on my own anyway, it's nice to know that there's someone there for you to harass even when you're by yourself XD Oh well.
Went round to Roo's today, which was nice, since we haven't seen eachother in so long. It's weird, me and Roo were really close friends all through primary school, but once we both went to highschool we just drifted apart... And now we're back together again and nothing has really changed, we're still the same crazy kids deep down... But at the same time, we've both changed so much, it's nice though =3 thinking about it, i'm 20 next year... It will be so nice to still be friends with someone i've known since i was 5 when i hit the big two-oh :D yup, next December me and Roo will have known eachother 15 YEARS! That's a very long time to have known one person XD
Nothing else of worth to say really.. I've been on my own alot lately sooo i've been doing a lot of art work... Which is good, since i'm off to college in September to do nothing BUT art XD And i have also developed an unnatural obsession with sharks o.o so expect some sharky artwork coming up XD
That's all i have to say i think... OH! 24 days to go till Bloodstock! I'm excited X3

That is all.

</spam>

I've had a rather shitty week this week =___= No particular reason why.. Just one of those weeks where you feel utter crap for no reason at all, you know? I haven't wanted to go out or do anything, i've just been cleaning my room like a mad person. It's finally nearly finished, but i've kind of lost my will to actually finish it XD I have work on saturday which i'm not looking forward too =/  A 10 hour shift in the Paddock Rooms is never fun, send me back to the VIP Boxes pl0x D;  I've been sleeping really badly lately too... Hence being on Elftown at 3.30 in the morning XD last night i didnt sleep at all, then i went downstairs to make a coffee in the morning and burnt my wrist on the hob which for some reason had been on all night =___= so now i have a really sore, swollen, red wrist and i'm exhausted but i can't sleep D; bad times.  One bright spark from this week though is that my laptop broke XD That may seem like a bad thing, but it's not. Because we have a new computer guy. See, we always have a 'computer guy', the guy who fixes the computers in my mum's work. She's very clever and gets friendly with the 'computer guys' so they can fix our diseased computers for free XD  Anyway, her company recently got rid of the old, fat, builders bum computer guy and hired a new one, Tommy. So Tommy came round to fix my laptop because it blue screen of death'd me again. And i was shocked, because it wasn't the old, fat builders bum guy. It was a sweet, funny 25 year old who really likes coffee. Oh, and he's absolutely gorgeous. I was completely embarassed, because i was expecting the builders bum guy, so i made no effort to look nice at all. I looked like a mad hobo, wearing my scraggy arse jeans and my hippie jumper and no make up whatsoever. But feh, who cares, he was sooooo yummy scrumboes, and surprisingly nice too. From my experience, hot guys are always complete wank stains. Hmmm... I think i'll have to break my laptop more often ;p  ...*eyes up the PC*... I wonder if smashing it with a hammer counts as accidental damage? XD
Anyway. After this weekend i'm determined not to be such a grumpy bore, because i've been hermiting away for days and not wanting to see anyone. Hopefully work on Saturday will help whack my sleeping patterns back to normal and i'll actually be able to go out during the day time. If not, pubski ahoy!
I'm done ranting now. Hopefully i'll be able to sleep a bit. Might ring Tommy tomorrow, my laptop is being a bit laggy... Hmmmm... ;p  more like my brain is being laggy XD snap out of it girl *slap*

Roite, i'm done.

</spam>

Well helloooooo there ET diary, my friend that i hardly ever speak to anymore!

Yes. I've been very busy =D gone are the days when i had time to write loooooong entries in here diligently every day, now it's lucky if it gets a short entry a week. But yes, i've been busy, and i'm still busy, but not as busy as i was before, so ET diary here i come :D  I've been busy with sketchbooks, massive amounts of them, for college in September. As well as that i've been applying for jobs here there and everywhere, looking round wrexham for cheap places to rent in September, sorting out my Bloodstock gear, wondering where exactly my life is going at the moment, and being very frustrated about the state my room has got into again. So that's what i'm working on today and tomorrow, the big clean. I have a to-do list and everything, because i'm just like my mother: If i don't have a list, i can't get anything done. So i'm cleaning my room out so i can have a reuinion with the floor, i haven't seen it in such a long time. Then hopefully things will slow down and i'll have a bit more time for chilling and i can stop stressing over every last little thing. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But despite all the stressing i've actually been relatively happy recently. Things seem to be going well and i haven't really had any massive depression spells like i used to in sixth form. Well i had one the other day, but that doesn't count because i was PMSing and it was over the stupidest thing in the universe XD  

So, plans. Today and tomorrow i'm cleaning. Wednesday i'm going into Mold with Amz. I found my locker key so i'm going to go and clear out my locker before the bloody school closes, return Miss B's pencils (because i'm sure she's complaining about them at every possible opportunity) and go and be smug at Miss Franklin because i got into college even though she said i wouldn't. Then thursday i might go to pentre since i have money now, friday is a chillaxing day i think, then the weekend i'm going to shop for my Bloodstock wardrobe!

Oh, and i think i have an ear infection :D Genius.

I think that's it, expect another big ranty update in a few weeks lmao XD

</spam>

Wheeeeeeeeee, i haven't written in here in a while, but feh! I'm getting a kitten X3 after much nagging i've convinced my mum that it's a really good idea for me to withdraw £350 from my savings and buy a little Siamese kitten X3 she's agreed to pay for food and what-not up until i get a new job (one more regular than chester races, which has turned out to be so irregular it's not even worth it XD) and yay, kitty!!! X3 I'm hoping to get a blue or chocolate point boy, so i'm looking around for one under 350 X3  The only thing i'm struggling with now is thinking of a name o.O  any ideas? XD

</kittyspam>

I got into college X3 I got a conditional offer, which basically means provided i do ok on the summer project our tutor gives us, i'm in! Amz got in on the same course with the same offer as well, so chuffed for her and all X3  I wrote a diary entry a while ago about 'taking the leap' and finally breaking free from the Alun, after being there 7 years... And here i go i suppose :) this course at Yale will be the stepping stone for me to go to Brighton art college in a year :D I'm so glad i got in, it looks amazing and Sheena, our tutor, is really nice X3 So huzzah, i'm off into the real world! Since me and Amz are on the same course and probably in the same group, we're considering renting a flat up in Wrexham somewhere so we don't have to travel too far every day.. There's a surprising amount of jobs going in that area too, so i may be moving very soon, which is a scary and exciting thought :D growing up at last :O  Ooooh more news, more news... My mum and dad are buying my nans house for her, since we've paid off the mortgage on ours now... She's always rented it, but my parents have suddenly decided to buy it and help her pay the mortgage so she can own the house! That means she'll have a lodger (aka me) with her if and when i go to Brighton XP So yay, it's all kicking off now X3
Anywho, i gotta go clean up some stuff and do the dishes, so that's all for now i guess :D

</spam>

Woooooow haven't written in here in ages. I'm only really writing in here now so i can have a belated spazz about Diversity winning BGT X3 I'm going to marry Ashley and adopt the little afro kid, who i think is called Perry... or something like that, i don't care, he's absolutely adorable, i could fluff his hair all day X3 and i'm sooooooo glad they won, i've been rooting for them from the moment they auditioned, so yay! Happy X3

Yeah, i'm meant to be on holiday this weekend.. But i came home early. Long story, don't feel like explaining it, but i'm gutted really... I wanted to see my family, but i didn't even make it to south england before i came home =[ So yeah, feeling very moody and depressed and lonely.. But despite feeling lonely, i also don't want to see anyone. I'm a self-destructive person like that XD I dunno, Mizz wanted to come over, but i kind of avoided the subject... Dom wanted to come over but i bipassed that altogether... It seems that i live to make myself miserable, and i have no idea why XD Oh well, parents will be back soon and i'll be wishing i was on my own again XD

Umm... Not much else to report. Got my college interview on Weds and if i don't get in then i'm completely screwed for life so wish me luck XD

That's it really :D 

</spam> 

I AM VERY VERY PISSED OFF AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY >:{  <<<good face there o.O   BUT IM STILL REALLY PISSED OFF!!! I have no idea what's getting to me so much, i have no real reason for being pissed off, i just feel like smacking someone round the head with a bit of wood =___=;; I'll get over it XD

</pointless rant> 

Omg i've just realised i feel really fooking sick D; and good effort with the pink writing ET, thats mint (Y)

</being an arse XD>

Weeeeelll, contrary to what i expected i actually ended up enjoying working at the races :D twas a fun time..
Had a rough night last night. Was feeling very hormonal and tired and upset about everything, and i think i pissed Omari off somehow cuz he was being really arsey with me this morning which has upset me =[  But Nath has been the best friend he could possibly be today and made me feel better, so i love him for that =] BROS OVER HOES LMAO!!!

</spam>

LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO! I'm having one of those uncontrollable giggling fits right now, because i just remembered the conversation i had earlier with Chad, which cracked me up XD I was absolutely fuming because my art teacher had just pretty much got the head of the art department and ganged up on me with her to threaten to pull me out of the art exam, for no good reason either! But that's not important, what was important was the conversation i had with Chad afterwards XD We were walking up town, past a building site so i could go home and follow the bloody commandants orders.

Me: *spots a small digger* I want that digger. I want to steal it and kill Miss Batten with it.
Chad: Yeah, just chase her down the street with it.
Me: Scooping at her face.
Chad: BATTEN!!!! I'VE GOT A DIGGER!!!!
Me: *bursts out laughing*
Chad: "Yeah, i've got a digger, and what have you got, your paintbrushes?? Ooooh?" and she's there in the digger scoop just waving her paintbrushes around screaming.
Me: *laughing hysterically*
Chad: And you just go and hold her over a cliff, and she's like "oooh no, i'm over a cliff in a digger!" and she can't move for an hour, so she's stuck there with her paintbrushes.
Me: *died from hyperventilation long ago* XD

It was so funny XD Him and Amz always manage to make me laugh, even when i'm in the most horrible mood XD And later on we were just sitting there talking normally...

Amz: So what are you gonna do?
Me: Well i'll get the bus back i think, or i might get a taxi so i don't have to walk with it all.. I'll give you a text anyway.
Chad: *in a really goonish voice* ONION
Me and Amz: *crack up*
Chad: SWEEEEEEEEEDE
Me and Amz: *dead*

Awesome times XD I might actually miss Sixth form =3

</spam>

I got the job at Chester Racecourse :D I don't think i even wrote about it in here... But anyway, i got it XD It sounds like amazing work to be fair, because you can choose when you want to work. If you don't want to work for a few weeks, then they're fine with that, they just let you do whatever hours you're comfortable with, and it's bar work which should be great fun! Also, £6.50 an hour ftw, i was only on £5.17 at Makro :D *happy*

I had the biggest spazz ever last night... I left Oblivion on for a few hours by accident and when i came upstairs my Xbox had red ring of death D: i nearly cried XD But i unplugged it all and left it to cool down over night, and thank god it had just overheated! It's working fine again today XD I nearly had a heart attack, jeez XD

Catrina's party tonight which should be fun ^_^ I've had a free house since thursday and Amz has been over, so we've made a lovely mess XD oddly enough though i actually enjoy cleaning the house, so i'm going to spend a couple of hours tidying up and then i'm going to pass out on the floor XD I'm exhausted! I've been going to bed really late every night but getting up at 9 every morning o.o not like me at all! XP

I think that's all i had to say... Yep!

</spam>

My house smells so nice today! My mum is cooking a big Indian banquet because we have 11 guests coming over for dinner tonight. It was absolutely hectic last night till about 11pm, with me and my mum and dad rushing around the kitchen making sure everything was prepared so we could just whack it in the oven today XD I went to bed exhausted and smelling of curry XD but now it's all cooking, and dad's burning about a million incense sticks all around the house, it smells soooooooo nice and... well, Indian XD I'm really looking forward to tonight now, even if i have to put up with noisy relatives in my house, it should be fun!
Uhhh... I don't really have any other news... I'm having a big spring clean this week, starting with the computer room and then my bed room and then the rest of the house while my parents are away next weekend, because i think everything is getting too dusty and no one else can be bothered cleaning properly XD My family go for the 'stuff it in the cupboard and forget about it' method... So, this week is the big clean XD Other than that nothing else exciting is happening... It's finally getting summery though, which makes me happy =3 I'm definately a summer person XD FESTIVAL SEASON AHOY! Me and Amz are going to Download and Bloodstock this year :D I've decided i don't care about spending ridiculous amounts of money on tickets and tents and alcohol and clothes and things, Download this year looks like it's really going to be a once in a lifetime, so i'm not missing it for anything! Wheeeeeeeeee!!! Excited now X3

I think that's everything... Tatty bye!

</spam>