[Beki in Wonderland]'s diary
Kya! X3 AnCafe are one of my new favourite bands XD They are so sweet! Lookit:
http://www.you
They all have such cute little giggles XD And Bou gets slapped alot, bless him X3 And ROFL at Miku's weird voice donald duck thing.. I haven't a clue what he's saying, but it's so odd XD and it makes Kanon giggle like a school girl, which is possibly one of the cutest things i've ever seen in my life X3
AnCafe = Cutest band on the planet. Ever.
Aaah, i just realised that Azerbaijan is in the list of locations XD That really amused me for reasons probably only Alex and Ruth will understand.. Azerbaijan *snort*..
Anyway, had a good day today.. Work was really chilled out and we didn't do much.. The usual mucking out and stuff in the morning, but we were pretty much finished by two, so we spent the rest of the day beautifying Finnigan (who is a horse).. I made his mane all schloompfy, and Alex was attacking him with the curry comb which he enjoyed immensly XD Bless him, he's such a nice horse... He kept trying to steal my phone and unzip my jacket, he's so sweet X3
I got home and realised i'd run off with Alex's wages XD But no worries, she'll get them back on tuesday *nods* Then i couldn't be bothered doing anything so i went to sleep on the sofa for a while.. Then we had this awesome spaghetti, which was huge! I was drinking my drink through it XD Then i went back to sleep on the sofa, woke up because my cousin texted me, and came on here ^___^ So i've had a lazy day XD
Aaah, i forgot to mention a while ago, my auntie Julie has had a baby X3 so i have a new cousin! He's a little boy called Jesse, and i have yet to meet him, but i've seen pictures and he's.. Well, he looks like a baby i suppose XD Pink and stuff... i don't really like babies, but hey, if i can influence him to be cool i think i can put up with him XD Chris and Julie are bringing him over on easter sunday so i'll get to meet him then.. And my slightly mentally unhinged grandparents are coming too, so it should be amusing XD
That's all i have to say, i'm off for a sandwich now ^__^
Written about Monday 2007-04-02
Written: (6389 days ago)
Ok, firstly, i'm sorry to anyone i upset or annoyed last night. I know i was being snappy and irrational, and probably making very little sense. Sorry.
Secondly, thank you to the people who helped me out. You know who you are. Who knew a total stranger could change your life like that? Weird..
Thirdly.. no that's it i think... I'll just apologise for being so irrational last night, i wasn't thinking straight at all.
I have never felt like killing myself more than i do right at this moment.. I just don't see the point in life anymore.. It all seems like we're struggling away to achieve something, despite the fact that we don't know what that something is.. What's the point in staying alive when all i do is hurt and cry and then hide it away. I'm sick of hiding it. I hate feeling like i have no one. I hate standing in a crowd of people and feeling alone. I hate looking at my family and wondering how long its going to last. I hate looking at my dad and knowing that he's given up. I hate looking at my dad and knowing he's going to die soon. I hate looking at my mum and knowing there's nothing i can do now. I hate looking at my little brother and knowing that soon enough he'll have to go through what i'm going through. I hate watching my friendships, relationships and family fall apart at the seams. I hate not having anything to believe in. I hate not having anything to live for. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!! And most of all... I hate the fact that most of it is my fault. How can i live with myself? I'm a coward that's how... Too scared to speak... To scared to do anything about it... FUCKING COWARD!! I can't take it anymore... I'm just... I can't, it's driving me insane... Crying isn't enough anymore, i just don't know what to do... I'm just so tempted to run away and never come back... But i can't... i'm done running away from my problems, my life... I need to do something about it, not run from it... Oh fuck it, fuck everything, i give up, i can't be bothered. It's just not worth it anymore. I hurt to many people. Night all xxx
Grrrrr, why is my brain so fickle and all over the place >___< i have serious issues.. i wish my stupid brain would just drop out of my stupid head and go and corrupt someone else.. then i could have a normal, none fickly brain thank you very much *fumes* Bloody hell... I'm going to bed now, i need to chill...
*sigh* my boyfriend is so fecking hopeless.. right at this moment in time i want to force him to be a waiter and then chuck plates at him (don't ask)... He doesn't understand anything.. at all >__< I think [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] might have a small idea what i'm talking about XD ..A while ago i had an 'argument' with le boyfriend, who is nameless today apparently XD, and with alex's help i basically told him he needed to back off a bit because he was being way to clingy and stuff.. we also let him know that if he wants to know why im upset or moody sometimes, he has to ASK. Talking to me shouldn't be that difficult after 2 months =__= And now, he's just taken what we said and taken it to extremes.. i haven't spoken to him in 4 days, my total time spent with him in the last 4 days has probably been about 5 minutes and he's just backed off a stupid amount.. i honestly don't even know if we're going out anymore, it's so annoying... Maybe i sound like a total hypocrite here.. i'm not sure if i'm doing a 'back off' 'come back' thing and over reacting, but it just seems like everything we've said to him has gone in one ear, been garbled up in his brain and then come jet propelling out of the other side >___< Boys are so troublesome.. aaand i've just realised i'm not going to see him tomorrow, thursday or friday or probably the rest of the easter holidays either XD i can see this going the same way as Steevo did.. oh well, not my problem.. Ok, rant over, i'm fine now XD WHY, for once, can't i get a normal boyfriend? One who doesn't beat me up/get jealous of all my male and female friends/want to see me every five seconds/ignore me completely or any of the other stupid things they do >___< i attract morons...
Now back to sanity... apart from above problem, i've been having a pretty good week so far XD it's the last week of term so everything is pretty chilled and relaxed... No real effort being put in during any of our lessons, that kind of thing.. i can see tomorrow being a bit gay as i don't really have any lessons i especially enjoy, except art which is always great fun. Like today we started talking about how we always get pakistani doctors, who say 'very very' alot XD And then for the rest of the day we were sticking 'very very' in every sentence we said XD Becky came out with the most amazing thing ever too XD Something like this:
Mr. Taylor: ...and all your units are due in on the fourth of May..
Becky: That's Star Wars day...
Olivia: Really, is it actual Star Wars day?
Becky: Yeah!
Mr. Taylor:.....Ri
Becky: May the fourth be with you.
Whole table: *die laughing*
Rest of class: *WTF*
Mr. Taylor: *rolls eyes*
Aaah, i dont think i'll ever forget my art lessons.. some of the funniest experiences of my life have happened in that art room XD
Beki has once again taken a pointless personality test..
Warmth ||||||||| 22%
Intellect |||||||||||| 34%
Emotional Stability ||||||||| 22%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||
Liveliness ||||||||||||||
Dutifulness ||||||||| 26%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||
Sensitivity ||||||||| 30%
Paranoia ||||||||||||||
Abstractness ||||||||||||||
Introversion ||||||||||||||
Anxiety ||||||||||||||
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||
Independence ||||||||||||||
Perfectionism |||||| 18%
Tension ||||||||||||||
Ok, so according to the table that appeared with my results, this means i am: Cold, selfish, instinctive, unstable, irritable, moody, controlling, tough, wild, fun loving, untraditional, rebellious, uninhibited, bold, wary, suspicious, strange, imaginative, private, confident, self assured, curious, exploratory, a loner who craves solitude, disorganized, messy, stressed and unsatisfied... Is it just me or does that sound like some kind of insane person?? I hope i'm not like that XD
Gwah, i feel the need for a ramble.. I went into chester with my mum and my brother today, because my dad needs a 'time out' and my brother needed some ear stuff and i needed to do something at the halifax that i dont understand and get some more co-codamol XD I got a manga from the library.. i didnt even know they had mangas in the library XD Then i wandered around to find things to sew to my boring old t-shirts.. i found some really cute tokyo kitty buttons X3 so i'm going to sew lots of stuff to a t-shirt and be a n00b XD just because i can <_< >_> Gah, i had something else i needed to ramble about too and i've forgotten... oh well.. i'll remember at some point *wanders off*
Nyahahaha, Sasuke bashing FTW \o/ http://www.dev
None-Naruto obsessed people won't get this.. in fact anyone who hasn't read up to the most recent chapter of the manga won't get this... Sorry XD
Written about Friday 2007-03-23
Written: (6399 days ago)
Oh i almost forgot..
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATAY!!!!]
X3 Yay, birthdays always deserve a special mention in my diary XD
Naruto manga chapter 337... page 2 XD XD Fanservice much??? *Hails Kishi* you've done it again you mad.. japanese guy.. who likes to draw awesome people X3 And page 10 O____O That's going about a million steps too far i think XD Kishi is slowly getting more and more perverted...
Anywayz... I'm off school today which is gay... My mum thinks me and my brother have some sort of ear infection, so we're off to the doctors after lunch to have our brains probed or whatever XD It's gay.. i like fridays aswell >_< Then again, i can't hear anything, so i'm not sure how useful i would have been in school anyway XD My reply to everything would have been "WHAT!?!?!?" at about a million decibels <_< >_> bah.
BAH!!! I dyed my hair pink earlier, and it was REALLY COOL!! It was really bright pink, but my mum said it was too bright and made me dye over it with the purple to tone it down.. and it's just gone back to how it was!!! >:(
But i'm getting it cut on thursday and she's putting bright purple streaks in it to compensate, so that's ok XD And it's going multicoloured when we go on exam leave so i dont really care XD
Written about Tuesday 2007-03-13
Written: (6409 days ago)
ARGH! I can't decide what i want to do with my damned hair! I had decided, but i've sort of changed my mind now because i'm having something else done to it when we go on exam leave and i don't want to go completely insane and cut it too short.. or i'll have to wait for it to grow back and it would be troublesome XD ..
I quite like this, but it looks high maintenence:
This is very cool, but also very bright XD I'd get murdered by mrs. flint if i did this, but i might do it some other time:
I like this alot actually.. It's probably what i'm going to do in the end XD (obviously it will be dark red, not gingery o__O):
And finally, this is what i'm doing when we go on exam leave:
Because i'm speshul ^.^
HELP ME PEOPLE!! I don't know what to do with my haaaaaaaaaaaaa
ARGH! I can't decide what i want to do with my damned hair! I had decided, but i've sort of changed my mind now because i'm having something else done to it when we go on exam leave and i don't want to go completely insane and cut it too short.. or i'll have to wait for it to grow back and it would be troublesome XD ..
I quite like this, but it looks high maintenence:
This is very cool, but also very bright XD I'd get murdered by mrs. flint if i did this, but i might do it some other time:
I like this alot actually.. It's probably what i'm going to do in the end XD (obviously it will be dark red, not gingery o__O):
And finally, this is what i'm doing when we go on exam leave:
Because i'm speshul ^.^
HELP ME PEOPLE!! I don't know what to do with my haaaaaaaaaaaaa
Batou owns ALL.
Batou: We’re looking for a guy by the name of Wakabayashi, go get him.
Yakuza guys: *pull out various weapons*
Batou: *whips coat back to reveal huge gun. Blasts Yakuza to smithereens.*
[Batou: 1 Yakuza: 0]
Batou: *Walks over to the door*
Half dead Yakuza guy: *picks up gun and aims at Batou’s back*
Batou: *Turns round and shoots a round into Yakuza guys face*
[Batou: 2 Yakuza: 0]
Wakabayashi: *Throws grenade at Batou*
Batou: You think those are going to have any effect on me? *shoots at Wakabayashi’s feet*
Wakabayashi: *Wets himself* (seriously)
[Batou: 3 Yakuza: 0]
Crab claw guy: *attacks Batou*
Batou: *rips crab claw guy’s arm off*
Crab claw guy: *Falls through floor* (ok, I missed a bit XD)
Batou: *Zaps crab claw guy*
Crab claw guy: *Dies*
[Batou: 4 Yakuza: 0]
…Ok, I just wanted to make a point that Batou totally owns all XD ‘specially the Yakuza :p *Ish obsessed* XD
Rarf, i feel like having a ramble before i go to bed.. Before i start ranting, i have a big favour to yell. ALEX!! I've only just remembered this now and chances are i'll have forgotten it by the time i finish rambling so i'll write it now so i don't forget *breathes* if you read this, which you probably will, could you possibly maybe print off the two pictures in the below diary entry for me? Simply because 1) i need them to show my hairdresser what i want doing to my hair and 2) my printer is broked so i can't pring them off myself >___< I'll pay you? XD
Anyway, now back to my ramble. I was having a squeeing fit before coz Ben from X-Factor has released an album. I want to buy it, coz as far as i'm concerned he should have won. He ish so smexy X3 I was going to say something else now.. Oh yes, i've started watching Black Books again, and i've got totally addicted to it. That's the reason i'm sitting up here at quarter to one rambling in my diary instead of sleeping, so thank you andy for that. However, my mum said i have to be off the computer by 1am. So i intend to get off the computer at 1 and go to my room and draw Ziggy for a while. I think she meant i have to go to bed at 1, but she didn't say that, so morally i win as far as i'm concerned XD
Chester was coooooool! We had alot of fun just the three of us XD I did meet up with my boyfriend in the end, and we stayed with him for all of 4 seconds before we buggered off again. And we were playing eye spy on the bus on the way home, and these chavs were getting all frustrated with us, it was so funny XD
Hmmm, im going to grumble about the fact that i couldnt get my hair done on saturday morning.. stupid hairdresser -__- okay, so it wasnt her fault, but meh. Now i wont have it cut by our none uniform day, which incidentally is on leet day (the date = march 13th = 13/3/07 = 1337 :p) i dont quite understand that because red nose day itself is on friday o___O but we're having our none uniform day on tuesday.. bizarre.. Anywho..
ARGH! Drama exam on Wednesday, omg omg omg *panics* im going to go and commit suicide... ok i would, if i was stupid... but committing suicide over a drama exam would be a bit gay... So i won't, i'll just panic alot until wednesday and drive everyone crazy XD
I'm bored now, i'm going to bed, night all xx
Whee, t3h Beki is having her hair cut tomorrow morning! *squeels* i love Deb and Kay. They've told me to bring some pictures, and they'll fuck about with my hair a bit and see what happens XD They rock! I've decided not to be boring and just go for a normal J-rock mullet.. I'm modelling it more on Kanon's style this time, so going for a more:
Kind of look... Apparently having hair like that takes dedication XD So i shall have to buy alot of spray, gel and straightening serum in chester tomorrow XD Oh dear, i think i'm going to become one of these hair-a-holic people, and be changing my hair every 5 minutes XD So [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] is a piercing-a-hol