Um, my Turkish isn't exactly up to scratch, but merhaba is a form of greeting isn't it? Like hi or hello? If not, some random stranger is sending me random Turkish words! XD Oh well, i replied with Hello anyway, so if it doesn't mean hi then i'm going to be getting a look something like this o___O from some random Turkish person XD </ramble>

*sigh* teh beki ish happy! I'm finally fulfilling one of my life dreams and learning Japanese! *sings* I'm learning japanese, i think im learning japanese i really think so! do do do do do doo dooooo!.... Ok, that's not funny at all xD Oh well.. i'm having a great time and it's SUCH a nice language to learn.. The pronunciation is alot easier than i was expecting... Though some of the words are rediculously long XD There's no complicated muddling of the verbs, it's all just very simple and cool. Watashi wa ringo desu = I am an apple XD Ok, it's not funny at all, but i found it stupidly funny XD I've been sitting here for the last 4 hours going through Japanese vocabulary that my 'tutor' has sent me.. i found it insanely amusing that he taught me "My name is Beki, this is a book!" I mean, how helpful is that gonna be? Running around in Tokyo going "MY NAME IS BEKI AND THIS IS A BOOK!! A BOOOOOOK!!!" Oh god... i really need sleep now, it's nearly 4am... I have Japanese greetings and phrases going round and round in my head... And i'm becoming obsessed with the word 'ringo' coz it's pronounced really nicely... ringo... ringo... RINGO!! Breathe, stop being obsessive over apples... right, i'm going to bed...
Smoke me a kipper, i'll be back for breakfast xx

I just had haggis for the first time in my life... and i have to admit i was pleasently surprised. Despite how disgusting i thought it was gonna be, it's actually really really nice :p Dinner time was really funny though thanks to my dad... We all sat down and started eating our haggis quite happily..
Dad: You know what's in haggis?
Me, Mum + Brother: *ignore him and carry on eating*
Dad: *poking haggis* Pigs heart..
Brother: *stops eating*
Dad: Pigs liver...
Mum: *stops eating*
Dad: Pigs lungs...
Mum + brother: *push plates far away from them*
Dad: Oatmeal, of all things... And probably a bunch of intestines and stuff.. All smushed together and wrapped in sheep's stomach..
Mum + Brother: *look disgusted, look at me like i just ate the dog*
Me: *still eating* What??
Dad: *laughs and carries on eating*

It amused me no end XD My mum and my brother were both nearly sick, and i just carried on eating despite knowing what was in it... I don't really care to be honest.. if it tastes nice, why stop eating it just coz it's got a load of gross stuff in it? XD Aah, long live the Scottish..

Hmph.. I felt like crap yesterday, and i'm not sure why... I was fine in the morning, then i went to Mold to see [Pinup_princess] and her boyfriend Terry... Just after i got there i started to feel a bit ill, and it got worse as the day went on... We met up with a bunch of people, Walker, Josh, Kal, Bianca, Gem (the other one XD) and her boyfriend who's name i can't even remember XD, Pierce and i think that was it <_< >_> *bad memory day* and after a few doughnuts and some play fighting with B i started to feel better XD Then i fell out of a tree/bush type thing.. I got in there fine, but i couldn't figure out how to get out again XD So i ended up on my ass.. But all in all it was a fun day, apart from the fact that i felt like shit again towards the end of it, and when my mum picked me up she started having a massive go at me because apparently i'd been drinking and smoking all day and i was a discgrace to the family =__= So when i got home at about 6, i just went upstairs to bed XD I slept till about 11pm, got up, had an ice cream, did some drawing and went back to bed at 1.. Then i didn't get up till 12:30 today XD So i've had around 16 and a half hours sleep XD And i feel better for it..
I was gonna go into chester today and get my hair done and my snakebites coz Walker's said he'll pay for one of them so i can get them both done at the same time.. But my dad's really ill and my mum's out so i have to babysit the sprog =__= Oh well, i can do some revision while im at it, so far this holiday i've only managed to pretend to revise <_< >_> Ramble over..
Smoke me a kipper, i'll be back for breakfast xx

Kya! X3 AnCafe are one of my new favourite bands XD They are so sweet! Lookit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDVGMC3xNZ4
They all have such cute little giggles XD And Bou gets slapped alot, bless him X3 And ROFL at Miku's weird voice donald duck thing.. I haven't a clue what he's saying, but it's so odd XD and it makes Kanon giggle like a school girl, which is possibly one of the cutest things i've ever seen in my life X3
AnCafe = Cutest band on the planet. Ever.

Aaah, i just realised that Azerbaijan is in the list of locations XD That really amused me for reasons probably only Alex and Ruth will understand.. Azerbaijan *snort*..
Anyway, had a good day today.. Work was really chilled out and we didn't do much.. The usual mucking out and stuff in the morning, but we were pretty much finished by two, so we spent the rest of the day beautifying Finnigan (who is a horse).. I made his mane all schloompfy, and Alex was attacking him with the curry comb which he enjoyed immensly XD Bless him, he's such a nice horse... He kept trying to steal my phone and unzip my jacket, he's so sweet X3
I got home and realised i'd run off with Alex's wages XD But no worries, she'll get them back on tuesday *nods* Then i couldn't be bothered doing anything so i went to sleep on the sofa for a while.. Then we had this awesome spaghetti, which was huge! I was drinking my drink through it XD Then i went back to sleep on the sofa, woke up because my cousin texted me, and came on here ^___^ So i've had a lazy day XD

Aaah, i forgot to mention a while ago, my auntie Julie has had a baby X3 so i have a new cousin! He's a little boy called Jesse, and i have yet to meet him, but i've seen pictures and he's.. Well, he looks like a baby i suppose XD Pink and stuff... i don't really like babies, but hey, if i can influence him to be cool i think i can put up with him XD Chris and Julie are bringing him over on easter sunday so i'll get to meet him then.. And my slightly mentally unhinged grandparents are coming too, so it should be amusing XD
That's all i have to say, i'm off for a sandwich now ^__^

Ok, firstly, i'm sorry to anyone i upset or annoyed last night. I know i was being snappy and irrational, and probably making very little sense. Sorry.
Secondly, thank you to the people who helped me out. You know who you are. Who knew a total stranger could change your life like that? Weird..
Thirdly.. no that's it i think... I'll just apologise for being so irrational last night, i wasn't thinking straight at all.

I have never felt like killing myself more than i do right at this moment.. I just don't see the point in life anymore.. It all seems like we're struggling away to achieve something, despite the fact that we don't know what that something is.. What's the point in staying alive when all i do is hurt and cry and then hide it away. I'm sick of hiding it. I hate feeling like i have no one. I hate standing in a crowd of people and feeling alone. I hate looking at my family and wondering how long its going to last. I hate looking at my dad and knowing that he's given up. I hate looking at my dad and knowing he's going to die soon. I hate looking at my mum and knowing there's nothing i can do now. I hate looking at my little brother and knowing that soon enough he'll have to go through what i'm going through. I hate watching my friendships, relationships and family fall apart at the seams. I hate not having anything to believe in. I hate not having anything to live for. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!! And most of all... I hate the fact that most of it is my fault. How can i live with myself? I'm a coward that's how... Too scared to speak... To scared to do anything about it... FUCKING COWARD!! I can't take it anymore... I'm just... I can't, it's driving me insane... Crying isn't enough anymore, i just don't know what to do... I'm just so tempted to run away and never come back... But i can't... i'm done running away from my problems, my life... I need to do something about it, not run from it... Oh fuck it, fuck everything, i give up, i can't be bothered. It's just not worth it anymore. I hurt to many people. Night all xxx

Grrrrr, why is my brain so fickle and all over the place >___< i have serious issues.. i wish my stupid brain would just drop out of my stupid head and go and corrupt someone else.. then i could have a normal, none fickly brain thank you very much *fumes* Bloody hell... I'm going to bed now, i need to chill...

*sigh* my boyfriend is so fecking hopeless.. right at this moment in time i want to force him to be a waiter and then chuck plates at him (don't ask)... He doesn't understand anything.. at all >__< I think [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] might have a small idea what i'm talking about XD ..A while ago i had an 'argument' with le boyfriend, who is nameless today apparently XD, and with alex's help i basically told him he needed to back off a bit because he was being way to clingy and stuff.. we also let him know that if he wants to know why im upset or moody sometimes, he has to ASK. Talking to me shouldn't be that difficult after 2 months =__= And now, he's just taken what we said and taken it to extremes.. i haven't spoken to him in 4 days, my total time spent with him in the last 4 days has probably been about 5 minutes and he's just backed off a stupid amount.. i honestly don't even know if we're going out anymore, it's so annoying... Maybe i sound like a total hypocrite here.. i'm not sure if i'm doing a 'back off' 'come back' thing and over reacting, but it just seems like everything we've said to him has gone in one ear, been garbled up in his brain and then come jet propelling out of the other side >___< Boys are so troublesome.. aaand i've just realised i'm not going to see him tomorrow, thursday or friday or probably the rest of the easter holidays either XD i can see this going the same way as Steevo did.. oh well, not my problem.. Ok, rant over, i'm fine now XD WHY, for once, can't i get a normal boyfriend? One who doesn't beat me up/get jealous of all my male and female friends/want to see me every five seconds/ignore me completely or any of the other stupid things they do >___< i attract morons...
Now back to sanity... apart from above problem, i've been having a pretty good week so far XD it's the last week of term so everything is pretty chilled and relaxed... No real effort being put in during any of our lessons, that kind of thing.. i can see tomorrow being a bit gay as i don't really have any lessons i especially enjoy, except art which is always great fun. Like today we started talking about how we always get pakistani doctors, who say 'very very' alot XD And then for the rest of the day we were sticking 'very very' in every sentence we said XD Becky came out with the most amazing thing ever too XD Something like this:
Mr. Taylor: ...and all your units are due in on the fourth of May..
Becky: That's Star Wars day...
Olivia: Really, is it actual Star Wars day?
Becky: Yeah!
Mr. Taylor:.....Right, so i've just been told that May the fourth is Star Wars day... Anyway-
Becky: May the fourth be with you.
Whole table: *die laughing*
Rest of class: *WTF*
Mr. Taylor: *rolls eyes*
Aaah, i dont think i'll ever forget my art lessons.. some of the funniest experiences of my life have happened in that art room XD

Beki has once again taken a pointless personality test..

Warmth ||||||||| 22%
Intellect |||||||||||| 34%
Emotional Stability ||||||||| 22%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Liveliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Dutifulness ||||||||| 26%
Social Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Sensitivity ||||||||| 30%
Paranoia ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Introversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 46%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Perfectionism |||||| 18%
Tension ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%

Ok, so according to the table that appeared with my results, this means i am: Cold, selfish, instinctive, unstable, irritable, moody, controlling, tough, wild, fun loving, untraditional, rebellious, uninhibited, bold, wary, suspicious, strange, imaginative, private, confident, self assured, curious, exploratory, a loner who craves solitude, disorganized, messy, stressed and unsatisfied... Is it just me or does that sound like some kind of insane person?? I hope i'm not like that XD

Gwah, i feel the need for a ramble.. I went into chester with my mum and my brother today, because my dad needs a 'time out' and my brother needed some ear stuff and i needed to do something at the halifax that i dont understand and get some more co-codamol XD I got a manga from the library.. i didnt even know they had mangas in the library XD Then i wandered around to find things to sew to my boring old t-shirts.. i found some really cute tokyo kitty buttons X3 so i'm going to sew lots of stuff to a t-shirt and be a n00b XD just because i can <_< >_> Gah, i had something else i needed to ramble about too and i've forgotten... oh well.. i'll remember at some point *wanders off*

Nyahahaha, Sasuke bashing FTW \o/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/51517862/?qo=2&qh=special%3Apopular
None-Naruto obsessed people won't get this.. in fact anyone who hasn't read up to the most recent chapter of the manga won't get this... Sorry XD

Oh i almost forgot..

[HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATAY!!!!]

Naruto manga chapter 337... page 2 XD XD Fanservice much??? *Hails Kishi* you've done it again you mad.. japanese guy.. who likes to draw awesome people X3 And page 10 O____O That's going about a million steps too far i think XD Kishi is slowly getting more and more perverted...

Anywayz... I'm off school today which is gay... My mum thinks me and my brother have some sort of ear infection, so we're off to the doctors after lunch to have our brains probed or whatever XD It's gay.. i like fridays aswell >_< Then again, i can't hear anything, so i'm not sure how useful i would have been in school anyway XD My reply to everything would have been "WHAT!?!?!?" at about a million decibels <_< >_> bah.

BAH!!! I dyed my hair pink earlier, and it was REALLY COOL!! It was really bright pink, but my mum said it was too bright and made me dye over it with the purple to tone it down.. and it's just gone back to how it was!!! >:(
But i'm getting it cut on thursday and she's putting bright purple streaks in it to compensate, so that's ok XD And it's going multicoloured when we go on exam leave so i dont really care XD

ARGH! I can't decide what i want to do with my damned hair! I had decided, but i've sort of changed my mind now because i'm having something else done to it when we go on exam leave and i don't want to go completely insane and cut it too short.. or i'll have to wait for it to grow back and it would be troublesome XD ..
I quite like this, but it looks high maintenence:


This is very cool, but also very bright XD I'd get murdered by mrs. flint if i did this, but i might do it some other time:


I like this alot actually.. It's probably what i'm going to do in the end XD (obviously it will be dark red, not gingery o__O):


And finally, this is what i'm doing when we go on exam leave:

Because i'm speshul ^.^

HELP ME PEOPLE!! I don't know what to do with my haaaaaaaaaaaaaaair *whines* suggestions? please? X3