So i did end up watching Big Brother last night... Dear God, it's all women! Why have they done that?? WHY?! And why those aweful twins?! I could seriously kill some of the people who've gone into that house... Some of them (the nutters) are incredibly cool, but there's a few girls who are in love with themselves... Get them out, leave the nutters in i say! Although, leaving the girly-girly-si
Hmm... What else did i want to talk about?? I was totally hyper yesterday, i couldn't get to sleep until about 5am.. So naturally when mum called me at 8 this morning asking if i wanted to go to the Crocky Trail (it's like this big adventure trail where you get wet and muddy) the conversation was as follows.
Mutti: Reb?? (that's what my parents call me *cringe*
Me: ............*r
Mutti: OI!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WHAT!? Why are you waking me up mum!!! I'm not done sleeping yet!!!
Mutti: Get up!
Me: Why?? Is it an emergency? Are you on fire???
Mutti: No, stop being stupid, we're going to the Crocky Trail.
Me: Are we. Well i'm not, it's raining and i'm tired.
Mutti: You lazy git...
Me: You have fun getting wet and muddy in the rain with two whining little boys then...
Mutti: *loons off*
So Mutti and Ethan and Cameron dissapeared off to the Crocky Trail leaving me warm and snuggly in my bed. Then the Father of the Loons came up and started painting the bathroom door, which was REALLY annoying because it was going *bang bang bang bang*. I think he was doing it on purpose, so i yelled "Decorate more quietly, you loon!" at him through the hole in my wall (which conveniently goes straight through into the bathroom.) He just laughed at me and told me to get up, so i had no choice but to drag myself out of bed and go and lie on the fouton and play Animal Crossing for a few hours. Then i went to get food, did some revision, and slobbed around a bit...
And then! Out of the blue i got a text from [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] (it wasn't really out of the blue, it was out of my phone...) reminding me that we're going to Chester tomorrow dressed as pirates to go and see Pirates 3 (again). Naturally i had to go and prepare my pirate costume, which was easy enough since i prepared it a week ago. I'm wearing a white shirt (which with Mutti's permission will be powdered with brown eyeshadow to look dirtyer) with a huge brown leather belt and a smaller black one going over my shoulder (don't know why, but Jack Sparrow has one and i'm basing my costume on him XD) I'm wearing my black leather trousers because they look cool and feminise the outfit a bit, the Loon Leader's very piratey looking brown leather boots which have massive wide tops (like pirate boots), and i have a black headbandy thing on my head (duh) and a raggly cloth round my waist (again, because Jack has) and a few rings on. To top the whole outfit off i have my brothers POTC sword, that makes swooshing sound effects when you swing it around wildly. So tomorrow i'm either going to get stared at by alot of people, or arrested for accidentally knocking out old ladies while demonstrating how to swoosh the sword wildly. Mutti has some beyond marvy stage make-up, which is for doing bruises and.. dirt. God knows why. Oh Vati just told me it's because they went to a pirate party in the 80's. Gott im Himmel, it's from the 80's! I'd probably be safer smearing myself with real dirt... Oh well, i want to really grubbify myself and look vair vair piratey, and then go into some rather fancy shops and annoy all the stuck up people by wandering around drunkenly and yelling piratey things at the top of my voice. Yes, i'm likely to get arrested tomorrow. No, i don't care, as long as i get to see Pirates 3 again before i get arrested.
I'll tell you what, i'm not putting any major spoilers in, but this is a teeny tiny one so if you're not interested don't read. It doesn't give away any plot, it's just the two bits in the film that i found hilarious. One bit was Jack's entrance. It was just his nose, taking up the entire screen. Me and my brother were in fits of laughter and everyone else was shushing us, but i didn't care, it was amazingly funny. The second bit was when Davey Jones is standing in the bucket of sea water so that he can come on land. It's quite a serious scene, but i kid you not when i say i fell out of my seat laughing when i saw Davey standing in that bucket... It was one of those things that i just find WAY to funny, and i was laughing absolutely hysterically. You know the kind of laugh where you really should stop, but you can't? That's what i was doing. I stopped after about 5 minutes, but then my evil little brother leaned over and went "Bucket." in a really pervy voice and that started me off again. Me and my bro even invented a song for it last night, because we both still find it hilarious. We were doing this in every interval on BB8.
Ethan: OH, the captain likes his bucket!
Me: As much as he likes the rolling tide!
Ethan: He stands inside his bucket!
Me: And image of strength and hope and pride!
Me+Ethan: OH yo-ho-ho, OH yo-ho-ho, The captain likes his bucket! OH Yo-ho-ho, OH Yo-ho-ho, The captain likes his bucket! (and then we repeated this bit until the Loon Leader started throwing pillows at us)
It was a wonderful song XD A great one for pissing off Father of the Loons and Loon Leader too...
So... Now i'm sitting here, singing The Captain Likes His Bucket at the top of my voice, dressed as a pirate and, get this, drinking rum. I'm pining for the ocean now... I WANT TO BE A PIRATE!!! >_< OMG one thing we're going to HAVE to do tomorrow is go on the pedalo boats... I am the Pedalo Pirate, and i couldn't call myself that unless i went on the Pedalo! And i want to stand up and yell "I AM THE PEDALO PIRATE!!!!" and wave a skull and crossbones flag around manically... Oh yes, i'm going to have fun tomorrow... And if i can't go on the pedalo's, i'll buy a very cheap inflatable boat and sit in that. It will be almost as good.
Anyway, i'm going to stop talking now and go for a walk (dressed as a pirate) so as to terrorise my old neighbors. Toodle flip!
</ramble>
Mutti just had a nervy spaz at me coz i ate all her boudoir fingers o__O I laughed at her... She stormed in all shouty and trousery and yelled "Did you eat all my boudoir fingers??" could you take that seriously? It cracked me up anyway... I just got an image in my head of the queen yelling at one of her corgis "Did you eat all my boudoir fingers?!" ...I just can't take any sentence with the word 'boudoir' in it seriously... Mutti didn't even wait for an answer, she just picked up a wrapper off the floor (which incidentally WASN'T belonging to the boudoir fingers), waved it at me, tutted, and looned off... Insane... Completely insane...
Boudoir *snigger*
</ramble>
*sigh* Ok, i totally lost it yesterday... I did end up going to the cinema with mum, but she spent the ENTIRE journey there glaring at me in the rearview mirror (i sat in the back to avoid any further conflict). When we got there everything seemed fine, we watched the film (which was amazing by the way) and all seemed well until we got in the car to go home... She completely blew her top for no reason at all and started screaming at me and saying i was the worst daughter she could ever have asked for and blah blah... Eventually i completely lost it. I'd just been sitting there for 10 minutes trying not to cry with her laying into me when finally my fuse snapped.. I said that i'd had enough of her trying to change me into someone i'm not, and trying to mould me in her own image of perfection. I said i was sick of not feeling im able to confide in her because whenever i do she just scoffs at me. She was yelling at me that i'd changed and i wasn't the happy, smiley person i used to be and i basically said "Yeah, well, i don't know who i am anymore, happy now?" and told her to stop the car. I got out and walked the rest of the way home then went to my room the minute i got in. I decided i'm not going to let her beat me. I'm going to be who I want to be, ME not her. I'm going to stop refusing to revise just to spite her, and do things for me. I refused to come out of my room and i've been revising pretty much solidly for the last 24 hours. I went on a 24 hour strike in my room, refusing to come out for anything, and just revising. I've made a revision timetable and planned out what i'm going to do. One thing i'm NOT going to do is let her rule my life anymore. I've had enough of feeling caged in by my family. They're going to let me be who i want to be, or they're going to have to live without me because i'm not putting up with it anymore. She's said that she's washed her hands of me, and that's fine, it's better that way. It gives me more free reign to be the person that i want to be. I'm going to pass these stupid exams and i'm going to prove them all wrong. They'll see.
Mum isn't speaking to me at the moment, my dad is keeping out of it like he always does, and my brother isn't even aware that anything is going on. It's good though, i feel totally chilled out and relaxed. I've spent way to much of my life crying and getting stressed over stupid things that keep happening in my family and my life. It's time to 'turn over a new leaf' as they say, whoever 'they' are. It sounds so cliche really... Starting a new life and changing things for what i hope is the better, but i think it's about time really... I've had enough of being the depressed one that everyone always has to walk on eggshells around incase they upset me. I've had enough of being the bad tempered one. I'm fed up of being the one that 'nobody understands'. Time to grow up i think. (and about time too :p)
I really do hate my mum sometimes... Recently things seem to have been going really well, and we haven't argued much... And then she manages to spout a load of crap that just makes me feel absolutely shit about myself and makes me wonder what the point in even trying is. I might aswell just run away to the hills and become a hermit the way she puts things...
*yawns* wow, i was in one weird ass mood last night XD Drawing obsessively, drinking rum and coffee, writing in my diary every 5 minutes... I was so hyper too... I blame [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] completely. I was up soooo late aswell. I didn't finally go to bed until 5:30am! It was broad daylight by that point! Now i'm up and about at 11am (which is a miracle). Mum's out walking the hound and my brother, then we're going to see POTC3 \m/ which means i'm seeing it twice this week, once acting normal with my parents, and once dressed as a pirate and acting like a splob head with Alex. It's gonna be fuuuun ^_______^
I had a really strange dream last night though... (uh-oh, she's off again! WARNING: I ramble. Alot. If you really couldn't care less what i dreamed about last night, then skip this bit! It's here for my benefit more than anyone elses coz i don't want to forget this one <_< >_>)
Anyway... The dream was kind of... movie-like, and i was the camera. It was obviously a war scene, though which war i couldn't say as i know very little about the wars -_-' It was no man's land, i knew that anyway. Just mud and rain and barbed wire and potholes and smoke... Then there was two guys... I'm going to give them names to save confusion XD There was... Sam... Who was lying on the ground and all covered in mud and blood. His leg was full of shrapnel or barbed wire or something, i'm not sure, and bleeding really badly. He was sort of whimpering and one thing that was really clear was that he was clinging on to this pendant around his neck. There was another guy with him... Billy, coz i like that name. He looked reasonably ok as they go, mud on him and a few shallow cuts but nothing serious. I noticed his boot had a big hole in the front though o_O Billy tried to help Sam up, and they struggled for a while before Sam just collapsed back into the mud, crying. Billy said something like "Come on, not far to the trenches and you'll be safe!" but i could sort of tell that he had no idea which way the trenches were. Billy crouched down next to Sam, and then these faint voices drifted over to them. Billy yelled out and two other guys came running, but these were of the opposition (they were talking German, so i'm assuming they were Germans XD) i'll call these two Wolfgang and Hans.. Anyway, the two Germans raised their guns at Sam and Billy. But Sam had already kind of given in and Billy couldn't see any option other than to close his eyes and brace himself. He wasn't going to leave his best friend. Then Wolfgang and Hans started muttering to eachother in German. Finally, they lowered their weapons and walked towards Billy and Sam. Hans offered Billy his hand. "We help you." he said. Together Hans, Billy and Wolfgang pulled the injured Sam to his feet, and they started in the direction that they assumed the British (?) trenches were. They made their way slowly, together, and finally they saw the trenches not far ahead. At that moment a shell fell, i think it was a british one, there was a big explosion and then everything just went black, and i woke up.
Yep, one of the weirdest dreams i've ever had.. And bits of it were so vivid and... i dunno, but it was just too real for my liking. Kinda sad too, that a group of guys who were meant to be enemies united to help an injured guy get to safety... and they died trying... I might have to write this into a short story... Infact, i hope and option comes up in my English Language paper that will allow for me to write it as a story XD *is now in a writing mood*
Anyway, we're past the dream part now and on to the rambling... I've written quite alot in this one entry o_O i think i'm gonna just leave it here... I'm off to get pop tarts *obsession #169* x)
</ramble>
This is my last diary entry tonight! I promise!
Yes, i'm being a total diary whore.. Blame [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] and Emmie-Chan for getting me so freaking hyped up... Here is what i wanted to write about anyway...
Pedalo and Emmie-Chan's Recipe (for disaster)
Ingredients
2tsp Coffee powder/beans/w
2tsp Hot chocolate powder
2tsp brown sugar
Milk
Dark rum
Squirty cream
Grated chocolate (or coco powder if yer lazy)
What you do: Get a big mug. Big mugs rule all. Anyway, boil a kettle, obviously. Put the coffee, hot chocolate powder, brown sugar and milk into the mug and stir frantically until you get a sort of frothy goo (it looks gross but makes for a nice froth on top of the coffee later) Pour in the boling water and stir. Now pour in as much dark rum as you think you can handle XD Not too much or it'll be all you can taste >_< Squirt a spiral of squirty cream on top and sprinkle with grated chocolate, and voila! You have the drink of the God's! It'll warm your ears up a treat (don't ask)
I call it Schizo Coffee due to the weird "Yuck that's horrible.. oooh yum, it's actually nice!" response it gets XD
</ramble>
I am being a total diary whore tonight... But... [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] has got me really hyped up. It's not my fault. She's also got me drawing manically. And apparently i've suddenly developed the ability to draw people's faces from scratch really well o_O I'm not sure where this has come from all of a sudden, but i'm not complaining XD *potters off to continue drawing and have a cup of tea*
</ramble>
Edit, because im cool like that:
Me and Emily on msn (to explain my mood)
Emily: Dammit woman, you're obsessed with Sleepy Hollow!!
Me: But it's so good ;-; Johnny Depp is love in that film!!!!
Emily: So is Christopher Walken <3
Me: ....Who??
Emily: tut, what kind of fan are you!? The bloke who plays the Headless Horseman..
Me: Emily, he's an old man...
Emily: He's a sexy old man!
Me: *dies laughing on the floor*
...Ok, so it wasn't funny at all, but i found it absolutely hysterical for some reason... mainly because i got an image of the headless horseman posing in a bikini (please don't ask me why) ..But yeah, that has got me hysterical now... Now i'm going to stop diary whoring before someone hits me for it.
</ramble for the second time>
Well i did go running in the rain, i'm now sitting here wrapped in a blanket with a rum and coffee. My mum's words were "Do you actually HAVE a braincell in that head of yours?? Or is it all dust and glitter??" I thought that was weird XD Dust and glitter?? Wtf am i, an abandoned christmas ornament? And my dad just said "You're mad... mad... mad..." and then kinda trailed off and started mumbling to himself o_O weirdo...
Hmm... What is it with families and going weird when their GCSE-doing members go on exam leave?? [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] said her family went weird, and now mine have! My parents are acting like a pair of drugged up college students.. we have no dishes or cutlery because no one can be bothered washing up, and the trip to the shop today ended in three bags of varying alcohols coming home o_O including whisky, (i feel a game of 'Three Hats and a Bottle of Whiskey' coming on) dark rum, doppelkummel, WKD, Japanese beer, apple cider, pear cider, the love of my life Blackthorn cider <33333, toffee vodka, gin (wtf, no one likes gin -_-) and a crate of guiness... Dear me... I don't know what sort of party my parents are planning, but i want to be there! XD Lol, you should have seen my weirdo family yesterday! We had a powercut on our street, so my mum decided we were all going to play charades.. It was the funniest thing ever.. she was slightly tipsy on rum, so giggling at absolutely everything, i just thought they were all weird, my brother was really getting into it and miming things really enthusiastical
</ramble>
Waow! It's raining like a motherfucker outside, seriously!! It's so heavy that all the car alarms on my street are going off 8P and you know what? I have the biggest urge in the world to go and run round in it, despite the fact that i have no shoes on and i'm only in my pyjamas... I'm sitting here contemplating it... My brain is arguing with itself XD
"Do it! It'll be fun!"
"Don't be stupid, you've already got a cold, you'll catch your death!"
"Feh, i want to run round in the rain! It's an excuse to drink hot chocolate with rum in it when i get back in!"
"That's a crap reason, you'll die."
"How?? How is running round in the rain going to kill me??"
"You'll get pneumonia."
"Only if i come inside and sit there dripping wet like a stupid idiot."
"Which you will."
".... No... I'll have coffee and rum and get dry!"
"...It's still stupid..."
"Why?"
"You'll get wet..."
"That's.. pretty much the point."
"..."
Ok, the stupid side of my brain won, i'm off to run round in the rain XD
Oh dear -_- I'm having one of those nights tonight.. I just can't stop crying, and it's for no apparent reason.. I guess i'm just tired.. I was just talking to Emily when a song came on my playlist that made me feel really sad, because it reminded me of myself way to much.. I told Emily and had a long rant at her, and we ended up having a long discussion about death and how it affects people.. She says she's never been affected by death until her grandmother died. Before she died she left Emily a little note.. Ems told me what it said, but i won't put it in here for obvious reasons.. But it was SO. SAD. I just burst into tears. Then Emily started crying when i told her i was crying, and we both ended up having a long long talk about.. well, everything! And crying together and just talking.. It would have been nice if we could have had a hug too, but she lives much to far away (try the other side of the big puddle..) so we settled for just ranting at eachother.. It was nice though, i feel like i've let a load off.. and it was a load i wasn't even aware i was carrying! But i feel better now, and i think Emily does too.. So we both got something good out of our crying and talking moment.. But both our mums thing we're really strange now, sitting at the computers listening to sad music and crying XD ...I was sitting at the computer, listening to Apocalyptica, drinking rum out of the bottle and crying my eyes out XD i probably looked like some kind of depressed-mid-
</ramble>
ROFL!
Bill Bailey is a legend!
http://www.you
x)
ACK! Nose bleed!! >_<
LOL, it's quite funny actually XD
Ok, shutting up. x)
RIGHT!! I have a challenge for anyone and everyone XD (Whoever happens to be reading this actually..) I have 5 new characters, who started out as just practice of facial expressions and weird angles.. But i have decided that i like them! SO! I will be writing them into a story x) The challenge is this: Since i'm so bad at coming up with names for my characters, i want some help. Simple as that. Come up with names! XD The picture of them is up in my house, the quality is bad but it's the best i can do XD Be imaginative :p (One thing, no Japanese names.. My characters always end up with Japanese names XD)
Ok, ramblement over, i'm off to do something useful now <_< >_>
Gaaah, my computer just had a big melt-down-spaz
Hmm... I just woke up XD I ALWAYS do this! Whenever i'm tired, i go and sleep, then end up staying up all night because i'm not tired anymore >_< i got back from a shopping trip with [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] at 5, and went straight to sleep on the sofa... woke up at 9:15... Gah!
I'm eating crackers *nods* because.. i ate at Pizza Hut today, so i feel fat, and crackers are healthy... i think... What the hell is in crackers anyway?? *looks at box* hmm.. nothing that sounds too unhealthy.. 0.4g of fat per cracker.. is that good?? It doesn't sound like TOO much XD 0.1g of sodium.. WHY?! I ALWAYS say this, and everyone thinks i'm weird, but WHY do we need that?? Sodium explodes in water! I don't want that in my system!! *paranoid that stomach will explode* XD And why in the name of God is there egg shell under my keyboard?! What has my dad been doing with an egg in the computer room?! Ffs, my family are weirdos =/
Anywho, i feel like having a long ramble this fine evening, so i shall ramble about Ruths sleepover which was INSANELY funny XD I haven't laughed so much in a long time! I'm putting some thingies in because.. i can ^__^
Me Alex + Ruth: *having very wrong conversation*
Ruth: My dad is probably listening you know XD
Alex:..... My name is BEKI.
Beki: Eh? *not getting it*
Beki: .....*gets it*....
Ruth: And, just to clarify this situation, i'm Rob.
Beki and Alex: *ROFL*
Beki: *hits Alex's shortbread out of her hand. It goes down her top*
Alex: *picks it out and eats it*
Ruth: ALEX! You can't eat it now! Eww!
Alex: *indignant* it's my chest!
Ruth: And, and, i was just saying, that i'm ugly being Josh! (apparently this made sense XD)
Beki: Say something intelligent Alex!
Alex: Oxymoronic is abused when juxtaposition is a theme in the play of Shakespeare.
Beki: ....Shakespear
Alex + Beki: *ROFL*
(Watching the Covenant)
This was the moment that Caleb wakes up with a darkling in his room.
Ruth: *long pause* YOU'RE NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!
Alex Beki + Rach: *ROFL*
Ruth: The Hessian and Ichabod is like... Harry Potter and Dumbledore.
Beki: *falls of bed laughing*
Ok, there are many more, but i think i'd be better off keeping them all in my head or putting them on a wiki instead of spamming up my diary XD But it was an amazingly funny party! Me Alex and Ruth started out watching My Neighbors the Yamadas, which is a REALLY strange cartoon thing about a totally insane family.. Then we went to pick up Rach after watching a bunch of Greenwing stuff on Youtube. After Rach arrived we went to Tesco and got margarine XD then went home and watched the covenant, which i don't think any of us took seriously... Me and Ruth were doing a running commentry pretty much the whole way through <_< >_> i love picking at the plot of films like that (the kind that are meant to be quite scary, but aren't) it was a good film, but some parts that just had me in stitches! We then watched this Korean film which was very Rush Hour ish. We got it because the dude on the front looked hot, but it was really dissapointing because in the film he was a dork! But the guy who looked like a Korean Johnny Depp in leather trousers made up for it XD We watched a bit of Bill Bailey then Ruth's dad went to bed, so me Ruth and Alex decided to go downstairs to watch Sleepy Hollow (AKA the most addictive film on the planet) Rach was tired so stayed upstairs to sleep (i don't blame her, it was 1am by this point). By the end of the film me and Ruth had decided that we were doing a sequal to the film in which Ichabod goes back to the Hollow and has babies with the Hessian! I'm not really sure how we got onto the subject, but it was SO FREAKING FUNNY when we did. We were talking about what their little baby Hessian's would look like, and it was highly amusing. Then as we were going upstairs we both collapsed because her dad was snoring REALLY loud. He sounded like a depressed cow. Seriously. When we actually went to bed i couldn't sleep for ages because i was giggling at him so much XD And Ruth didn't help coming out with her Harry Potter and Dumbledore line which started Alex off giggling too! XD So all in all it was a very good party XD
I was gonna ramble about my shopping trip thing in had with Alex today, but i think i've written loads already, so i'll leave it here and write about the shopping trip tomorrow XD
</ramble>
Well... i found it funny XD No offence meant to any Americans who may be bored enough to read this, I love you all really :p
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $12/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese
*le-yawn* i'm damn tired now... I did watch Sleepy Hollow and the Lost Boys last night... i'm not completely sure what time i went to bed, but it was light when i did eventually go to sleep <_< >_> i'm amazed that i managed to get up at 10 this morning XD Meh... Gotta go and try and make myself look presentable for this party thing my form is having... Although i'm half tempted to turn up in my pajamas.. it would be amusing... But no, i need to look half sane and partially alive... reet...
</ramble>
Warning! If you don't want to read a slightly pointless and probably garbled rant about the Blair Witch Project, fear and other random things, then press the back button NOW!
Hmph... The Blair Witch Project was a little dissapointing.
I'm off to watch Sleepy Hollow now... i feel like picking at the plot for that... I'm in a very film critic mood now, i want to dissect all my movies and ramble about them XD But i'll do what i said i'd do and do it in Word so i don't bore people on here... dammit woman, shut up! *headdesk headdesk* right, i'm definately going now.
</ramble>