One more thing... Deidara... blows... himself... up... O______O

And Kishi is fanservice-ing again =__=' no one needs to see a topless Saucegay, put it away please -_-

I am such a diary whore *dies*...

I'm really gone this time *poses*

POOF!! *g*o*n*e*

*sigh* ok, it's 3am, but i can't sleep so stfu, i'm writing in here again... I have nothing better to do right now... nabbed house phone, long talk with Nath.. don't really want to talk about him any more in here, i've done too much of that already... But we've sorted things out and i've decided to stop letting the past affect what i do now, because i've been doing that for too long without realising it... So yeah, all is well i suppose ^__^

Hrrrmph... I've been chatting to Emily about some random stuff and we've come up with a story concept that is immensly cool! We've been discussing writing the story that we've come up with together, as we have a similar writing style we were thinking of doing it RP style one chapter at a time.. Then the idea came up to do it as a graphic novel collab, but i slated that because i'm not as good as her when it comes to human anatomy, and there is also alot of animals involved.. i suck when it comes to drawing animals that aren't horses or made up so yeah.. it would look dodgy XD So we're sticking with the RP style back and forth writing and i'm thinking about posting it up here, chapter by chapter (mainly because with Emily's help it will probably be better than anything i could write without her XD) ...Anyway, it's called Switch 24 and.. That's all i'm saying about it XD But.. The title makes me squee for some reason X3 It just sounds cool *hyperventilates* so yeah, that's put me in a good mood cuz it's something for me to focus my attention on this holiday, which is nice ^___^

Hmm, i should go to bed, i have work tomorrow... *sigh* i can't sleep... Buggering screwed up sleeping patterns are killing my brain >.< I have decided, once again influenced by Areku (XD), to make a list of things that i want to do this holiday, and instead of just sitting round on my lazy butt talking about them, im going to freaking DO THEM.

- Start writing Switch 24 with Emily and hopefully finish it!
- Clear out and decorate my room, because it's in dire need of a make-over
- Go to Ellesmere and spend a day with Nathie, just the two of us (OMG who are you, and what have you done with the real Beki O___O)
- Get fit, lose a bit of weight.
- Start archery PROPERLY (at the moment i don't have a license, i just shoot a few sets with my dads bow when i feel like it)
- Get another job.
- Have FUN with my friends, spend a bit more time out of the house.
- Go to BOA and get plastered ^__^ (i was doing that anyway, but it's going on the list!!!)
- Sort all my writings into folders: non-cons, WIP, one shots and complete!
- Do the same with any art i have floating about.

Yes. So. I have a plan. I've stopped living in the past. As K-chan said "People who keep looking behind them only end up falling over what's ahead of them." I suppose, as cliche and sappy as it sounds, it's time to stop moping about and dreaming about all the cool stuff i could be doing, and actually get out and do it! I'm feeling optimistic all of a sudden, and it's great! I still have that sort of "i really just want to crawl into my room and never come out again" feeling, but i'm choosing to ignore it. I'm choosing to live my life for once. I'm choosing to be happy.

And right now, i'm bloody choosing to go to bed, because im going to be SO DEAD at work tomorrow if i dont ^____^ BAI!!
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Hmm.. I'm not sure what to write in here really... I just feel so weird right now... Happy-sad good-bad is the only way to describe it.. I've just had a long text conversation with Nath, about breaking up sort of thing.. Which is weird because you don't usually talk about it, you just break up XD He was making me want to hug him, being so sweet and not going all huffy when i couldn't decide what i want to do... Part of me wants to break up with him and be single again, part of me wants to stay with him and make a relationship work for once... He's such an amazing person and i just don't think he deserves to be hurt by me, and i know i'm going to hurt him eventually because i always do... For the first time though i don't think im breaking up with him because i dont want to be with him.. It's more because i'm scared that i'm going to either hurt him or lose him like i did with.. yeah.. some people will know what im talking about, some will be like O__O huh? XD ...Pah, i don't know what to do, and he's being so sweet but so maddeningly unhelpful! Mike says i'm getting all confused like this because i haven't let someone as close as i'm letting Nath for a while.. *shrugs* i suppose that's true... Why do relationships scare me so much?? I'm so confident around guys, i always have been, but when it comes to actually being in a relationship, i panic and back off... I don't know whether im more scared of hurting them or getting hurt, it's confusing! STUPID BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I have the stupidest way of thinking ever >.< I like the idea of being in a relationship, i get into one with an amazing guy, feel like the luckiest girl alive for a few weeks, then all of a sudden it's like ABREJASIGJIEVREAREG this is scary *back off back off!!* >.< Bah... I don't know what to do... I have no idea what i want, but i think i'm just going to run with things for the time being, see how things go! And guess what, this is the first time i've had a long rant in my diary concerning a guy! Oh no, wait, i lie, i have ranted about guys in here before.. But never an entire diary entry reserved for one XD Oh blah, im rambling now and i really want to go back to my very first diary entry and see if life was this complicated back then too! Yes... I'm off now, before this turns into a long(er) rant and gets me crying again.. Stupid boys, i should NOT be getting this worked up over one *flails* ...I'm off again, this is stupid *poses* turrah!
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Can't write for long, i'm just stopping off to grab some clean clothes and do something with my hair... Had a nice night with Mike last night, if you could call it that... I ended up crying about 7 times O_O he does that to me... Not in a bad way, i was just talking to him about stuff and some not-so-nice stuff from a while ago came up and upset me and then i ended up just spilling everything... And he was so nice to me about it (when i personally would be disgusted with me.. ) i started crying! I was just going "Nuuuu, you can't still be my friend now..." and he told me to stop being daft and gave me cider O_O what a teenagery way of solving a problem -_-' But it was nice just talking to him... I feel like i've taken a load off, which is good i suppose... I'm still stressed out for some reason, but i'm hoping my holiday in 2 weeks will solve that problem... I'm going out on my own today for a tramble, i need to think about some stuff that's come up recently... It's nothing bad, people! I'm not going off to cry in a hedge or anything, i just think i'm getting fat so i need the exercise of a long walk! I'm not going out again tonight with Mike cuz i actually need to sleep... I always end up out till 3am with him, and it's his fault entirely for making me realise that i have so much to talk about... Stuff that i haven't talked about to anyone for like... 8 years... Stuff that's been hanging over me all that time without me even realising it! It's so weird, but it's such a good feeling to just yell and scream and cry at someone and know that they'll still give you a hug and a cider when you're done ripping into them about whatever... It's so weird for me to trust somebody that i've only just met... But i suppose, really, i've known him my whole life without realising it *shrugs* i dunno, but i feel alot less stressed than normal and it's good... Although, i do feel like crying alot now... Like, all the time... But i think that's just teenage hormones :P I'm too emotional for my own good sometimes, seriously, i was crying because the stars looked pretty last night... Maybe i should just convert to emo and be done with it XD Mah God what am i rambling about now?? I sound like a PMSing middle aged house wife in the middle of a mid life crisis XD Oh i dont know, i just felt like rambling, because right now im feeling such an extreme mixture of 'OMG im so haapppppyyyyy' and 'dammit all the world sucks and i hate everything' and 'Waaaa, confusion, everything's changing!!! That's good?' and 'NO THAT'S BAD!!!' that i feel like my head is going to explode >.< I agree with Ron, no one can feel this much at once... Gah, all these conflicting emotions in one head is enough to drive a person loopy... It's like being drunk, on drugs, really tired, and insanely hyper all at the same time... It makes no sense, makes you feel absolutely great but sick at the same time, and makes you feel like a baby rabbit in a snake pit *flails* Gott im himmel, it's the weirdest most trippy thing ever >.< I'm probably ranting like a fool and making no sense now, but it has to be said somewhere because yelling all this at an actual person would make even less sense and would have the white coats chasing after me in about two minutes XD XD I feel... I do actually feel how it apparently feels to go insane... Sort of... I don't know, i can't describe it... Like i'm sad, but i'm grinning and laughing like a lunatic at the same time... It's totally bizzar-o ...Obviously im not going insane or i wouldn't even be aware of it, but that's what it feels like... GRARGH someone needs to get me a gag.. which wouldn't help at all when typing... ok, a finger gag <_< >_> I'm going to shut the hell up now, i'll rant later, not that i need too... Bye!! *poses before dashing off*
</ramble> 

Dum de dum, i have new hair now ^____^ Not much to say really... just felt like writing something while im waiting for Mike.. Yer, we're going out again tonight... Yer, in the rain XD meh, it's only water, aint gonna kill me is it?! Unless i fall over in a puddle and for some reason cant stand up and thus drown... Whatever.. Yuuursh... Mike's great, he's the kind of person that you can just talk to about anything... And we do that alot XD i didn't even realise how long i'd been out last night just talking to him O_O took me quite by surprise!

What else to ramble about? Going to south england in two weeks X3 can't wait, it's gonna be grrrrreat! (i say south england because i'm betting on no one having any idea where Selsey and Wittering are) Hmm.. There's been a change of plans though and we're staying for 2 weeks instead of 1, so dad can go and visit Alan on the way back... Unfortunately this means im prolly not going to be able to go and spend a week over in Ellesmere with Nathie, cuz the second week i'm on holiday is the only week his parents are dissapearing.. *shrugs* oh well, there'll be other times XD I'm too busy looking forward to my holiday to be bummed over that XD XD Yesh, we're going to stay in my uncle Dave's bungalo, which is like 2 minutes away from the beach! It's soooo cool and just... WOO! X3 i love it so much down there, i always feel really down when we leave cuz it's like... I don't really know, i just feel at home there... I never get to spend much time with that half of the family, and it's a shame cuz i love them all to pieces. So when i do spend time with them, i never want it to end! They're a bunch of nutters and we always have so much fun! ..I remember how upset i was when we came back last year, but that was for other reasons not just the not wanting to leave... Meh, im determined not to let that get in the way this year, and i'm going to have a bloody good time! And if HE (if you don't know who im talking about, dont worry about it) even thinks about coming near me, i swear to God i'll break his nose >:( I can't be doing with any of that this year, im going there to have fun! YESH!!!!!!! *hyperventilates*

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, im all hyper and excited now X3 OOH, i remembered what i wanted to ramble about! HARRY POTTER!!!!!!! I went to see the 5th movie last night with [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] and Joshwa and Alex's (slightly mental) family. IT WAS GREEEEEAT!!!!! Seriously, i was like hgrowahfeopwadfeowahuriah O_____O the whole way through X3 Mind you, i couldn't take it seriously at all... THAT DEATH at the end was a real anti climax though... Feh... OMG, Emily should be cursed for influencing me, but Lucius Malfoy!!! 8O~ ....OBFNRWAFEOIWAJFEWNAC. GERWOAIFDJEPCJEWOIAG. GRNOWADJEWIACOWGREAGREA. *pulls self together* that is all i have to say on the matter.

^{Curse you emily for influencing my brain!!!! *shakes fist*}

Yep. I'm done now. I shall be back!! Some time... tonight... Yarh ^____^
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Wooo, i feel more awake today than i have in a long time! I got up at 7 ON MY OWN without any prompting from parents or alarm clocks! I was so proud! I should explain... Ahem... On monday night, out of the blue, i decided i was doing an all-nighter with [Lexi. Short and Sweet!].. Bad idea from the word go really, as on sunday night i had something in the region of 2 hours decent sleep XD But i managed it none the less and sat up the entire night on rs XD Then i had 4 cups of coffee and some energy tablets and went to school! So basically i'd gone for 60 hours with only 2 hours sleep (i just worked that out <_< >_>) The induction at school was a total waste of time so i went home and went to bed the minute i got in! 20 hours of sleep later and i feel fit as a fuddle (don't ask) and wide awake! It's brilliant! I feel a little light headed, but that's what 20 hours of no food does to me.. I eat alot, so not eating for 20 hours makes me feel unusually drunk O_O wonderful! But i feel great, i like this 'getting a good nights sleep' thing XD I have nothing of worth to say now really so i think im going to go on rs, as early morning is the best time to play it XD no one else on line, peaceful hilly killing with no distractions *nods wisely*


I'm such a dork XD

</ramble>

LOL! I am such a nerd, but i found this so funny...

lvl 120 shade: *appers!!!*
Ai: ...Wtf, shade...
Shade: *hits a 1*
Ai: Dat stung bish! *prayer* *hits 14* Yeah, how u like dat slim shadey!!
Other guy: Lol! Go Ai!
Shade: *swings like a noob, hitting 0*
Other girl: Lol, u owning him!!
Shade: *dies pathetically*
Other guy: OMG you only took 1 hit!
Ai: Yah, dats cuz im a fruity noob! We're the ownage clan! *spins out*

ROFL ROFL, oh yeah you know you're a sad fruity noob when you can kill a 120 shade and only take 1 hit *shakes head* gott im himmel im going to die from lameness here, seriously.. But it's too much fun being dorky!!! X3
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Grrrrrrr... Just. Grrr. If this headache doesn't go away soon i swear i am going to go insane. I lose track of the days during the holidays, but i've had this headache for around 4-5 days and it's driving me insane. You know there are certain kinds of pain that you can handle? The sort that you can just ignore... Like i can ignore my back pain, or stomach ache.. But i can't ignore headaches.. They just slowly drive me crazy, and this is the most annoying kind.. The kind that is just a nagging pain, not really enough to take any paracetamol for, but there none the less. And it's NONE STOP!!! Like a watered down migrane.. Migranes i can handle, you just take a bunch of painkillers and go to sleep until it goes away, but this... GOTT IM HIMMEL IT'S GOING TO DRIVE ME OVER THE EDGE!!!! *hyperventilates* It's the most maddeningly frustrating thing on gods green earth!!! Who in the name of christ thought it was a good idea for humans to have headaches? Dammit all, give me a stomach ache or a gaping flesh wound, but not this! *headdesk headdesk* I'm going to go and get a bag of frozen peas, stick them on my head, and sulk. Because i hate who ever it was who invented headaches. They are a moron. Yes they are.
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Well that was entertaining... for all of 5 minutes... *sigh* ...If a stranger saw me now they'd probably assume that im drunk XD I'm sitting here wearing a devils mask, a russian hat, a mangy sheepskin poncho covered in mud and blood, and geisha style slippers. I have a can of strongbow on my left side, a box of turkish delight on my right, and i'm playing miniture pool on a wonky pool table which is missing a leg and a red ball. So i'm using a malteser instead. There's blue chalk everywhere, several empty glasses and something that looks like a dead rat, which is actually a really dusty sock that i just found under the sofa. Yes. This is how bored i am. I'm ferreting around under the sofa. And writing about it in my diary. What else is under the sofa?? I shall make a list i think..
- A dead rat/dusty sock
- A leopard poster
- A pair of shorts
- A book
- Some marbles
- A rusty samurai sword (still sharp XD)
- A large leather belt
- The horse and pony annual 1975 (LOL)
- A hedgehog teddy
- Robin Hood (the film not the person)
- A small fibre optic christmas tree
- A fourth place Dressage rosette
- A book about pandas
- A Gorrilaz poster
- A metal head poster
- An unopened box of pcoky (SCORE!)
- A bag of sweet wrappers
- £2 (Score!)

So all in all quite a stash under there.. Not entirely sure how it all got there, but there's some pretty nifty stuff hiding under the sofa.. I may have to go and rummage under the other sofa now, see what i can find *potters off to sofa rummage* ...Hmm, nothing under that one... Just fluff... Dad must have beat me too it. Dum de dum... Oooh the sun's starting to come up... Ooooh, this awesome thing happens here when the sun comes up! The sun rises behind my house, and my room is at the front of the house. So looking out of my bedroom window, it's still reasonably dark. But the windows of the houses across the road reflect the sunrise! So it looks like the sun is rising in the houses, the windows glowing all orange but the sky is still dark. So cool. Reeeeaally bored now... Nothing to do... Might draw something... No i don't feel like it, i have no inspiration right now... The sun-rise effect is starting... this is the coolest point, when the windows are glowing faintly green and the sky is still black.. It's so sinister.. Really cool :p We live in such a pretty world, but no one is ever around to appreciate it!! We sleep through the prettiest parts of the day! Sunrise being one of them, and the darkest part of the night when you can't see anything except the stars... Silly humans, the owls have got it right. Oooooh, sunrise a couple of days ago was GORGEOUS. The sky went all pink and orange and there were two huge rainbows going across the sky, one under the other. It was soooo cooooool!! Bah, i'm rambling like some kind of drunken idiot now.. I think i'll go to bed, since it's now nearly 4am.. Blah.. But im not tired >.< GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! *dies*
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Hrrm... It's 3am and i just found our mini pool table.. I really want to play pool now for no reason whatsoever, but one of the legs is missing!! The balls are stored in the legs (lol, that sounds so wrong) so some of the balls are missing, so i can't play!!! Tis a sad day... I'm going on a pool table leg hunt now to see if i can uncover the missing leg and play what-time-do-you-call-this pool..
</ramble>

Yay, im in a fairly good mood today ^___^ The rain seems to have finally waved the white flag and pissed off back to Austria or wherever it came from.. So hopefully the weather will stay nice for a few weeks now ^_^ I'm having a generally good day, though im not sure why because i haven't actually done anything yet.. It just feels like a good day...

I've had a killer headache for the last three days though... But that's my own fault because my sleeping patters are all out of whack thanks to RS >.< It's fine though.. I'll either carry on how i am and eventually my body-clock will re-synchronise itself and i'll become nocturnal again xD ..Ooor i'll try and fall back into a normal sleeping routine.. Haha, yeah right, that's impossible.. Seriously, i've tried.. "hrrrm, it's 11 now... I should go to bed... But... RS is calling to me... Caaalling... Oh half an hour wont hurt..." ...5 hours later... "*wired* nyaaaaaa, lobs... must.. get...lobs @_____@" ...So yes, looks like im becoming nocturnal again this summer XD

What else did i want to say? I can't fecking remember now... Bugger it all... Well i'll ramble pointlessly... I had a dream last night that Vince Pabs and Theo were having a threesome on the back of a giant pig O_O i found it so amusing that i'm really tempted to make it canon... Despite the fact that it would ruin the entire story and make the plot completely pointless, it would be funny... But that would be sort of giving in to Areku, which isn't going to happen *pushes Theo towards Kat* this is your girlfriend you trollop... stay away from those two... And the pig... *locks Vince and Pabs in a cupboard* there we go, problem solved...

What on earth am i rambling about?? Kelly has got me talking like a total spazz on RS XD it's so funny... There are a list of things that she has got me saying...
* Espasmo (means spasm, handy word as RS censors pretty much everything)
* Fiddlesticks (they can never censor that XD)
* Nyaaw! You threw off my groove! (say this whenever someone interrupts you in some way)
* Twit/trollop/twonk (words they will never censor)
* Go and die in a ditch. With poo on your head. (wonderful insult that cant be censored XD) 
Along with many other pointless words and phrases... And Dan has got me doing something racist and stupid... Every time one of the briefcase blokes appears i go "It's a jew!"... Oh well... I'll get reported one day and it'll all be good ^___^

I think i'm done rambling now... Off to check EP and get RS wired for the rest of the evening XD
</ramble>

*sigh* Oh dear. A dark and dangerous time is upon us. Beki is addicted to RS again. I have had about 7 hours sleep over 3 days and 3 nights. I'm just ridiculously hooked on it again. It gets me so wired, i don't feel tired at all, it's insane... I could seriously just sit up on it for days on end without sleeping, but i am actually capable of saying "ok, enough's enough, go to bed you noob.." I'm not coming on ET and EP as much, which is unusual for me... Blame RS, seriously... it's my new drug XD XD more addictive than coke, more buzzy than speed, more trippy than 'shrooms. GIVE ME RS ANY DAY!!!!!!!!!!! *hyperventilates* ...[Lexi. Short and Sweet!] will understand me, i do believe we're both hooked... Lobs ftw X3 We've got Dan hooked too, which is fun. I have feather slaves. FEATHER SLAVES!!!!!!!!! Gott im himmel im talking like some drunk middle aged tripping irishman... I'm just going to shut up and go and get my few hours sleep for tonight.. I'll be wired again tomorrow, cuz it's saturday so there'll be no one in all day XD It'll just be RS, eat, RS, drink, RS, eat, RS, CIDER, ET and EP check, RS, DA check, RS, dinner, RS, eat, RS, BED ^_____^ It's the saddest most pathetic thing ever BUT I'M HAVING FUN SO STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *collapses* ...
Right.
Yes.
I'm definately going to bed this time.
Night.
Zomg it's 3:25am already O_O
Last time i looked it was 11pm...
Time flies when you're RSing...
Me and Areku are going to rehab for it ^______^
Well we're not...
But it would be insanely funny if we did...
Right.
Shutting up.
Right now.
Night ^___^
</ramble>

You know what? Right now i feel so damned old. Seriously. It's terrifying. I've had a busy day today, up at 8 (OMG!!) took my brother to school, went up to the shop to get some bread and milk, took the dog for a walk (in the rain, bloody british summer time -_-), started clearing out my room, went to the post office to get stamps and post some letters for dad then went round to the church to get the fruit and eggs for this week... And you know why i feel old? Everyone knows me. Seriously.

- The people in the shop know me.
- The lady in the post office knows me and gave me a freaking lolly pop.
- All the old people at the church know me. I ended up sitting down to have a cup of tea with one old woman and talking about 'the good ol' days' when you could safely lie in the middle of the road in Northop Hall without worrying about cars coming.
- Random people in the village say hi to me, and know my name.
- All the bus drivers who do the Northop Hall run know me.
- All my brothers friends parents know me.
- The freaking lollipop lady knows me!

All that makes me feel so damned old... That coupled with the fact that i'm no longer in school, i have 2 jobs (hopefully *crosses fingers*) and people are (scarily) starting to treat me like an adult and not like a rowdy teenager that they want nothing to do with. It's terrifying. I go into the shop and instead of just giving me what i want and getting me out of there fast, they hang around, chat to me about the weather, ask if i'd like to pop round for a cup of tea later (?!?) I've known them my whole life but until now they've pretty much just ignored me... And they're making me feel like a decrepit old woman, dammit!!! Also, i've been on RS and VHR alot recently, and i feel so old on both of them too!!! FFS!!! >.< It's nice but makes me feel sick at the same time... Because now it's hit me that some time soon i'm going to have to think about growing up... I'm not going to be able to be a kid anymore... Run around all day getting filthy in the fields, or sit up all night playing RS and then stay in bed until 3 in the afternoon the next day... I'm going to have to work for a living, look after myself instead of always having my parents to back me up... And scarily it's not that far off anymore... I'm 18 next year and i vowed that i would move out of my parents house before i turn 19, because i dont want to end up like my aunty who's 50 and still living with my nan and not working. It's only recently occured to me how scared of change i am. I'm an adventerous person, i like to do stupid and dangerous things, but when it comes to my life changing and the possiblity that i'll be on my own, it scares the shit out of me. That's the bit i hate most about this whole 'moving out, getting a job, going to uni' thing.. I'm going to be on my own for the most part. That scares me. I hate being on my own, it's my biggest phobia in the world. But eventually i'm going to have to get used to the fact that i can't be a kid forever... *sigh* this has turned into a stupidly long ramble but i need to rant somewhere... Because i don't want to grow up >.< I want to be a kid forever!!! GARGH!!! Oh bum, now the phone's ringing... I'm off then, i'll ramble in a more normal and sense-making way later...
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Bah... Frigging hell i hate this 'no sleep' thing... I ALWAYS do this in the holidays, without fail. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I sit up on the computer 'till 5am doing God only knows what, then go to bed, get three hours sleep and get rudely awoken again at 8am by my stupid parents. I'm living on 2-3 hours of sleep a night and it's not good u__u I'm unbearably tired... You know the sort of tired where you feel really sick and feverish? That kind of tired... I just can't seem to stop doing this. I'll go for a week with only 2 hours sleep a night, then all of a sudden all the built up tiredness will hit me at once, like this, and i'll need to crash out for 2 days straight to re-gain some energy. Unfortunately im going out, so i can't actually do that today XD

But it's put me in a foul mood now... So i have coffee... My first coffee in a month, i really hope it doesn't give me a migrane or i might just flip my lid and kill something >.< I lost my temper before when i was out walking the dog... There's a loooong fence that i have to walk along and there's this really annoying alsation that pops its head up over the fence and barks like a maniac. Now i have a headache, and i couldn't be doing with it making a noise that sounded like a million fire engines being chased by ten million ambulances through a war zone, so i turned round and started rattling the fence and barking right back in the stupid dogs face XD No surprises when it ran away with it's tail between it's legs... Silly animal XD The owners of the alsation found it very amusing... Silly old people...

Feh... I have two paper cuts that i didn't have when i went to bed last night <_< >_> One on each thumb. How in the name of all things square do you get a paper cut on each thumb when you're AWAKE, never mind sleeping... Really makes me wonder what i do when i'm asleep o_O Some people sleep walk and sleep talk... WTF do i do, sleep filing? Does this mean that deep down in my heart i am destined to have an office job? Or am i just freaking weird? How i managed to get the paper cuts, however, is not important. What is important is they they are stinging like two short stinging things and it's not funny -_- On the plus side, i just found my apple headband that i thought i'd lost about 8 years ago... Now i can be a ringo child X3

What else did i want to say?? Going to play pool with [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] and Dan today which should be interesting.. As i'm tired, i'm likely to make more of an ass of it than i would if i was wide awake and on caffiene tablets. I need to buy PVA glue in Mold, but i know i'll forget because i'm retarded like that... And i need to check that my RS subscription only went through once this time *headdesk headdesk* I just want to go on holiday now so i can go straight into the bungalo, grab the inflatable boat thing, walk the 2 minutes to the beach and die. Seriously. My mum wonders why i do nothing during our holidays. It's because that's my recouperation time. And i can't spell that. FFS. Bah, i did have something else i wanted to say, but i've forgotten so i'll leave it here... I really want another coffee now, which is bad, because i'll get addicted again ¬___¬ I hate to admit it but my anger management counselling person was right.. When i was drinking coffee i was more bad tempered than i am without it... Tea mellows me considerably, coffee gets me wired, which is never good... I might go and have a cup of tea or some J20.. Gotta stear clear of coffee and alcohol for a while XD Yes... That's definately it this time, i'm going now.
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_{...One last thing, this is more for Alex than anyone else... No one else will really get it anyway XD ...I am totally unconvinced that vinceXtheo would ever work out... You almost had me convinced but... No. Because pabsXvince is so much better X3 Only pabs can make vince uke >:D So there. My new OTP has been born ^3^}

Grrrr, my mum is seriously starting to piss me off... I'm hungover, i have a really bad headache and right now i just want to be on my own chilling, and she has burst into the room a total of 6 times now each time yelling at me about something different... I'm bad tempered, especially when i feel like shit, and it's taking alot of self control for me to stay calm and not scream at her to piss off and leave me alone... So far she's come in yelling:
"Have you looked for a job? You should be looking for a job!! Blah blah blah blah!!" which is really beginning to piss me off because she says this at least 55 times a day =__=
"Where are my car keys?!?" HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, FUCKTARD >:(
"Where have you been all day?!" Um, in Mold like i said.. duh..
"You're not going to sixth form, i wont pay for you to live here for another year, you can go and live on the streets if you want to go to sixth form." Oh, and you're encouraging me to have a good future? Funny, sounds like you're encouraging me to be a tramp..
And the other times she's just been yelling various random shit about getting a job.. it's getting so fucking annoying... I really am just going to hit her one of these days, and i don't want to lose my temper but she's going to push me over the edge eventually -__- she has no idea how much she's making me want to punch a hole in the wall.. Then she goes off complaining about my anger management problems and wonders why i have them in the fucking first place?!? Jesus christ... Calm calm calm calm... Dammit i need a drink... I hate what that stupid woman does to me, she's turning me into something i hate... I'm fine when i'm around my friends, but the minute she starts i turn into a violent, bad tempered alcoholic -__- Fuck it all, i'm getting a migrane now *headdesk headdesk* why can't she just let me have a few weeks to relax and chill after GCSE's then look for a sodding job... It's not as if i don't have 3 months to do so =__= I'm so freaking pissed off now, i'm either going to cry or hit something >.< I wish my mum wasn't such an ass.. I don't care if she's 'got my best interests at heart' and 'she means well' if it makes me feel like getting totally plastered and forgetting that i even exist then it's obviously not a good thing... Goddamit, im going to get some tea, more alcohol isn't going to do me any good right now..

Lol... I'm finding this quite funny.. Ok, i should explain what im talking about first.. Me and [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] have finally been convinced into going to another LARP (live action role play, sad i know, but its fun!). But the host of said LARP is deliberately making my character a strong one because he knows i wouldn't go if there was a risk of Kara dying (i like her ^__^)(this will make no sense to any non-larpy people XD) So anyway, he's made her capable of hitting doubles unarmed and triples when armed with her spear. She's got 2pts armour, so basically doubles don't affect her.. She has the ability to absorb 1 soul each day (which is handy) and she has a pet ogre that can basically kill anyone in two hits, and will brutally murder anyone who tries to touch Kara. [Lexi. Short and Sweet!]'s character is also hanging with Kara and her ogre, so yeah.. Mine and her characters are pretty much invincible and unstoppable XD But hey, i'm not complaining XD First thing i'm going to do is set Brutus (the ogre) on Matthew's character ^___^ (Alex should know why XD) Ok, nerdyness over, you can leave now ^_^
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abmoeisjriowserffheiowf!!!!!!! X3 DOCTOR WHO!!!! ZOMG how good was it?!?!? Not another one 'till Christmas now though =__= how depressing is that?! I have no idea how i'm going to survive without my weekly Doctor Who hit *nerd* 8D~
But.. ARGH!! Damned fecking hormones.. I cried three times.. THREE!!! That is not like me at all.. And the bit that made me cry most?? Well.. I dun wanna ruin it for people who haven't seen it yet... But... Zomg, Jack o_O I didn't see that coming... And for some reason that made me cry XD XD God i have something wrong with me -___-

Aaanyway, enough about my nerdy side for the time being... Work tomorrow, which should be good cuz Michelle said we're riding again X3 I'll be a bit rusty as i haven't ridden since.. When was it... I think it was when i rode Maisie that time some time before we broke up for exam leave.. I'll probaby fall off XD XD I just hope we don't end up with a load of rodeo ponies again (as funny as that was the last time, i nearly broke my wrist so i don't really want it to happen again XD I vaguely remember yelling "WHEEE!!" as Pony Malony desperately tried to throw me off XD) So yeah, work should be good tomorrow after we've done all the usual mucking out of course XD

Now on to today (i'm doing this in a totally random and crap order -__-') Me and [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] went to Ruth's house to make cake! And we (mainly Alex XD) did infact make a very successful blue sponge cake XD But.. I swear to God, i have NEVER EVER laughed as hard as i did when Ruth was telling us about how her and Dan 'wetted the walls'. Me and Alex were choking to death on the floor because we were laughing so hard, and Ruth had no idea why we found it so funny. "You spray it all over the walls. It makes the paint stick better. But you do have to wipe the walls down after, to get rid of all the marks. There was no one else there, we were on our own, standing on the tables and wetting the walls. It really happened! He started off on his own, i came in and gave him a hand, he looked like he needed it." XD XD XD XD Ok, me and Alex are REALLY sick minded, but even to a normal person that sounds wrong, yeah? Ruth was oblivious, and that made it ten times more hilarious. Then she started trying to explain this Never Mind the Buzzcocks episode.. And she made a proper arse of it "NO.. Never mind... BUZZCOCKS.. FARMYARD!!" which once again had me and Alex in stitches... So yeah, good day XD

I'm done now ^___^
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Ok, i was in such a weird mood last night.. Seriously.. It was the mood to conquer all weird ass moods o_O

I am aware that i was messaging people randomly with annoying comments about shoes, hair, cats, carpets and other completely random and pointless things that probably made said people want to strangle me with a guitar string. So to those people, i sincerely apologise, and i hope you can forget that i ever messaged you such crap ^____^

I'm also aware that i was ranting on at slightly less random people about nothing in particular and being generally obnoxious, narky, moody and unreasonable. I'm very sorry, it's a stupid thing that i can't control. Don't blame me, blame God for making me female. Ok. That's all. I have to go get a bus now.
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I can't believe how sad and pathetic i have got... I'm sitting here, at 4:16 in the morning, listening to the Little Spanish Flea song, eating pie (seriously) and contemplating biking to Gwernaffield to kill [Lexi. Short and Sweet!] (and she will know why XD).

What i should be doing is SLEEPING. Like a normal person. I really can't though, my brain goes into automatic nocturnal mode in the holidays... No matter how tired i am, i CANNOT get to sleep until 4-5 in the morning ¬___¬ It's so crap because then i'm forced to get up at 8 in the morning (as apposed to 2 in the afternoon as it would be if i was in charge) and then i'm tired and cranky all day...

And (boy's prolly won't wanna read it) but time of the month -___- omg, i wish i was a man.. Seriously.. It sucks to be female.. I'm pmsing soooo bad, it's actually quite funny.. Like before, i was just sitting here drawing Theo, when i suddenly got totally furious with the drawing and scribbled all over it so hard that i snapped my pencil in half.. Then i burst into tears because i'd snapped my freaking pencil!!! And now i'm being really narky because i'm annoyed with myself for getting so upset over snapping a pencil >.< GAHHH! God, give me a penis, seriously -___-

And... Back into the current mood of way-too-happy-considering-the-freaking-time... Lube *sniggers* Ok, no one will actually get this yet <_< >_> Areku-chan will get it tomorrow when i show her the comic i just drew (its not hard core yaoi or anything, dont panic o_O) ..It's inspired by Emmie-chan so anyone who knows her even slightly will know how freaking weird it is... Emmie's randomness and Areku's power combined with my PMSing turned into a comic...its one of those comics im going to look at in the morning and think "OH DEAR GOD WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!? >////<" But oh well...

Just to let you know, i hate Emmie and Areku right now... In the most loving way possible of course ^___^
But Vince and Theo... They want to pull your eyes out =/ You torture them far to much you meanies X3

I'm totally rambling now, i'm gonna shut up and go get some much needed sleep... Night night... Or, as it is 4:25am, morning morning -__-
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Gah, my family are such a bunch of tards, seriously...

Mum: Oooo, did you see the Chronical today? Where is it Mark?
Dad: Half way to Flint by now i should think.. I threw it away..
Mum: ...You are useless.. Well, 2 girls from Northop Hall ((That's where i live btw)) have died!
Me: *suddenly interested* ((Typical British person..)) Really? Who? How?
Mum: One was trampled by her horse, she died because of a blood clot.. And the other one died in a car crash.
Me: ...I haven't heard anything about a car crash in Northop Hall... Where was it?
Mum: On the front page.
Me: -___-'
Dad: ...Must have been a bloody small car then...
Me: How retarded are you mum?
Mum: ...What?... OH right, no, the girl was from Northop Hall, but the car crash was near Birmingham i think...

For some reason i found it really funny. "Where was it?" "On the front page." *shakes head* retarded woman.. Sad about the girls dying though :( everything in the papers seems to be doom and gloom these days *sigh* oh well...
I'm off to watch Pingu now. I haven't watched it since i was a kid but it's freaking WEIRD isn't it? It seemed totally normal to me when i was like 7 XD
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