Ugh, well i officially feel like total and utter crap now... I slept in 'till 5 in the bloody afternoon, because no one thought to wake me... I've let people down and i feel awful for it =___= Pfft.. I have nothing else to say, i'm going back to my room now...
I finished HP7... It was good, and i was right. That's all i have to say.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Just GAH.
Some complete GIT on msn just completely ruined the ending of the new HP book for me. Just randomly messaged me something about the plot that i REALLY didn't want to find out. Naturally, i swore at him in as many ways i could think of, then blocked him. Grrrrrr. Fortunately i didn't give him breathing space to reveal the whole plot to me, but he told me something that happens and that was enough reason for me to completely blow my top at him. I called him a fascist at least 3 times XD yeeeah, the whole fascist thing.. i can't be bothered explaining it XD I'M FULLY AWARE THAT IT'S AN INSULT THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Don't get trousery about it, it's a Rik thing.
Anyway, moving on to the less interesting side of my life.. So yeah you can all just go now if you don't care about the latest episode of Beki, Nath and Mike. I talked to them both, and apparently they're both being complete dip wads. Mike told Nath about the kissing thing that happened AGES ago, before i was even with Nath. Nath took it completley the wrong way. Mike didn't explain clearly enough, he was just casually chatting, Nath was only hearing what he wanted to hear >.< Mike wasn't speaking to me because i didn't meet him and he was narked about that, not the kissing thing. He wanted to talk to me because of.. Well, something that's happened, But i'm not writing that in here as it is kind of personal. Alex, you were about as wrong as it gets dear XD He took me completely by surprise and i feel really guilty now for blaming him. He was so upset on the phone i was just like 'aaaaaaaaaargh
Now on to the larp i should be going to tomorrow. Whether i'll be going or not is questionable. I have no idea what the travelling arrangements are, and to be perfectly honest if the weather is shite i'm not going. I have a sore throat already from getting cold and wet today, and it's going to be worse tomorrow. I'm not spending the day running round in a muddy field getting soaked and filthy, waving around fake swords. Sorry, but i have better things to do with my time this close to going on holiday -_- I know i sound like a grumpy bitch, but it just grates on my nerves when people can't arrange things properly.. Ok, we knew about this one weeks in advance, but we STILL have no idea what the travel arrangements are, what time it starts, how we're getting home.. All i know is that it ends at 7. Wonderful, very bloody helpful >_< And for some reason these larps just don't appeal to me at all... I'm not really sure why, it's just like... When you're a kid and you're invited to a party, but you really REALLY don't want to go... I dunno really... I just feel kind of stupid, like a little kid playing imaginary games *shrugs* my imagination has always manifested itself into drawings and writing... I can't seem to get it out any other way, so i see these people running about waving swords whacking people and yelling 'quad!' and i just think "what a moron.." I can't help it! Maybe i have a natural bully-brain, i dont know! I just can't get myself into the frame of mind where i can believe that any of this is more than a bunch of scripted nonsense and play-fighting with fake swords... When i'm writing or drawing it's different somehow.. I get totally absorbed into whatever person or creature i'm creating, i totally forget myself sometimes.. I guess that's how some of the larpers are with their characters.. They can really believe for a while that they are a dangerous elven fighter, and not a daft-looking teenager in a cheap outfit with fake swords.. *sigh* i have no idea what i'm talking about any more =_= i'm just tired i think... Bah... I really can't be bothered with larp now, but i know i'll get Dan gilt tripping me relentlessly if i miss another one... Am i getting too old for this sort of thing? That's a scary thought... That i would rather be sitting in the house drinking a cup of tea and working on my novel, than out and about acting out demented fight scenes with a bunch of weirdo's... A few years ago that prospect would have thrilled me... Now i just feel ashamed of myself for being so childish, and stupid for acting like it's real... *sigh* that's another thing... I feel so tired all of the time now.. So worn out... So much like just lying down and going to sleep and leaving it at that... And i don't know why, it's not like i'm doing anything... But i'm just always so tired, and i feel kind of... I can't describe it... empty all the time. Like something's gone. The sad thing is i think it's a part of me that's gone. The part that's kept me smiling all these years. Now i just feel so sad all the time. Like crying when i shouldn't be. If i have something to distract me, i'm fine. But when i get the chance to think, or when i'm on my own, i just feel so... Sad and empty and drained... It feels like everything nice has been sucked away and there's just a big, black hole of blackness... The weather agrees with me. It's been raining for weeks. *sigh* i need to stop rambling aimlessly about stupid things that mean nothing to anyone except me... I'm going to bed, i don't want to sleep in tomorrow... Despite the fact that i don't know what time i need to get up *glares at nothing in particular* I still have so much i need to say... I'll rant in my EP diary, finish off.. No more here, it's stupidly long already... That's it now.
</ramble>
Hahahaha, omg, i just talked to.. omg.. nathan.. *dies from laughter* The conversation went as follows (or something like this.. it was on the phone, just to let you know):
Nath: Why did you do it?
Me: What??...Oh, right, that... I didn't know wood adhesive didn't work on cats.
Nath: ...What? I meant why did you cheat on me!
Me: Oh.. did i?
Nath: Well, yeah according to Mike you did...
Me: Hmmm... funny.. I don't recall... Was i actually awake at the time? Because if not i feel that i can hardly be blamed for my actions.
Nath: Beki, can you please take this seriously?
Beki: What me cheating on you with mister imaginary? Are you deliberately trying to turn my life into an episode of Eastenders?
Nath: Mike said you kissed him last night.
Beki: ..Well if i did i don't remember it. By my memory i was in bed last night and didn't even see Mike. Unless he snuck into my bed in the middle of the night and hypnotized me into kissing him...
Nath: Well.. He said you kissed him.
Beki: So.. You trust mike, who you only just met over me, yes?
Nath: Well yeah because he's a guy and you're a girl.
Beki: EXCUSE ME?! Are you suggesting that all women are lying cheating bitches?! Well i'm so sorry for being female, you sexist git! Maybe you should just go and screw Mike, since he's so obviously less female than me and far more honest and truthful! Clearly that is the answer! Go on, get, you.. FASCIST BULLY BOY! *hangs up*
..And i found that the funniest thing in all existance! (The fascist bully boy thing was a Rick quote.. go figure i'd slip that in there XD) But really, it was hilarious! So i suppose that i am once again single...
YESS! Now i can boy spot properly in chester tomorrow X3
</ramble>
Meh.. I'm slowly losing my interest in Shippuden at the moment =_= They just seem to be spending lots of time on talking, less time on actually getting anything done.. It's dragging it out in an annoying fashion, and there's two weeks between episodes, and i have no idea why. I know that they can't let the anime catch up with the manga, but to be honest the anime isn't actually getting anywhere at all, so there's not much chance of it catching up with the manga any time soon anyway. Pffft. Two things made it worth watching for me this week. Gaara's leg poking out of Deidara's bird's mouth, and 'the dreaded dementor Sasori!! Watch as he flees from the light!!' as Kelly so amusingly put it. Well it amused me anyway. And even the manga's going a bit 'wtf??' now... Ok, it was always kind of 'wtf' but now it's 'WTF?!?!' ...Deidara, big mouth, BLOWS HIMSELF UP?! It's beginning to make less and less sense and get more and more surreal.. Ok, i know it's about ninja's and talking dogs and people with eyes that can see EEEEEEEVERYTTT
Now, veering away from Naruto.. I don't really have anything else of worth to say, isn't that sad? Chester again tomorrow, which should be great because this time there will be guys (yes yes, i'm slightly guy obsessed at the moment, leave me alone... I'm making up for all the years where i've been stand-offish with guys.. which was... Well i don't.. shut up.) Yeeeees... I was going to attack some of my clothes with the sewing machine today, but mother dearest is insisting on washing everything and leaving me wearing rags. RAGS! Ok, not rags, an old pair of jeans and a scraggy shirt, but COME ON! I still need to go out of the house and that's seriously all i have left! It's like 'Thanks alot mum, i'll just let the whole world know that i'm actually a dirty tramp now, shall i?' *flails* my family is impossible. Me and my mum had a fight over a GLASS yesterday. I kid you not. A glass. She was being IMMENSLY childish over it, and all i wanted was a drink! I went into the kitchen, picked up a blue glass, the only blue one we have left since dad smashed all the others. I was just about to pour my drink in it when mum came in and grabbed it off me and started yelling...
Mum: You can't have that, it's MY glass.
Me: Mum, you're not drinking out of it, there are no other glasses clean, i'm using it.
Mum: No, you're not having it! *clutches glass protectively*
Me: Mum, please give me the glass, i want a drink and House is back on! *leans over mum to try and get the cup*
Mum: NO *hunches over the cup so i can't get to it*
Me: MOTHER! You're being really childish, can i just have that glass!? *grabs at the glass*
Mum: No it's MINE! Stop it you'll break it! *quickly shovels ice into the glass and pours her own disgusting spritzer into it*
Me: That was really mean mum. I'm going to break that glass later. *gets another glass, washes it* You're so childish, you didn't even want a drink, you were just being a dog in the manger.
Mum: Shut up, it's my glass.
My mum is such a 3 year old! And i was really, genuinely angry with her, which makes me laugh now. But my TV programme was on, the only one i watch anymore because i hardly watch TV now, and i just wanted a bloody drink. I got so angry i called mother, which i usually only do when i'm about to lose my temper with her. It was seriously like we'd suddenly swapped roles and i was the mum trying to keep my temper and she was the bratty little child who really didnt want me to use her cup. She's so pathetic with that glass, i swear, she won't let anyone near it. She's hidden it now because i said i was going to break it XD
Anyway, now my brother is bugging me because he wants to go bloody swimming. Honestly, it's NONE BLOODY STOP in this house, and since me and my brother are both out of school now, EVERYONE except me is acting like a bunch of rowdy college students! I feel like the only one left with any sanity, and that's saying something.. Going to do the shopping, taking my brother places, walking the dog, while my dad sits around watching old sitcoms and my mum acts like a moody teenager.. Gott im himmel, i'm living on my bloody own when i grow up... Anyway, must be off now, the bloody swimming pool calls *dies* (i hate swimming, just to let you know)
</ramble>
Ahahaha, i just love the conversations i have with Emily.. she is such a nutcase.. Today we created the character Vyvyan Mc.Dougal (yeeeess, we stole Vyvyan from The Young Ones. It is because Vyvyan Basterd is our hero! XD) He's a Scottish lunatic who wears a kilt and has 'spinny blades of death' coming out of his hands. He should definately have his own movie <_< >_> aaaanyway.. I did want to ramble in here about something, but since it's 3:05am, i'm tired, and i don't really have all that much to ramble about, i'll leave it at that i think...
I will say, GO AND WATCH THE YOUNG ONES. NOW!!! Ok, it's VERY british humour, which is probably why i find it so funny... It's slap-stick, random, surreal, and often seems improvised... That's why i love it! That and the random mindless violence. Gotta love it.
http://www.you
If none of that makes you laugh, don't bother watching the episodes. If you giggled, sniggered, grinned or full on rofl'd at any of that, go and find the episodes now!!! That is all.
</ramble>
http://uk.yout
Hahahahahahaha
*breathes* it's ok, i'm fine... *snerk* I LOVE SCRUBS XD XD This made me lol so much XD
'Guuy loove, betweeeeeeeen twoooo guuuuuuuuys!!!
Pfaaaaaaahahah
That is all.
</short ramble>
It has been decided that Mike and Nathan are now gay lovers. That is all.
XD XD XD XD It's not funny at all <_< >_>
G'night! I'm off to get some sleep because im off at 4am :O toodles!
</very short ramble>
Hmmmm... I feel the need for a stupidly long ramble now, because im not really tired and i have cider.. But i really don't have anything to ramble about... Boy problems, but i dont want to start a diary with that, ive been having boy problems none stop recently, its silly! I would rant about Crusher, but y'all already know about him... No point doing that... So i'll rant about my leg. It's FREAKING WELL KILLING ME. Seriously, this is pain. Pain pain. Not the kind of 'ooh, ow' pain, the kind of pain that sends you into spasm >.< I get shooting pains up and down my leg every now and then, and it's really REALLY painful! Like having your leg set on fire... That combined with Crusher and the fact that my bloody back is acting up again, i'm in quite alot of pain right now... Bastarding nervous system... I'm going to take some co-codamol and be done with it, i dont care what the stupid doctor says (those who are sad enough to be keeping up with my life story will know that i got told to stay off co-codamol after i had to take it for my back when i first hurt it, lest i get addicted to it! :O *shockhorror*) but screw that i'm in pain and a need it.. buggering doctors.. you literally have to be dying on the floor with blood spurting from your ears and a racoon up your arse before doctors in this country will pay any attention to you whatsoever.. Jeez.. Me and my dad had a chat about this over dinner tonight..
Dad: The fucking doctors were hopeless.. Half the time they're talking double dutch and the other half they don't know what the fuck they're talking about...
Me: I know. Remember when i did my back in? Bloody asian doctor telling me i'd cracked my spine and i'd never walk again..
Dad: i know, fucktards...
Mum: you two sound like a pair of drunk irish-men sitting here effing and blinding about doctors!
Me and Dad: Eff off then.... *long pause* ...... *hysterical laughter*
And thusly, mother went off in a mood with us. I don't care though, it was worth it XD My dad is going to be in and out of hospital again this week =_= kinda sucks, but it's 'necissary' apparently.. seriously, 9 years this has been going on and as far as i can see the stupid bastards have done nothing to help him. All they do is give him more drugs and shoo him out of the doors. I've said this before but it's because we don't have money. If we had money, it would be instant top-of-the-cla
Weeeell, today didn't go half as bad as i was expecting it too.. I woke up at half seven and mum and dad were rushing about and panicking about this that and everything.. Nothing unusual there then... They dissapeared at 8 and i had to get my brother out of bed... He's like me in the morning, absolutely refuses to get out of bed. Unfortunately for him, i was the one getting him out of bed today, not mum. Mum's method is to bang on the door and yell. Easy to ignore. Mine is much better. I just chucked the cat in the bed with him. Anyone who knows my cat will know that he is a big fat lazy thing who dribbles incessantly when he's happy. So of course, he went and curled up on my brother's head and dribbled on his face. 5 minutes later said brother was dressed, downstairs and eating breakfast. RESULT! Then i took him to school and he was dragging his feet and walking really really slowly. Again, mother's method would be to grab him by the hand and drag him. I know him better, i was the same at his age. I grabbed his lunch bag off him and said "well since you're going to be moving so slowly all day, you won't be needing food, so i'll just take this back with me.." ..He sped up pretty quickly ^_^ Finally we got to school and i dumped him at the gate and told him if he misbehaved i'd make Mrs. Broad (head teacher of that school) adopt him.. He ran into school quicker than a whippit with a bum full of dynamite. I need to write a book for mum explaining how to discipline that child, it's very easy if you know how his brain works.
Then came chores.. Up to the shop which took about 50 years longer than it should have because mike appeared and started yattering at me about nothing in particular, just being a general distraction. Washing up, hoovering, organising the furniture that the dog had sent skew wiff with one of her temper tantrums.. Boring stuff.. Then dad reappeared out of the blue talking about how something went arse end up at the hospital but the tests are done and it doesn't matter anymore o_O I didn't know what he was talking about either.. Then i went to walk my dog and bumped into Liz (parent of one of my friends from primary school) and we started yattering like old people.. And she told me something that i found absolutely hilarious.. At my brother's school they have a slightly mentally unhinged bloke with a big tractor who comes to cut the grass every few months.. He appeared to do so and went through the big gate at the bottom of the training field to get in. Nothing unusual there, right? Apart from the fact that the gate wasn't open. He drove straight through it, knocking it off it's hinges and ripping two fence posts out of the ground. AND HE DIDN'T NOTICE. I found it so funny, he has ALWAYS been a total nutcase.. It's the same guy who used to do it, what, 9 years ago when i was in that school. So funny.
So yeah, i'm not in as much of a bad mood as i was expecting to be. Crusher is still nagging away and it's actually getting worse. Mum wants to take me to the hospital because she's going into her 'everyone in the family is going to die!' stage and she thinks ive got a brain tumor =___= i gave her a look and explained that Crusher is here because my sleeping patterns are out of whack and the weather doesn't agree with me. I have become rather attached to Crusher. Hence the fact that he now has a name and a gender. Dear god, i must be losing my mind, i've named my HEADACHE o_O
What else did i want to say? Oh yes, i watched The Green Mile last night as it was on Film4... I RECCOMEND IT!!! Seriously, it's one of the saddest films i've ever seen in my life, but definately one of the best. If you haven't watched it, GO AND DO SO RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT'S BRILLIANT!! I cried at the end. And i don't mean a little tear and a sniffle, i mean proper full on crying. The type of crying that requires a large wad of tissues XD And not many films have that effect on me. It was a really moving film, i loved it!!! *needs to get it on DVD now*
Anywho, this has turned into a stupidly long ramble about nothing, so im going to go and get lunch of some kind now.
</ramble>
*grumbles* No sleep again.. AND I KNOW IT'S MY OWN FAULT SO STFU!!!! >.< ..I can't seem to get my sleeping patterns normalised again, i just don't get tired till about 6 in the morning now AND I STILL HAVE THAT CRUSHER HEADACHE AND IT'S DRIVING ME COMPLETELY INSANE!!!!!!!!
I have to get up early tomorrow so i'm going to bed early tonight whether i can get to sleep or not.. At least i'll know i actually made the effort to sleep... Dad's going into hospital again tomorrow for more tests and crap that doesn't even fucking help anyway... Because you have to have money to get better in this world, and since we don't have money, they just pretend to do stuff that will help and it usually just makes him worse >:( So everyone's going to be all bad tempered and short fused tomorrow, which will be crap... I have to take Ethan to school and pick him up because mum's working and dad's going to be in hospital, and i know he's going to be a pain in the ass because he always is... Deliberately takes ages getting ready in the morning so that we're late and i have to scream at him and lose my temper in order to get him to move.. Then chores.. i have to go up to the shops because we need milk and bread and no one can be bothered doing it tonight.. finding money for it's going to be fun =__= Then the hound needs walking, i have to do the washing up which has been neglected for days and put up some blinds in my room o_O Then pick brother up, and i know that once again he'll be a pain.. He'll want to stay and play in the park and i have to make dinner because mum'll be late home cuz she has to go and pick dad up (assuming he's coming home) and i'll end up having a huge yelling fit at him because he'll refuse to come home and he's just so *headdesk headdesk* GAH!!! >.< Bloody hell... This. This is the exact reason i never want to be a mother. Because they have to go through that sort of routine every day. I can't do that sort of thing, it drives me insane! So yeah, busy day tomorrow, and i'm likely to be in a bad mood for the rest of the week.. Partially because of all of the above, plus other things, plus the fact that the weather is crap... And partially because i'm usually in a bad mood anyway ^_^
Grrrrr... I wanted to do something and i've forgotten... Oh bugger it... I think im going to get something to eat then go to bed... Early start tomorrow *sets alarm for 7* =___= I'm not cut out for this sort of thing XD I'm going to be a persian rug when i grow up.. they don't have to do anything.. Or a cat...
</ramble>
Ahahahahahahah
http://www.you
And i did one of those things where you sort of chuckle to yourself.. and they you just explode.. a gigglesnort is the best way to describe it.. I was just like 'hehe, this is going to be quite funny' then he did the 'ooooh-ah-ah-a
</ramble>
One more thing... Deidara... blows... himself... up... O______O
And Kishi is fanservice-ing again =__=' no one needs to see a topless Saucegay, put it away please -_-
I am such a diary whore *dies*...
I'm really gone this time *poses*
POOF!! *g*o*n*e*
*sigh* ok, it's 3am, but i can't sleep so stfu, i'm writing in here again... I have nothing better to do right now... nabbed house phone, long talk with Nath.. don't really want to talk about him any more in here, i've done too much of that already... But we've sorted things out and i've decided to stop letting the past affect what i do now, because i've been doing that for too long without realising it... So yeah, all is well i suppose ^__^
Hrrrmph... I've been chatting to Emily about some random stuff and we've come up with a story concept that is immensly cool! We've been discussing writing the story that we've come up with together, as we have a similar writing style we were thinking of doing it RP style one chapter at a time.. Then the idea came up to do it as a graphic novel collab, but i slated that because i'm not as good as her when it comes to human anatomy, and there is also alot of animals involved.. i suck when it comes to drawing animals that aren't horses or made up so yeah.. it would look dodgy XD So we're sticking with the RP style back and forth writing and i'm thinking about posting it up here, chapter by chapter (mainly because with Emily's help it will probably be better than anything i could write without her XD) ...Anyway, it's called Switch 24 and.. That's all i'm saying about it XD But.. The title makes me squee for some reason X3 It just sounds cool *hyperventilat
Hmm, i should go to bed, i have work tomorrow... *sigh* i can't sleep... Buggering screwed up sleeping patterns are killing my brain >.< I have decided, once again influenced by Areku (XD), to make a list of things that i want to do this holiday, and instead of just sitting round on my lazy butt talking about them, im going to freaking DO THEM.
- Start writing Switch 24 with Emily and hopefully finish it!
- Clear out and decorate my room, because it's in dire need of a make-over
- Go to Ellesmere and spend a day with Nathie, just the two of us (OMG who are you, and what have you done with the real Beki O___O)
- Get fit, lose a bit of weight.
- Start archery PROPERLY (at the moment i don't have a license, i just shoot a few sets with my dads bow when i feel like it)
- Get another job.
- Have FUN with my friends, spend a bit more time out of the house.
- Go to BOA and get plastered ^__^ (i was doing that anyway, but it's going on the list!!!)
- Sort all my writings into folders: non-cons, WIP, one shots and complete!
- Do the same with any art i have floating about.
Yes. So. I have a plan. I've stopped living in the past. As K-chan said "People who keep looking behind them only end up falling over what's ahead of them." I suppose, as cliche and sappy as it sounds, it's time to stop moping about and dreaming about all the cool stuff i could be doing, and actually get out and do it! I'm feeling optimistic all of a sudden, and it's great! I still have that sort of "i really just want to crawl into my room and never come out again" feeling, but i'm choosing to ignore it. I'm choosing to live my life for once. I'm choosing to be happy.
And right now, i'm bloody choosing to go to bed, because im going to be SO DEAD at work tomorrow if i dont ^____^ BAI!!
</ramble>
Hmm.. I'm not sure what to write in here really... I just feel so weird right now... Happy-sad good-bad is the only way to describe it.. I've just had a long text conversation with Nath, about breaking up sort of thing.. Which is weird because you don't usually talk about it, you just break up XD He was making me want to hug him, being so sweet and not going all huffy when i couldn't decide what i want to do... Part of me wants to break up with him and be single again, part of me wants to stay with him and make a relationship work for once... He's such an amazing person and i just don't think he deserves to be hurt by me, and i know i'm going to hurt him eventually because i always do... For the first time though i don't think im breaking up with him because i dont want to be with him.. It's more because i'm scared that i'm going to either hurt him or lose him like i did with.. yeah.. some people will know what im talking about, some will be like O__O huh? XD ...Pah, i don't know what to do, and he's being so sweet but so maddeningly unhelpful! Mike says i'm getting all confused like this because i haven't let someone as close as i'm letting Nath for a while.. *shrugs* i suppose that's true... Why do relationships scare me so much?? I'm so confident around guys, i always have been, but when it comes to actually being in a relationship, i panic and back off... I don't know whether im more scared of hurting them or getting hurt, it's confusing! STUPID BRAIN!!!!!!!!!
</ramble>
Can't write for long, i'm just stopping off to grab some clean clothes and do something with my hair... Had a nice night with Mike last night, if you could call it that... I ended up crying about 7 times O_O he does that to me... Not in a bad way, i was just talking to him about stuff and some not-so-nice stuff from a while ago came up and upset me and then i ended up just spilling everything... And he was so nice to me about it (when i personally would be disgusted with me.. ) i started crying! I was just going "Nuuuu, you can't still be my friend now..." and he told me to stop being daft and gave me cider O_O what a teenagery way of solving a problem -_-' But it was nice just talking to him... I feel like i've taken a load off, which is good i suppose... I'm still stressed out for some reason, but i'm hoping my holiday in 2 weeks will solve that problem... I'm going out on my own today for a tramble, i need to think about some stuff that's come up recently... It's nothing bad, people! I'm not going off to cry in a hedge or anything, i just think i'm getting fat so i need the exercise of a long walk! I'm not going out again tonight with Mike cuz i actually need to sleep... I always end up out till 3am with him, and it's his fault entirely for making me realise that i have so much to talk about... Stuff that i haven't talked about to anyone for like... 8 years... Stuff that's been hanging over me all that time without me even realising it! It's so weird, but it's such a good feeling to just yell and scream and cry at someone and know that they'll still give you a hug and a cider when you're done ripping into them about whatever... It's so weird for me to trust somebody that i've only just met... But i suppose, really, i've known him my whole life without realising it *shrugs* i dunno, but i feel alot less stressed than normal and it's good... Although, i do feel like crying alot now... Like, all the time... But i think that's just teenage hormones :P I'm too emotional for my own good sometimes, seriously, i was crying because the stars looked pretty last night... Maybe i should just convert to emo and be done with it XD Mah God what am i rambling about now?? I sound like a PMSing middle aged house wife in the middle of a mid life crisis XD Oh i dont know, i just felt like rambling, because right now im feeling such an extreme mixture of 'OMG im so haapppppyyyyy' and 'dammit all the world sucks and i hate everything' and 'Waaaa, confusion, everything's changing!!! That's good?' and 'NO THAT'S BAD!!!' that i feel like my head is going to explode >.< I agree with Ron, no one can feel this much at once... Gah, all these conflicting emotions in one head is enough to drive a person loopy... It's like being drunk, on drugs, really tired, and insanely hyper all at the same time... It makes no sense, makes you feel absolutely great but sick at the same time, and makes you feel like a baby rabbit in a snake pit *flails* Gott im himmel, it's the weirdest most trippy thing ever >.< I'm probably ranting like a fool and making no sense now, but it has to be said somewhere because yelling all this at an actual person would make even less sense and would have the white coats chasing after me in about two minutes XD XD I feel... I do actually feel how it apparently feels to go insane... Sort of... I don't know, i can't describe it... Like i'm sad, but i'm grinning and laughing like a lunatic at the same time... It's totally bizzar-o ...Obviously im not going insane or i wouldn't even be aware of it, but that's what it feels like... GRARGH someone needs to get me a gag.. which wouldn't help at all when typing... ok, a finger gag <_< >_> I'm going to shut the hell up now, i'll rant later, not that i need too... Bye!! *poses before dashing off*
</ramble>
Dum de dum, i have new hair now ^____^ Not much to say really... just felt like writing something while im waiting for Mike.. Yer, we're going out again tonight... Yer, in the rain XD meh, it's only water, aint gonna kill me is it?! Unless i fall over in a puddle and for some reason cant stand up and thus drown... Whatever.. Yuuursh... Mike's great, he's the kind of person that you can just talk to about anything... And we do that alot XD i didn't even realise how long i'd been out last night just talking to him O_O took me quite by surprise!
What else to ramble about? Going to south england in two weeks X3 can't wait, it's gonna be grrrrreat! (i say south england because i'm betting on no one having any idea where Selsey and Wittering are) Hmm.. There's been a change of plans though and we're staying for 2 weeks instead of 1, so dad can go and visit Alan on the way back... Unfortunately this means im prolly not going to be able to go and spend a week over in Ellesmere with Nathie, cuz the second week i'm on holiday is the only week his parents are dissapearing.. *shrugs* oh well, there'll be other times XD I'm too busy looking forward to my holiday to be bummed over that XD XD Yesh, we're going to stay in my uncle Dave's bungalo, which is like 2 minutes away from the beach! It's soooo cool and just... WOO! X3 i love it so much down there, i always feel really down when we leave cuz it's like... I don't really know, i just feel at home there... I never get to spend much time with that half of the family, and it's a shame cuz i love them all to pieces. So when i do spend time with them, i never want it to end! They're a bunch of nutters and we always have so much fun! ..I remember how upset i was when we came back last year, but that was for other reasons not just the not wanting to leave... Meh, im determined not to let that get in the way this year, and i'm going to have a bloody good time! And if HE (if you don't know who im talking about, dont worry about it) even thinks about coming near me, i swear to God i'll break his nose >:( I can't be doing with any of that this year, im going there to have fun! YESH!!!!!!! *hyperventilat
Wheeeeeeeeeeee
Curse you emily for influencing my brain!!!! *shakes fist*
Yep. I'm done now. I shall be back!! Some time... tonight... Yarh ^____^
</ramble>
Wooo, i feel more awake today than i have in a long time! I got up at 7 ON MY OWN without any prompting from parents or alarm clocks! I was so proud! I should explain... Ahem... On monday night, out of the blue, i decided i was doing an all-nighter with [Lexi. Short and Sweet!].. Bad idea from the word go really, as on sunday night i had something in the region of 2 hours decent sleep XD But i managed it none the less and sat up the entire night on rs XD Then i had 4 cups of coffee and some energy tablets and went to school! So basically i'd gone for 60 hours with only 2 hours sleep (i just worked that out <_< >_>) The induction at school was a total waste of time so i went home and went to bed the minute i got in! 20 hours of sleep later and i feel fit as a fuddle (don't ask) and wide awake! It's brilliant! I feel a little light headed, but that's what 20 hours of no food does to me.. I eat alot, so not eating for 20 hours makes me feel unusually drunk O_O wonderful! But i feel great, i like this 'getting a good nights sleep' thing XD I have nothing of worth to say now really so i think im going to go on rs, as early morning is the best time to play it XD no one else on line, peaceful hilly killing with no distractions *nods wisely*
I'm such a dork XD
</ramble>
LOL! I am such a nerd, but i found this so funny...
lvl 120 shade: *appers!!!*
Ai: ...Wtf, shade...
Shade: *hits a 1*
Ai: Dat stung bish! *prayer* *hits 14* Yeah, how u like dat slim shadey!!
Other guy: Lol! Go Ai!
Shade: *swings like a noob, hitting 0*
Other girl: Lol, u owning him!!
Shade: *dies pathetically*
Other guy: OMG you only took 1 hit!
Ai: Yah, dats cuz im a fruity noob! We're the ownage clan! *spins out*
ROFL ROFL, oh yeah you know you're a sad fruity noob when you can kill a 120 shade and only take 1 hit *shakes head* gott im himmel im going to die from lameness here, seriously.. But it's too much fun being dorky!!! X3
</ramble>
Grrrrrrr... Just. Grrr. If this headache doesn't go away soon i swear i am going to go insane. I lose track of the days during the holidays, but i've had this headache for around 4-5 days and it's driving me insane. You know there are certain kinds of pain that you can handle? The sort that you can just ignore... Like i can ignore my back pain, or stomach ache.. But i can't ignore headaches.. They just slowly drive me crazy, and this is the most annoying kind.. The kind that is just a nagging pain, not really enough to take any paracetamol for, but there none the less. And it's NONE STOP!!! Like a watered down migrane.. Migranes i can handle, you just take a bunch of painkillers and go to sleep until it goes away, but this... GOTT IM HIMMEL IT'S GOING TO DRIVE ME OVER THE EDGE!!!! *hyperventilat
</ramble>
Well that was entertaining..
- A dead rat/dusty sock
- A leopard poster
- A pair of shorts
- A book
- Some marbles
- A rusty samurai sword (still sharp XD)
- A large leather belt
- The horse and pony annual 1975 (LOL)
- A hedgehog teddy
- Robin Hood (the film not the person)
- A small fibre optic christmas tree
- A fourth place Dressage rosette
- A book about pandas
- A Gorrilaz poster
- A metal head poster
- An unopened box of pcoky (SCORE!)
- A bag of sweet wrappers
- £2 (Score!)
So all in all quite a stash under there.. Not entirely sure how it all got there, but there's some pretty nifty stuff hiding under the sofa.. I may have to go and rummage under the other sofa now, see what i can find *potters off to sofa rummage* ...Hmm, nothing under that one... Just fluff... Dad must have beat me too it. Dum de dum... Oooh the sun's starting to come up... Ooooh, this awesome thing happens here when the sun comes up! The sun rises behind my house, and my room is at the front of the house. So looking out of my bedroom window, it's still reasonably dark. But the windows of the houses across the road reflect the sunrise! So it looks like the sun is rising in the houses, the windows glowing all orange but the sky is still dark. So cool. Reeeeaally bored now... Nothing to do... Might draw something... No i don't feel like it, i have no inspiration right now... The sun-rise effect is starting... this is the coolest point, when the windows are glowing faintly green and the sky is still black.. It's so sinister.. Really cool :p We live in such a pretty world, but no one is ever around to appreciate it!! We sleep through the prettiest parts of the day! Sunrise being one of them, and the darkest part of the night when you can't see anything except the stars... Silly humans, the owls have got it right. Oooooh, sunrise a couple of days ago was GORGEOUS. The sky went all pink and orange and there were two huge rainbows going across the sky, one under the other. It was soooo cooooool!! Bah, i'm rambling like some kind of drunken idiot now.. I think i'll go to bed, since it's now nearly 4am.. Blah.. But im not tired >.< GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
</ramble>