His Mystery Angel

Deep within the night
As his mind turns to rest
And dreams begin to wake
Deep within his mind
A vision starts to rise
A shadowed figure
Of angelic proportion
Shadowed by the darkness
In the blinding dark
Of this desolate hallway
The darkness begins to lift
As the light begins brightening
he sees dark locks of flowing hair
He see her figure
Beautifully slender and smooth
Her faces stays dark
As if to hide her identity
she leans in
Tells him
I will love you always
But first
You must find me
As he wake
To find himself
Lying on the floor of his bedroom
In a cold sweat
He proceeds to find his angel
As he sweats
Panting down the sidewalks
Trying to find his angel
The first night nothing
He found no angel
As he falls deep
Deep into his slumber
The dream reoccurs
He searches
And Searches
And Searches
Finding nothing
The clock strikes
Midnight it is
Midnight has come
And still
He has not found his angel
But as he travels home
He takes a shortcut
Through dark desolate alley
As he stumbles through trash
And falls into sorrow
He see a flickering light
Under the light he sees
A shadowy figure
Of angelic Proportion
As in his dream
Shadowed by the darkness
In the blinding dark
Of this desolate alleyway
The darkness begins to lift
As the light begins brightening
he sees dark locks of flowing hair
He see her figure
Beautifully slender and smooth
Except this time
her face no longer hides
It shows glowing with beauty
As he rejoices by the finding
Of his Mystery angel
                             

¬Morning and Night

This night
A night of pain
A Night of confession
A Night filled with tears
A Night made of nothing but tragedy
Yet A Night must have an end
And a day a beginning
Your words
they draw my hands close to yours
So you may grip my fingers
The more you speak
The more you collapse onto me
I slowly move my arms
sliding them around your body
pulling yourself tight to me
As You lay your head on my shoulder you begin to cry
The more you cry
The deeper your nails dig into my skin
The pain is sincere
yet I grip you tighter
To show you I am here for you
No matter what
Your tears fall onto my skin
Like a hard raining thunderstorm
My eyes well up
As I begin to cry
I hold you so close to me
ours tears blend into one stream
One stream wetting my shirt
As your cries ease and turn to uneven gasps of air
I gently run my fingers through your hair
I slowly tilt your head up
I look into your eyes
As you stare back into mine
I push your hair back behind your ear
and wipe away your tears
as I wipe them away I see
The sun as it rises
As it begins a new day
and ends another
ending and beginning
with us

Winters Drift

My eyes water
With tears of Anger
The tears that send a man into rage
My anger is precise
My anger drives me forth
I push the anger to physical force
I Yell at the top of my lungs
Pushing out the anger in force through my knuckles
The pain so crippling that I drop to my knees
So crippling that I Vomit from it
But yet I keep forcing myself to inflict pain
Inflicting pain on an nonliving forms
Curdling from every blow  
Showing that my mistakes 
Are what drove me to do this
My Mistakes drove me to anger
Anger drove me to pain
Pain drove me to bleeding
Bleeding drove me to death
My body motionless
Dead upon the ground
Still bleeding freshly form my wounds
Will i ever be found
Or will I be forgotten
Just like a winters drift                           

Holding back

Visions of life
Before your own death
The reflection behind her eyes
Showing her souls regrets
But as her regrets take her over
He embraces her body
Embracing her with his heart and soul
Making sure she knows he wont let her go
As his soul drives him to her
As his heart drives him to love
He Tries holding back
Trying to save himself from another wound
But his heart takes over
He lets go of his restraint
Letting his heart lead the way
Embracing her with not only his body
But with his heart and soul
As her tears break against his skin
He holds her closer
Making sure she knows he's there
Making sure she knows He wont leave
Making sure she knows he can be trusted
Not just with her possessions
But also with her fragile soul
And her callused heart
As there souls meet
He realizes his time is near
His time is now
As his heartbeat slows to a near stop
He collapses
As soon as he has fallen
She has met him on the ground as well
As he takes in his last breaths
He utters ich liebe dich
As his heart stops
And as she weeps once more
For he shall no longer exist
Only in her heart shall he live on
As she wished he would not have held back
For she loved him too

Invisible tears

My heart is filled with anger
Trusting no one and their lies
The pain of dissapointment in you killing me softly
Making you dissapear
Is my hardest task yet
For you meant so much to me
But still you lied to me instead
My heart is not a part of me
For you made me this way
And I shall never be
That loving trusting me again
I have been hurt
And got up
Then been hurt again
I gave you another chance
Then along came another man
I tried to ignore
Knowing he's just a friend
But still my insticts took over
And he ended up kissing you
And even more than that
My heart not broken its is made of steel
For you didnt break it
you only manage to steal
You stole my dignity you stole my trust
You stole my caringness and now you must
Leave me now and never return
I shall never remeber you
For it is to much hurt
Leave me be as my body drops from high to low
Hitting the ground swift and fast
In one crashing blow
My death isnt noticed
And my heart has stopped
My neck has broken
As the blood runs out
My tears that I cry are no longer physical
The tears I cry now
Are all invisible

I Love You

Lifes fist
Making me bleed from the inside out
Lifes fist
bruising my insides
The internal bleeding of my body
Caused by the words from their mouth
My life is trash
Theres nothing left
Theres no one to live for
Theres no one to live with
But along comes opportunity
You walk into my life
My internal bleeding turns to swelling
As the swelling turns to normalities
My heart that didnt exist
Begins to appear
I dont understand what you do to me
But all I know is that you make me feel
You make me feel loved
You make me feel wanted
You understand my needs
And fulfill all my wants
I need no other
There is no other
You are my own
And I am your someone
I dont know any other way to desrcibe it
But all I have to say is
I love you

Breedings of Insanity


My blood runs cold
As you lye there dead
My eyes turn white
As blood runs from your head
The once wrong
I now made right
As you threw your fist
I finished the fight
You knew this would happen
You knew I would retaliate
Hitting me in the first place
Was your biggest mistake
I know your my authority but frankly right now I don't care
Because as I see it
The fight that I won was faught unfair
Not unfair in your favor but unfair in mine
Because you are twice my age
And also twice my size
You had no right to hit me
You cowardly drunk bitch
How dare you strike a child
In order to stop you
I took a bat to your head
Knocking you down
As blood filled the floor
As I stood there eyes wide
As I was fuel to thrash him more
So i raised my bat and began to swing
First kind of light but then to much harder swings
As the blood splattered everywhere
On the walls and on the ceiling
My anger didn't release me
It intensified my beatings
As I forced the bat blow after blow into his corpse
I realized now
That his end was my end
So for me there had to be no remorse
So I finished him up
After beating him profusely
That his anger had transfered
From him to what I know see
A mangled corpse
No longer living
A tortured soul
That derived for living
I made myself clean
As I washed myself in his blood
Sacrificing my soul for nothing much
Except maybe for this gun

Fading Passion

This night so dark and new
The candles lit with a passion that melts its wax
A passion that exists in this very room
A passion so deep that even the clouds cry in envy
As their tears break against the shingled roof
Two bodies enthralled in one another
Toss and turn in the dark
As if dancing with each other
Using the blankets as their clothing
Encasing their skin lathered bodies
As they begin to relax
Their hearts blaze with passion
Such a passion that would tear them apart if they let one another go
Wishing for this to never end
As they lay together curled up in their feelings and dreams
Of the passion that just came true
As they lay wearing nothing but their heart and soul
Showing the feelings they have hid for so long
As the night begins to end
They run their hands over one another one more time
To grasp maybe just a touch of the passion they had that night
As they fade off into the distance to never return

Living Mummy

The stress of all
The pain in sight
The longing here
Without strength nor might
My eyes scream to shut
By I can only but stare
At this horrific cut
Gashed within his head
For I am the one
The one who finished this storm
I am the son
Who unraveled his true form
His mummified lies
Wrapped up in drinks
Holding his anger on verge of a brink
The violence soon to come
Based upon his glassed out eyes
Broken and dying there
My mother lies
As he comes to take his swing
My body gets thrown
And as I lay in sting
My mind comes a glow
My hand grabs a blade
And across his face it goes
Down his neck and through his viens
As this knife drags on
My hand grips tight
As I watch him bleed
Bathing my hands in his bodly sink of blood
This mummy
This living Mummy is what killed my life
And now lives no more

Save Me Now God


My eyes depressively bent
As my heart sinks to a low
My smile turns to a smirk
My smirk turns to a frown
As my heart begins to burn
And my world crashes to the ground
My tears are a sinister acid
That burns a heart to the core
They hurt the soul
But leave me begging for more
As my eyes pour out in pain
I begin to sweat
Sweating a red substance from my veins
This substance salty and bitter
Tastes like the life I live
My arms raise as I pull myself up
Out of the hole I live in
As I stand I see the stars
But out of the stars I see only one
The one that looks like me
The one that is falling
I wish upon for it is my idol
As I drop from the building
I cry out once more
save me now
As my body collapses and falls
Never to return to the surface
Never to be heard from again
For rock bottom is where I lie

Hiding behind the shadows
I'll be waiting in the dark
to drive this blade straight through your heart
I'll drag your body to the car
as blood races down my arm
I think everyone will wonder where you are (tonight)

I'll hide you in my walls
your body will never be found
I'll wear your skin as a suit
Pretend to be you, your friends will like you more than they used to

Dear diary my teen angst bullshit has a body count (count)
I believe it's 6 going on 7 now (7 now)

I've been dreaming about you
in a pool of your own blood
with your eyes gouged out
by the work of my thumbs
the scent of your insides
from under the floorboards
the perfect perfume
for settling a score.

I'll hide you in my walls
your body will never be found
I'll wear your skin as a suit
Pretend to be you, your friends will like you more than they used to
Pretend to be you, your friends will like you more than they used to

Ride the wings of....
Ride the wings of....
Ride the wings of....
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!
Ride the wings of pestilence!

ok I have foudn osmethign out.....something that just drives me nuts baout relationships....this may seem dumb but if your reading this you should know i have been in a years relationships and am still currently involved with this girl...but one hting thta drives me crazy I'm sorry but I have to say is when one person will write something about osmeone and that certain someone will know that they wrote that about them...then when the opposite person writes something and the other reads it and thinks hey thats about me when nope come to find out they jsut wrote it for the hell of it directed to just no one or they jsut wont write anyhting at all I knwo it sounds completely idiotic and whatever but it drives me insane I guess I am oneo f those people who like public displays of affection kinda thing...I guess I take the not being wrote about to a negative level when probably the other person doesnt even know but whatever...it will just drive me insane time and itme again as life goes on

I'm sorry to all that this may offend......wait nevermind if this offends you fuck off...I have not been myself lately I have been ignorant a careless of others to be honest I hated people for a good while.......everyone within a 30 mile radius can just fucking die except for those who know who I truly am and have been there for me...not just trying to use me not just trying to fuck with me but the people who have really helped me out when on was on life's edge.......you know who you are..you should know if you have ever helped me out of a hole or if you really tried to help me...now when you just read that if you had to think about it whether or not you helped me out then yea your gonna burn to PEOPLE NED TO FUCKING DIE!! Yep just go burn somewhere i don't give a fuck what you do but yea I got go to bed its pointless cuz your just not gonna care anyway....so yea just be prepared to burn MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

So its been a year and not nearly long enough for me....I really am in love with her but I lack so many things she cannot see....I know shes pagan I'm Christian you think hmmm now that doesnt mix but hey were not focused on our religions were focused on us our qualities how we match up and frankly I coudlnt have odne any better if I had a machine that could create a girl for me......but the whole christian thing i am failing at and it hurts me because i knwo its coming back to haunt me....I want to be full hearted for god but how can I when I cant even get the gumption up to one fix my life up and two even attempt to minister to her becuz of the fear of losing her.......my heart is ripped in two places one for a love of christ and another for a love of a woman....I know shes not holding me back in anyway of doing this it is only me who is holding me back becuz I am a lover of the world and cant seem to change that.....I want so much to be right next to god but just cant seem to get there...to be with god in everyway sacrifices are to be made and those sacrifices I would liek to make but are jsut to great for me to make as of now or so my mind makes me think............I wish so much that I wouldnt have screwed up so badly and just stuck on the path that my parents set me on but no I had to go running off in the woods to see what I ocudl find to entertain me......But in that rustle of woods I found good things as well like I think I have foudn my soul mate I love her in everyway possible I love everything baout her in evry detaisl all the way down to every freckle and dimple I ocudlnt ask for a more perfect girl.......but in that I foudn she was other thigns not allowed in my religion "your not supposed to date an opposite sex of a different religion" but I didnt care nor did I notice that...I was focused on her beuty her personality and everything but her religion..I am not saying i want to change her in anyway I am just saying that difficulties come in when ones pagan ones christian.....I wish life was easier than this but then again if it was we wouldnt enjoy the rich joys we get as much as we do now if life was easier.....I say al that to say this.........My life is growing harder for me and frankly i dont wanna cut god out of the picture I want more of god in the picture and less of me and less of everyhting I want god me and my starling in the picture and thigns are goign to get hard and harder they will get but I swear thigns will be sacrificed from this day forward I am cutting out the thigns he says to cut out and will sacrifice what hesays to sacrifice I will live by him and his word nd by nothing else.........the only thigns I hope he doesnt ask of me is to give up my one true love

In the Light by DC Talk
I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
(chorus)
I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light
The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control
Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
(repeat chorus)
Honesty becomes me
[There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[And riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth
Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
(repeat chorus 2x)
[There's no other place that I want to be]
[No other place that I can see]
[A place to be that's just right]
[Someday I'm gonna be in the Light]
[You are in the Light]
[That's where I need to be]
[That's right where I need to be]

See the Resemblance Love, Well I Do

When thigns aren't resolved it drives me insane when i know they could be resolved. I tried getting a hold of you and apologizing for my insecurity and all. The reason I ask questions is a reason I already told you in those emails and hopefully you understand if not then I wil explain next time i see you... I love you my dear

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do do do

Come break me down
marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do (do do)
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you

Come break me down
marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now this is who I really am inside
Finally from myself
Running for a chance
I know now this is who I really am

Come break me down
marry me, bury me
I am finished with you you you

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All that I wanted was you

Come break me down
Break me down
Break me down

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break
(What are you waiting for)
(I'm not running from you)
What if I wanted to break

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
say your right again
heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.
(repeat)

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the grown?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
(repeat)

I am in love with [Diiwica] and no one else. I love her

so much.

This is forsure the hell I have forseen. This move tha is coming has pushed me back into who I used to be. The one thing I am afraid of. I am back to depression, irritability, being alone, shy, and a loser. Thats who I was and now thats who I am. If you have a problem then fucking shoot me that would be a big improvement from how I have fallen. Cuz its gonna take some serious work once again to get me out of this and frankly I dont think anyone can help me. Not even myself. Its kinda like trying to make a lame animal walk it isnt going to happen so you gotta shoot it.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!!! I TRIED WORKING THINGS OUT BUT NOW IT LOOKS L IKE I AM EVEN FUCKED MORE!!! FUCK IT ALL!!!! THE SECOND I AM IN MOUNT PLEASANT!!!! THERE WILL BE NO FRIENDS NO ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE!!!! ATTATCHMENT IS GAY!!!! SO FUCK IT!!! THE ONLY PEOPLE I NEED OT BE ATTACHTED TO ARE THE PEOPLE HERE!!!!