I'm having a bad night. Could use some support

I hate everything I am becoming
This change is torture
There is never enough to give
Only plenty to take-- And this I wage

When the ground parts from below
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another
When the other's gone?

This hand, this hurt, my heart
I'll flirt with disaster just know now, man
The deal is off

I'll be no good-- This time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Mercy, Just leave him a little bit longer
He's all my world
My love, I apoligize-- with that
You'll see the end of days, just rest assured

Because they won't let him go
And I remain so
Alone, to work out a clever way
to get him home

I will... Do what... I must
I'll flirt with disaster
Just know now Boy
You're out of luck

I'll be no good--this time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Oh save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the one so close!
While he trusts, you curse
Die! My darling!

If only you'd know
How truly you glow
In the Flame of Error

Oh I ask too much
Please turn back the clock
And Take me instead!

How have you come to lose
The only thing the other wants of you?
I've become the wrong in everyone's sleep
Please burn me, my God....

I'll be no good--This time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Oh save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the one so close
While he trusts you curse
Die! My darling!
Save me from defeat again...

Down beneath the sea of black bubbles
Inside the secret door in the sand
Beyond the broken Buddha
On the sunrise beach with too cracked moons

He's sitting, hopeful, holding tight to Shaggy Penny
Wondering what will happen when the sun finally comes up
it's only taken seven years to do so

Today my ghost here doesn't speak. I don't know what that means.
I'm afraid to, I guess
I watch the boy, jealous of his blonde hair
Jealous of his own particular fear

Which God takes us down and pulls us up?
Which lesson should give me happiness?
You know, kid, I thought you swept this beach
But there's dying limbs everywhere

So the dog won't acknowledge me, you won't get off the shore
And I won't call out to you that dear Orion flies east tonight
We know the past is about to repeat
Damn you, my brother, your eyes see his belt and bow

Even in this fearsome pink sky
Even as grey-green rays penetrate the western blackness
Even as we get ready to stitch our mouths to die quietly
Know that this time I love you

May God let that be difference enough.

Sorry lost phone, has phone back now. <3 u all.

Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me into your perfect circle
One womb, one chain, one resolve
Liberate this will--to release a soul

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away in spite of this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me here
I can almost hear you scream

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away in spite of this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you

Crawled away from me
Slipped away from me
Tried to keep it wrong
But there was nothing I could say

Slithered away from me
Drift away from me
Tried to take it home
But there's nothing I could say

Well what you're trying to say
Is you don't wanna play
Well what you want and what you need
Don't mean a fuck to me

I can see your
Back is turning
If I could I'd
Stick a knife in

This is my love for you

ZOMG!!! Sorrry, got transferred to a place with no phone priviledges! So sorry to my lovely friends, Im back nows!!!!

For [Alexi Ice]

"We're now up here alone
A terror from the intercom
Can someone save us?

Systems malfunctioned?
Blast it! This damned machine.
Over and out, Captain

Then something lurks, a shadow cross the countertop
I can't stand to watch,
Your heart's coming out of your chest

~Remember when we were young?
Sit upright at the table!

A photograph of her feeding me, from way back
What can I do alone? Maybe nothing
You were the only one there.~

~Hello? Hello? When it rings will you answer?
There, in the corner, in a battle stance it's you.
Come on and kill me!

You made a good friend to me
But while we were outnumbered and torn
I made you do things...

And Oh Dear God!
I don't feel alive!
When you're cut short, In misery
Will you pray it be the end?

Give a look surprised with wide eyes to me!
Then you'll know just what I am!
The Scar that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light, now here
Come know me as God

You made a good friend to me
But while we were outnumbered and torn
We did all those things to you...

Run- sand- hourglass
It's my time, will I be worth it
Spin-round-carousel
My horse isn't screwed in

And Oh Dear God!
I don't feel alive!
When you're cut short, in misery
Will you pray it be the end?

Give a look surprised with wide eyes to me!
In a subtle demise, legitimate cry
The Scar that triggers your fear
Can't go on
Come know me in a different light now here
Come know me as God."

Oh, and [Chimes]!!!!!!!

Getting kinda depressed by ET. None of my old friends are here for me anymore, and my new ones are still really new... I'm not sure about most of them, but I should feel positive about all of them. I've been on here almostfour years though. It's tough to lose all the reasons I was here in the first place.

Anyway, <3 to [Flisky], [Aeolynn], [Nioniel] and even the world's first living, breathing, and typing bag of douche, [Mortified Penguin]!

"Lacerating pains of degeneration
Speed through your trembling mind
Still, in machine-like strife you gain another mile

The temporary elusive goal,
To reach the Solace
To feed once more upon the synthetic Reaper of loss
No matter the outcome
No matter the cost."

Hey, I'm back. Hope to get back into the swing of things. For those of you on between 6:30pm and 10:00pm US eastern time, please hit me up with rp ideas!!! I promise to stay current this time!

Yeah totally about to lose my shit on house managers today. This is getting retarded.

The immortal suckfest continues. Someone remind me why I look forward to anything anymore.

I'm having the week from Hell. I haven't slept for more than four hours a night for 5 days. I'm exhausted and sleep deprived. I'm also sick, because I have over 130 allergic bedbug bites on my body. If you don't know what bedbugs are,

they are small, they are many, for me, every bite swells up, and itches like a mousquito bite. They itch horribly for like 5 days.
One hundred and thirty. There has been that many for over two weeks.

I'm busting out in hives. It's so bad I have to wear long sleeve shirts while I job hunt. All day. On foot. In July in Florida. In 90 degree, 100% humidity weather.

I screamed at my house manager yesterday. And this subhuman cocksucker threatened to make me homeless for "Backtalking."

I don't have a choice but to live in these unsanitary, unsafe, insane conditions for the next two weeks until I can move or be homeless.

So I not only must suffer, I must suffer with a smile or be homeless. 

Ha! More diary spam! You punks don't read them anyway, so no whining! :O though if you did you'd learn something!

"Oh, I'm giving up the one I love
I'll conduct the Great Disaster
To scar my skin to all this hurt

They offered their hearts, and we tore them apart
They offered their blood, and we left them so parched
I don't know if I can give you anything you want...

Go on and give me the gun!
Never mind what I've done
They left me no choice. No they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me

Oh, I don't wanna say
That with mercy we decay
Converging closer and faster
Does all I touch turn to dust?

And she confessed her love
Only I shut her up
I took all her words and allowed them to rust
I don't know if I'm the man you truly want to love

Go on and give me the gun!
Nevermind what I've done
They left me no choice, no they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me!

Little have they learned anything about me
Living eyes that judge mistakes
With all the things they say
When backs are turned and no one's looking

Go on and give me the gun!
Nevermind what I've done
They left me no choice, no they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me!

Ooh in this Shattered Symphony! Shattered, tattered, dead
Go on and give me the gun!"

"She wheezes out her dying wish
Come closer-- One more moment, one more kiss
And I love her, I give her all I can

Her body sinks, her heat released
The curtain swings, this time she leaves
I will remember, all she's done for me

But only I forgot-- That I'm not
Ready to let her go

As all time moves... You'll be riddled with doubt
You'll mourn to pull through
But love is dangerous

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant but not for long
Because love is our downfall

I'm sorry! This life cuts
Out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!

There's no chance to try and mend
What's been broken can't be bent
So the past remains the past until present

The cradle sways this black disguise
This coffin breathes our time's demise
Only these shackles know just how long I've grieved

I made my move--With no worry of doubt
Let them live as they do
My eternal reminder

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant but not for long
Because love is our downfall

I'm sorry but the hurt's not going away
I'll bury all the past, everything in it's place
Give us the Monstar!

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear

I'm sorry! This life cuts
Out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!
Cuts out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!
Cuts out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!"

*Sees if Nionel knows this one...*

" 

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch 
You looked up at your sky 
that made blue be your color
 
You had your knife with you there too 
When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes 
Your hands were sticky 
You wiped them on your grass 
So now your color was green 

Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this? 
You were already getting nervous again.
Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up 
Your head was almost empty, 
it always hurt you when you woke up like this
 
You crawled up out of your ditch unto your gravel road 
and you began to walk and waited for the rest of your mind to come back to you
 
You could see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it 
"If God is our father," you thought, 
"then Satan must be our cousin." 
Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? 

When you got to your car 
you tried all the doors but they were locked 
Ir was a red car and it was new 
There was an expensive leather camera case lying on the seat 

Out across your field 
You could see two tiny people walking by your woods 
You began to walk towards them 
Now red was your color and of course, 
Those little people out there were yours too"

"These are the days--The End complete
A world still turning to the sound of the Suffering
You are the Jury, we are the saints

Our minds divide--The past repeats
A war still brewing in the hearts of those we once bled
I am the Crowing, the living dead

Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Wave goodbye, my dear
Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Welcome home, my dear

No words to say--The worst displayed
What once was courage is now cursed in the hurt we've made
We are the sinners before our graves

Now leave in peace--The dead unsaved
The world still turning towards the End complete
Now spite me Jury, we've come for change!

Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Wave goodbye, my dear
Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Welcome home, my dear

Momma, I'm living proof that never
Is just around the corner
A ghost to walk the End designed for you and I

No one will ever know the truth. No one will ever know

We are the fate of Heaven
The call of justice!
We are now waiting
While you wish us away with your plans and pray deliverance
This is no safe haven!

GOD He will not save you
  IS NOT He will not save you
     HERE! He will not save you from this!

You've been stealing my lines
Now go on living your lies
For on your knees you will find
You'll face a Jury in Hell!

We are the fate of killers
The call of justice!
We are now waiting
While you wish us away with your prayers for deliverance
Won't save your soul from Satan

GOD He will not save you
   IS NOT He will not save you
       HERE! He will not save you from this!

You've been stealing my lines
Now go on living your lies
For on your knees you will find
You'll face a Jury in Hell

Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Wave goodbye, my dear
Dig deeper! Remember
All that you've been and all you've left behind
Welcome home, my dear

You were the magic that turned a curse in time
You were the beauty that we had to leave behind
Oh no, no, bye bye
Bye bye!

....

We're going to get you my love
Oh no, let your Rabbit go run
We're going to get you

I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats
My body's cold and it thinks that I'm already gone
Or is it in the way your body moves?
I'd like to tell you, but I think that you already know
The words I drag out from your mouth speak
Listen up, world! Listen up, world!
In her vision I have given company
I see no evil in leading their bodies from home

Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, but I don't buy it!
Like anything you do, as anyone you are
Ten Speed if I must, then I must!
Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, I just don't buy it
Like anything you do, as anyone you are

If written wrote me even chance and choice to save you
Oh, I wouldn't answer if it even had to ask
In her figure I've instilled a taste of my own!
Listen up, world! Listen up, world!
To make it easier to take what life I'm owed
As the curse has returned from the hell of your heart
And your soul

Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, but I don't buy it!
As anything you do, as anyone you are
Ten Speed if I must then I must!
Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, I just don't buy it
Like anything you do, as anyone you are

Nobody knows but you
Because I don't wanna ride tonight
No I don't wanna go
I don't wanna ride tonight
Nobody knows but you
No baby, I don't wanna go

So are you going to kill her off?
No, I love her character, she stays.
Yeah, well, the only thing love's done is put you in this position. I say kill her off!
Oh yeah? Well you say a lot of things. And how's that work? You're a bicycle.

Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, but I don't buy it!
Like anything you do, as anyone you are
Ten Speed if I must, then I must!
Believer you'll leave her in leaving them all
No, I just don't buy it
Like anything you do, as anyone you are

Because I'm Ten Speed of God's blood and burial!

"Is this what I wish for those and all they know
Could they depend on how cowardly I should act?
From hell they shall crumble within!
If she won't give me the love I came here for
With pen, I am armed here to react!

Hey now what is it boy?
With all these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now what is it boy?
Oh I won't rest, till dead, till dead do you part!

Now this is how I feel my God from what's been dealt
The flies that flutter fight tonight
From hell they will crumble within
Is this love that I'm feeling? Or is it hate, the same?
The emotion is enough to kill the sane

Hey now, what is it boy?
All these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now, what is it boy?
I only hope you know that I love you!
No, you don't! Don't!

Feed little maggots off the westside of your sin
Run little maggot until they learn of what you did!


Feliz la vida que hora! Feliz la vida que hora!

To my creation:
From start to finish--I've made you feel this
Uncomfort in turn
With the world you've learned
To love through this hate--To live with it's weight
A burden discerned
In the blood you taste

In reply:
But why would you deny me answers?
If I'm just a boy on the break of being
Honored in hell through it's fires?

Together:
Be brutally honest was it better before me?


The curve of her body...
How I want it, how I want her with me
The truth of the story
The Vishual I wish you all!

The better end of all to come!
The truths be now here, one by one
I am, to you, extended to none
But the memory to fuel the fire!


Watching his tale, with the world he unfolds
Concious and cold, they'll never know
They scream as he laughs off the dust from his eyes
These worlds will now learn of the dreams in his mind

To myself:
Could this be that hard for me?
To cofigure a new love in pain?
To my new entity? Or banish it home to the grave?
No one is safe

In reply:
With the quickness strike out
For the less of us doubt
We're at the mercy of the god who put the pen in our mouth
Will the word write this well,
signed "Forgiveness for sale"
I'm full of all the might you want killed!

The fiction will see through real
The answer will question still

To my creation:
Turn your body to blood, as your parents once went
You will follow their lead, one by one every step

To myself:
Could this be that hard for me?
To configure a new love in vain?
To my new entity? Or banish it home to the grave?

I will not save your world.
To the end with him!"