I watch to observe something other than me
To relieve my constant pain
But how do I see what sets me free
When I'm always about to crack?

I'll flush out my soul
And scrape off all the plaque
I'm cleaned out and empty
So nothing will come back

This song is about me right now, and it's a very clear look into the feelings I feel.
The song is clearly an allegory to addiction.


Two times now,
I've been struck down by a voice that
Speaks from deep beneath the endless water

It's twice as clear as Heaven
Twice as deep as reason
Deep and rich like silt on a riverbed
And just as never-ending

The currents mount below me
Opens up around me
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing
Surrounds and drowns and sweeps me away!
But I'm so comfortable, Too comfortable

Shut up,Shut up, Shut up, You're saturating me
How could I let this bring me back to my knees?

Third time now
I've been baptized by a voice that
Screams from deep beneath the cold, black water

It's half as high as Heaven
Half as clear as reason
Clear and black like silt on a riverbed
Just as never-ending

The current's mount below me
Opens up around me
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing
Surrounds and drowns and washes me away!

But I'm so comfortable, Too comfortable
Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, You're saturating me
How could I let this happen?

Why don't you kill me?
I am weak! And numb! And insignificant!
How could I let this bring me
Back to my knees?

Euphoria

I'm back down
In the undertow
I'm helpless and awake
I'm in the Undertow
Awake down beneath the undertow
There doesn't seem to be a way out of the Undertow
 
Missing: </i>Missing: </b>

I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love
And I'm like "Fuck You!" woo hoo!
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough so
I'm like "Fuck You! And Fuck her too!"

Said if I was richer, I'd still be with ya
Ain't that some shit?
And though I'm prayin in my church
I still wish you the best
With a "Fuck You!"

So I'm sorry, I can't afford a Ferrari
But that don't mean I can't get you there
I guess you're an expert, no morals there babe
But the way you play your game ain't fair

I picture the Fool who falls in love with you
Oh yes she's a gold digger, should know she's a gold digger
Oooh, ooh, Got some news for you.
Go tell your little boyfriend!

I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love
And I'm like "Fuck You!" woo hoo!
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough so
I'm like "Fuck You! And Fuck her too!"

Said if I was richer, I'd still be with ya
Ain't that some shit?
And though I'm prayin in my church
I still wish you the best
With a "Fuck You!"

I know, I had to borrow
Beg and steal and lie and cheat
Tryin to keep ya, tryin to please ya
Cuz bein in love with your ass ain't cheap

I picture the Fool that falls in love with you
Oh yes she's a gold digger, oh yeah a gold digger
Oooh, ooh, I got some knew for you
Damn, I really hate your ass right now

I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love
And I'm like "Fuck You!" woo hoo!
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough so
I'm like "Fuck You! And Fuck her too!"

Said if I was richer, I'd still be with ya
Ain't that some shit?
And though I'm prayin in my church
I still wish you the best
With a "Fuck You!"

Baby, baby why you gotta treat me so bad?
I tried to tell my momma but she said this one is for yo dad
I'm like why??? Whyy???! Why baby?!!
Oh, I still love you!! Oh!

you drivin' round town with the girl I love
And I'm like "Fuck You!" woo hoo!
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough so
I'm like "Fuck You! And Fuck her too!"

Said if I was richer, I'd still be with ya
Ain't that some shit?
And though I'm prayin in my church
I still wish you the best
With a "Fuck You ;)"

I'm having a bad night. Could use some support

I hate everything I am becoming
This change is torture
There is never enough to give
Only plenty to take-- And this I wage

When the ground parts from below
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another
When the other's gone?

This hand, this hurt, my heart
I'll flirt with disaster just know now, man
The deal is off

I'll be no good-- This time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Mercy, Just leave him a little bit longer
He's all my world
My love, I apoligize-- with that
You'll see the end of days, just rest assured

Because they won't let him go
And I remain so
Alone, to work out a clever way
to get him home

I will... Do what... I must
I'll flirt with disaster
Just know now Boy
You're out of luck

I'll be no good--this time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Oh save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the one so close!
While he trusts, you curse
Die! My darling!

If only you'd know
How truly you glow
In the Flame of Error

Oh I ask too much
Please turn back the clock
And Take me instead!

How have you come to lose
The only thing the other wants of you?
I've become the wrong in everyone's sleep
Please burn me, my God....

I'll be no good--This time defines
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands just won't come clean
I'm a murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Oh save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the one so close
While he trusts you curse
Die! My darling!
Save me from defeat again...

Down beneath the sea of black bubbles
Inside the secret door in the sand
Beyond the broken Buddha
On the sunrise beach with too cracked moons

He's sitting, hopeful, holding tight to Shaggy Penny
Wondering what will happen when the sun finally comes up
it's only taken seven years to do so

Today my ghost here doesn't speak. I don't know what that means.
I'm afraid to, I guess
I watch the boy, jealous of his blonde hair
Jealous of his own particular fear

Which God takes us down and pulls us up?
Which lesson should give me happiness?
You know, kid, I thought you swept this beach
But there's dying limbs everywhere

So the dog won't acknowledge me, you won't get off the shore
And I won't call out to you that dear Orion flies east tonight
We know the past is about to repeat
Damn you, my brother, your eyes see his belt and bow

Even in this fearsome pink sky
Even as grey-green rays penetrate the western blackness
Even as we get ready to stitch our mouths to die quietly
Know that this time I love you

May God let that be difference enough.

Sorry lost phone, has phone back now. <3 u all.

Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me into your perfect circle
One womb, one chain, one resolve
Liberate this will--to release a soul

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away in spite of this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me here
I can almost hear you scream

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away in spite of this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you

Crawled away from me
Slipped away from me
Tried to keep it wrong
But there was nothing I could say

Slithered away from me
Drift away from me
Tried to take it home
But there's nothing I could say

Well what you're trying to say
Is you don't wanna play
Well what you want and what you need
Don't mean a fuck to me

I can see your
Back is turning
If I could I'd
Stick a knife in

This is my love for you

ZOMG!!! Sorrry, got transferred to a place with no phone priviledges! So sorry to my lovely friends, Im back nows!!!!

For [Alexi Ice]

"We're now up here alone
A terror from the intercom
Can someone save us?

Systems malfunctioned?
Blast it! This damned machine.
Over and out, Captain

Then something lurks, a shadow cross the countertop
I can't stand to watch,
Your heart's coming out of your chest

~Remember when we were young?
Sit upright at the table!

A photograph of her feeding me, from way back
What can I do alone? Maybe nothing
You were the only one there.~

~Hello? Hello? When it rings will you answer?
There, in the corner, in a battle stance it's you.
Come on and kill me!

You made a good friend to me
But while we were outnumbered and torn
I made you do things...

And Oh Dear God!
I don't feel alive!
When you're cut short, In misery
Will you pray it be the end?

Give a look surprised with wide eyes to me!
Then you'll know just what I am!
The Scar that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light, now here
Come know me as God

You made a good friend to me
But while we were outnumbered and torn
We did all those things to you...

Run- sand- hourglass
It's my time, will I be worth it
Spin-round-carousel
My horse isn't screwed in

And Oh Dear God!
I don't feel alive!
When you're cut short, in misery
Will you pray it be the end?

Give a look surprised with wide eyes to me!
In a subtle demise, legitimate cry
The Scar that triggers your fear
Can't go on
Come know me in a different light now here
Come know me as God."

Oh, and [Chimes]!!!!!!!

Getting kinda depressed by ET. None of my old friends are here for me anymore, and my new ones are still really new... I'm not sure about most of them, but I should feel positive about all of them. I've been on here almostfour years though. It's tough to lose all the reasons I was here in the first place.

Anyway, <3 to [Flisky], [Aeolynn], [Nioniel] and even the world's first living, breathing, and typing bag of douche, [Mortified Penguin]!

"Lacerating pains of degeneration
Speed through your trembling mind
Still, in machine-like strife you gain another mile

The temporary elusive goal,
To reach the Solace
To feed once more upon the synthetic Reaper of loss
No matter the outcome
No matter the cost."

Hey, I'm back. Hope to get back into the swing of things. For those of you on between 6:30pm and 10:00pm US eastern time, please hit me up with rp ideas!!! I promise to stay current this time!

Yeah totally about to lose my shit on house managers today. This is getting retarded.

The immortal suckfest continues. Someone remind me why I look forward to anything anymore.

I'm having the week from Hell. I haven't slept for more than four hours a night for 5 days. I'm exhausted and sleep deprived. I'm also sick, because I have over 130 allergic bedbug bites on my body. If you don't know what bedbugs are,

they are small, they are many, for me, every bite swells up, and itches like a mousquito bite. They itch horribly for like 5 days.
One hundred and thirty. There has been that many for over two weeks.

I'm busting out in hives. It's so bad I have to wear long sleeve shirts while I job hunt. All day. On foot. In July in Florida. In 90 degree, 100% humidity weather.

I screamed at my house manager yesterday. And this subhuman cocksucker threatened to make me homeless for "Backtalking."

I don't have a choice but to live in these unsanitary, unsafe, insane conditions for the next two weeks until I can move or be homeless.

So I not only must suffer, I must suffer with a smile or be homeless. 

Ha! More diary spam! You punks don't read them anyway, so no whining! :O though if you did you'd learn something!

"Oh, I'm giving up the one I love
I'll conduct the Great Disaster
To scar my skin to all this hurt

They offered their hearts, and we tore them apart
They offered their blood, and we left them so parched
I don't know if I can give you anything you want...

Go on and give me the gun!
Never mind what I've done
They left me no choice. No they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me

Oh, I don't wanna say
That with mercy we decay
Converging closer and faster
Does all I touch turn to dust?

And she confessed her love
Only I shut her up
I took all her words and allowed them to rust
I don't know if I'm the man you truly want to love

Go on and give me the gun!
Nevermind what I've done
They left me no choice, no they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me!

Little have they learned anything about me
Living eyes that judge mistakes
With all the things they say
When backs are turned and no one's looking

Go on and give me the gun!
Nevermind what I've done
They left me no choice, no they left me no choice
Go on and give me the gun!
Let me blow them open
It's out of my reach. Nevermind what they think about me!

Ooh in this Shattered Symphony! Shattered, tattered, dead
Go on and give me the gun!"

"She wheezes out her dying wish
Come closer-- One more moment, one more kiss
And I love her, I give her all I can

Her body sinks, her heat released
The curtain swings, this time she leaves
I will remember, all she's done for me

But only I forgot-- That I'm not
Ready to let her go

As all time moves... You'll be riddled with doubt
You'll mourn to pull through
But love is dangerous

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant but not for long
Because love is our downfall

I'm sorry! This life cuts
Out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!

There's no chance to try and mend
What's been broken can't be bent
So the past remains the past until present

The cradle sways this black disguise
This coffin breathes our time's demise
Only these shackles know just how long I've grieved

I made my move--With no worry of doubt
Let them live as they do
My eternal reminder

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant but not for long
Because love is our downfall

I'm sorry but the hurt's not going away
I'll bury all the past, everything in it's place
Give us the Monstar!

When skeletons live
Inside your closets thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear

I'm sorry! This life cuts
Out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!
Cuts out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!
Cuts out everything, leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Give us the Monstar!"

*Sees if Nionel knows this one...*

" 

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch 
You looked up at your sky 
that made blue be your color
 
You had your knife with you there too 
When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes 
Your hands were sticky 
You wiped them on your grass 
So now your color was green 

Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this? 
You were already getting nervous again.
Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up 
Your head was almost empty, 
it always hurt you when you woke up like this
 
You crawled up out of your ditch unto your gravel road 
and you began to walk and waited for the rest of your mind to come back to you
 
You could see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it 
"If God is our father," you thought, 
"then Satan must be our cousin." 
Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? 

When you got to your car 
you tried all the doors but they were locked 
Ir was a red car and it was new 
There was an expensive leather camera case lying on the seat 

Out across your field 
You could see two tiny people walking by your woods 
You began to walk towards them 
Now red was your color and of course, 
Those little people out there were yours too"