a weird little song I relate to, and no, it's not about you.
Rocked, silent, in a soft lullaby
Panic stirred me awake
By a ringing phone in time
Where and when... Would I see her?
Crazy were the words
That scribbled out your mouth
I stuttered placing
Your face to those words
Where and when... Would I kill her?
I'll wish on this, I'll wish with this
I... I will wish
At the bitter end of my day, well, where were you?
But you had your turn, and you made it work
Now I'm the laughingstock of your joke
As crazy as it may seem, I cried for you when you
Told me to date all of the things
That made you end up in my life
And I'll believe anything... I have no luck with girls.
I overheard--Tha
Misleading trust--Into a relationship that makes no sense
Over and out, Connecticut!
But you had your back turned
There as you faded away, at the end of my day
I found out: You weren't worth what I thought of you!
Write this down in your diary you abuse
Can I make plans? Can I just get through to you?
Is this weird? Do I scare her?!
I'll wish on this, I'll wish with this
I, I will wish
That you could share the love you shared with others
With me... Me
But you had your turn, and you made it work
Now I'm the laughingstock of your joke
As crazy as it may seem, I cried for you when you
Told me to date all of the things
That made you end up in my life
And I'll believe anything... I have no luck with girls.
I overheard--Tha
Misleading trust--Into a relationship that makes no sense
Over and out, Connecticut!
But you had your back turned
There as you faded away, at the end of my day
I found out: You weren't worth what I thought of you!
Aha! Aha! What I thought of you?
So this isn't love!
So forever let it go! Forever let it burn
Here on the Backend of Forever, I wish I would never hurt again
What I thought of you?
I wish I would never hurt again
It's bugging me, grating me
And twisting me around
Yeah I'm endlessly caving in
And turning inside out
'cause I want it now, I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm not breaking down, I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control
It's holding me, morphing me
And forcing me to strive to be
Endlessly cold within
And dreaming I'm alive
'cause I want it now, I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm not breaking down, I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control
And I want you now, I want you now
I'll feel my heart implode
And I'm breaking out, Escaping now
Feeling my faith erode Missing: </i>
This is for me and something I'm going through.
you had all of them on your side, didn't you? didn't you?
you believed in all your lies, didn't you? didn't you?
the ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose and now he made you believe
the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he deceives
the raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees
now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease
how'd you get so big?
how'd you get so strong?
how'd you get so hard?
how'd you get so long?
you had to give them all a sign, didn't you?
you had to covet what was mine, didn't you?
the ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies
maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize
maybe it's a part of me you took to a place I hoped it would never go
and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know
how'd you get so big?
how'd you get so strong?
how'd you get so hard?
how'd you get so long?
what you gave to me
my perfect ring of scars
you know I can see what you really are
you didn't hurt me --nothing can stop me now.
This for the echo I heard last night
These days with the world getting colder
She spends more time sleeping over
Than I had planned
Tonight we're gonna order in
Chicken, wine and watching CNN
It dark I know but then again
It's the brightest thing I got
When I'm covered in the rain
I'm covered in rain
Covered in rain
From fireworks to fireplaces
Some are stored in far away places
Now we're people watching other people
People watching us right back now
Standing by the missing signs
At the CVS, by the checkout line
She puts her quiet hands in mine
Cause she's the brightest thing I got
When I'm covered in rain, in rain
When I'm covered in the rain, in rain
You'd said "Can't understand the day you left
You mentioned somethin 'bout it being for the best
And I can't say I disagree, but it's killing me..."
But now I'm standing facing west
Tracing my fingers round your sillouhette
I haven't gotten used to you yet
But you're the brightest thing I got!
When I'm covered in rain
Oh covered in rain, oh covered in rain
Now baby, don't mistake "that shit" fo love!
Cuz I love you, you.... Love you... You
Covered in Rain! In Rain! Let's say! Whatever!
"Oh, a working class face glares back
At me from the glass and lurches
Oh, forgive me, on the streets I ran
Turned sickness into popular song
Streets of wet black hoes
And worlds you can never know
You never have them, but they always have you
'Till the day that you croak
It's no joke!
Oh, a working class face glares back
At me from the glass and lurches
Oh, forgive me on the streets I ran
Turned sickness into unpopular song
And all these streets can do
Is to claim to know the real you
And know if you don't leave, you will kill or be killed
Which isn't very nice
Here everybody's friendly
But nobody's friends
Oh dear God, when will I be where I should be?
And when the palmist said:
"On Thursday you will be dead"
I said: "No, not me! This cannot be!
Dear God, take him, take them, take anyone
The stillborn, The newborn, The infirm
Take anyone!
Take people from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Just spare me!"
Nobody knows what human life is
Why we come, why we go
So why then do I know
I will see you?
I will see you in far off places
The heart knows why I grieve
And yes one day I will close my eyes forever
But I will see you
I will see you in far off places
It's so easy for us to sit together
But it's so hard for our hearts to combine
And why?
And why? Why oh why oh why?
Destiny for some is to save lives
But destiny for some is to end lives
But there is no end
And I will see you in far off places
If your god bestows protection upon you
And if the U-S-A doesn't bomb you
I believe I will see you
Somewhere safe
Looking to the camera, messing around
And pulling facesMissing: </i>
Putting up my DBZ story tonight! Please read! Nio promised to, and maybe Goma and Thrice might enjoy it!
K, one more, let's see if Nio-Chan knows this one?
You're such an inspiration for the ways I'll never-ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you how your Savior has abandoned you
Thank your God! Your Lord, your Christ
He did this! Took all you had and
Left you this way! Still you pray, never stray, never
Taste of the Fruit! Never thought to question "Why?"
It's not like you killed someone!
It's not like you drove an evil Spear into His side
Pray for what I let you! Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you! Did it for you!
Oh so many ways for me to show you how dogma has abandoned you
Pray! To the Christ, to the God
Never taste of the fruit! Never stray, never break, never
Choke on a lie! Even though He's the one who
Did this to you! Never thought to question "Why?"
It's not like you killed someone!
It's not like you drove a spiteful Spear into His side
Talk to Jesus Christ as if you know the reasons why
He did all for you! He did it for you!
He did it all for YOU! You! YOU! You! You
What? Throw dirt on me and grow a wild flower
But it's fuck the world. Get a child out her
Yeah, my life a bitch, but you know nothing 'bout her
Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers
I roll in sweets, I'm smoking sour
Married to the game, but she broke her vows
That's why my bars are full of broken bottles
And my night stands are full of open bibles
Ugh, I think about more than I forget
But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat
And these niggas know I lay 'em down, make your bed
Bitches, try to kick me while I'm down, I break your leg!
Money out-weighing problems on the triple beam
I'm sticking to the script
You nigga's skipping scenes
Right? Be good or be good at it!
Fucking right! I got my gun, semi-automatic
Yeah? Put they dick in their mouth, so I guess it's fuck what they say
I'm high as a bitch, up up and away,
Man, I come down in a couple of days
Okay, you want me up in the cage? Then I'll come out in BEAST MODE!
I got this world stuck in a safe; cominbation is the G code!
It's me, motherfucka, blood gang and I'm in bleed mode,
All about my door but I don't even check the peep hole
So you can keep knocking, But won't lock me down
No love lost. No love foundMissing: </b>
If ever words were spoken
Painful and untrue
I said I loved you but I lied
In my life
All I wanted
Was the keeping
Of someone like you
As it turns out
Deeper within me
Love was twisted, and pointed at you
--Never ending pain, quickly ending life --
You keep this love! Thing
Love! Child
Love! Toy
You keep this love! Fist
Love! Song
Love! Break
You keep this love
I'd been the tempting one
Stole her from herself
This gift in pain
Her pain was life
And sometimes, I feel so sorry
I regret this, the hurting of you
But you make me so unhappy
I'd take my life and leave love with you
--I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself --
You keep this love! Thing
Love! Child
Love! Toy
You keep this love! Fist
Love! Song
Love! Break
You keep this love!
No more head trips
You keep this love! Thing
Love! Child
Love! Toy
You keep this love! fist,
Love! Song
Love! Break
You keep this love!
Hope
Missing: </b>
Don't hear! Don't deem!
Drown in before you dive!
Don't care! Commit!
to your self destruction drive!
I kiss the ground with love beyond forever
Flip off the sky
With bleeding fingers till I die!
Enemy, take one good look at me
Eradicate what you'll always be
Your tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold!
Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart
But I don't care anymore!
Should I regret? Or ask myself
Are You Dead Yet?
Wake up! Don't cry!
Regenerate to deny
The truth,
The fiction you live in blindfold your eyes
Disclosure, self loathing
This time you've gone too far
Or could it be, my nemesis,
That you are me?
Enemy, take one good look at me
Eradicate what you'll always be
Your tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold!
Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart
But I don't care anymore!
Should I regret? Or ask myself
ARE YOU DEAD YET?Missing: </b>
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here...
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs, runs, runs,
Runs! Run!
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special...
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here...
I don't belong here Missing: </b>
I'm going to die soon. I've lost everything I own, and all of my friends and family in a few short hours. I'm physically beaten up by my own best friend, and my moms leaving me to die.
It'll be over soon. At this rate, at least. I'm going to die. I can feel it. I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm in a small tire shop now charging my phone. This may be the last any of you hear from me. I love you all.
Okay sorry for the diary spam. This is a real entry I swear.
I'm having trouble getting over the things I fucked up this year. Particularly how mean I was to [Lilya Athena]. she dumped me for a reason I don't fully grasp, but I was so heartbroken I turned to anger. She's such a sweet and compassionate and brilliant and creative girl. She meant a lot to me. Her constant support and kindness was something I took for granted. Now when I think about how generous and forgiving she was/is, and how she doesn't ever want to speak to me again now, I feel like a lead weight with a creamy, dogshit center.
As for [Akane Ice], I miss the hellout of her, but I completely understand where she was coming from cutting me off. I just wish it was more...uh.. amicable. I'm pretttty sure she hates me too.
I can't stand being hated by people I love. It hurts. I think it makes me a scumbag.
Lacerating pains of degeneration speed through your
trembling mind
Still, in machine-like strife you gain another mile
The temporary elusive goal: To reach the solace, to
feed once more
upon the synthetic reaper of loss. No matter the
outcome. No matter the cost
Cold and stinging needs tearing through the halls
Of your defiled, flesh made temple with its closing
walls
Still you claim the worshippers pose and you bow. You
kneel
Control: once superior, now a docile pet at chaos'
feet
Pulling the leash as it trails the scent to where all
hurt recedes
Your past a blurry patch in mind, your future once; now thin dreams filed
Toward the lights of need you strive, to drink into your vein the shine
Beaten to the unforgiving ground.
Lashed into submission
By the inner starving demon. By its unrelenting hand
Still you claim the worshippers pose and you bow. You kneel to the syringe
Answering only to authorities of sedation. Their calls the only ones heeded
A worn out soldier touched by their contagion. A battered drone at their feet
You're the one betrayed. An outcast set afire by your
inner war
Your burning self so far astray. A combustion fanned
from within your core
She wheezes out her dying wish
Come closer--one more moment, one more kiss
And I love her, I give her all I can
Her body sinks, her heat released
The curtain swings, this time she leaves
I'll remember all she's done for me
But only I forgot-- I'm not
Ready To let her go!
As all time moves
You'll be riddled with doubt
You'll mourn to pull through
But Love is dangerous!
When Skeletons Live
Inside your closets, thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant--But not for long because
Love is our downfall
I'm sorry! This life
Cuts out everything
Leaves you to scrounge for nothing
There is no chance to try and mend
What's been broken can't be bent
So the past remains the past until present
The cradle sways my dark disguise
This black coffin breathes our time's demise
Only these shackles know just how long I've grieved
I made my move
With no worry or doubt
Let them live as they do
My enternal reminder
When Skeletons Live
Inside your closet, thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant-- but not for long because
Love is our downfall
I'm sorry, but the hurt's not going away
I'll bury all the past, everything in it's place
When Skeletons Live
Inside your closets, thick and thin
You'll fear that no one will hear us sing our songs
The truth is relevant but not for long, because
Love is our downfall
I'm sorry! This life
Cuts out everything
Leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Cuts out everything
Leaves you to scrounge for nothing
Ok, 9;:45am. Left my house because my house manager screamed at me for asking him about the bedbug problem. I informed him that he should pull his head out of his sphincter before he blows it out his ass
Ugh, it's not even 8am. DS apparently got shattered. "lost"(probably had stolen) yet another pair of headphones, and I'm out of smokes. Pray for me please
Good news and horrific news everyone! I'm gainfully employed and start this morning!
Bad news being it's 5:00am, I've got less than 3 hours sleep again, and there's fucking bedbugs in my new room.
If you've never experienced these monsters before, let me put it in perspective.
I'm arachnophobic and i'd rather be covered in spiders. Bedbugs procreate like rats, are nearly impossible to kill and almost impossible to remove from a house. I'm fair skinned so they love me. I average about 25 bites per night, with as many as one hundred. A bedbug bite itches about ten times worse than a mousquito bite, and lasts three times as long. They give me a fever and loss of appetite.
I've been sick for three weeks now. My skin is covered in sores and hives and bumps. I need a full week with no bites to recover, I can't get one fucking day
Thought about entering some daily poem submissions. Forgot that's impossible on my phone. Oh well, should practice first any way.
The Cut in Return
I cut you because I love you
And you cut me first
I cried out in pain
You cried out in anger
But that is cut for cut
Whose blade is one of virtue?
You brought forth, for you hate me
When I worship the hand holding the knife
You're killing me brightly
For all I've done to you out of love
I hold your ghost tightly
Because you lost your soul when
You cut me out.
a Poem written by Darran "Sideways" Kern
"I'm singing this to you, girl, wherever you are tonight. Listen to my verses, and remember something like you knew me before all this...
What's coming through is alive
What's holding up is a mirror
What's singing songs is a snake
And he's looking to turn my piss to wine
They're both totally void of hate
Killing me just the same
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
But my blood before me make me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this coming over like a storm again...
Considerately
Venomous voice tempts me
Bleeds me, leaves me
Cracked and empty,
Drags me down like some sweet Gravity
The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
But my blood before me makes me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this coming over like a storm again...
Considerately
I aim to--Connect with you!
Slipped away, faded away
Days away--I still feel you
Touching me. Changing me
Considerately killing me.
But once the snake is drowned
And I look in his eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all the good times
I could have cried then...Should have cried then
And the Walls come down
And as I look in your eyes
My pain begins to dull
Recalling all of the times
I have died.
And will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.