Is this what I wish for those and they know
Could depend on how coward I should act
From Hell they shall crumble within<b>
If she won't give me the love I came here for
With pen I am armed here to react!

<b>Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
All these things that trouble you,
Go visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
No I won't rest, 'til dead. 'til dead do you part!

This is how I feel my god from what's been dealt
The flies that flutter fight--Tonight
From Hell they will crumble within
Is this love that I'm feeling or is this hate, the same?
The emotion's enough to kill the sane!

Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
All these things that trouble you,
Go visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
I only hope you know that I love you!
No you don't! Don't!

Feed little maggots off the westside
Of your sin
Run, little maggot
When they learn-- Of what you did

Feliz seria--que hora
Feliz seria--que hora

--From start to finish
I've made you feel this
Uncomfort in turn
With the world you've learned
To love through this hate.
To live with it's weight.
A burden-- Discerned
In the blood you taste--

But why would you deny me answers?
When I'm just a boy on the break of being
Honored in Hell, through it's fires
Be brutally honest ;

Was it better before me?
The curve of your body...
How I want--
How I want her with me
The truth of the story...
The visual
I wish you all!

A better end of all to come!
The truths be now here one by one!
I am to you, extant to none
The Memory to Fuel the Fire!

Lyrical Squish Tag:

"What's coming through is alive,
What's holding up is a mirror,
What's singing songs is a snake, and he's
Looking to turn my piss to wine

They're both totally void of hate
Killing me just the same...

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
My blood before me makes me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this commit
And over like a storm again...
Considerately

Venomous--Voice tempts me
Bleeds me, leaves me
Cracked and empty
Drags me down like some sweet Gravity...

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
My blood before me makes me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this commit
And over like a storm again....

I aim to
Connect if you
Slip away!
Fade away!
Days away I still feel you
Touching me--Changing me
Considerately killing me
Considerately killing me

Without the skin-- here
Beneath the storm
Under these tears-- here
The walls came down

And once the snake is drowned
I see the look in his eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all the good times
I could have cried-- then
I should have cried-- then

And when the walls came down
There is this look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
And will die
It's all right!

I don't mind
I don't mind
I Don't Mind!

I aim to
Connect with you
Stay, Don't
Fade away!
Days away I still feel you
Touching me
Changing me
Considerately killing me
Considerarely killing me

-H
by TOOL

Some actual poems I actually wrote:

Brain Freeze

It was the Bridge I crossed
On a morning deep with frost
I do not know what happened,
suddenly my mind was lost
It was the Bridge I crossed
On a morning deep with frost

.....

Destiny Decision

Take from me/ this cup
I will not taste it's poison
And yet/ For all Your shouting at what I must do
I trust to heed a smallest voice/ for what reason?

Beyond the lion's brawn
Beyond the eagle's sight
There's something in the beating of a beetles heart
As he scrapes the earth to be scraped off my shoe

Give back the cup/ I surely will fall
I hear, I heed, I love
I think/ Now I must/ A reason
I see all
....

Song of Illumanated Adversaries

A barren, desolate tyranny
This evil, radiant jealousy
A growing, twisted, violent tree
Draining the land with villainy

I take you,
Yeah you're mine!
I Am
The tie that binds
You to this fate
Annihilate
Your hopes and dreams and minds

Carving through the empty halls
Seeking warmer, cleaner, holy walls
Like an ion, stealing calls
Until the blessed, returned one falls

I take you,
Yeah you're mine!
I Am
The end of time
Of which to pray
To safely stay
Loved, and safe, and alive.

....

The Cleaning

I watch to observe something other than me
To relieve my constant pain
But how can I see what makes you worth
When I look only out
And let nothing in?

I wash out my soul!
And throw out all the trash
I am cleaned out and empty!
And nothing will come back

I write to create something other than me
To relieve my constant pain
But how do I make dreams reality
When I write it all out
And believe none of it?

I flush out my soul!
And scrub out all the plaque
I am cleaned out and empty!
And nothing will come back.

For the birthday girl who posted lyrics for me

She...
She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Wait...ing for a sign
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me --until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you

She...
She's figured out
All her doubts were someone else's point of view
Wake..ing up this time...
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me --until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you!

Here, sleep, at the bottom of Hell
Your time has come to pick the road
You walk in this tale
Turned in, as a Coward you've learned
Through sickness and health is only one
Now go and bite your tongue

You've seen the worst of me
I hope they'll understand
No, they know you're just a boy
So grow up and be a man

Little baby! All kicking you scream and whine
Victims pay the price eventually
The cost? Let's see, Your Life!
You've got nothing to prove
Stay afraid, young brother
You've got nothing to prove...

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger now bite
Young fools... Don't cry
Anymore.

A fear sleeps, inside your stomach it swells
A torn boy alone in need of fix
And the pinch that cures the itch
For too long, this little baby's cried on
But tomorrow we'll sing the words in song
Of a time we're glad's long gone

You've seen the worst of me
Though I hope they'll understand!
No, they know you're just a boy
Now grow up and be that man

Little baby! All kicking you scream and whine
Victims pay the price eventually
The cost? Let's see, Your Life!
You've got nothing to prove
Stay afraid, young brother
You've got nothing to prove

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger, now bite!
Young fools... Don't cry....

Mother Superior! Come catch the Rabbit he runs
My how've you been?
You're frightened of leaving this
Truly "Gone Fishing" amalgum
Go fetch your gun!

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger, Now bite!
Young fools... Don't cry

Not anymore! Don't cry boy
Not anymore! Don't cry boy
When you're sick to the stomach
Just pull out the knife, oh no....
Don't cry boy
Not Anymore! Don't cry boy
Anymore! Don't cry boy
When you're stuck to the trouble
It won't be allright, oh no...

Jesus I found this on YouTube. It's like someone wrote a song about me o_o;




Now and then I think of when we were together...
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But it was love and it's an ache I still remember...

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over...

But you didn't have to cut me out!
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing!
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough...

No you didn't have to stoop so low!
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number!
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know!

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done...

And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on some-
body that you used to know.

But you didn't have to cut me out!
Make out like it never happened,
And that we were nothing!
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough...

And you didn't have to stoop so low!
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number!
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know!

I've been horribly busy, and completely out of touch with my rp muse. On top of that I've promised myself to get back to writing. As such, I must apoligise to my rp friends and, for a while, withdraw from roleplay. I feel that's sort of a dick move, and very out of character for an rp addict like me. But I'm in a big process of change and can't stay active on here for a while

I'm so angry I could throw up. This is the same waste it's always been. Just another piece of meet dangled on a string over a starving dog. Just another broken promise. I don't know what makes me fall for this everytime. I want so badly to believe there's hope, that it will be different this time. Maybe this time all the hardship isn't in vain and I can sleep at night with something to show for it. But it's still just the ghost of everything. It all died a long time ago. I'm just settling for crumbs and when the plate's empty I come to the realization that nothing of value will ever be served.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. My life, I know a very, very long time ago, was reduced to the point of getting out of bed is insane. Interracting with other people is insane. Loving people is insane. Valuing events, or looking forward to them is insane. For seventeen years I have tried not to be alone, and sometimes I dance withthe ghost for a day or two, thinking it could be real. But it's not. It never will be.

When I was 8 I wanted to die. I didn't because I thought if I stayed alive, I might live to be like 75. So I had 63 years to wait it out, and maybe I'd get happy along the way. Seventeen years later I feel exactly the same. Even for all the things I've been through, I've never been happy. I've never been not disappointed, or afraid, or nervous or ashamed. I have nothing to show for it except that I'm older and even less hopeful than before. Even if I don't screw up, which isn't often, fate itself will snatch whatever I'm working towards away from me. If I count on anyone or anyTHING, they will let me down or I will lose them. A lot of the time I never had them. I just hoped so fucking hard I believed maybe I did. in the end I'm so jaded and burnt out I don't think I even can feel happy, or would know it if I felt it.

Look at how pitiful even this is. I hate this diary. Even this site makes me miserable. I don't talk to a single person on here that I used to. Everyone on my friends list is just a new aquantance. None of these would care if I was unhappy. I wouldn't expect them to. They don't know me. They don't owe me anything. The ones who've known me for a while should just shake their heads and ignore this. They've heard it before and there's nothing they can do. This is just the only place where anyone would even pity a baleful howl like this. I'm in south Florida. I'm surrounded by boys in a halfway house, bunch of yankie fuckups, throwaway white kids who wish they were black.

I hate how fragile my illusions are. It takes nothing to smash the illusion that I'm a total failure beyond recall. I lost the last of my ambition four years ago. Now it's astruggle just to want to survive, let alone do surviving. There doesn't seem to be any point.

No I'm not going to kill myself. I never will. But wish I were dead? Yeah, the thought is pretty frequent. I swear everyone I care about suffers too. I have like this malignant, terminal, contagious spirit-cancer and I can't find a cure. I'm miserable and anyone who comes near me is miserable. Things always seem to get better for them when they leave me. I don't begrudge them it anymore. It's not like I have anything to offer.  

A groan... Of tedium escapes me
Startling and fearful
Is this a test?
It hast to be... Otherwise I can't go on

Draining patience
Drained vitality
This paranoid, paralyzed
Vampire act is getting old

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here.

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out
Be Patient
Wait it out

And if there was no reward to heal
No loving embrace to see me through
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out

And if there was no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now


And I still may
*Sigh*
I still may

Be Patient
Be Patient
Be Patient

I must keep reminding myself of this
I must keep reminding myself of this
I must defend my name, myself in this
I Must Keep Reminding Myself of This

And if there was no reward to heal
No loving embrace to see me through
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now

And I
Still may-- And I
Still may--And I
Still may--and I... I'm


Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out...
Gonna wait it out
Wait it out...

  ^-^
( ' >')
<(___)>
  ^ ^
 WHOOO!!

I stole [Flisky]'s owl! BWAHAHA

"You're not supposed to step on the tracks," Joe tells me.
"I'm not supposed to do a lot of things apparently," I say back.
I'm walking along these dead, heavily sealed and laquered planks of wood, beaten by so many years they still splinter. Everything under my feet is choked with cheap, off-white gravel and dust. Weeds stand like sentries along black iron rails, leading straight ahead through a gaping hole in the wall of pines.
Everything I feel is a premonition, a constant nagging sensation that a train's coming, and that the last thing I'll see is the white headlight bearing down on my face, even though I know that won't happen, even if I curl up on the tracks and go to sleep.
The other aggrovating sensation I have is that I'm looking for something, and I don't know what it is. That alone should tell me something is off here, but it doesn't. It only compounds the fear. I've forgotten something important, I think, and that compounds my fear of the train, and of the constant darkness around me.

The piercing, radiant moon
The storming of Poor June
All the life running
Through her hair

Aproaching guiding light
Our shallow years in fright
Dreams are made winding
Through my head

Through my head
Before you know
I'm awake

Your lives are open wide
The reasons give them sight
All the life running
Through her hair

The Spiders all in tune
The evening of the moon
Dreams are made winding
Through my head

Through my head,
Before you know
Awake!

Through my head...Through my head
Before
You know I will be waiting all awake...

Theyre trying to build a Prison

Following the Rights Movement
You clamp down with your iron fist
Drugs become conveniantly available for all the kids

Following the Rights Movement
You clamp down with your iron fist
Drugs become conveniantly available for all the kids!

"Well I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

Nearlly two million Americans are incarcerated
In the Prison System
In the Prison System of the U.S.

They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in!
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System

Minor drug offenders fill you prisons
You don't even flinch
All our taxes paying for your war against the new non-rich

Minor drug offenders fill you prisons
You don't even flinch
All our taxes paying for your war against the new non-rich

"I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

The percentage of Americans in the Prison System
The Prison System
Has doubled since 1985

They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in!
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System!
For you and me
They're trying to build a Prison for you and me
Oh baby, you and me...

AH!

All Research and successful Drug Policy SHOWS
That treatment should be increased
and Law Enforcement DECREASED
While abolishing mandatory. minimum. sentances!

All Research and successful Drug Policy SHOWS
That treatment should be increased
and Law Enforcement DECREASED
While abolishing mandatory. minimum. sentances!

Utilizing drugs to pay for secret wars around the world
Drugs are now your Global Policy
Now you police the Globe!

"Well I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

Drug money is used to rig elections and train brutal, corporate-sponsored dictators around the world!

They're trying to Build a Prison! 
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System!
For you and me!
AH!
They're trying to Build a Prison for you and me...
Oh baby, you and me.

Ugh, think my roleplay writer's block is gone! So if you have a roleplay in need of descriptive, master posting, I'm very versatile, so please invite me!

Push back the square
Now that you need her
But you don't
So there you go
Cuz back in School
We are the Leaders
Of it all

So

Transpose! Or stop your life
It's what you do
Transpose! Or stop your life
So Run!

So why don't you run? Why don't you run
Back to School

All you are
See I'm on the next page
All you are
So it's time to put the Book up
All you are
Yeah I'm on the next page
All you are
Hey who's the bookworm now!

Push back the square
Now that you kneed her
In the throat
Now there you go

Cuz back in School
We are the Leaders
Of it all

So why don't you run?

Of the moment quiz time!

TV Show of the moment: Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman
Activity of the moment: Volunteer work/ D&D
ET Member of the moment: [Aeolynn]
Food of the moment: DiGiorno stuffed crust pizza
Object of the moment: Dragonsluggie plushie
Misery of the moment: No Xbox
Quote of the moment: "So fell Lord Perth, and the ground did shake with that thunder."
Character of the moment: Leon Thunder
Movie of the moment: Memento
Song of the moment: "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne

Bonus lyric of the moment:
"Cant understand the day you left
Mentioned something 'bout it being for the best
And I can't say I disagree
But it's killing me

Now I'm standing facing west
Tracing my finger 'round your sillhouette
I haven't gotten used to it
But it's the brightest thing I got
When I'm covered in rain."

Found this while moving boxes. The lyrics to a song I wrote from my old band.

With willing eyes/ and rotting brain
I crawl to grasp your love
Out from beneath those you hold high
In truly spiteful retort/ and high refrain
I slide to taste your love
Out from under your lowest lies

There you go, on and on, and I stay here
Comparing the lie of your beauty to those I draw near...

But this I implore you
Be precious to me...
And listen to me well
If I shouldn't love you... If I should hate you
Then I might go.

With sinful voice I decry your pain
All crushed up worries inside my brain
You let it out and it draws near
Slavering jaws drip spit like tears

You could've stayed mine,
But I'm alone here to pray!
You should've stayed inside
But you went walking away!

Now I'm left alone to face my fears
Snapping teeth at any beauty that draw near

But this I implore you
Be Precious to me...
And listen to me well
If I shouldn't love you... If I should hate you
Then I might go

INSANE!!!

"Precious"
by The Thoughtful Thinking  

Across the floor in the hand of where we drove the drill
A cautious ear to the mouth of your confession
Think of all the things we put him through
In the face of his god would he tell the truth?

Still recorded were the words that dribbled out his kiss
When eyes go blind in this man of what could once become-

Sever the limbs of his torso in sleep
And burn what remains so the world may now see no longer
Will we wait for your answers
Now back to the hell where you've come from

Think of all the times you once had
Write them in a letter that says goodbye
And I! Goodbye!

You'll listen to reason while you're face down in the dirt
You'll stomach the hurt, and break for him here just how much he's worth

Slowly discarded were the remains of his lonely youth
Among the alley where the dwellers scared to notice

Picture a young boy in pieces and streets with leveled malfunctions
No name to be called redeemer
We'll fix him restore him!
With the love if no other

Think of all the things you did before
Write them in a letter that says reborn
Reborn!

You'll listen to reason while you're face down in the dirt
You'll stomach the hurt, and break for him here just how much he's worth

Following you across the interstate walking away
I'll fire on!
On the wrong way out
On the causeway to Neverwhere

Dear my friends in the time we've spent
Forever and after beyond this, when will our nightmare ever end?
Dear my friends in the time we've spent
Forever and after beyond this, when will our nightmare ever end?

Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops
Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops
Forever you will, forever you will learn
Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops
Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops
Forever you will, forever you will learnMissing: </i>Missing: </b>

Behold, I didn't say watch, damn you
Curse your eyes with black pools of smoke
Hide in your armchair in dim corners of darkened rooms
Splayed out like you're fucking the shadows
A lit cigarette cherry like a third eye scanning

Across acid pitted mahagony tables, landmines across the loud wood floor
My buckled boots announced me from down the hall
Sure, I killed you in the basement, but above ground you haunt me now

Words don't do justice to the hate translated by two pale blue orbs
Reflected glass floating in the sea of pepper,
That fucking color that's neither black nor grey
Would that I could cut you like I did before
But there's not courage for that
I could, you know?

If even your name was the herald of soulful violence
Mine is still seppukku, my belly open wide
Fuck you, I said behold! Fear my thunderstorm
I can see your hands aren't around my chair arms,
They're around my throat

I'd sit if you left any chairs, but you prefer my legs worldweary
My broken blade is still sharp, I swear it
It's better half will remain in me to remind me of this
The other place I'd rather not go--the house on the hill
With a basement of crumbled glass and dust

Still, with a smile, I see the first bit of rain punch through the rotted cieling
A droplet upon your face...

Dual HARAKIRI: Vol. 3
By Darran Kern

Pretty soon, I don't know when, but Something is going to Happen...

Time can kill the greatest of men
Even the strongest
Find themselves on the floor
It doesn't have to be this way

Time keeps moving on and on

Fragile time
Can not waste again
Fragile time
Can't be laid to rest
Fragile time
Can lead you to the grave, or
Fragile time
Can start eternity

It kills their walk
I watch them wash away
It kills their walk
I watch them wash away
And It kills their walk!
I watch them wash away!
It kills their walk
I watch them wash away


It's all worth while
As Time goes on
It's all worth while
As Time goes on
It's all worth while
As Time goes on, and on, and on... 

Well, sorry for the false advertising on chapter 3. That stuff is in chapter 4, I forgot the huge flashback goin on in chapter 3 was too long to include the stuff I guarantee is in chapter four.

Also, I have about five or six active friends on et. I would like to have five or six watchers on the chapters. I know some of you could give a fuck about DragonBallZ, but this is the first completed novel, fanfiction or otherwise, that i have ever written. Even if you don't care for the subject matter, what I'm looking for, is your artistic input.

That's right, I'm not looking for praise, or little "Cool!" comments. I want criticism on the story. I want you to comment and lambast what doesn't work and laud what does. I want comments to appear under these chapters. I want DBZ fans to comment on what I change and fellow writers to remark on my writing style and the flow of the story!

Plus, I need a proofreader. Chapter three got revised at like 3:00 in the morning and it has ugly typoes I can't really mess with on my phone, so volunteers to proofread, um, I'll think of a little bonus to give.

For instance, I am currently writing the second novel of DragonBall Turbo, called Enter the Slave Master which is a fully original storyline. It has seven major villains in it, and I've been thinking of auditioning two of the villain spots to other DBZ fanfiction writers. What this means is if you give me a character concept profile, I may just write him/her into the story. Keep in mind there's a fair chance of that char becoming a reaccurring character if they're any good! The funny thing is, the titular character of Enter the Slave Master was just a loose concept sone idiot in rehab gave me when he saw me writing Cell Games Finale and I just took it, based the Slave Master around his personality, and started writing. It's been fun so far!

So, my friends, support and share DBT: Cell Games Finale, please!!!!??? It's very important to me!