Sorry for being slow to start The Dark Tower: Wild Card... I'm insanely busy and worn out. I somehow got a 38 hour workweek immediately after getting hired, plus 9 hours of group, 7 hours of meetings, and, as always, I live with a bunch of hypocritcal cockbiting fuckfaces who keep me on the brink of insanity. So time to write has suddenly slimmed way down... And my addiction to ES5: Skyrim is not helping. Should be able to get more writing done soon tho

Starting a Naruto fanfiction. Perhaps I can find an audience for a more modern, popular anime ;)

Was it in the cold of that knife you screwed
In the heart of the enduring?
'Cause when you opened that door
You knew, well now, there'd be no returning

Or room to mourn what we have lost
To wait while they're willing
As you're the hound of blood and rank
And boy you've got another thing coming

Come on, come on, come on
You've gotta give it to me!
As though you wanted to
Come on and set me free! yeah!

I'll dig it 'til we've made your grave!
Oh, you've been a bad, bad boy
I'll cut until I carve it out
And stick it in a sad, sad song
Baby no no no
Why the bother? You're no brother
You're the wrong I need
Boy, we all found an audience
While you found the worst of me
You got another thing!

Put 'em up against the wall-- now they're of no use to you
God, it's time for the curing
Only your in for that big refuse
Surprise boy! This tide's come a turning
No room to mourn what you have lost
Oh, no waiting while they're willing!
Poor little Hound of blood and rank,
Who deserves every ounce of what's coming

Come on, come on, come on
You've gotta give it to me!
As though you want it too
Come on and set me free! yeah!

I'll dig it 'til we've made your grave!
Oh, you've been a bad, bad boy
I'll cut until I carve it out
And stick it in a sad, sad song
Baby no no no
Why the bother? You're no brother
You're the wrong I need
Boy, we all found an audience
While you found the worst of me,
You got another thing!
Come on, come on, come on
You gotta give it to me!
As though you wanted to
Come on and set me free! yeah!

I'll dig it 'til we've made your grave!
Oh, you've been a bad, bad boy
I'll cut until I carve it out
And stick it in a sad, sad song
Baby no no no

Why the bother? You're no brother
You're the wrong I need!
Boy, we all found an audience,
While you found the worst of me
You got another thing!

We caught you on the wrong side of lying
And in the dust we left you dying
If only words could keep you hiding
Well go on, cowards, we've offed you
Cowards, we've offed you!

I hope your life's a living hell
It's all on you, boy
I hope your life's a living hell
It's all on you, boy

Ok, putting it up now. :)

I'm posting the final chapter of my dragonballz fanfiction tonight, and starting the sequel to it, as well. Pretty much none of you read it, but I'm still proud of it and I'm still posting it. I don't hold it against anyone. I like my work, and am not asking anyone to pat me on the back of it. I really value comments and critiques, and I learn from suggestions. And yes, I love to know that others enjoy my work too.

So if you like DBZ, or enjoy criticizing writing, please go to DBT: Cell Games Finale. It's about 110,000 words, roughly the equivilent of a 150-200 page book. I really want to know what you think, pro and con, good and bad. Thank you!!!!

A war against time--destined to lose
I'll just sit and watch TV
A magical force--hypnotic drool
I'll take in all that I can see

I'm seeing chains now hold me down
The Recline of modern man
Neatly displayed in bundled lives
An hour glass --and I'm the sand

Generator--decimator
Universal--devastator
Ahhhhh

Cyber involved Adversity
So straighten up and go online
Sexual drive intensity, the darkest Pit that you can find...

Anonymous geeks Who can't keep pace
Put your life into a disk!
Strainful powers, a social disgrace
Wages war with little risk

Generator--decimator
Universal--devastator
Substitution--evolution
Electronic--absolution
Ahhhhhh

Ohhh...my head is always lost and always changing mind
Whats wrong just feels so right
I think I'm going blind!

Generator--decimator
Universal-- devastator
Substitution-- evolution
Electronic--absolution
AhhhhhhhMissing: </b>

Okay, rant time!

Ladies, look at Loki


This is the new Legolas. The new Captain Jack Sparrow. The new Sesshomaru. He is a new all time low in what fangirls femmefap to.

And I won't stand by it.

Okay, look at him again


Let's break down why he's not. Fucking. Attractive. Ever. With science!

1. Pale skin (a sign of low class, poorness, and ill health. I have it too, but I wouldn't call it a positive trait.)

2. Eyes are small and close together (a classic trait signifying low evil, animalistic tendancies, jealousy, and, above all, stupidity or ignorance)

3. Small, pointed chin (marks inferiority, effemininity, young naïveté, weakness and cowardice)

4. Thin, long nose (typical trait marking evil, psychosis, physical frailty, and thieving tendancies)

5. High, square forehead (I haven't looked this up to determine exactly what it means, but it's not attractive. even animes use this trait constantly in characters portrayed as unattractive)

okay, that's just his face. He's short, and mousey, and thin. His armor and clothes are so baffling to me because THOSE are all classic manly symbols, a scepter, shiny metal, horned helm, black trenchcoat. But he makes it all soooooo Pansy!

As for his voice. Ohhhh god. His nasally, whining, cringe worthy, four year old demanding a toy voice! Fuck his voice!

His mannerisms are all so devious, so coy, so preposterously self centered and supremely assholish. The way he's always crouching like a scheming cat and darting his beady eyes at everything.

I'm not trashing the character. Tom Hiddelston does a great job and his casting was superb.

But my point is he was deliberately cast and deliberately acted as the most pathetic, uninspired, cowardly, obscenely jealous, deliberately fashion-failing, and most importantly REPUGNANT creature possible. Bad fangirls! BAD! I'll take sesshomaru with his make-up and his poodle tail and his award-winning douchebaggery, or Sparrow with his foppish, drunken tomfoolery anyway. Just put the lame scepter down! Back away from the Norse loser!!!!

Is this what I wish for those and they know
Could depend on how coward I should act
From Hell they shall crumble within<b>
If she won't give me the love I came here for
With pen I am armed here to react!

<b>Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
All these things that trouble you,
Go visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
No I won't rest, 'til dead. 'til dead do you part!

This is how I feel my god from what's been dealt
The flies that flutter fight--Tonight
From Hell they will crumble within
Is this love that I'm feeling or is this hate, the same?
The emotion's enough to kill the sane!

Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
All these things that trouble you,
Go visit your mirror image of what might have once behaved
Hey now, hey now, What is it boy?
I only hope you know that I love you!
No you don't! Don't!

Feed little maggots off the westside
Of your sin
Run, little maggot
When they learn-- Of what you did

Feliz seria--que hora
Feliz seria--que hora

--From start to finish
I've made you feel this
Uncomfort in turn
With the world you've learned
To love through this hate.
To live with it's weight.
A burden-- Discerned
In the blood you taste--

But why would you deny me answers?
When I'm just a boy on the break of being
Honored in Hell, through it's fires
Be brutally honest ;

Was it better before me?
The curve of your body...
How I want--
How I want her with me
The truth of the story...
The visual
I wish you all!

A better end of all to come!
The truths be now here one by one!
I am to you, extant to none
The Memory to Fuel the Fire!

Lyrical Squish Tag:

"What's coming through is alive,
What's holding up is a mirror,
What's singing songs is a snake, and he's
Looking to turn my piss to wine

They're both totally void of hate
Killing me just the same...

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
My blood before me makes me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this commit
And over like a storm again...
Considerately

Venomous--Voice tempts me
Bleeds me, leaves me
Cracked and empty
Drags me down like some sweet Gravity...

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been
My blood before me makes me
Open up my heart again
But I feel this commit
And over like a storm again....

I aim to
Connect if you
Slip away!
Fade away!
Days away I still feel you
Touching me--Changing me
Considerately killing me
Considerately killing me

Without the skin-- here
Beneath the storm
Under these tears-- here
The walls came down

And once the snake is drowned
I see the look in his eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all the good times
I could have cried-- then
I should have cried-- then

And when the walls came down
There is this look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
And will die
It's all right!

I don't mind
I don't mind
I Don't Mind!

I aim to
Connect with you
Stay, Don't
Fade away!
Days away I still feel you
Touching me
Changing me
Considerately killing me
Considerarely killing me

-H
by TOOL

Some actual poems I actually wrote:

Brain Freeze

It was the Bridge I crossed
On a morning deep with frost
I do not know what happened,
suddenly my mind was lost
It was the Bridge I crossed
On a morning deep with frost

.....

Destiny Decision

Take from me/ this cup
I will not taste it's poison
And yet/ For all Your shouting at what I must do
I trust to heed a smallest voice/ for what reason?

Beyond the lion's brawn
Beyond the eagle's sight
There's something in the beating of a beetles heart
As he scrapes the earth to be scraped off my shoe

Give back the cup/ I surely will fall
I hear, I heed, I love
I think/ Now I must/ A reason
I see all
....

Song of Illumanated Adversaries

A barren, desolate tyranny
This evil, radiant jealousy
A growing, twisted, violent tree
Draining the land with villainy

I take you,
Yeah you're mine!
I Am
The tie that binds
You to this fate
Annihilate
Your hopes and dreams and minds

Carving through the empty halls
Seeking warmer, cleaner, holy walls
Like an ion, stealing calls
Until the blessed, returned one falls

I take you,
Yeah you're mine!
I Am
The end of time
Of which to pray
To safely stay
Loved, and safe, and alive.

....

The Cleaning

I watch to observe something other than me
To relieve my constant pain
But how can I see what makes you worth
When I look only out
And let nothing in?

I wash out my soul!
And throw out all the trash
I am cleaned out and empty!
And nothing will come back

I write to create something other than me
To relieve my constant pain
But how do I make dreams reality
When I write it all out
And believe none of it?

I flush out my soul!
And scrub out all the plaque
I am cleaned out and empty!
And nothing will come back.

For the birthday girl who posted lyrics for me

She...
She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Wait...ing for a sign
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me --until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you

She...
She's figured out
All her doubts were someone else's point of view
Wake..ing up this time...
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me --until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you!

Here, sleep, at the bottom of Hell
Your time has come to pick the road
You walk in this tale
Turned in, as a Coward you've learned
Through sickness and health is only one
Now go and bite your tongue

You've seen the worst of me
I hope they'll understand
No, they know you're just a boy
So grow up and be a man

Little baby! All kicking you scream and whine
Victims pay the price eventually
The cost? Let's see, Your Life!
You've got nothing to prove
Stay afraid, young brother
You've got nothing to prove...

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger now bite
Young fools... Don't cry
Anymore.

A fear sleeps, inside your stomach it swells
A torn boy alone in need of fix
And the pinch that cures the itch
For too long, this little baby's cried on
But tomorrow we'll sing the words in song
Of a time we're glad's long gone

You've seen the worst of me
Though I hope they'll understand!
No, they know you're just a boy
Now grow up and be that man

Little baby! All kicking you scream and whine
Victims pay the price eventually
The cost? Let's see, Your Life!
You've got nothing to prove
Stay afraid, young brother
You've got nothing to prove

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger, now bite!
Young fools... Don't cry....

Mother Superior! Come catch the Rabbit he runs
My how've you been?
You're frightened of leaving this
Truly "Gone Fishing" amalgum
Go fetch your gun!

Your answer is in there
Just stare down the barrel
The sincerest apologies won't write you out of this one
Tonight! You'll find the right
In the pull of the trigger, Now bite!
Young fools... Don't cry

Not anymore! Don't cry boy
Not anymore! Don't cry boy
When you're sick to the stomach
Just pull out the knife, oh no....
Don't cry boy
Not Anymore! Don't cry boy
Anymore! Don't cry boy
When you're stuck to the trouble
It won't be allright, oh no...

Jesus I found this on YouTube. It's like someone wrote a song about me o_o;




Now and then I think of when we were together...
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But it was love and it's an ache I still remember...

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over...

But you didn't have to cut me out!
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing!
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough...

No you didn't have to stoop so low!
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number!
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know!

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done...

And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on some-
body that you used to know.

But you didn't have to cut me out!
Make out like it never happened,
And that we were nothing!
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough...

And you didn't have to stoop so low!
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number!
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know!

I've been horribly busy, and completely out of touch with my rp muse. On top of that I've promised myself to get back to writing. As such, I must apoligise to my rp friends and, for a while, withdraw from roleplay. I feel that's sort of a dick move, and very out of character for an rp addict like me. But I'm in a big process of change and can't stay active on here for a while

I'm so angry I could throw up. This is the same waste it's always been. Just another piece of meet dangled on a string over a starving dog. Just another broken promise. I don't know what makes me fall for this everytime. I want so badly to believe there's hope, that it will be different this time. Maybe this time all the hardship isn't in vain and I can sleep at night with something to show for it. But it's still just the ghost of everything. It all died a long time ago. I'm just settling for crumbs and when the plate's empty I come to the realization that nothing of value will ever be served.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. My life, I know a very, very long time ago, was reduced to the point of getting out of bed is insane. Interracting with other people is insane. Loving people is insane. Valuing events, or looking forward to them is insane. For seventeen years I have tried not to be alone, and sometimes I dance withthe ghost for a day or two, thinking it could be real. But it's not. It never will be.

When I was 8 I wanted to die. I didn't because I thought if I stayed alive, I might live to be like 75. So I had 63 years to wait it out, and maybe I'd get happy along the way. Seventeen years later I feel exactly the same. Even for all the things I've been through, I've never been happy. I've never been not disappointed, or afraid, or nervous or ashamed. I have nothing to show for it except that I'm older and even less hopeful than before. Even if I don't screw up, which isn't often, fate itself will snatch whatever I'm working towards away from me. If I count on anyone or anyTHING, they will let me down or I will lose them. A lot of the time I never had them. I just hoped so fucking hard I believed maybe I did. in the end I'm so jaded and burnt out I don't think I even can feel happy, or would know it if I felt it.

Look at how pitiful even this is. I hate this diary. Even this site makes me miserable. I don't talk to a single person on here that I used to. Everyone on my friends list is just a new aquantance. None of these would care if I was unhappy. I wouldn't expect them to. They don't know me. They don't owe me anything. The ones who've known me for a while should just shake their heads and ignore this. They've heard it before and there's nothing they can do. This is just the only place where anyone would even pity a baleful howl like this. I'm in south Florida. I'm surrounded by boys in a halfway house, bunch of yankie fuckups, throwaway white kids who wish they were black.

I hate how fragile my illusions are. It takes nothing to smash the illusion that I'm a total failure beyond recall. I lost the last of my ambition four years ago. Now it's astruggle just to want to survive, let alone do surviving. There doesn't seem to be any point.

No I'm not going to kill myself. I never will. But wish I were dead? Yeah, the thought is pretty frequent. I swear everyone I care about suffers too. I have like this malignant, terminal, contagious spirit-cancer and I can't find a cure. I'm miserable and anyone who comes near me is miserable. Things always seem to get better for them when they leave me. I don't begrudge them it anymore. It's not like I have anything to offer.  

A groan... Of tedium escapes me
Startling and fearful
Is this a test?
It hast to be... Otherwise I can't go on

Draining patience
Drained vitality
This paranoid, paralyzed
Vampire act is getting old

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
I'm still right here.

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out
Be Patient
Wait it out

And if there was no reward to heal
No loving embrace to see me through
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out

And if there was no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now


And I still may
*Sigh*
I still may

Be Patient
Be Patient
Be Patient

I must keep reminding myself of this
I must keep reminding myself of this
I must defend my name, myself in this
I Must Keep Reminding Myself of This

And if there was no reward to heal
No loving embrace to see me through
This Tedious Path I've chosen here
I certainly would have walked away
By now

And I
Still may-- And I
Still may--And I
Still may--and I... I'm


Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out...
Gonna wait it out
Wait it out...

  ^-^
( ' >')
<(___)>
  ^ ^
 WHOOO!!

I stole [Flisky]'s owl! BWAHAHA

"You're not supposed to step on the tracks," Joe tells me.
"I'm not supposed to do a lot of things apparently," I say back.
I'm walking along these dead, heavily sealed and laquered planks of wood, beaten by so many years they still splinter. Everything under my feet is choked with cheap, off-white gravel and dust. Weeds stand like sentries along black iron rails, leading straight ahead through a gaping hole in the wall of pines.
Everything I feel is a premonition, a constant nagging sensation that a train's coming, and that the last thing I'll see is the white headlight bearing down on my face, even though I know that won't happen, even if I curl up on the tracks and go to sleep.
The other aggrovating sensation I have is that I'm looking for something, and I don't know what it is. That alone should tell me something is off here, but it doesn't. It only compounds the fear. I've forgotten something important, I think, and that compounds my fear of the train, and of the constant darkness around me.

The piercing, radiant moon
The storming of Poor June
All the life running
Through her hair

Aproaching guiding light
Our shallow years in fright
Dreams are made winding
Through my head

Through my head
Before you know
I'm awake

Your lives are open wide
The reasons give them sight
All the life running
Through her hair

The Spiders all in tune
The evening of the moon
Dreams are made winding
Through my head

Through my head,
Before you know
Awake!

Through my head...Through my head
Before
You know I will be waiting all awake...

Theyre trying to build a Prison

Following the Rights Movement
You clamp down with your iron fist
Drugs become conveniantly available for all the kids

Following the Rights Movement
You clamp down with your iron fist
Drugs become conveniantly available for all the kids!

"Well I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

Nearlly two million Americans are incarcerated
In the Prison System
In the Prison System of the U.S.

They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in!
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System

Minor drug offenders fill you prisons
You don't even flinch
All our taxes paying for your war against the new non-rich

Minor drug offenders fill you prisons
You don't even flinch
All our taxes paying for your war against the new non-rich

"I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

The percentage of Americans in the Prison System
The Prison System
Has doubled since 1985

They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in!
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System!
For you and me
They're trying to build a Prison for you and me
Oh baby, you and me...

AH!

All Research and successful Drug Policy SHOWS
That treatment should be increased
and Law Enforcement DECREASED
While abolishing mandatory. minimum. sentances!

All Research and successful Drug Policy SHOWS
That treatment should be increased
and Law Enforcement DECREASED
While abolishing mandatory. minimum. sentances!

Utilizing drugs to pay for secret wars around the world
Drugs are now your Global Policy
Now you police the Globe!

"Well I buy my crack
I smack my bitch
Right here in Hollywood!"

Drug money is used to rig elections and train brutal, corporate-sponsored dictators around the world!

They're trying to Build a Prison! 
They're trying to Build a Prison!
They're trying to Build a Prison!
For you and me to live in
Another Prison System
Another Prison System
Another Prison System!
For you and me!
AH!
They're trying to Build a Prison for you and me...
Oh baby, you and me.

Ugh, think my roleplay writer's block is gone! So if you have a roleplay in need of descriptive, master posting, I'm very versatile, so please invite me!