Guess what guess what, punk?



Fuck your record time.

For all you fallout fans, this is a Deathclaw alpha male. I am standing next to it on it's arm, about two feet off the ground. This fucker is about the size of an Allosaurus. Maybe 11 or 12 feet tall, and about twice as long. I'd estimate it's weight at around 2.5-3 tons.
I used a small thermonuclear explosive to kill it. Well, technically I used a high explosive missile to kill it. It survived the thermonuclear device... :/


This is the "Mother" Deathclaw, or alpha female. She is only about 60% the size of the alpha male, but still larger than the average Deathclaw.

For [Elwyne]

For Deacon.

"Hey Deacon! You know everything
That there is to do!
Here's a gun,
Take home, wait by the phone

We'll send someone over
To bring you what you need.
You're a one man, death machine!
Make this city bleed!"



Now I know      Because we've
You won't           Got so much
Refuse,              To do!

And you've got
Nothing More
To lose,

So take this number!
and welcome!

To OPERATION: MINDCRIME
We're an underground revolution workin' overtime
OPERATION: MINDCRIME
There's a job for you in the system, boy with
Nothing to sign!

I am so pissed. I just spent two and a half hours working on a multi-track audio recording. I get done at 5:00am and hit the save button. It promptly crashes and I lose everything.

Fuck my life.

My lover got a humor
She the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshiped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak,
She's the last true mouthpiece.
Every Sunday's getting more bleak,
A fresh poison each week...

"We were born sick."
You heard them say it.

My Church offers no absolutes:
She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."
The only heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you—

I was born sick
But I love it.
Command me to be well.

Do you ever hate your parents because, though they gave you life, they can't give you everything?


Imagine you are drowning, on the verge of dying, and a man reaches into the water and pulls you out.

Would you thank him for saving your life?

Or would you curse him, and tell him to throw you back in the water because he couldn't make you immortal too?

[Ravenclaw] would like [Mortified Penguin] to know that she hates him. As Rc's best friend, (eat it, [Chel.]) I am obliged to strike down my friend Mort for his hubris.



I am Sideways Shark! Natural predator of douche penguins!

Yeah I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun!
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one!

So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun

Bangin' this bolo tight, on this solo flight
can't fight alone
Funk tha track my verbs fly like tha
family Stone
Tha pen devils, set that stage for tha
war at home
Locked without a wage, ya standin' in
tha drop zone

The clockers born, starin' at an empty plate
Momma's torn hands--cover her sunken face
We hungry but them belly full!
The structure is set ya never change it with a ballot pull!

In tha ruins there's a network for tha
toxic rock
School yard to precinct, suburb to
project block
Bosses broke south for new flesh and factory floor,
The remains, left chained to the
powder war

Can't waste tha day
when the night brings a hearse!
So make a move, and plead the Fifth
cuz ya can't plead the First!
Can't waste a day
when the night brings a hearse,

So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one!

So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun~

Bare witness to tha sickest shot while suckas get romantic!
They ain't gonna send us campin' like they did
my man Fred Hampton,
Still we lamping, still clockin' dirt for our sweat-
A ballots dead, so a bullet's what I get-

A thousand years they had the tools
We should be takin' 'em!
FUCK tha "G-ride"
I want the machines that are makin' em!
Our target straight: a room full of armed pawns,
Lets off the kings ont tha west side of dawn~

Can't waste the day
when the night brings a hearse!
Make a move, and plead the Fifth
Cuz ya can't plead the First!
Can't waste a day
when the night brings a hearse

So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one

Yeah I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun~

The rungs torn from the ladder
Can't reach the tumor
One god,
one market,
one truth,
one Consumer!!

Just a quiet peaceful dance!

Just a quiet peaceful dance for the things we don't have

My Meme Review!

How to Train Your Dragon 2

My Meme Review!

GONE GIRL
*Rotten Tomatoes- 88%
*Metacritic- 79%


First 20 minutes of film:

An enormous percentage of people in America are are either criminally ignorant, or completely stupid.

Quickie review of Shadow of Mordor



"BITCH,



I DO WHAT I WANT."

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor review

My Meme Review! (A series coming to the Sideways Network
This week!

THE HOBBIT 2: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

In the interest of not being a melodramatic douche, I can say something positive about a joyful thing in my life

"Last Week Tonight with John Oliver" is the greatest non-fiction show ever.

Also! For humor purposes:

It is literally, I shit you not, possible to fast forward my AT&T Uverse DVR using the rewind button.
Here's how!

There are four speeds of rewind or fast forward on the remote control. The DVR actually tries to compensate for your reaction speed when you press play.
For example, if you fast forward through commercials, the DVR will actually start playing again anywhere from a point 10 seconds to a full 2 minutes and 30 fucking seconds prior to the frame of video you pressed play on.

As a person who is a complete fucking badass at pressing play at the precisely correct point on a DVD or DVR, this is fucking maddening. I've basically learned to fast forward a good 20 seconds into a show while skipping commercials (roughly 3-4 frames of the show shown during fast forward PAST the end of the commercials.)

Being an internet-aholic, I often surf the web while watching tv, and divide my attention between the two. Sometimes I need to rewind the TV to catch what someone was saying because I missed it.

Just now, while watching Last Week, I repeatedly tried to rewind to the start of the news segment. Each time I hit play, the fucking thing skipped ahead from where I pressed play. I, being pissed off, used a faster rewind speed each time I tried to get back to the start of the segment.

I swear to god, pressing ONLY rewind and play, I fast forwarded 2:50 seconds ahead in the tape.

Uverse is dumb. But still better than my previous provider

#ComcastIsTheGreatSatan
#ComcastIsPureEvil
#ComcastIsLiterallyTryingToMakeYouPayForEachWebsiteIndividually
#UsingHashtagsForComedicPurposesOutsideofTwitter

How do you tell a friend you are pissed at her for a kinda dumb reason and not sound like a melodramatic douche?

How do you tell a close friend of yourself who never talks to you for more than 5 minutes a week , even though you have feelings for each other... When she has an abusive family who exploits her.. That she's a fucking jerk for never taking your feelings into consideration, or ever letting you be the one to vent?

How do you even trust women when every single fucking one you have ever cared about in any capacity has either
1)abandoned you
2) cheated on you
3) stopped talking to you
4) used you
4) subjected you to years of torment
Or some combination of the 3?

#single for two years and I ain't even sorry about it

Fuck.

How do you tell a friend you are pissed at her for a kinda dumb reason and not sound like a melodramatic douche?

How do you tell a close friend of yourself who never talks to you for more than 5 minutes a week , even though you have feelings for each other... When she has an abusive family who exploits her.. That she's a fucking jerk for never taking your feelings into consideration, or ever letting you be the one to vent?

How do you even trust women when every single fucking one you have ever cared about in any capacity has either
1)abandoned you
2) cheated on you
3) stopped talking to you
4) used you
4) subjected you to years of torment
Or some combination of the 3?

#single for two years and I ain't even sorry about it

Fuck.

How do you tell a friend you are pissed at her for a kinda dumb reason and not sound like a melodramatic douche?

How do you tell a close friend of yourself who never talks to you for more than 5 minutes a week , even though you have feelings for each other... When she has an abusive family who exploits her.. That she's a fucking jerk for never taking your feelings into consideration, or ever letting you be the one to vent?

How do you even trust women when every single fucking one you have ever cared about in any capacity has either
1)abandoned you
2) cheated on you
3) stopped talking to you
4) used you
4) subjected you to years of torment
Or some combination of the 3?

#single for two years and I ain't even sorry about it

Fuck.