[Sideways]'s diary
http://youtu.b
All alone now, except for the memories
Of what we had, and what we knew
Every time, I try to leave it behind me,
I see something that reminds me of you...
Every night, the dreams return to haunt me
Your rosary wrapped around your throat..
I lie awake and sweat, afraid to fall asleep
I see your face looking back at me~
Looking back at me!
And I raise my head and stare
Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known- that the mirror never lies!
People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger
Afraid to know
what lies behind the stare...
Is this all that's left
Of my life before me?
Straight jacket memories, sedative highs...
No happy ending
Like they always promised!
There's got to be something left for me!
And I raise my head and stare
Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known- that the mirror never lies!
People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger
Afraid to know
What lies behind the stare...
How many times must I live this tragedy?
How many more lies will they tell me?
All I want is the same as everyone!
"Why am I here?
And for how long?"
And I raise my head and stare
Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known that the mirror never lies!
People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger!
Afraid to know
What lies behind the stare...
http://youtu.b
I awoke on impact, under surveillance
From the camera eye
Searching high and low
The criminal mind, found at the scene of the crime
'Cuffed and blind
"I didn't do it!"
She said she loved me
I guess I never knew
But do we ever,
Ever really know?
She said she'd meet me
On the other side
But I knew right then
I'd never find her!
I don't believe in love!
I never have... I never will...
I don't believe in love!
It's never worth the pain that you feel~
No more nightmares!
I've seen them all!
From the day I was born
They've haunted my every move~
Every open hand
Is there to push and shove
No time for love
"It doesn't matter."
She made a difference
I guess she had a way
Of making every night seem bright as day
Now I walk in shadows-- never see the light
She must have lied
'Cause she never said "goodbye"!
I don't believe in love!
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love!
I'll just pretend
she never was real
I don't believe in love!
I need to forget her face, I see it still!
I don't believe in love!
It's never worth the pain that you feel~~
No chance for contact
There's no reason for it
My only hope is one day I'll forget
The pain of knowing
What can never be
With or without love,
It's all the same to me!
I don't believe in love!
I never have, I never will.
I don't believe in love!
I'll just pretend she never was real...
I don't believe in love!
I need to forget her face!
I see it still!
I don't believe in love!
It's never worth
the pain that you feel...
The pain that you feel~
It doesn't matter what I say
As long as I sing with inflection~
That makes you feel I'll convey~
Some inner truth, or vast reflection...
But I've said nothing so far.
And I can keep it up, as long as it takes!
And it don't matter who you are~
If I'm doing my job,
then it's your resolve that breaks--becaus
The Hook brings you back!
I ain't tellin' you no lie~
The Hook brings you back,
On that you can rely!
There is something amiss~
I am being insincere.
In fact, I don't mean any of this.
Still, my confession draws you near!
To confuse the issue-- I refer
To familiar heroes, from long ago.
No matter how much Peter loved her~
What made the Pan refuse to grow? Was that
The Hook brings you back.
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The Hook brings you back!
On that you can rely.
Wheter you're Rin Tin Tin
or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move
or else you'll win--and then begin
to see
What you're doing to me,
This MTV is not for free!
It's so PC it's killing me~So desperately
I sing to thee of LOVE!
Sure?
--but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self.
And I can't keep these feeling on the shelf
I've tried--Well no, in fact I lied!
Could be financial suicide, but I've got too much pride inside
To hide! Or slide!
I'll do as I decide
and let it ride till until I've died
And only then shall I abide by this tide
Of catchy little tunes,
And hip three minute diddies~
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn of all your cities
to the GROUND
But I've found, I will not mess around
Unless I play, then "hey,"
I will go on all day--Hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray.
That's really all this was.
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck, Because
The Hook brings you back!
I AIN'T tellin' you no lie!!!
The Hook, oooh
On that you can rely.
Setting sun can't shine
Now you're gone
Inside sleeping
My heart beating
You know that you
Tried to hide it
Couldn't you have
Said what you meant?
Time heals, time
Congeals around us
Endless hours of
Wasted moments
Understanding'
Not demanding
Your eyes tell what
You feel inside
Setting sun can't shine
Now you're gone
Inside sleeping
My heart beating
You know that you
Tried to hide it
Shouldn't you have
Said what you meant?
Don't try to pretend, I saw through you
Whispering, too
Telling me what I'm thinking
You saw I was pissed, didn't matter much
No matter how many times I asked
You only answered straight when drunk
Every time you said the L word
You didn't feel it
I shouldn't put my heart in the hands
Of those who could so easily kill it
You wouldn't look me in the eyes
I'm a fool for being surprised
How easy you shrug loss off
Pretending to be anesthetized
You had options and I didn't
So you decided not to try
Look at me, admit it.
Look at me. Face it.
YOU LIED.
If this offends you, you have no sense of humor.
I'm just gonna say it. EA sports MMA is a 100% unfair game even on medium mode. The game obviously move-reads. With maximum possible punching speed, I launch combos at the enemy AI from all angles, all levels, different punches, it doesn't matter.
I remember the things you told me. I remember the secrets, whether the were true or not. The dog, the bullethole, the colors draining from the world, and the glass box where it always rains.
I hope you forgot.
I hope I forget my own secrets someday.
Somehow, I feel responsible.
I don't think I'll forget any of them.
I don't think I've left the walls of my own box.
These are the words
For my Carol Ann,
The girl I broke in half.
Oh I'm afraid
There's nothing left
No pieces to put back in place.
I was a monster...
The things that I did
I regret,
I dismiss
Oh it's a shame
About Carol Ann,
And all she could have been.
She soared with such grace,
As her body sailed
Through the windshield
From the passenger seat...
I was a monster.
Through neglect, I replaced
Her love for these lonely days.
She'll be forgotten
Oh she'll be forgotten, I think...
Young hearts belong
To a love that
Everybody wants.
But we can't have all of that,
So we take
What little we can.
Oh mother,
Did you see him coming?
Did you see him?
Mother, did you see death sneaking
Through the back door?
Still, that time we wish we spent
but lost it all
Mother, did you see it coming?
Did you see him?
Mother did you see death sneaking
Through the back door?
This time
We'll reinforce the walls!
Don't turn the page love!
It's words
Don't hold your fate.
I sure will remain one,
Yet from their world
You will escape.
Through the walls of your heart
You will tear me apart.
Through the walls of your heart
You will tear me apart.
Through the walls!
Through the walls!
Through the walls.
Through the walls.
Mosquitos cloud without mercy
Mosquitos out all winter long
Feel them light upon your face
Inflamed itchy welts they raise, yeah!
You--
Thought--
They'd fuck off by now
But your luck runs out!
(To the tune of "All Nightmare Long" -Metallica)
I play guitar, I read, and write
I live, I learn, I love, I lie
One eye sees the past, with the other I scry
Yet all I see is a Dead, Red Sky
Must needs redeem this name of mine
Forgotten, buried, 'neath stains of time
I never sleep, I crawl, and fly
I limp, I fall, I burn, I die.
I have a Hunger I can never sate
You owe me something I intend to take
I do not mourn, nor beg for faith,
I don't cry, I don't mourn,
I Hate.
Ugh, being depressed for no reason is such fun.
Me: I feel lethargic and gross and bummed out for no good reason.
Brain: need a reason? I can help with that! Let me just pull up the memory files of all the horrible shit that ever happened to you...
Me: for fucks sake, Brain! Can't you just let me stare off into space in peace?!!?
Guess what guess what, punk?
Fuck your record time.
For all you fallout fans, this is a Deathclaw alpha male. I am standing next to it on it's arm, about two feet off the ground. This fucker is about the size of an Allosaurus. Maybe 11 or 12 feet tall, and about twice as long. I'd estimate it's weight at around 2.5-3 tons.
I used a small thermonuclear explosive to kill it. Well, technically I used a high explosive missile to kill it. It survived the thermonuclear device... :/
This is the "Mother" Deathclaw, or alpha female. She is only about 60% the size of the alpha male, but still larger than the average Deathclaw.
For [Elwyne]
For Deacon.
"Hey Deacon! You know everything
That there is to do!
Here's a gun,
Take home, wait by the phone
We'll send someone over
To bring you what you need.
You're a one man, death machine!
Make this city bleed!"
Now I know Because we've
You won't Got so much
Refuse, To do!
And you've got
Nothing More
To lose,
So take this number!
and welcome!
To OPERATION: MINDCRIME
We're an underground revolution workin' overtime
OPERATION: MINDCRIME
There's a job for you in the system, boy with
Nothing to sign!
I am so pissed. I just spent two and a half hours working on a multi-track audio recording. I get done at 5:00am and hit the save button. It promptly crashes and I lose everything.
Fuck my life.
My lover got a humor
She the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval,
I should've worshiped her sooner
If the heavens ever did speak,
She's the last true mouthpiece.
Every Sunday's getting more bleak,
A fresh poison each week...
"We were born sick."
You heard them say it.
My Church offers no absolutes:
She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you—
I was born sick
But I love it.
Command me to be well.
Amen.
Amen
Take me to church!
I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins,
and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death,
Good God!
Let me give you my life.
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover is the sunlight.
To keep the Goddess on my side,
It demands a sacrifice
Something meaty for the main course,
That's a fine looking high horse.
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful--
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
Take me to Church!
I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins
so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death,
Good God!
Let me give you my life.
No masters or kings
When the Ritual begins.
There is no sweeter innocence
than our gentle Sin
In the madness and soil
of that sad earthly scene
Only then, I am Human.
Only then, I am Clean.
Amen.
Amen.
Take me to Church!
I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins
and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God!
Let me give you my life.
Do you ever hate your parents because, though they gave you life, they can't give you everything?
Imagine you are drowning, on the verge of dying, and a man reaches into the water and pulls you out.
Would you thank him for saving your life?
Or would you curse him, and tell him to throw you back in the water because he couldn't make you immortal too?
Written about Thursday 2014-12-18
Written: (3631 days ago)
[Ravenclaw] would like [Mortified Penguin] to know that she hates him. As Rc's best friend, (eat it, [Chel.]) I am obliged to strike down my friend Mort for his hubris.
I am Sideways Shark! Natural predator of douche penguins!
Yeah I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun!
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one!
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
Bangin' this bolo tight, on this solo flight
can't fight alone
Funk tha track my verbs fly like tha
family Stone
Tha pen devils, set that stage for tha
war at home
Locked without a wage, ya standin' in
tha drop zone
The clockers born, starin' at an empty plate
Momma's torn hands--cover her sunken face
We hungry but them belly full!
The structure is set ya never change it with a ballot pull!
In tha ruins there's a network for tha
toxic rock
School yard to precinct, suburb to
project block
Bosses broke south for new flesh and factory floor,
The remains, left chained to the
powder war
Can't waste tha day
when the night brings a hearse!
So make a move, and plead the Fifth
cuz ya can't plead the First!
Can't waste a day
when the night brings a hearse,
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one!
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun~
Bare witness to tha sickest shot while suckas get romantic!
They ain't gonna send us campin' like they did
my man Fred Hampton,
Still we lamping, still clockin' dirt for our sweat-
A ballots dead, so a bullet's what I get-
A thousand years they had the tools
We should be takin' 'em!
FUCK tha "G-ride"
I want the machines that are makin' em!
Our target straight: a room full of armed pawns,
Lets off the kings ont tha west side of dawn~
Can't waste the day
when the night brings a hearse!
Make a move, and plead the Fifth
Cuz ya can't plead the First!
Can't waste a day
when the night brings a hearse
So now I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun
These people ain't seen a brown skin man
Since their grandparents bought one
Yeah I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun~
The rungs torn from the ladder
Can't reach the tumor
One god,
one market,
one truth,
one Consumer!!
Just a quiet peaceful dance!
Just a quiet peaceful dance for the things we don't have
