Sometimes this is the hardest thing. That I'm so sorry for everything, and those I'm sorry for hurting don't need me to be. They've moved on, and I haven't.

For Rc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kwz4OEk1eM





I hate
everything I am becoming
This change is torture!

There is never enough to give
Only plenty to take,
and this I wage--

When the ground parts from below
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another, when the other goes?

This hand,
    This hurt,
        My heart

I'll flirt with disaster,
Just know now, man
The deal is off!

I'll be no good,
This time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife

These dirty hands just
Won't come clean!
I'm a Murderer

The worst these worlds will see.

Mercy!
Please leave her just a little bit longer
She's all my world!

My love, I apologize!
With that you will see the end of days,
Just rest assured.

And they won't let her go! And I remain so
Alone, to work out a clever
Way to get her home


I will
   Do what
       I must

I'll flirt with disaster,
Just know now, boy
You're out of luck!

I'll be no good,
This time defines!
I'll put my touch around the grip of this knife

These dirty hands just
Won't come clean!
I'm a Murderer
The worst these worlds will see

Oh, save me from defeat again!
This is war...

Murder the one so close!
While she trusts, you curse
"DIE my darling!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ylzqrVbGCQ
(for a certain friend, maybe she knows who)

Somewhere, I put it away within, huh,
yeah, I felt bad when you were lookin' around, and I am
  Not worried, you gonna waste your time, and ya did
 Oh, you got a long way to climb. And I say
You hafta wanna change your mind a little
 So just admit, I get all of the fun

And I'm a Wildman, Wildman yeah
  you see me going for a ride now

A shame, I don't wanna put up with it, nuh huh
 yeah, I moved on, and you were stickin' around for what?
  All
     this
       bull
         shit
          you
         say
        when
      you're
     up
   set
    
You're sinkin' but you're certain
 you're not drowning, and I
I am the man that has been pullin' you down under

I'm a Wildman, Wildman yeah
  you see me goin' for a ride now

Buried?
I've been waiting for my mouth to make sense
I can make it on my own
I can't be
Buried!
I've been waiting for my mouth to make sense...

    

I awoke in a room that was
Occupied by those about to die
For my sleep was disturbed by
The sound of old mens' cries for help
What's this place? What the hell am I
Doing here? What's happened to me?
and I'm
Wondering what kind of state my
Mind and body's in!

"Be calm please lay back
We will help you
Rest for a while..."

And I yelled "No you don't!
I'm not going to sleep!"
I've just gotta get my body out of here!
I pushed the bottle down,
Away from my face!
But felt the needle stab, like a spear...

As my legs started shaking the
Room revolved around my clouded head
And the floors rushing up just to greet me...
Laying there on my back as the
Ceiling flies away up from me
Was I finally losing my hold on reality?

Be calm, take this pill
We will help you
Rest for while...

And I yelled "No you don't!
I'm not going to sleep!"
I've just gotta get my body out of here!
I pushed the bottle down,
Away from my face!
But felt the needle stab, like a spear...

It doesn't matter what I say...
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel I'll convey...
Some inner truth, or vast reflection

But I've said nothing so far..
And I can keep it up, for as long as it takes.
And it don't matter who you are...
If I'm doing my job, then it's your resolve that breaks.

Because the Hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie.
The Hook brings you back.
On that you can rely!

There is something amiss...
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this!
Still my confession draws you near

To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago.
And no matter how much Peter loved her,
What made the Pan refuse to grow?

Was that the Hook brings you back.
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The Hook brings you back!
On that you can rely...

How many days would you like to wait?
6.

War.


          War never changes.

I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you,
So try and be cool

When I say
This way is a water slide that
Every day takes you further away,
Be cool.

Say it ain't so!
Your drug
Is a heartbreaker

Say it ain't so!
My love
Is a lifetaker

Dear daddy, I write you
In spite of years of silence
You've cleaned up, found Jesus
Things are good or so I hear
This bottle of Stevens
Awakens ancient feelings
Like father, stepfather
The son is drowning in the flood!
Oh yeah.

Say it ain't so!
Your drug
Is a heartbreaker

Say it ain't so!
My love
Is a lifetaker

Bears, Bald Eagles, and Beer

Colorado Rocky Mountains, September 2015

Just finished season 1 of HBO's True Detective

It is officially the best thing ever filmed. Give Matthew McConaughey absolutely every statue and trophy. Just bring them to the emmy's, hand that crew ALL of them. College film classes could be taught full semester.

"Why True Detective Will Always Be Better than Your Shit Film 101"

WOOT! And this one isn't gold colored for once!

So my luck with catching shinys continues. Along with Steelix, Fearow, and Pidgeot, now I got a Shiny Dugtrio! Yay!

Just encountered a comedy article that referred to Budweiser as "liquified stale white bread seasoned with cat urine."

This is a perfectly fitting description of Budweiser. Seriously, that stuff is friggin' disgusting.

You keep screaming from the top of your lungs
Mr. Who-gives-a-shit, just shut up
The podium is all yours, go right ahead

The plastic king of castle polyethylene
Go on! Time to be a good little pig
You're worth it!

When the rug gets pulled out from underneath
Just embrace the fall
Oh, You got spirit, kid! You're number one!
Go on living that farce.
Cause nobody gives a fuck
Who you are.

I'll never have the chance that you got
No, I won't dwell, I'll just accept I'll be
I'll be forgotten

Cause when the rug gets pulled out from underneath
I embrace the fall
Oh, You got spirit, kid! You're number one!
Go on living that farce.
Cause nobody gives a fuck
Who you are.

So why are you crying?
So why are you crying
When you got the world to command!

And when the rug gets pulled out from underneath
Just embrace the fall
Oh, You got spirit, kid! You're number one!
Go on living that farce.
Cause nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody,
Nobody gives a fuck
Nobody gives a fuck
Nobody gives a fuck
Cause nobody gives a fuck
Who you are.

I bleach the sky/Every night
Loaded on wrong,
and further from right

Spinning around/two howling moons
And they're always there
Whatever I do...

The river is loaded/I've been there today
Asked it some questions,
She does me again

I'd die in your arms/If you were dead too
Here comes a lie:
"We will always be true."

Going up, then coming down
Scratched away--

It's the Little Thing to kill,
Tearing all my brains out again, for the
Little Thing to kill.
That Little Thing to kill...

Bigger you give/bigger you get
We're boss at "Denial"
But best at "Forget."

The cupboard is empty
And we really need food!
Summer is winter,
and you always knew.

Going up and coming down--
Scratched away...

It's the Little Thing to kill,
Tearing all my brains out again, for the
Little Thing to kill.
That Little Thing to kill...
Tearing out my brains
For that little .... Little...

I'll shut your mouth!
My will is the food!
Addicted to love, and
I'm addicted to bullshit!

I killed you once,
I'll kill you again!
We're starving and crude,
Welcome my friend! to

The Little Thing to kill,
Tearing all my brains out again, for the
Little Thing to kill.
Tearing all my brains out again, for that
Little little little little little...

On Leviticus:

Eating Shellfish
Eating pork
Wearing clothes made of mixed fabrics
Shaving
Having a tattoo
Women speaking in church
Being anywhere near a church on your period
Making offerings if you are diasabled or disfigured
Working on Sunday
Cutting your hair
Swearing
Back talking your parents
Not being circumcised

These are all crimes punishable by death.
"Oh but Christ's sacrifice absolved us of all that and it's totally cool now."

Being Gay
"OH THATS AN ABOMINATION AND I CAN'T BE EVEN ASSOCIATED WITH IT! FUCK THOSE GAY PEOPLE! TAKE THEIR RIGHTS AWAY!"

Playing Dragon Age Inquisition.

I see a character from Dragon Age 1. A character whom my protagonist loved, and was extremely close to.

A character who betrayed me right before the final events of the game.

I see her in Dragon Age 3.

I do not care that the protagonist of DA3 is not the same as the protagonist of DA1.

If I find a way to kill this bitch, she will die. And the consequences be fucking damned -^-

What solace lies in the arms of Fate?
in the ill embrace of uncertainty
When did all of this
Deny our hands to be pulled down at chance?

Ripped away by destiny claws
Am I another of Fate's possessions
Dwelling on the lie of freedom?
Just another Straw pulled at random

http://youtu.be/A4duZjxusGM

All alone now, except for the memories
Of what we had, and what we knew
Every time, I try to leave it behind me,
I see something that reminds me of you...

Every night, the dreams return to haunt me
Your rosary wrapped around your throat..
I lie awake and sweat, afraid to fall asleep
I see your face looking back at me~

Looking back at me!
And I raise my head and stare

Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known- that the mirror never lies!
People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger
Afraid to know
what lies behind the stare...

Is this all that's left
Of my life before me?
Straight jacket memories, sedative highs...

No happy ending
Like they always promised!
There's got to be something left for me!

And I raise my head and stare

Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known- that the mirror never lies!
People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger
Afraid to know
What lies behind the stare...

How many times must I live this tragedy?
How many more lies will they tell me?

All I want is the same as everyone!
"Why am I here?
And for how long?"

And I raise my head and stare

Into the eyes of a Stranger
I've always known that the mirror never lies!

People always turn away
From the eyes of a Stranger!
Afraid to know
What lies behind the stare...

http://youtu.be/2c3g6tTYoxM

I awoke on impact, under surveillance
From the camera eye
Searching high and low

The criminal mind, found at the scene of the crime
'Cuffed and blind
"I didn't do it!"


She said she loved me
I guess I never knew
But do we ever,
Ever really know?

She said she'd meet me
On the other side
But I knew right then
I'd never find her!

I don't believe in love!
I never have... I never will...
I don't believe in love!
It's never worth the pain that you feel~

No more nightmares!
I've seen them all!
From the day I was born
They've haunted my every move~

Every open hand
Is there to push and shove
No time for love
"It doesn't matter."

She made a difference
I guess she had a way
Of making every night seem bright as day

Now I walk in shadows-- never see the light
She must have lied
'Cause she never said "goodbye"!

I don't believe in love!
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love!
I'll just pretend
she never was real

I don't believe in love!
I need to forget her face, I see it still!
I don't believe in love!

It's never worth the pain that you feel~~


No chance for contact
There's no reason for it
My only hope is one day I'll forget

The pain of knowing
What can never be
With or without love,
It's all the same to me!

I don't believe in love!
I never have, I never will.
I don't believe in love!
I'll just pretend she never was real...

I don't believe in love!
I need to forget her face!
I see it still!
I don't believe in love!

It's never worth
the pain that you feel...
The pain that you feel~

It doesn't matter what I say
As long as I sing with inflection~
That makes you feel I'll convey~
Some inner truth, or vast reflection...

But I've said nothing so far.
And I can keep it up, as long as it takes!
And it don't matter who you are~
If I'm doing my job,
then it's your resolve that breaks--because

The Hook brings you back!
I ain't tellin' you no lie~
The Hook brings you back,
On that you can rely!

There is something amiss~
I am being insincere.
In fact, I don't mean any of this.
Still, my confession draws you near!

To confuse the issue-- I refer
To familiar heroes, from long ago.
No matter how much Peter loved her~
What made the Pan refuse to grow? Was that

The Hook brings you back.
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The Hook brings you back!
On that you can rely.

Setting sun can't shine
Now you're gone
Inside sleeping
My heart beating

You know that you
Tried to hide it
Couldn't you have
Said what you meant?

Time heals, time
Congeals around us
Endless hours of
Wasted moments

Understanding's
Not demanding
Your eyes tell what
You feel inside

Setting sun can't shine
Now you're gone
Inside sleeping
My heart beating

You know that you
Tried to hide it
Shouldn't you have
Said what you meant?

Don't try to pretend, I saw through you
Whispering, too
Telling me what I'm thinking

You saw I was pissed, didn't matter much
No matter how many times I asked
You only answered straight when drunk
Every time you said the L word
You didn't feel it
I shouldn't put my heart in the hands

Of those who could so easily kill it
You wouldn't look me in the eyes
I'm a fool for being surprised
How easy you shrug loss off
Pretending to be anesthetized
You had options and I didn't
So you decided not to try
Look at me, admit it.
Look at me. Face it.

YOU LIED.

If this offends you, you have no sense of humor.