it hurts too much to say, but i cant keep it in anymore... and i know that im going to regret saying this, but, my best friend killed himself and i dont know if i can tell anyone... i mean, his name that is. its just that... if anyone knew who he was, then they'd be all like, "omg, i'm so sorry" or "is there anything i can do?"

THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS GET MY FUCKING FRIEND BACK!!!
thats all i want... thats what was on the christmas list i never gave to anyone...
but i know... i know that i cant get him back, and i know that hes now just a fleeting memory...

but i dont want that to be true anymore.

life sux

accually... love sux
i know that so many people have said this and emphasized it... but i just don't get why it has to be so true...
the truth hurts...
a lot of people say that too accualy...
but it's also really weird that the truth can be a blessing and seem like a trip to heaven and back to make all of the bad things seem to dissapear right before your very eyes... and come back to only seem like a talk away from being solved.

but then there also is this... lies may come in a really crappy wrapper that seems to be truth

and by the way...

I KNOW I AM NOT A SLUT!!! THAT IS YOUR FREAKIN LIE IN A CANDY WRAPPED TRUTH!!!

i wrote a poem dedicated to someone... i'm embarassed to say who...

the first light of the moon?
i think of you.
the last until daylight?
i'm thinking of you.
while under starlight?
still thinking of you.
wonderous twilight?
i fell in love with you.
why am i so rejected?
especially by you.
i'v been hated by so many
over and over again
but never by you
never by your gental words
your gental voice,
until now.
i try...
maybe not hard enough
i try to better lives
but i shorten them it seems
why do you hate me so
when i cant leave your side?
i'm governed by your words
you were different from everyone else
not black of heart
nor sour of soul
you were there for me
you werent embarrased to talk with me
butnow
you say
never speak to me again
why?
maye
i was never
worth it
not even from the begining
but now
in the end
i'm begging you
just answer this...
why am i nto good enough
no matter how hard i try
maybe
just maybe
you were to good for me
maybe
you'd be happier
if i were dead
maybe
the world would be happier...

-[scars of winter rain]

today is fethers day T.T my dad's far far far far far far far far away... *~cries~*

I wish i could see him, just to tell him
and maybe
for the first time
call him "dad" to his face

because even though he wasn't there for my whole life
he's there now

today is white day... (but nobody knows what that is... thats okay) so... HAPPY WHITE DAY EVERYBODY!

so... uuuhhhh... i dont have much to say... uuuhhhh... i dunno... uuuhhhhh... i spy a duck... i spy some cow pooh... i spy... a little brother named matt... HEY MATT GET OUTTA THE WAY ~matt runsaway~

well... nuthin is going on in the world @ the time... nuthin interestion... ~dodges flying cow~ nope nuthin at all, ~runs away from a giraffe with wings~... someone save me from bordom...

~runs away from some weird lady with big green wings and a big round stomache~

okay... NOW things are getting weird...