to "him"
myheartstoppedbeating

[s*h*i*t]

I hate the way i am

In fact i still love you, but i can't tell you that to your face. 
I'm forced to put my feelings in a web-diary because you won't let me tell you...
I LOVE YOU...
i think your scared to know that i still love you, and that you might still have feelings for me. 
Don't worry it scares me too,actually it terrifies me knowing that i still love you. 
No matter how hard i tried to say "i don't love you" 
and that "I never will" 
I just can't keep saying those lies to you...SO...

"Here By Me"

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I like this song..i just wish it wasn't tainted

So How Do You Like Dem Apples So Yeah Anyways I Like To Glue Things To My Forehead And Then Walk Around And Tell My Dad I Cut Myself And The Objects Pried There Way Into My Head Then My Dad Will Say Somthing Stupid Like "Unglue That Cat From Your Forehead Right Now!!!!!" And Then Ill Just Be Like Yes Sir And Give Him A Swift Kick To The Balls And When He Falls Down Ill Glue My Other Cat To The Back Of His Neck I Like Doing And Saying Stuff Out Of Nowhere Being Completly Spontanepis Like Walk Up Too You On The Streets And Possibly In AN Alley Or Maybe Even In Your House Ill Hide In A Plant And Then Pop Out And Scare The Shit Out Of You And While Your Running To Get A Gun or Call The Comps Ill Be Making You Dinner Set It Up Real Nice And Fancy I Guess Im Just A Hopless Romantic But By The Time The Cops Get There Or You Find The Gun Dinner Will Be Ready Yeah Pretty Cool Stuff Dont Really Know What To Say Bout Me But I Do Hate People There So Fucking Stupid At Least Animals Follow Instinct Some People Cant Even Fuckin Do That There To God Damn Dumb To Open There Eyes And Be Like This Is What I Need To Do Instead They Fucking Cry About How There Life Sucks If Life Sucks Its Because You Made It That Way Giving Up On life Is Just So Fucking Lame But I Respect Those People Who Actually Say There Going To Kill Themselves And Do It W00t Go Yous Yous Rock Thats Cool Ya Set To Do Something And Followed Through Not Like All Them Pussys Who Say It But Whatever Fresh The Mop In The Bucket Doesnt Stay Stickey Forever And Lance Vance Is Not Just A Figment Of My Imagination So Go Ahead Bleed On The Snake Just Dont Piss On My Busket Or Ill Cut Your Hands Off With My Chinese Fingers That I Stole From A Tiger Or Lion I Couldnt Tell They Were Being Sneaky Like The Charlies In The Trees And For Foxs Nothing But Love They Get To Live In Holes And Thats Awsome They Got There Own Thing Going I Cant Belive How Much Hobos Smell Heres A Dollar Take A Shower Or Somthing Man Sometimes I Wonder What Lifes About And Right When I Find The Answer The Bottles Gone And Im Like Damn That Sucks One Day I Was Sitting There On A Curb Waitin For My Friends And I Got To Thinking About Worms And How Theyre Blind And Deaf Like Helan Kellar That Must Suck Yeah Curb Your Dog And Clean Its Shit up I Hate Stepin In Dog Shit Cause Then I Gotta Buy New Shoes Cause Im Not Wipin That off If Anything Ill Try To Find The Dog That Took It And Wipe It On Him Like This One Time True Story This Dog Bites Me Right And Dead Serious It Has No Teeth And I Was All Scared So I Went Home Got My Cat Put Peanut Butter In On The Dogs Mouth And Threw My Cat On Its Back My Cat Tore That Bitch Up But Still Whats The Point Of Fighting I Dont Understand It But Yet I Seem To Get Into Alot Of Them Theyre Fun But Its Getting Borning Always The Same Shit Someone Runs There Mouth Or I Run Mine They Get Knocked The Fuck out We Go Party Afterwards But What Are We Partying For? If Anything We Should Party If We Get Our Asses Kicked Because It Means That Im Not Really The Devil And There Is No Demon Inside Of Me I Dont Belive Im A Demon Or Have One In Me But Theres Somthing Protecting Me Like I Have This Giant Thing To Me Where I Must Stay Alive Theres Nothing Wrong With That Its Cool I Dont Plan On Dyin Not Right Now Anyways Maybe In Bout 40 Years From Not But Thats In Like 40 Years ANd My Friend Woodstock Will Be Out Of order And Thats No Good No Good At All But Yeah So Anyways Baseball bats Are Sleak And Sexy So Are 8 Irions But Nothings Better Then Taking Off Your Shoe And Hitting SOmeones Face While There Down It Always Makes people Laugh Humaliation Is The Lowest Thing Ever But Its So Damn Funny People Snap Over Shit Like That And Cant Let Anything Go Your Mother Thats All I Got To Say Bout That W00t Rock My Socks Off Im Listening To Some Crazy Shit Right Now ITs Awsome John Petrucci Song Called Home Its Awsome Hes A Bad Ass On The Gut His Solos Are Amazin But Shit If Your Still Reading This Seek Help Its Just Rammble And I Want To See How many Would Actually Come This Far You Know Zombies Have More Then One Face Well Actually They Dont Have A Face Scalpin And Shit Like Indians Im Not Racist Yes I Am Im Not Gonna Lie But Im A Good Racist I Fucking Hate Faggots God I Want To Kill Every One Of Those Sons Of Bitchs Yeah Closet Homo Your Mother Oh Treated Again Huh You Fuck Faced Piss Flap Eatin non Gangsta Like Me Beeeotch So You Can Gimmie Dome ANd Love Every Second Of It Because I Am The Everything Its True I Am Without Me There Is No Life Or Death There Is Only Nothing Because I Cant Take Seeing Candels Burn To The End They Must Not Do That And Then Ya Know Ya Buy A New One But Still It Doesnt Make Sense They Should Just BurN And Stay Pretty But They Shouldnt Be Burnin To Much Cause I Dont Think Its Right But Then Again I Dont Like Fat people In Small Cars Either Because If You Get Hit In A Car With Fat People In It Your Gettin Twice The Damage So This Is My Rammble You Read It Theres Somthing Wrong With You Why Didnt You Stop Id Seriously Like To Know Why My E Mails Drink.me.clean@Hotmail.com And Im An Evil Genious Need Help With Any Plots Or How To Make Things Smell Funny Im Your Guy So Yeah Thats Pretty Much It I Wont Talk About How Flowers Are Bone Just To Die And Only Smell Good For A Short Time They Look Better Dead Though Kinda A Turn On A Bunch of Dead Roses God Damn That Pretty Fucking Hot Right THere I Dont Care What ANyone Says I Love Me I Love Me Yep Take That! And Not To Mention Bonzo Hes Not Real God Damn Its The God Damn Cops Im Gonna Ask Him For Directions And Im Like Chip No Chip Dont Do It And Hes High As Hell But It Was To Late And HE Was All Excuse Me Sir And Touchin Him And Shit Hes Like Im A Little High Wheres 3rd Street And The Cops Like Take It Easy... Your On 3rd Street And I Was Fuckin Amazed And The Cops Just Like Now You Better Be Carful Now Get Out Of Here best No Man Cant You See Im Not You Get The Fuck Out Of Me You Just Wont Stop You Wont Shut The Fuck Up I Will Silence The Voice With A Bullet But Its Not My Voice Its Not In My Head I Cant Even Hear It But I Know It Trys To Scream At Me The Silence Is The Real Pain In The Ass But Theres Always Sound To Shut out The Silence Its Like A Vortex That You Get Stuck In You Really Dont Know Why You Got Stuck Into It But It Wont Let You Out I Opened Up A Black Hole Its Slowly Killing The World And Everyone Blames Pollution What A Bunch Of Dumb Bastards Man You Know What Else I Hate Little Fucking Pink Rabbits With Them Jagged Ass Teeth And Carrots Glued To There Hands I Always Wanna Kick Them Pricks Asses But I Cant Because Well I Dunno What There Capible Of Like Flying Zebras On Skateboards That Try To Sell The Kids Drugs Not Just The East Stuff Like Heroin And Weed But The Hard Stuff Like Toilet Bowl Cleaner And Pop Rocks Ever Fly A Kite In The Rain I Knew A Guy Named Ben Who Did But That Crazy Fat Batard Flew It Into A Tree And I Discovered Tissue I Made It And Thats When I Found God My Faith Was Raped And Stolen But Now It Is Restored Sanity There Is No Such Thing How Can One Be Sane If In Anothers Head Demented But In Someones Eyes PerfectPenguins Die Cold And Tragic Deaths Everyday But Noone Really Thinks About It Everyone Wants To Beat Up Baby Seals Because There So Pretty But No1 Talks About It I Dont Know Why Theres Somethings In Life I Just Havent Figured Out Yet Like Why I ALready Dont Have The World By The Balls Fingers Smell It Happens After A Long Period Of Time Of Not Cleaning Them Or Wiping Your Ass Properly The Stink Palm Funny Stuff Frizbies Are Cool I Invented Them And I Had Three Testicals At One Point But Donated One To Ricky Martian Thats Why He Sings So Well Infact Without Me Ricky Martian Would Sound Like He Hasnt Reached Puberty Like Before I met Him I Really Hate Your Lives There So Boring And The Rain Just Gives Yous More Of A Reason To Live When The Real Reason Is That Humpty Dumpty Was Just An Egg He Had No Arms Or No Legs And Im The One Who Pushed Him But They Never Talk About In The Book You Know Why Cause There Pussys Like The Jews Or Russians I Mean The Jews And Russians Are Pretty Fuckin Weak Man Theyve Come So Far For Nothing Get To The Bus And Yet The Bus Pulls Away I Wonder If Retards Get A Special Small Bus To Jail If They Kill Someone I Dont Know How Fast My Mind Works But My Hands Are Just As Quick I Seem To Be Keeping Up Quite Well Mister Hankey Frank And Turd Mcfurgason Funny Names I Got This Joke Theres This Rabbit Right I Forget The Rest But Your Mothers A Whore Natures A Whole Let Things Frowlic And Phornicate All Over It Not To Mention The Piss And Shit What Is The World Without Plastic Explosives I Want To become A Bomb A Time Bomb Tick Tick Tick Boom Alot Mr Snail Does Not Like Salt I Learned This And Killed My Best Snail Freind Speedy He Hated When I Called Him Speedy He Used To Tell Me Stick It Up Your Ass I Didnt Know What He Ment Though Didnt Have The Time To Ask Before I Knew It My Hands Were Pouring Salt On Him ANd That Was The Last Time I Heard From Him He Doesnt Even Write Me Anymore And The Mail Man Oh Man Hes A Fucking Dick Let Me Tell You Bout Him Hes Got Good Stuff In There But Does He Let You Fish Around In That Bag Like Bozo The Clown? No Because He Keeps The Good Stuff For Himself I Know He Does That Rotten Filthy Bastard Knows He Controls The World With His Underground Cult Wich Is Controled By Me And My Phycis Powers But Besides That Hes Just Another Prick Who I Own French Fries Are And Orangish Color Well More Yellow But If You Put Green Ketchup On Them They Turn Blue And That Color Scares Me Everytime I See Somthing Blue I Think Of The Sky And When Its Going To Fall Cause IT Cant Hold Them Coulds Up Forever I Tested This Theory By Holding Up Two Bricks Actually I Didnt Wait Yes I Did Cause I Did It In My Head And My Head Wouldnt Lie To Me It Had No Reason To But Yeah So Anyways I Do This Right And It Didnt Work Everythings Going To Fall People Hide Bodys Of The Dead In Coffins Why They Do This I Dont Understand Well Actually I Know Why But I Hate It I Wanna Rott Wherever I Fall I Want People To Watch me Decay I Want To Become Nothing Infront Of The World But If I Cant Do That I Want To Be Buried At Sea Just To Piss Off The Fish I Can See My Casket Going Down And Knockin out A Whole Bunch Of Sharks And Junk Or I Wanna Be Cut Open And All bloody Then Thrown Into Sea In A Steel Casket And Hope The Sharks Smell The Blood And Get Hurt So If There Is An Afterlife And I Get To See That I Will Crack Up And Be Like Stupid Sharks I Wanna Be A Gingerbread Man They Got The Life They Get To be All Warm Then Dressed Up And There So Damn Good Everyone Hates Them Am I Hated? I Wonder How Long This Is Going To Keep Up Before I Actually Start Thinking Again I Hope I Can Ride This Out Alot Longer Because I Dont Think I Proved Anything Yet So You Think Your Better Then Me Well Your Just Like Me Were All The Same BOY GET IN LINE! Haha Nah Nothing Like That At All Your Mother Damn man Snuck That One In There Free Ball Fridays Should Be Manditory I Mean What The Fuck Do ya Need Em On For Anyways Stay Clear Of The Zipper And It Wont Bite Ya Gum Drops What The Hell Are Those Dots Get Stuck in Your Teeth Noone Like A Tattle Tail Shut The Fuck Up Already Damn Sounds Like Im Listening To An Old Lady Die For Like Forty Five Mins The Constent Bitching And Moaing And Its All Comming From Inside Someone Elses Mind But Thats Alright One Day Ill Find The Person And Beat Them Brutally With A Spork That Will Teach Them Rat Bastard Kids To Mess Around On My Lawn So Youve Come This Far Without Thinking Does This Mean We Can Have Sex Now? The Answer When We Return All The Sublimital Hints Are About Me I Know They Are Like The JFK Murder Thery're Trying To Get Me Killed Every One Wants To Fill Someones Mouth With Gas From The Pump At A Gas Station? See How Long They Can Chug Yeah Me Either Who Thinks That Stuff Up Anyways Like Hanging Someone With There Own Spine That Sounds Pretty Fun And Weird Actually Id Like To Try That On Myself As Soon As My Flesh Falls Off Of Course I Plan On Shedding Anyday When I Reach The Limit The Stars Will Explode The Worlds Not Ready For Me I Make Emo Kids Cry And Flowers Spew Puss From There Ever Sweet Smell Revialing Secrets To Strange People In Cyber Space God I Almost Feel As If I Was Naked No Secrets To bare Any Longer Everythings Thrown Out There In The Open Maybe I Should Be More Personal And Stuff I Dont Wear Depends Diapers Or Credit Card People Im Not That Kind Of Guy Im To Mature I Really Hate It Sometimes Because Everyones Having Fun But Not Me I Will Rule The World With A Flash Light And Two Peices Of Bacon And The Mind Eases...But Yet Its Still Painful To Think Not A Sobing Mental Pain But More Of A Physical My Nipples Hurt And Are Still Sore Kinda Pain But Hey Shit happens So Who Am I? Bet Ya Cant Even Tell Me Cause You Fucking Suck Nah Im Just Playing Duck Duck Duck Goose ALone In The Dark Waiting To Be Chased But It Doesnt Seem To Come Army Men Are Land Mine Detectors Its Really All About The Marines There The Bad Asses Sitting In The Rain With One Smoke THe Rain Gets Heavy And All You Can Think Of His How Lifes Becoming Empty ALl Because Of A Smoke True Love And Passion What The Hell Is That Cherry Cheese Cake And Lobster Is Bout It Bout It Cause Im A Thug Lodi Dodi And Shit Ring Around The Roisie Was About The Plague And All Children Play The Game Of Death We Are All Immortal And I Pity Those Who Live Throught It Like Little Bitchs For Twenty Five Cents You Can Ride A Horse Infront Of K Mart For One Minute Twenty Six Seconds Not A Bad Deal Considering Its A Peice Of Shit Whos Head Breaks From One Lousy Kick We Need Swing Sets Other Wise We Will Lose The War You Must Swing Up If You Want To Use The Slint Shot Properly But Hey Use It How You Will Because Im The One Without The Jello Here Cold And Scared That Any Minute The Boogie Man Could Show Up And Devour My Sould Whole A Carton Of Smokes Only Lasts Me A Few Days Cancer Is Going To Take Over My Body And The Symbiot Shall Be The End Of Everything Theres No Such Thing As Cancer Until I See It And Talk To It With My Own Eyes I Will Not Belive It Now Me And Ebola We Had A Conversation Ebolas Just A Badass The Dude You Dont Wanna Open Your Fridge And Find Inside Thats Him Scared Monkeys Piss Three Times As Much As Babys Possiby Cause The Moons Always Looking And Laughing At Me It Judges Me Without Even Knowing I Shall Destroy The Moon The Flag Of Nothing Stands There But THeres No Other Life The Ring Leader Of The Circus Is In Charge Of The Freaks Misfits Who Couldnt Find Any Other Way To Do Anything With Themselves So They Didicate There Lives Scaring Children Sometimes I Wonder If The Malibu Ken Doll Is A Replica Of Me As A Plastic Person It Seems To have All My Features Except The Plastic Bump I Dunno Whats Up With That When Violens Stop The Show Begins And Everyone Leaves One By One The Silence Begins People Get Inline And Walk Out The Door In An Orderly Fasion These Are People With "Class" Class Is Another Way For Not Being Able To Have Fun But Look Down On Others But Then Again That Is Fun better To Rain In Hell Then Serve In Heaven Right No Not Really But Sometimes Its More Then That Im Out Of Room Can No Longer Give

One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy. Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out & read it. "Without your love, I would die."



.:.:.:.
If you REALLY LIKE SOMEONE right now AND MISS THEM and can't get them out of your head then re-post this within 1 mintute and whoever you are missing will surprise you..]

Song by simple plan
*I relate to this song alot...i think everyone does*

[Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you.]



[Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming].




[Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?]



[Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding]



[No one ever lied straight to your face.
And no one ever stabbed you in the back.
You might think I'm happy,
but I'm not gonna be ok.]




[To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life]

Album: Kerosene
Title: I Wanna Die

You know it's so complicated, first you love then you hate it
Someone's laughing, someone's crying, someone livin', someone's dying
Sombody always looses and we still play the game
And the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I aint gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die

You always say that you love me and there is no one above me
Never giving, always takin', never bending, always breaking
I know you aint a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin' on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin' I wanna die

Tear it up, break it down
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
And I'm just another in a long line of fools

Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing, you're crying, you're livin', I'm dyin'
Somebody always looses and we still play the game
Yeah the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I aint gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die

Tear it up, break it down
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
And I'm just another in a long line of fools

Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing you're crying, you're living, I'm dyin'
I know you aint a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin' I wanna die
OHHHH I wanna die
Tear it up Tear it up
um um um

My theraphist gave me a pamplet on cutting and this is what it said......

......The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express - such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief, or the only way to express personal pain over relationships or rejection.......

~*~*~*~*~ I DO NOT cut because of a certain person, just the feelings they give me. i cut because of friends talking about me, my ex and crystal,not being comfortable with my body, my problem with bulimia (yes,i have bulimia and im getting help),and felling so empty. I DO NOT cut for attention i just wanted to put this up here so ppl will stop making my problem about them,its my problem because its my feelings and u just gotta stop bitching and maybe Help me?!?! that seems like a smart idea!!!

                 Jill

 
What I wrote to my ex. He's dating a slut and ... well, it's a long story.... Bitch him out for me: [mr_blizzard]



 I heard you got a new girlfriend?.... and I also heard her name was fucking Crystal, you bastard!!!! You lied to me, I knew it! I hope you have fun with your Slut and I hope you have a good life raising your bastards of children. You liar, you fucking liar. I hope you just pack your things one day and leave GOBLES forever. No one likes you here, NO ONE, except the whores that want to get down your pants, like Crystal. You told me you don't date girls twice. You better think of the ways a lie can backfire on you before you use it for a shitty break-up line. Well ... bite this!!! I'm going to get someone so good he'll treat me like a queen, and you will be there to watch it, just like im here watching you and your whore, feeling it tear at me. Every kiss - think of this - I was your first kiss, every blow-job - think of the one who first gave it to you - me. I hope you burn in hell with me for the things we did. You used me and I hate (not strongly dislike) I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING LIAR! YOU BROKE MY HEART TWICE. WHEN IT FINALLY MENDED, YOU BROKE IT AGAIN WITH THESE LIES! I hope u feel so bad when you see me happy, in another guy's arms. You, dirrty liar you.

Ugh. God. Even just the thought of you gives me that feeling of total nauseating disgust; the feeling of wanting to vomit from every orfice and pore of my body.


                Jill

A girl and guy were speeding, on a motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road..





Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.





Guy: No, this is fun.





Girl: No, it’s not. Please, it’s too scary!





Guy: Then tell me you love me.





Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!





Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.





*Girl hugs him*





Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It’s bugging me.





(In the paper the next day)





A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, butonly one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his
breaks broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved
him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even
though it meant that he would die.
*is you love someone this much put this on you'r site*

I LOVE ALARY!!! *KISSES&HUGS*

hey loser i am in your diary bitches!!! hahahaha well guess what i love you and evan very muches. my boyfriend is a chess club wrestling loser but hes a hottie gotta love him!!!

Blood kissed lips with
scars on her wrists *
youd never thought
it'd come to this '

I tried to say good bye,
but i couldnt....i just broke down and cried,
all the words just came out wrong,
i cant tell you how i feel in this one song,
i know it would take way too long.

i know your so far away,
i havent talked to you for a month and a day,
i know your there, your just not here,
it seems you like to disappear,
it seems that things will never be clear.

i know your stressed,
you always used to say you'd do your best,
i said i loved you and you said you loved me too,
but baby if u loved me, u woulda stayed true,
you dont know what im goin through.

everyone said i couldnt see you no more,
my heart had never felt that way before,
so i called you up, you said baby why you cryin,
i said i cant talk to you no more, thats when my heart started dyin,
you said everything would be just fine and we'd never stop tryin.

then you said you had to go,
i never felt so low,
i wondered why and then fell asleep,
i only thought about what you said, it only made me weep,
i wonder why my dad was such a fcukin creep.

the next day i didnt getta talk to you,
everything was on a different point of view,
one thing just led to the next,
thats when you became my ex,
thats why i write this complicated text.

baby if only you knew how much i still think of you,
it might make you think about what you gotta do,
i want you back,
i still have your words swimming in my head, but its you i still lack.
cuz everything in my world is just so black.

(just something that i thought of before i went to sleep, its not that great and the rhyme scheme is weird but i had to get it out.)
 

Just this once, I need a miracle to happen…I’ve gotten myself way to wound-up to be disappointed to this extent; it would literally kill me…

FUCK FUCK FUCK why can't i be happy for one fucking day without a little black cloud raining on my parade God please just kill me my ex got a new gf and i know it shouldn't bother me but it does cuz i'm still fucking attached to him i don't know why but i loved him and i still do but i don't have enough guts to tell him and even if i did he would just say i'm over reacting and i need to let go but i daon't want to i want the good feeling back i want his strong arms back that would heal my pain and bruises and his funny jokes and the way he could make me feel good and how i felt beautiful around him even though i probally wasn't and he says he dosen't care and i don't want to beleive that i want to beleive he feels the same way i do but he doen't i know and no words can eveb describe how i'm feeling and all i want to do is just run up to him and have him hug me and protect me like he used to but im on my own now and i hate it
I
JUST
WANNA
DIE

Friends Forever!

Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
If you are my friend please anwser this;
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once , but i forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true ,

So I can say I'm here for you.
All of the friends I've ever met,
You're the ones i won't forget.
And if i die befor you do,
I'll go to Heaven
and wait for you

I'll give the angels Back their wings and Risk the loss of everything
Just to prove my friendship is true
I'm thankful i have a friend like you.
 
-even though i did not write it this is to my friend.


My Childhood

My childhood was full of tears
But I refused to let anyone see me cry.
So I bottled my pain for so many years
Along with many prayers that I would die.

Each harsh word tore at my soul
But I refused to show my hurt.
So I kept quiet and endured the abuse
And let them continue to treat me like dirt.

The pain of my childhood still affects me
Even now as I've grown older.
How I would have loved someone to let me cry on their shoulder!

I still hide a lot of my pain
And have a hard time showing my emotions.
I'm so afraid of being rejected
That I can't let myself show total devotion.

And deep in my heart, I guess I still believe
Some of the hurtful things that were said:
That I wasn't worth enough to have friends,
That I would be better off being dead.
-jill

I WANT TO BE A POOPSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't know whats wrong with me
i just wanna be happy again every time i think about him or anything eles thats going on i start crying and i can't seem to be truely happy i got this sick feeling in my stomache and it won't go away I FEEL LIKE DYING but every day I wipe away the dried tears cover up my cuts and brusies and smilie as i walk out the door and to school just to get kicked down when i see him fawning over her it opens that wound a little more and i wish he still cared or at least someone cared i just want some one to take me in there arms and let me ball my eyes out and understand what i'm going though because i feel so alone and i hope someone i know is reading this and will take a hint that i'm not happy and everyday i wake up its just a let down cuz all i want to do is die and i know why and its killing me litteraly

i just found out i'm annoying,boaring and rude
what a wonderful thing to be


P.S Guys suck ass

nop that guy was a dick thats wonderful he brolke up with me after using me how stupid i must have been to belive it when he said i love you but he said it like he ment it hurt when he broke up with me i cried for days fuck i'm crying right now and its been 4 days i cut myself overdosed on some of my moms sleeping pills then woke up in this really nice hospital that smells good were i am writing this diary entry from my wrists hurt i'm so fucking stupid and i'm sick to my stomach cuz even though he broke my heart i still love him well like him but i should probably should listen to my own advice and just give up on men an dturn into a lezbo or sumthin well gtg eat, cry ,cut,then cry some more bye

I got a Boyfriend and i know what i said about Men in my other diary entrie but thats about the JERKS out there cuz for once in my life i feel like he actuly likes me and care and that it dosen't matter what i look like just as long as i'm there and hes the only one to melt my heart a little bit but don't get me wrong I still hate men but this guy could posibly change things. Just as long as what happened the other two times with my ex's dosen't happen. I don't wanna find out hes cheathing on me or three months into the realationship find out hes just a basket full of kittens and muffins

                   Wish me Luck!!!...i guess?!?!?!

"Give Me Novacaine" :Green Day

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than here,
I’ll tell you why

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

Oh Novacaine

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine