Discrimination sucks!

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Isn't this discriminating?

I'm offended by this symbol

How NOT to turn a girl on

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ok, I'm sending you this on Facebook because I don't know if you have AIM sounds turned on that might wake you up.

I feel kinda stupid about the stuff I said yesterday. Yeah, I opened up and told you my life story, but I only told you the bad stuff. It's because I was a bit down at the time; you know how it is, when you're down you tend to emphasize the painful things so that you get sympathy. There have been good things, too; they're just harder to remember at times. ;)

I'm in a much happier mood today, though, after sleeping on it. I want to tell you some more things.

Yeah, I'm a virgin, but not stereotypically so. For one, I actually know anatomy. I mean, my mom is a gynecologist. I've seen plenty of pictures, I could probably tell you every part's scientific name, and I know that some things feel kinda nice and other things feel really good, but not necessarily all the time. It's not like I would be completely bumbling around.

I also know that real people aren't porn stars, that sex is just something to have fun with; not a performance. That real people won't even have all that much fun unless they're relaxed and comfortable with it, that real people don't necessarily put on such a show of enjoying things, that half the stuff in porn isn't actually even enjoyable, but just looks good on camera, and also sometimes that funny stuff might happen and real people can be embarrassed, about their bodies or their performance or whatever.

I've also actually practiced, while masturbating, going for longer and stuff. In fact when I'm whacking off I really hate finishing, because then I have to stop. :P Occasionally I've also been able to double-orgasm, though it takes a bit of effort. However, another thing I do is come really quickly, and then after that I can be turned on again and then last for a really long time (when I've done this I've had to come deliberately the second time, because there was no end in sight and I didn't want my roommate to walk in on me or something :P).

So no, not a stereotypical virgin, as far as I know.

I thought a lot about this last spring and early summer, and decided that all I really wanted to do was break that shell; I knew I wanted to have sex, and I decided I was mentally prepared to just find somebody and do it, no relationship, no whatever. This was last spring, mind you; I didn't just come up with this because I'm hot for you. I joined an adult personals website and put up and ad for myself. I was willing and prepared to meet someone from the internet and just have sex with them, and I still am. In fact, within the next few weeks, I will. I met somebody on the site from Indianapolis way back in June and we've tried to get together several times, but something always came up; it's difficult enough to get our schedules to work out, and then over October break she caught the flu, a few weeks ago I got a sore throat, Thanksgiving break she was in Cincinnati to see relatives, etc. But sometime soon, like probably finals week when we have more free time, I'm going to meet her in Indianapolis, go get a hotel room, and fuck like rabbits for a few hours. If we like it we would consider doing it again, and if we didn't we wouldn't. But we'll probably like it.

Hmm...random fact that didn't fit anywhere else, I guess: When I was co-oping at IBM I went to a nudist park in Austin on several occasions. Most of the people in nudist parks are middle-aged men, probably gay. I didn't care; I let them ogle me when I wasn't looking. Haha...it was kinda fun, except for a guy who followed me around once and kept staring at my ass from the bushes, which was a little creepy, so I left. I have no interest in men at all, but I love being naked outside and I guess I appreciated the attention even though it wasn't the kind I wanted. :P

So yeah. I've been through some hard times which I've told you about, but don't think I couldn't mentally handle sex without attachments. I've been prepared for it since at least last spring. I know full well that most of the time you wouldn't have time for me. I know that after once you may decide I wasn't very good and you wouldn't like to do it again. Hell, you may even just decide you don't want to speak to me again, and I'm prepared to accept that without being hurt.

So I know I said I wouldn't bug you about it anymore, but I have to just get this much out:

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, completely drenched in sweat. My dick was rock hard (which, waking up in the middle of the night, is not in itself unusual) and sticky at the end. The dream I had just been having was still vivid, because I had just woken up, and it involved you of course. I don't mean that to be weird, just as a compliment. After that my bed felt too hot, and also I wanted to whack off but couldn't because my roommate was in the room, and I didn't get back to sleep for like an hour. :P

OK, so I guess that was an odd thing to say. Anyway, what I wanted to say is this: I want to be your slut. I may not have experience, but I have enthusiasm, and I do learn quickly. I don't expect you to "teach me" or coddle me or do anything special for my "first time"; I just want you to sit back and enjoy it. Do whatever comes to mind. I want to be your toy and do whatever you like. I'm not into being dominated, per se, but pleasing other people is what pleases me the most. That's why I don't want you to feel like you gotta do anything for me; I just want to do things for you. Not to imply that I can't be aggressive, either; in fact, I WANT to be aggressive, wild, crazy, fast and hard. But at the same time I wouldn't want to do anything you're not ok with.

Sorry if any of this weirds you out, but you've kind of awakened a closet sex fiend. A virginal sex fiend, but a sex fiend none-the-less. I want to make a few things absolutely clear, though:

1. I would never touch you unless you said yes. So while I may talk about this kinda stuff, don't think I'm gonna flip out or anything. I don't want to hurt you any more than you want to hurt me.

2. I'm perfectly ok if, should you decide to give me a try, that afterwards you then decide you don't want to see me again. I won't be hurt by that.

3. I won't try to build a relationship with you, because I know that's not what you want, but I would still be your friend in addition to being your fuckbuddy; we can hang out and do normal stuff, too. And talk. I like that I can talk to you about everything now.

4. I won't demand attention from you, because I know you're busy and you also have other friends. If I had sex even once a month, that would feel often to me.

5. I AM interested in relationships still, just with other people. Sex is awesome and I would love having it, but I do think I also want more than that and therefore I would be pursuing other people with that in mind. If I find a relationship, I would stop having sex with you at least while I'm in that relationship (because cheating just isn't nice :P). I'd still talk to you and hang out, though.

So I guess that's my last try. :P

Please consider. If you're not comfortable just jumping full into things or something, maybe we could work something out halfway. I would love to see what I could do for you orally; maybe we could say "no penetration allowed" (even if you beg for it ;)), and then if you like what I can do you can say yes and if you don't you can say no. I have no problem being told I wasn't quite good enough, because I know I've not exactly had practice or anything, but I do think I would do better than you might expect.

Maybe you're just uncomfortable with the idea of spending time with someone who isn't good enough, or at least with the idea of telling them so, because you're afraid to hurt them. But believe me, I would take it as constructive feedback; not as a devastating slight or anything. And who knows, you may even be surprised.

At any rate, I would much rather have the honest truth than dressed-up versions of it designed not to hurt my feelings. If the truth hurts, so be it; that's neither your fault, nor mine.

I won't ask for an answer right away. In fact I'd prefer you thought about it. I would really enjoy it, even once, and I know you would too (at least, after you understand where I'm coming from completely, which I think you do after reading what I wrote last night and this combined). I don't want you to do it because I'm needy, but because you want to, so take whatever time you need, but please don't dismiss me out of hand.

I want to talk with you in person again. I think I will be more talkative than last time, now that you've cracked my shell. :P

I have time between 12:00 and 1:30 today for lunch, and after 5:30 for dinner. If you can see me one of those times, please let me know!

Pijnlijke gaten
Hartvolledig
Leeg gelopen

Weggegaan
Weggevlucht
Niet snel genoeg?

Ik
Zie
Jij

Weggestormd
Weggewerveld
Niet snel genoeg?

Stromende gaten
Zielvolledig
Dood gemaakt

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Ik vind hem wel geslaagd.

I'm going to change my proifile.
A lot.
(Or that's the idea.)

I'm going to put more on wiki's, and like shorten my house uberley.
But I'm keeping my old house.$
Here it is.

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Starting here.

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Welkom to |{4'y|/|3 where your ass is pwned.


I'm offended by this symbol

Please look at "Thé warning" and "How to use kayne" before engaging conversation with me.

CHAPTERS :

1: [#Marriage#] Boring, unless you know me.
2: [#Thé description#] If you want to know me, this is important.
3: [#Discussion points#] If you want to know me, this is important.
4: [#Rants#] If you want to know me, this is important.
5: [#My personal wiki's#] (with explenation: poetry, short story's, quotes,...) Boring, unless you know me.
6: [#Other stuff#]Boring, unless you know me.
7: [#Ultimates.#]Boring, unless you know me.
8: [#Special projects#]Boring, unless you know me.
9: [#Ending#]Boring, unless you know me.

1)

07/04/04

           

It was a happy ceremony, the groom, [Kayne] was handsome as ever, the bride, [iippo] was shining and the weather was lovely. See what happened at iippo's wedding.

2)

Thé description

I'm kayne

I'm (a):
psychopat - arrogant - smart - philosopher - culturesnob - n00bhater - elitest person - wikimancer - footballplayer - not nice - poet - writer - stalker - humoursnob - playgan - fake goth - pornwatcher - ...

But most of all I'm an individual and there aren't much people that can say that.


I have a very active diary, please read it.
<diary:494810> - <diary:494777> - <diary:494801> - <diary:431420> - <diary:496712> - <diary:507866> - <diary:512356> - <diary:519984>
(Just a few of the "interesting" ones)

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My name is not capitalised. So don't write it with a freakin capital. Eccept when you are blind, then you are forgiven. (And also when you are an idiot.) The extra "c" ad the end of my name stands for "citizen". I haven't seen the movie "Citizen Kane" but I have heard enough about it to know that I want a reference to him in my name.
If you don't know "Citizen kane" I expect you to see the movie. It isn't considered the best movie ever for no reason. So if you haven't seen him, go and see him. If you have seen him then good. See him again.

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I'm not a biseksual. The only reason my ET house says that is because I would have no problem kissing someone of the same gender - if I like him and/or I think he is goodlooking. Does that make me a biseksual? No, that makes me adventures. You have to have done everything in your life. Even something like that.

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I think black people are ugly. Does that make me a racist? No. It doesn't. It just makes me picky. But really, black people are so ugly. I couldn't bare the thought of kissing a black person. That thought discusts me. I don't really know why. I just think that 'black' is ugly as a skincolour. Some people think fat is ugly. Some people think ugly teeth are ugly (I also think that). And I think that black people are ugly. Deal.

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3)

Discussion points

Some possible subjects to discuss with me.
Abortion:
I would say no. Unless the women's life is in danger, when the child is created by a rapist or when the child has physical/psycholical problems.
People who are terminally ill can commit suicide, helped by doctors:
Yes, if they want to die with honour and without too many pain, give it to them.
Use brain dead people for organs:
Yes, They are notting more then a flower or such now and the least they can do now is be usefull for other people.
Philosophy:
Anything. Ethics - certain philisophers. (See below)
America is stupid:
America isn't stupid. They just have a lot of biased people in it.
I hate Anarchism:
If there is one "life-philosophy" I utterly hate then it must be anarchism. No laws, No possesions,... How ignorant can one be. (My anti-anarchism rant)
My rants:
Just check them below - I will listen if you have something to say about it.

Feel free to start a random discussion just make sure it is interesting.

4)

Rants.

Fuck you peter Jackson He destroyed LOTR. The prick.
Critisism people? Why can't people critisize others?
Movie: the village Sucked.
you like me? Nope.
Rant against anti-gothicfreak ( Dutch)
annoying biodescription1
Belgiumrant ( dutch )
gothicrant Just to get things clear.
math calculation Why don't people get that 1=0.999...?
My anti-anarchism rant Fuck you, you anarchistisch - I need attention - fucks.

5)

My personal wiki's

my personal favourites Here are my poems I like the most.
Midnightwalks Here is my shortstory. (Not for sensible readers.)
The wiki for bored people The wiki for bored people who want to play a game.
The wiki for old things Here I keep my old house stuff.
A wiki For things that were in my mood.
I don't like these people Just don't be here.
kayne's quotes These are my personal quotes. Things I said.
My paint My paintdrawings. Just having a laugh.

6)

Other stuff.

I want to describe myself in 18 words/short sentences. Feel free to suggest something

- /
- /
- /
- /
- /
- /
- The new 10 commands
- /
- /
- I pwn - you pwn - he/she/it pwns - we pwn - you pwn - they pwn
- /
- [Gosu]
- Heautontimoroumenos (I dare you to search what that means)
- /
- /
- /
- /
- /

7)

Ultimates

Ultimate music list (random order)
Nirvana - Rhcp - Muse - Radiohead - Tenaciuos D - Herman Van Veen - Boudewijn De Groot - The White Stripes - The Killers - Yann Tiersen - Pink Floyd - Metallica - Franz Ferdinand - Garbage - Gorki - Faithless - Coldplay - U2 - Sound Garden - Stijn - Velvet Underground - ...

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Ultimate philosopers list (random order/ Dutch spelling)
Diogenes - Socrates - Plato - Aristoteles - Anselmus - Hume - Locke - Nietsche - Berkeley - Machiavelli - Thales - Zeno - Parmenides - Thomas Van Aquino - Bentham - ...

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Ultimate word list (random order)
w00t - w00y - n00b - prick - *pokes* - *mudders* - I luB y00 - Slet - Bitch - Pwn - ...

---

Ultimate Television list (Movies/Programmes - Random order)
Pulp fiction - Friends - Forrest Gump - Amelie Poulain -Simpsons - Monty Python Everyone - Futurama - Fahrenheit 9/11 (Not because of it's accuray but it was just hilarious) - Finding Nemo - Shrek 2 - Spiderman (Yes, I do mean the cartoons and not the movie) - ... - The Truman Show - Dogville - Das Experiment - 6th sence - The others

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Ultimate andom list (As you can see this list is empty because there can only be random if I didn't know I was typing there. Else it won't be random. And to be completly exact - I shouldn't even know I was typing.)

8)

Special projects

Oke - new project.
Questionnaire
Go here to take the test.

Old projects: alternative

9)

The end.

This was again a boring bio. Not.
I have a fairly interesting bio. Deal with it.
It outpwns most of the bio's on ET.
However there are a few who outpwn me. My wife's - [iippo] - bio is one of them.
[windowframe] and [deus-ex-machina] both rock whores too.
The only thing that could be better is grammar.
But hey - I'm not English. I'm excused.

My bio is evolving non-stop so always watch out for changes.

It seems that I don't say too much about myself but I do.
Just don't takte it all too serious and learn to read between the lines.
That will always help.

Auf wiederschien. (Or something.)



[#]
This is ugly.

[Pornography]
Funny God Arguments

C.B.

---

It was absolutly fucking marvelous.
I luB you. Über. Muchos.
It was only one hour, but one hour really well spent.
Man (or better; women), you were - what's the word - gentle?
That is (normally) so unlike you.
But you were.

You are going to make one man really, really happy some day.

Me.
Er is maar een tekstje waar ik geheel niet akkoord mee ga.

---

Beste Lode, gelieve hieronder een samenvatting van de beschrijving van jouw temperament te vinden, gebaseerd op de uitspraken die jij hebt aangeduid.

SAMENVATTING TEMPERAMENT VAN LODE

Lode is een man met een missie.

Lode is zelfverzekerd en heeft een grote bereidheid om verantwoordelijkheid op te nemen, zodanig zelfs dat er gevaar bestaat zichzelf te overschatten. Hij is een echte "manager" die, zowel thuis als in het bedrijfsleven, recht op het doel afgaat, met inzet van alle middelen: hij neemt initiatief, plant, geeft instructies, volgt op. Lode neemt het voortouw en bezit wellicht leiderschapskwaliteiten, hij houdt er in elk geval van om in een groep de leiding te nemen. Hij is graag de baas en zijn omgeving aanvaardt dit meestal. Hij speelt ook graag de vedette, staat graag in het middelpunt van de belangstelling.


Lode is een sterke man, een man van de actie, boordevol energie, ambitieus en competitief ingesteld. Hij is een bezige bij en voelt zich op zijn ongemak indien hij niets om handen heeft. Luiheid is hem onbekend. Ook lafheid kent hij niet.


Hij streeft er dan ook naar om nieuwe gebieden te verkennen en te veroveren. Afhankelijk van zijn beroep en omstandigheden kan dit zijn: van job veranderen, nieuwe projecten opstarten, nieuwe sporten of hobby?s uitproberen, avontuurlijke reizen ondernemen, ...

Toch gaat Lode meestal niet onbezorgd door het leven, omdat hij zichzelf vaak kwelt door zijn streven naar het onhaalbare, naar wat ver weg is en niet bereikbaar of moeilijk te krijgen.

Lode verfoeit immers het alledaagse, het gemiddelde en het banale, en streeft naar het hogere, ook al is het moeilijk bereikbaar, en schuwt geen risico's om dit te kunnen bereiken, er dreigt zelfs gevaar voor (niet noodzakelijk fysieke) roekeloosheid.

Hij wil graag voor iets kunnen strijden, maar vaak zal dit doel al veel van zijn aantrekkingskracht verloren hebben wanneer het binnen handbereik komt, omdat hij onvoldoende op prijs stelt wat hij heeft.

Ook op het relationele vlak zal hij streven naar Iemand die moeilijk bereikbaar is (of al een partner heeft). Een potenti?le partner die gemakkelijk te veroveren of al binnen bereik is, is in zijn ogen immers veel minder interessant. Vaak zullen zijn relaties daarom een patroon kennen van aantrekken en terug afstoten. Een geliefde die hem afwijst zal dikwijls terug extra aantrekkelijk worden in zijn ogen. Hij kan er dan ook zeer moeilijk tegen als een relatie door de ander stopgezet wordt, hij vat dit zeer persoonlijk op.

Lode kent immers een zeer diep verlangen naar emotionele verbondenheid en intense relaties. Hij worstelt met het gevoel iets wezenlijks te missen in zijn leven, en voelt zich hierdoor als het ware in de steek gelaten. Een en ander vertaalt zich ook in het feit dat Lode gemakkelijk jaloers is, mede doordat hij er van overtuigd is dat anderen wel hebben wat ze willen.

Net als de drang naar het moeilijk bereikbare op vlak van relaties, zal Lode ook op professioneel gebied voortdurend op zoek gaan naar nieuwe uitdagingen, liefst verschillende tegelijk, vaak zonder zich vooraf goed af te vragen of hij deze uitdagingen wel zal aankunnen. Hij neemt voortdurend teveel hooi op de vork. En in een commerci?le functie zal hij vooral renderen als de concurrentie het hoogst is, zonder concurrentie dreigt hij als het ware in te dommelen. Hij is een echt jagerstype.

Lode zoekt dus steeds de actie op, zonder daarom noodzakelijk te lang stil te staan bij de gevolgen op lange termijn. Hij is daarbij ook sterk competitiegericht: hij wil graag winnen en - vooral als hij eerder klein van gestalte is - zelfs als dat ten koste van anderen gaat. Obstakels zijn er om uit de weg geruimd te worden, de omgeving is er om onderworpen te worden.

Lode houdt van de kracht van het jeugdig lichaam, en hij voelt zich onbehaaglijk bij de gedachte aan de onvermijdelijke aftakeling van het lichaam bij het oud worden; daarom gaat hij op zoek naar de eeuwige jeugd, en zal alles in het werk stellen om er zo lang mogelijk jong uit te zien. Tevergeefs echter : er is een goede kans dat hij er ouder uit ziet dan zijn leeftijd, reeds als tiener was dat zo. Het verlies van de jeugd zal hij vaak compenseren door op jacht te gaan naar status en succes.

Lode is sterk in het aanbrengen van orde en structuur, ook op mentaal gebied: hij denkt op een geordende en systematische manier. Lode is zeer voorspelbaar, zal bijvoorbeeld zelden van mening of van mentale ingesteldheid veranderen. Hij is met andere woorden koppig en weinig flexibel, en is snel overtuigd van zijn eigen gelijk. Lode kijkt iedereen recht in de ogen en zegt zijn gedacht, en dit misschien niet altijd op een diplomatische manier. Als een onverwachte zaak zich aandient, dan is hij ook een van de eersten om hierover zijn mening te geven. Hij neemt zichzelf misschien te ernstig, vindt het in elk geval erg als hij niet ernstig genomen wordt.

Indien Lode geconfronteerd wordt met een tegenslag, dan gaat hij niet in een hoekje zitten, dan gaat hij ook geen troost zoeken bij anderen, maar dan treft hij onmiddellijk de maatregelen die zich opdringen. Maar waarschijnlijk reageert hij zich eerst af : misschien slaat hij wel met de deuren, misschien reageert hij zich af via sport, begint hij met de grote schoonmaak, gaat hij uitgebreid winkelen, maakt hij een ritje met de wagen, ... Maar indien Lode een succes geboekt heeft, dan zal hij het ook niet verborgen houden: vreugdekreten zijn dan niet uit de lucht.

Lode heeft er een hekel aan opgesloten te zijn in een kleine ruimte. Hij houdt van ruime kamers en open vlakten. Misschien lijdt hij zelfs aan claustrofobie. Hij houdt ook niet van sluitende kledij, en houdt er in de zomer ook van (half)naakt te slapen. Lode heeft dan ook een uitstekende ruimtelijke ori?ntatie, hij zal niet gauw verloren lopen.

In vergelijking met zijn leeftijdsgenoten is Lode een ochtendmens. Hij slaapt goed en diep ? en zal daarom niet langer slapen dan nodig is - en droomt zelden. Hij heeft ook weinig slaap nodig, heeft ? opnieuw in vergelijking met zijn leeftijdsgenoten - geen moeite om ?s morgens op te staan en is ook al snel aan de slag.


Lode is niet contemplatief ingesteld, heeft minder aandacht voor wat zich binnen hem afspeelt. Hij heeft nauwelijks directe toegang tot zijn onbewuste. Daardoor is hij zich zelden bewust van zijn dromen heeft hij te weinig inzicht in zijn drijfveren. Vandaar is hij ook gemakkelijk te hypnotiseren. Hij kan zelfs een operatie ondergaan onder hypnose, zonder verdere verdoving.

Lode heeft een voorliefde voor paarden, en houdt ook van honden ( bedoeld wordt : ?chte honden, zoals Herders, Rottweilers, Dobbermans, ... ).


Lode kan zeer goed tegen lawaai, en maakt er zelf ook nogal wat, zijn stem draagt bijvoorbeeld ver. Vaak zal hij zijn radio hard zetten. Hij houdt vooral van muziek met een flink ritme.

Lode heeft geen probleem om een maaltijd over te slaan, maar is ook in staat om grote porties te verorberen, bijna zoals een leeuw zijn prooi verscheurt. Onder invloed van alcohol wordt hij nog actiever en nog uitbundiger dan hij normaal al is.

Lode heeft geen uitgebreid sociaal leven. Daarvoor besteedt hij te weinig aandacht aan zijn eigen gevoelens en deze van anderen. Hij komt soms te analytisch en te onpersoonlijk over. In gezelschap bepaalt hij liefst de spelregels.



Is Lode geen typische macho ?

---

Verdomme, dit is te accuraat.

Today

---

How the hell did I managed to miss like 30 minutes of Latinclass? How did I do that? Seriously. I was like 5 minutes (or so it seemed) away with my thoughts (thinking about Leibniz and Spinosa and a bit of Marx) and when I 'woke' up, it apparently was like 30 minutes. I  missed a complete Latin translation. They translated it without me. o.0 Couldn't someone wake me up? Like, I supporse it should be noticeable if I'm away with my thoughts, right? Right? Meh, it's like getting überly disturbing. I know I sometimes get lost in thoughts but never this bad in school. If this continues then I'm going to have a serious problem. :/
Meh, meh, meh!


Edit: And to think that I had this whole philosophical thing worked out, but now I can't remember even the half of it.

Mayor sulk.