Im not even sure where to start, Im not sure if this is just stupid teenage shit... well I know some of it is. I feel horrible today, Ive felt horrible alot lately. Im not really sure why, its kinda making my day to day life diffcult. Ill be walking and not really thinking of anything, Ill just break down in tears. I know I have those who care for me very much, I have those who flatter me with complaiments. Where is thier propose in my life what part do they play, or what part do I play in thier lives. I look at photos of people Ive cared about and wonder if I made even the slightest difference. there is two of these people that I keep photos of, both wonderful people I lost in some sort of way. it saddens me to think how I could love both of them so much and lose them. Im not sure where I might of gone wrong with these things but it seems I have.
Recently there is one person who Ive begun to talk to alot and have become fond of having in my life. Thou I have made a mistake I did not mean to do so much Im not even sure what I was thinking. Anyway I want to tell this person so much what I have done wrong but I know this will hurt them. I dont think Id be able to deal with hurting this person because I dont want to lose another in my life. Maybe its not so much about losing them but that I might be losing a piece of happiness Ive gained from them being around me.
Im going to be turning 16 soon and Im so scared of it because I know that not long after Ill be graduating. I dont even know what college Ill be going to or even what Ill go to college for and I would hate to spend money on somthing then go and change my mind. I would love to go for my art I know Im not great but I love my art. Im not sure I could love my art the way I do now if I was trying to earn money by because I dont think Im that good not yet. I love to cook its one of my favorite things to do. I love to making deserts for my friends and just to make it. Im not so sure I could do that either for a job. My mom says Id be great as a phlebotomist which I almost agree with her cause I dont mind blood and Im so use to needles. To be a phlebotomist thou I would for sure have to go far away for college. I mean yea I might have it abit easier when it comes to going to college because I will get grant money or watever from the tribe (Native American or Indain). which Is great it really is but I might find it hard to ask for it because I have never been able to quite accept that bit of me. I dont think Ive been able to accept much of me, I think Ive always thought of myself as an out cast even to my own life. I think itd be fun to try myself at modeling but I dont think Im that good looking or skinny (yes I know not all models are skinny). Some day I would really like to take some sort of dance because I love to dance and listen to the music.
I know that my knowledge is very small but I think its suppose to be that way I am only 15 right now. Im going to be graduating in a year thou Ill be 16 thats the age most teenagers are just getting use to highschool and the girls are all boy crazy or girl crazy whatever the case may be. There are so many things Im gonna have to decide and Ill only be 16 Im not sure I can do that.Maybe Im making a big deal out of nothing Im not sure all I know is Im scared.

[I Need To Be Crtl + Alt Deleted]

I had to do a report for american history for somthing about World War Two so here is my report: (its 800 words)

I told the witchdoctor, I was in love with you
I told the witchdoctor, I was in love with you
And than the witchdoctor, he told me what to do
He said that

ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang

I told the witchdoctor, you didn't love me true
I told the witchdoctor, you didn't love me nice
And than the witchdoctor, he gave me this advice
He said that

ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang

You been keeping love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out to find myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart

My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you

ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang

You been keeping love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out to find myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart

My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you

Oh, baby
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang (come on and)
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang

ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabingbang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabangbang

Ok so no I dont know what IEP stands for but thats what the meeting at my school was called. Pretty much it was to see what I needed left and how I was doing. So anyway I only need a few more classes and a job. with the job and class credit I will graduate at the age of 16 and be the youngest student to graduate from Willard Highschool. I will also be the 2nd to graduate highschool at the age of 16 in my family. Im scared of the future but I also enbrace it with open arms and open eyes. I know I will have great challenges to come but I believe that I can do it because I am strong. I have gone threw so much to get to where I am. Last year I wont even of dreamed of graduating next year or of feeling so wonderful and powerful. Im happy with where my life is heading and where I am in life right now. Ive also been single for awhile now it seems but its alright because most likely it wouldnt last.

anyway that my life updated.
love you all and have a wonderful time.
sincerly,
Fall

How the hell did I become so stupid to fall for every little thing she tells me. What makes me believe anything anymore. Im so sick of being played with. It tears me apart so much and guess what because of her Im cutting again. I havent cut in over six months. Im to fucking fragle. How could someone have so much power over me. This tears me apart so much. Hun look what you did to me and tell me again if you love me and see if I believe you. What should make me believe you. Your still with her after all you said to me. Im so stupid!!

EveryOne Should Watch These
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMz7YgliOIQ&search=memoirs%20of%20a%20geshia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1NL2RzugVE

[.....please..........]

[KILL ME PLEASE BEFORE I KILL ME]

Colouring Competition 3_Poll vote for fav

I thought that maybe you guys might find this convo intersting I did... changed the guys name so you cant contact him but the fall_angel13 is me

I dont know I really dont know. Ive been shackie all day I couldnt even eat lunch of breakfast. Its not my daibetes its not cuase Im getting sick. I believe dreams warn of a future if your not to careful. Maybe I should take the sign as I need to live life to its fullist. Im not sure but I do know Im scared to the point of I cant eat I cant drink and I can barely stand also Ive barely said two words today. Im so scared and Im not sure what to do. Last night I felt sick to my stomach before I fell asleep this, morning I woke up and was taking a shower and I had my eyes closed relaxing when I started slightly dream but I wasnt sleeping. Anyway the dreams stopped and everything was black then suddenly there was a skull just a skull it was all beaten and bloody. Is it just a bad dream or is it a sign of things to come? Am I overacting like my mom says?... Also someone that depresses me is back at school but I know that cant be the reason for the dream.

Maybe Its now that Im suppose to walk away just simply turn my back on everyone I thought cared for me and just simply walk away and save them from myself

[Sometimes Im so alone that Im not sure Im still living]

Im so cool, so important, and loved by everyone.... Well use to be

I know I cant say that it doesnt hurt to see someone I like with my best friend I also cant say Im not happy for the both of them. Its bothers me more then Id like. Today I had to walk away more then 10 times just so I wont hurt myself or start crying. One of these times I decided to go swing on the swing so I jumped on with one foot where your butt goes and just swung for awhile thinking. My wrist hurts also but not cause I cut persay.

well love you guys and if any of this bothers you Im sorry

report of american history enjoy


In 1692 from June to September nineteen men and women were convicted of witchcraft
and hung. One man was pressed by a large rock till he died. Many stayed in a
jail cell for months in till trail and hanging.

There is no answer to the questions that could be asked. Like why did it happen? Was it
simple teenage boredom or the war close to Salem, economic conditions, congregational strife,
and even personal jealousy? It could be a number of simple things but only you can decide what it
truly was.

In 1688 Samuel Parris was invited by John Putman one of Salem's Village elders, he was
invited to preach in the village church. A year later in 1689 the final negotiations over salary,
inflation adjustments, and free wood, Parris accepted the job as the Village Minster. Parris and his
family Elizabeth his wife, his six-year-old daughter Betty, niece Abigail Williams, and his Indian
slave Tituba moved that same year to Salem Village.

In the winter of 1692 Parris' daughter Betty became strangely ill. She dashed about, dove
under furniture, contorted in pain, and complained of fever. Her symptoms may have come from a
number of things or a combination of stress, asthma, guilt, child abuse, epilepsy, and delusional
psychosis but there were other theories. Some of these theories changed because of a book that
was written about a Irish woman that was suspected of witchcraft, written by Cotton Mather. In
the book Cotton wrote how the afflicted people would act, Betty's behaviors were much like the
ones written in the book.

Soon Betty's playmates began to get sick eleven-year-old Ann Putman, seventeen-year-old
Mercy Lewis, and Mary Walcott. William Griggs examined the children; Griggs tried a secret
remedy on the children that failed. After the failure of his secret remedy Griggs suggested that the
cause of their sickness may be supernatural. What made this seem likely was the fact that talk of
witches targeting the children was.

Mary Sibley, a neighbor proposed a spell of sort to counter "the witches". Sibley told
Tituba Parris' Indian slave to bake rye cake with the urine of the afflicted victim and feed the cake
to a dog (Dogs were believed to be used by witches as agents to carry out their devilish
commands.) Tituba was suspected as a witch. Tituba was suspected of witchcraft because she
would tell the girls tales of omens, voodoo, and witchcraft from her native folklore.



Not to soon after Tituba was the main suspect the number of childeren sick grew to
seven.These girls would fall in frozen postures, and complained of a biting and pinching feeling.
To find the witch became a obession within this little once quiet village of Salem.

On Febuary 29th there was a arrest arrant released with permission to arrest Tiuba, Betty
Parris, and Abigail Williams.With this the Witchhunt began. Ann Putman and Mercy Lewis
reported seeing witches flying in the winter mist.

Tituba, Sarah Good, and Sarah Osborn were the first three to be accused of witchcraft.
Good was not of highclass or even middle class she was a beggar and stayed wherever someone
would let her.Osborn had not attended church in over a year and was very old. The sick childeren
described being attacked by the three women. When in the presence of one of the suspects they
would fall to the ground in contortions. Other villagers reported stories of foood going bad and
deformities after vists of the suspects. The supspects were asked many queastions by the
magistrates.

Sarah Good's four-year-old daughter Dorcas Good was accusedof being a witch and was
the first Child to become accused of witchcraft. Dorcas was arrested, she was kept in jail for eight
months,watched her mother get carried off to the gallows.

The accused began to see admitting it as a way of avoiding the gallows. The jails became
quickly full and on the brink of chaos. A new court was created by Governor Phips to just hear
witch craft cases; this court was called the "court of oyer and terminer". Chief Justice, and most
influential member of the court, was a gung-ho witch hunter named William Stoughton. Mather
urged Stoughton and the other judges to credit confessions and admit "spectral evidence"
(testimony by afflicted persons that they had been visited by a suspect's specter). Ministers were
looked to for guidance by the judges, who were generally without legal training, on matters
pertaining to witchcraft. Mather's advice was heeded. the judges also decided to allow the
so-called "touching test" (defendants were asked to touch afflicted persons to see if their touch, as
was generally assumed of the touch of witches, would stop their contortions) and examination of
the bodies of accused for evidence of "witches' marks" (moles or the like upon which a witch's
familiar might suck)Evidence that would be excluded from modern courtrooms-- hearsay, gossip,
stories, unsupported assertions, surmises-- was also generally admitted. Many protections that
modern defendants take for granted were lacking in Salem: accused witches had no legal counsel,
could not have witnesses testify under oath on their behalf, and had no formal avenues of appeal.
Defendants could, however, speak for themselves, produce evidence, and cross-examine their
accusers. The degree to which defendants in Salem were able to take advantage of their modest
protections varied considerably, depending on their own acuteness and their influence in the
community.

The first accused witch to be brought to trial was Bridget Bishop. Almost sixty years old,
owner of a tavern where patrons could drink cider ale and play shuffleboard (even on the
Sabbath), critical of her neighbors, and reluctant to pay her her bills, Bishop was a likely candidate
for an accusation of witchcraft.As the summer of 1692 warmed, the pace of trials picked up. Not
all defendants were as disreputable as Bridget Bishop. Rebecca Nurse was a pious, respected
woman whose specter, according to Ann Putnam, Jr. and Abagail Williams, attacked them in mid
March of 1692. People who scoffed at accusations of witchcraft risked becoming targets of
accusations themselves. One man who was openly critical of the trials paid for his skepticism with
his life.

By early autumn of 1692, Salem's lust for blood was ebbing. Doubts were developing as
to how so many respectable people could be guilty. Reverend John Hale said, " It cannot be
imagined that in a place of so much knowledge, so many in so small compass of land should
abominably leap into the Devil's lap at once."

 By the time the witchhunt ended, nineteen convicted witches were executed, at least four
accused witches had died in prison, and one man, Giles Corey, had been pressed to death. About
one to two hundred other persons were arrested and imprisoned on witchcraft charges. Two dogs
were executed as suspected accomplices of witches.

 A period of atonement began in the colony. Samuel Sewall, one of the judges, issued a
public confession of guilt and an apology. Several jurors came forward to say that they were
"sadly deluded and mistaken" in their judgments. Reverend Samuel Parris conceded errors of
judgment, but mostly shifted blame to others. Parris was replaced as minister of Salem village by
Thomas Green, who devoted his career to putting his torn congregation back together. Governor
Phips blamed the entire affair on William Stoughton. Stoughton, clearly more to blame than
anyone for the tragic episode, refused to apologize or explain himself. He criticized Phips for
interfering just when he was about to "clear the land" of witches. Stoughton became the next
governor of Massachusetts.

   The witches disappeared, but witchhunting in America did not. Each generation must learn the
lessons of history or risk repeating its mistakes. Salem should warn us to think hard about how to
best safeguard and improve our system of justice.

Is it bad I cry?no never. Is it bad that I cant forgive someone I want to? I dont know. Was I meant to do somthing about it more then just sit back and watch my life fly by? I dont know. What could I of done? I dont know. Can you turn lovers to friends? I wish I knew. Can I forgive myself? no. Can I forgive them? probally not. Can I surive this? I wish I knew. So last night I cryed alot this morning I wrote a pome not so good but o well



I thought I forgave
forgiving isnt as easy as that
Maybe Ill never forgive
My tears flowed from betrayal
What can I do now
Maybe it was my fault for being so blind
you couldnt have loved me
Your just a wonderful liear
What am I suppose to do
forgiveing you easyily
just because you lie
tell me what I want to hear
that dont mean Im gonna forgive
Ill never trust you
I was to fragile
Now Im...
Broken

ok I come home and get on I click on "view messages" there is one just one that sticks out more then the rest because all it says is QUEER just like that I like on it and then click to get into thier house to see if Ive ever messaged them and if there would be a good reason for them to be angry or somthing to do this to me and I hadnt. So I report it to the gaurds and Ill leave it to them to deal with but it is really upsetting most of all since I was having a good day and that just kinda bums me to see so much hate geared to me just because I love females.