[beautiful _ darkness]'s diary
Written about Friday 2006-12-29
Written: (6538 days ago)
I wish I could make things feel ok
I wish I knew if Ive made that right choices
I wish I was stronger
I wish I didnt have these thoughts I have right now
I wish I wasnt crying
I wish that I knew what is going on
I wish I didnt feel sick
I wish I knew the right words to say
I wish I knew how to fix things that are going wrong
I wish I didnt hurt
I wish I could help...
Hang The Stars With Me
Will you come fly with me
On wings of hearts in love
Come with me
Fly with me
To dark skys
Brighten the sky with me
So will you come..
Hang the stars with me
To brighten a dark world
For you brighten my world
You helped me fly
With wings of a heart in love
WIll you soar the skies with me
Shall we hold hands to the top of the world
To hang stars
For a world so dark with hate
Brighten the world with love
So will you come...
Hang the stars with me
To brighten a dark world
Will you hang the first star
Of the night
The one children will wish upon
With such hope, innocents, and love
So please come...
Hang the stars with me
written by me on 11-30-2006
It's kind of ironic how it turned out, some of the song titles seem to fit, but if you know the songs, they actually make no sense.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting.
Here we go!
Opening Credits:
I Hate Everything About YOu - three Days Grace
Waking Up:
immortal - Kittie
First Day At School:
Higher Than Hope - Nightwish
Falling In Love:
Circle - Lacuna coil
Fight Song:
Tribute - Tenacious D
Breaking Up:
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Prom:
Numb - Linkin Park
Life:
Devil and The Deep Dark Ocean - Nightwish
Mental Breakdown:
Bolvard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Driving:
White America - Eminem
Flashback:
Heavens a lie - Lacuna coil
Getting back together:
Dead Boy's Peom - Nightwish
Wedding:
Better Than This - Kittie
Birth of Child:
Heart Shaped Box - Evanescence
Final Battle:
Mosh - Eminem
Death Scene:
Dead Gardens - Nightwish
Funeral Song:
Hello - Evanescence (strangely that kinda fits)
End Credits:
Wait and Bleed - Slipknot
In Loveing Memory of Buzz Blastic
At 6Am, Friday September 15th, 2006, Buzz Blastic of Willard died of a heartattack in his sleep.If you knew Buzz, you'd know that he was a wonderful teacher. He taught for over 30 years and he loved what he did. He woke up everyday to come to Willard and teach us students with a smile on his face.
One of the greatest teacher to ever teach at any highschool died this morning. Im going to miss him so much because he was a wonderful teacher. He always had a smile on his face and he was happy doing what he did. I... I just cant believe he is gone.
this is my scary step daddy
http://www.you
P.S.
sorry to all if I havent been around much kinda had other things going on
well Im gonna be going back home tomorrow so will be able to talk to you all then
A nice simple bang would probally slove it all. I wish I had a gun to put to my head. The gun would go bang and blood would flow with blackness.
O and Im gonna be gone for a long awhile Im gonna be staying with my grandma for like a week out of town.
Conventional medicine holds diabetes a disorder, which cannot be cured but only controlled. Once affected, one has to live with it. Where as the unani Hakeems say diabetes is not the end of the road. They strongly believe that a total cure is possible through enlivening the inactive pancreatic cells, which are responsible for this condition.
There is a saying among traditional Indian medicine practitioners that with modern, western drugs, often the cure is worse than the disease. Of course there are many exceptions but where diabetes is concerned, the side effects caused due to constant intake of western medicine of sure leads to various ailments, often as discomforting as diabetes itself. The most important difference between, western medicine and unani treatment is that, unani therapy try to make the pancreas to once again function at a normal and their natural level. There is no western medicine, which rejuvenates the pancreases. Unani, with its herbo-mineral treatment course achieve this.
Then why most people did not follow the age-old medicinal methods like unani treatment itself and saved themselves of a lot of agony got about through side effects from western drugs? If you ask us we think the most important problem faced is not the disease but the ignorance about the disease. Take for instance diabetes itself. According to most people, the best way to keep diabetes at bay or keep the sugar level down is to avoid sugar and chocolates and indulging the sweets both. The fact is that avoiding sweet things is just one aspect of keeping the sugar level at the normal level. There are innumerable requirements that a diabetic patient has to adhere to and only then would the sugar level really be kept at a normal level. For example, the patient has to take regular walks and do simple exercise. Basically make certain that perspiration takes place to burn the sugar. There are innumerable things apart from sugar, which has to be avoided. Starchy food like rice, potato & bread should be avoided. Certain vegetables like bitter gourd & French beans be consumed more to bring down the sugar level to normal and help insulin to flow. It is only when all these things adhered, them the blood sugar level will be steady.
According to the prominent unani physician & researcher Hakeem Tajuddin Hashmi, the western medicine has it's limitations as the philosophy is to treat the disease where as unani treatments are concerned that the aim is to treat the person as a whole. "It is for t his reason itself that till now there is not a single western drug that can claim to treat and heal pancreas. So it you take western drugs all you are doing is trying to keep the sugar level at the required level. The main problem that has caused diabetes which is the non functioning of the pancreas is not attended to and thus the patient is either on insulin or on heavy drugs life long which in the end lead to kidney and liver problems.
For instance there are oils that can affect the hormonal balance in the body directly or indirectly. As a direct action, the oils work as phytohormones in the same way as that an animal or human hormone would work on the body. The oils also act indirectly by triggering a particular gland into action or by balancing hormonal secretion in some way. Thus black peeper, fennel, and juniper oils have a restoring and rejuvenating affect on the pancreas while carrots, eucalyptus, fennel, geranium, lemon oils in inhalation massage, bath or in the form of tea, are insulin stimulants. The basic cause of diabetes is being treated through such methods and that is why alternative treatment system like unani is slowly gaining recognition all through the world.
Im not even sure where to start, Im not sure if this is just stupid teenage shit... well I know some of it is. I feel horrible today, Ive felt horrible alot lately. Im not really sure why, its kinda making my day to day life diffcult. Ill be walking and not really thinking of anything, Ill just break down in tears. I know I have those who care for me very much, I have those who flatter me with complaiments. Where is thier propose in my life what part do they play, or what part do I play in thier lives. I look at photos of people Ive cared about and wonder if I made even the slightest difference. there is two of these people that I keep photos of, both wonderful people I lost in some sort of way. it saddens me to think how I could love both of them so much and lose them. Im not sure where I might of gone wrong with these things but it seems I have.
Recently there is one person who Ive begun to talk to alot and have become fond of having in my life. Thou I have made a mistake I did not mean to do so much Im not even sure what I was thinking. Anyway I want to tell this person so much what I have done wrong but I know this will hurt them. I dont think Id be able to deal with hurting this person because I dont want to lose another in my life. Maybe its not so much about losing them but that I might be losing a piece of happiness Ive gained from them being around me.
Im going to be turning 16 soon and Im so scared of it because I know that not long after Ill be graduating. I dont even know what college Ill be going to or even what Ill go to college for and I would hate to spend money on somthing then go and change my mind. I would love to go for my art I know Im not great but I love my art. Im not sure I could love my art the way I do now if I was trying to earn money by because I dont think Im that good not yet. I love to cook its one of my favorite things to do. I love to making deserts for my friends and just to make it. Im not so sure I could do that either for a job. My mom says Id be great as a phlebotomist which I almost agree with her cause I dont mind blood and Im so use to needles. To be a phlebotomist thou I would for sure have to go far away for college. I mean yea I might have it abit easier when it comes to going to college because I will get grant money or watever from the tribe (Native American or Indain). which Is great it really is but I might find it hard to ask for it because I have never been able to quite accept that bit of me. I dont think Ive been able to accept much of me, I think Ive always thought of myself as an out cast even to my own life. I think itd be fun to try myself at modeling but I dont think Im that good looking or skinny (yes I know not all models are skinny). Some day I would really like to take some sort of dance because I love to dance and listen to the music.
I know that my knowledge is very small but I think its suppose to be that way I am only 15 right now. Im going to be graduating in a year thou Ill be 16 thats the age most teenagers are just getting use to highschool and the girls are all boy crazy or girl crazy whatever the case may be. There are so many things Im gonna have to decide and Ill only be 16 Im not sure I can do that.Maybe Im making a big deal out of nothing Im not sure all I know is Im scared.
[I Need To Be Crtl + Alt Deleted]
I had to do a report for american history for somthing about World War Two so here is my report: (its 800 words)
Hideki Tojo played many roles throughout his military carrier which pretty much was his whole life. Hideki was a student and graduated from a Military academy, Second Lieutenant in the infantry, went to Army College as a student, taught at the war College, major general, head of Kwanting Army’s military police, lieutenant general, chief of staff, vice Minster of war, Minster of war, and Prime Minster. He also ordered the attack on Pearl Harbor in which forced American in the Second World War.
Hideki Tojo was born on December 30th 1884 in Tokyo Japan. Hidenori Tojo was his father who had two other sons and was a Lieutenant General in the Japanese Army. Hidenori’s two other sons died before Hideki’s birth. Hideki grew up and then married Katsuko Ito in 1909. Katsuko and Hideki had three sons and four daughters. In 1905 Hideki graduated from a Military Academy and entered service as a Second Lieutenant in the infantry. He flew through the ranks and graduated from Army College in 1915 with top grades. After graduating from Army College in 1915 he taught at the War College and served as an infantry officer.
By 1920 Tojo had become a member of the Tosei-Ha ( Control Group). Other members were Kazushige Ugaki, Gen Sugiyama, Koiso Kuniaki, Yoshijiro Umezu, and Tetsuzan Nagata. They tried to be more conservative moderates in opposition to the radical group Koda-Ha (Imperial Benevolent Rule or Action Group). The Koda-ha group was led by Sadao Araki. Both of these groups were from a Society known as Double Leaf, a militaristic group that was devoted extremely to their nation. The Koda-ha was from the 1920’s.
During his military service he was in Switzerland and Germany. Tojo was promoted to major general in 1933; he became head of the Kwantung Army’s military police in September of 1935. Between 1937 and 1938 Tojo became a lieutenant general and chief of staff to the Kwantung Army. Fumimaro Kondoye appointed Tojo his vice minister of war in May of 1938. Not long after he was appointed vice minister of war he returned to the armed services and took command of the army’s aviation.
In July of 1937, Tojo personally led the units of the 1st Independent Mixed Brigade at the Chahar Battle. When the China Incident of 1937 occurred, the section stationed in Manchukuo moved to Hopei and fought near Peking against Chinese forces. An order came in to the brigade to participate in the offensive in Chahar Province. Within five days the Brigade had marched and reached Zhangbei, The distance of this march was 700km. Units were assigned to certain infantry divisions.
Tojo was a supporter of Nazi Germany. He also feared the long term plans of Joseph Stalin and in 1938 he supported preemptive air strikes on both China and the Soviet Union. In July of 1941 he was appointed Minister of War by Fumimaro Kondoye. On October 16th 1941 Tojo became prime minister. Originally he backed the foreign office’s efforts to reach agreement with the U.S. On December 7th 1941 Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japan after Tojo was sure that a deal was possible. The attack on Pearl Harbor was known by the Americans; Roosevelt had broken the Japanese code. This is the reason why all the ships were not in the harbor. On December 1st Vice Admiral Nagumo got his orders to attack Pearl Harbor.
Tojo became a member of military clique, the Kodoha in the late 1930s. The Kodoha pushed Japan into the Second World War. After becoming the Minster of War in the 1940s, he was instrumental in leading Japan into the Axis Alliance with Germany and Italy. The reason for Tojo being so instrumental in Japan’s alliance with the Axis is because he was the Minster of War and helped with negations with the other countries.
Tojo resigned from office after the loss of Saopan in July of 1944, a year before being arrested by Us Military and trying to kill him self. Tojo survived and was nursed back to health. After being nursed back to health he was tried as a war criminal. Well he was in prison he kept a journal.
On December 23rd 1948 Hideki Tojo was executed by hanging. Tojo was hung at the age of 64.
Hideki Tojo I believe that he did great things as well as not so great things. He played a very important role in World War Two. Without Tojo thou the Americans would have waited longer to get into World War Two. I think he was just trying to do what he thought was going to help Japan’s future. He was a great man and should be honored for his accomplishment
Written about Tuesday 2006-04-25
Written: (6786 days ago)
I told the witchdoctor, I was in love with you
I told the witchdoctor, I was in love with you
And than the witchdoctor, he told me what to do
He said that
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
I told the witchdoctor, you didn't love me true
I told the witchdoctor, you didn't love me nice
And than the witchdoctor, he gave me this advice
He said that
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
You been keeping love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out to find myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
You been keeping love from me just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out to find myself a guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witchdoctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you
Oh, baby
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabing
ooh eeh ooh ahah, ting tang wallawallabang
Ok so no I dont know what IEP stands for but thats what the meeting at my school was called. Pretty much it was to see what I needed left and how I was doing. So anyway I only need a few more classes and a job. with the job and class credit I will graduate at the age of 16 and be the youngest student to graduate from Willard Highschool. I will also be the 2nd to graduate highschool at the age of 16 in my family. Im scared of the future but I also enbrace it with open arms and open eyes. I know I will have great challenges to come but I believe that I can do it because I am strong. I have gone threw so much to get to where I am. Last year I wont even of dreamed of graduating next year or of feeling so wonderful and powerful. Im happy with where my life is heading and where I am in life right now. Ive also been single for awhile now it seems but its alright because most likely it wouldnt last.
anyway that my life updated.
love you all and have a wonderful time.
sincerly,
Fall
Written about Monday 2006-04-17
Written: (6794 days ago)
How the hell did I become so stupid to fall for every little thing she tells me. What makes me believe anything anymore. Im so sick of being played with. It tears me apart so much and guess what because of her Im cutting again. I havent cut in over six months. Im to fucking fragle. How could someone have so much power over me. This tears me apart so much. Hun look what you did to me and tell me again if you love me and see if I believe you. What should make me believe you. Your still with her after all you said to me. Im so stupid!!
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-12
Written: (6799 days ago)
[.....please..........]
Why cant I do this why cant I even read what she writes nor look in the mirror without crying? I make myself sick with headaches stomaches and what ever achesI have by thinking about what ive lost. I know I lost it but even if I could get it back after losing it I dont think Id want it back just for the sake of protecting myself. My hands shake I can barely stand up or write my school notes. I hide my face beyond my dark hair so no one can see my eyes that tell so much of the soul. Some days Ive made myself so depressed I start to puck I do not let my mom know about this I fear that I would make her worry to much with that. Each breath I take is just abit harder. I got a single little cut done by a sadden artist on my wrist I lie and say its a cat scratch I use to never lie about it now look at me. I can barely take not hurting myself for the simple fact that it was my fix for everything and it did seem to help now it just torments my mind beyond my power. I go threw my days nothing changes Im turning into a robot doing the same thing everyday I do no like that. I get high more often and I always told myself Id never do that but now look at me. I want to ask for help but I dont know what I want to ask for help for. I know that if I ask for the wrong kind of help Im gonna be gone for so long but then everyone might forget me then.
~~~~ My Broken Little Pieces ~~~~
[KILL ME PLEASE BEFORE I KILL ME]
Colouring Competition 3_Poll vote for fav
I thought that maybe you guys might find this convo intersting I did... changed the guys name so you cant contact him but the fall_angel13 is me
[18:35:43] fall_angel13: you still mad at me about the religion thing
[18:35:50] bradydar: ya
[18:36:19] fall_angel13: why?
[18:36:31] bradydar: cuz im a religious person
[18:36:57] fall_angel13: no reason to get mad at me
[18:37:14] fall_angel13: im not but im not aint relgion either
[18:39:35] fall_angel13: I think its fine for to believe as they like but Im not gonna tell them different
[18:40:05] fall_angel13: I believe that there is somthin powerful out there and I dont need to know what it is till I die
[18:41:35] bradydar: well they wont accept u unless u at least believe in them 4 a long time
[18:42:27] fall_angel13: your opion hun
[18:43:27] fall_angel13: but does that mean a baby less then a day old that dies goes to hell because they did not believe in god for a long time
[18:43:42] bradydar: i dunno
[18:43:46] bradydar: read the bible
[18:44:08] fall_angel13: i have
[18:44:19] bradydar: the whole thing?
[18:44:26] bradydar: i highly doubt it
[18:44:42] fall_angel13: i was very religious as a young child, then well then I got put more in the real world
[18:44:54] bradydar: u dont think gods real?
[18:45:00] bradydar: gods all around us
[18:46:16] fall_angel13: maybe
[18:46:35] bradydar: he is
[18:46:48] fall_angel13: why do you believe in him Will?
[18:47:06] bradydar: because theres proof all around us
[18:47:12] bradydar: who cures cancer?
[18:47:18] bradydar: cuz theres no cure on earth yet
[18:48:01] bradydar: how u think the earth was made?.
[18:48:06] fall_angel13: no it gets cut out
[18:48:19] bradydar: i meant without surgery
[18:48:33] bradydar: n kemo doesnt work
[18:49:18] fall_angel13: well it happens and the earth I cant explane because that is not my thing
[18:50:02] fall_angel13: ive never heard somthin that told me that god could be trully real
[18:50:43] fall_angel13: Im oprn to the idea that he is real thou
[18:51:01] bradydar: ok then y dont u believe everything n follow his word?
[18:52:22] fall_angel13: because if he were real why are so many on this earth hurting and starving even if they did not do anything wrong. Why is there disese. why would someone with such great power let these things happen to his "childeren"
[18:52:44] bradydar: God tests peoples faith
[18:53:03] bradydar: y u think so many people r goin 2 hell nowadays
[18:53:19] bradydar: n plus ppl these days arent showin their love 4 God nowadays
[18:53:29] bradydar: n plus the apocalypse is comin soon
[18:53:40] bradydar: june 6th 2006
[18:53:48] bradydar: in other words 6-6-06
[18:53:50] fall_angel13: Im gonna have fun that day
[18:54:06] fall_angel13: and the world wont end its a day like any other
[18:54:20] bradydar: wuttever u believe wut u want
[18:54:31] bradydar: i kno my place is in heaven when i die
[18:54:42] bradydar: n it might b soon
[18:55:00] fall_angel13: my place I dont even know what it is to be on earth yet alone after death and Im in no rush to find out
[18:55:24] fall_angel13: I do hope that it is not soon for you
I dont know I really dont know. Ive been shackie all day I couldnt even eat lunch of breakfast. Its not my daibetes its not cuase Im getting sick. I believe dreams warn of a future if your not to careful. Maybe I should take the sign as I need to live life to its fullist. Im not sure but I do know Im scared to the point of I cant eat I cant drink and I can barely stand also Ive barely said two words today. Im so scared and Im not sure what to do. Last night I felt sick to my stomach before I fell asleep this, morning I woke up and was taking a shower and I had my eyes closed relaxing when I started slightly dream but I wasnt sleeping. Anyway the dreams stopped and everything was black then suddenly there was a skull just a skull it was all beaten and bloody. Is it just a bad dream or is it a sign of things to come? Am I overacting like my mom says?... Also someone that depresses me is back at school but I know that cant be the reason for the dream.